Did I Act Inappropriately | ADHD Information
I think you did exactly the right thing by leaving and avoiding a blow up on both the boys parts, and I'm sure that the other adults there appreciated your doing so. I always hate it when someone's kid is having a complete meltdown in public and they just sit there and act like nothing's going on.
It sucks for us as parents though, cause if you're anything like me you don't get out much and hate to have to leave early when you do.
Saturday night we were invited to our neighbors house down the street for appetizers, drinks, etc. Now keep in mind we were invited at the last minute (2 hours before). 2 other neighbors were invited first (I know cause they came with food). Of course they have the perfect Brady Bunch lives and I have the "kid with problems" so I have my guard up right away. My son is terrified of cats and when he gets scared of something he tends to keep asking questions so he kept asking "does the cat bite", will she scratch, etc. etc. Her son was in a rancid mood and hitting everyone so I was anticipating trouble. My son was acting fine except for the repeating of the questions about the cat. She put the cat in a room and her son started screaming and crying and yelling at my son so I politely said it isn't fair to make your son cry so we will leave - which we did. I'm sure we will never get invited to anything again. Did I overreact or did I do the right thing by leaving to avoid a catastrophe?
I think you did the right thing, too. I'm trying to imagine how this scenario may have ended if you stayed, but I can't come up with anything good. If this is a "Stepford" family then I wouldn't worry about not being invited back. Who needs that kind of comparison thrown up in their faces? I put my pets the master bathroom when I have company. This family should have done this before the party started. After all, some folks (me!) are allergic to cats. Honestly, I think you handled it perfectly and in a very gracious way. I can't imagine her not feeling bad that her son acted the way he did and perhaps is feeling rather embarassed. But who knows. It sure wouldn't hurt if you followed up with a call telling her how sorry you are that their son got upset and at the time, it just seemed the right thing to do...to leave. I just don't think if you had stayed things would have improved. I also think u did the right thing. But i also want to say theres nothing wrong with ur son asking so many questions even if its repeated questions he just wanted to feel safe. I also hope that ur neighbors will explain to their son what happened so he will have a better understanding next time.
It was COMPLETELY appropriate what you did. It is difficult with an adhd child, I know. Atleast take comfort in knowing you were invited. Our neighbors NEVER invite us. My son has made friends in the neighborhood and their parents know about my ds so it is not an issue with them.
I would also like to say that I had a neighbor whose daughter was a real peice of work. If she asked for lemonade and my DS went to give it to her, she would cry that she didn't want it from him. At a b-day party we went to, my DS sat down next to this child and said hello. I witnessed it. The girl got up and went to her mother crying saying my DS was "bothering her". The mother was eating it up and I wanted to punch her. That child was the one acting inappropriate, not your DS. Remember that.
I think you did the right thing by leaving. I would've (and have done before) too. Don't be worried about being invited again--it's your turn to invite now!!
And maybe things will go better then.Your son did nothing wrong and you did the right thing by leaving. If your neighbor had gotten her kid in hand it would have been better, but she probably didn't see this as her problem. It's amazing how "normal" kids can act like brats, but somehow it's our adhd kids that get blamed for that behavior. Maybe if you invite them over it will be a better atmosphere.Thanks for your comments. I don't think they intended on inviting us but when they realized we were home I guess they felt guilty considering I've had them over my house several times and their kids are over all the time.
Except for being scared of the cat, my son was acting perfectly fine. As her son was out of control (but of course there's nothing wrong with him - he's perfect according to them) I just envisioned him hitting my son and then all hell would've broken loose. I don't think he would've hit him back but he would've told the kids mother and she's told my son several times that it's not nice to tattletale. At that point I would've gone nuts and started a fight.
I hate to say this because we usually have fun when we are together but I think it's time to cut the ties and just keep to myself. The neighbors house that we were over and my immediate next door neighbor are very clicky and have done things before without inviting us. I can't stand caddiness like that so I just don't want to be bothered anymore. I can just imagine the things they say about us when we aren't there. We basically keep to ourselves so I guess that makes us weird.
I swear I'd love to move but then I'd have to go through the entire IEP process over again with another school and that's a nightmare in itself.
We are good friends with several neighbors, all of us have boys. We get together often to just hang out after work etc and on weekends. I would say half the time one of us will leave with DS to avoid a nasty situation. Both neighbors think we leave to soon. But, we know what is best for our son. I think what you did was fine. As we have two children, we usually decide before we go who will pull DS away from a situation. Mostly my DH does it.. he can often get Nate to do something else for a bit.. it works for us...
I just ordered the book - thanks for the heads up. This kind of stuff just drives me crazy and the worst part is that my son has never done anything wrong towards their children. They know what they know cause of my big mouth. I never should have told them anything. He asks a lot of questions but other than that has never fought or hit their kids. He's different but not bad and I guess I'm just self-conscious about it. Especially with my immediate neighbor. It drives me nuts that she has the nerve to strut around like she's the best thing since sliced bread. She's very envious of other people and has to have more than everyone else. She actually had a third child because all her friends had boys except her. Luckily enough the third was a boy. Best part of all is that she grew up in a disgusting area, the entire family smoked pot around the dinner table, and they're all trashy (not to mention she's scary looking). She married someone successful, moved to an affluent town, got a boob job and struts around like she's Goddess Mother of the Year. Hello, how do you get that clear of a head?[QUOTE=cr12345mr]I think you did the right thing by leaving. I would've (and have done before) too. Don't be worried about being invited again--it's your turn to invite now!! And maybe things will go better then.[/QUOTE]
Oh, yes!!! I couldn't agree more! 
if you do the next party or event, it will show the group that you and or your son were just having a bad day, and don't give it another thought. and every parent knows how that goes! And they probably didn't give it any more thought after that night. Make your event easy, simple, short and fun. And if some do not come, that's fine. After the word gets out how much fun it was, all the kids will want to come next time!
you did great!
[QUOTE=boogadoo1] Of course they have the perfect Brady Bunch lives and I have the "kid with problems" so I have my guard up right away.
Her son was in a rancid mood and hitting everyone so I was anticipating trouble.
She put the cat in a room and her son started screaming and crying and yelling at my son so I politely said it isn't fair to make your son cry so we will leave - which we did. [/QUOTE]
It sounds to me like they have issues they are denying. Your son isn't the only kid with problems who was there. I believe you did the right thing.
I would have done the same thing, to me her son is the one whom needed a talking to.I totally understand your situation - I've come to the realization that I don't get invited to anything because "I" have a kid.
My daughter is 8 yrs old and it seems like only me and her teachers can tell that she has a problem. My family says it's "dicipline issues", I get the old "if you'd bust her butt a few times, she'll get the hint and stop". I have spanked (not beaten) this child since she was a toddler - from the simple tap on the hand to a pat on the bottom and a stern NO! Nothing works!!! She's not afraid of me or my voice. I remember when all my dad had to do is "look at me" and I knew - I just knew to stop whatever it was I was doing. If he or my mom called out my name, I knew by the tone of their voice if I was in trouble or not.
But my daughter just doesn't get it. She'd rather throw herself on the floor and say "I don't know, I can't, I need help or run from me like I'm coming at her with fire or something". Totally ridiculious. But then on the other hand, she can sit in a room full of adults and be a perfect angel. And a few weeks ago they did a mock test for the TAKS testing and she made a 100!! Go figure. Sometimes I wonder if it's me........................
sorry, am new here and reading through all the old posts so am bringing them to the front!
I think you acted fine, and so did your son. But surely she as the host should have explained to her son that you and your son were guests and therefore she had to do things to make your son comfortable (including locking the cat away if need be). My son hates dogs that he doesn't know. So wherever we go (which is not that many places :)) strange dogs have to be locked up. It's common courtesy on the host's part - I too lock my pets away when other kids come here.