I need some serious advice. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4 and placed on meds. We always noticed how hyperactive he was but were told this was normal for a boy. Noone understood the level we were at. The ADHD eval that was to last 1 hour lasted 15 minutes, thats how obvious it was. Anyway, son who is 6 now has had issues with other children always. In 4k, he came home and told me he had no friends. As he has gotten older, he has not gotten better. He insists on having everything his way, is VERY bossy to the other children, must go First always, etc. I have explained to him time and time again that noone wants to play with someone who bosses them around and has to run things. He says he knows this and will try harder but it never gets better.
Tonight, neighbors son came over to be with us while mom ran an errand. My husband set up the play station at their request. My son asked for the spiderman car and got it. When the other child asked for a blue car, my son started screaming that he wanted that car, that he was just "fooling" when he said the other car. He threw a total tantrum and I sent him to his room. When I tried to talk to him, he just screamed louder, trying to talk over me. I finally snapped and spanked him, told him that this behavior was unacceptable and that we would not have nights like this anymore. My son was told no more whining or he would go to his room for the night. Before he even got to the bottom of the stairs, he was whining again.
Please, someone tell me what I am doing wrong. My family is under so much strain it is ridiculous. He does well in school while under medication and it is structured. Night time in our home is TERRIBLE!!! Son has to be told to do things several times and is always argumentative, meds have worn off and we are at our wits end. He asks the same questions over and over even though he knows the answer. I NEED HELP
Hi Vicky,
My husband and I are using the token system already. It does work to a point. Son now dresses himself and makes his own bed in the am, something he never did before. He can earn extra tokens for good behavior and for helping out. Since my last post an hour ago, my son was sent upstairs again. I gave him a shower and then sat him down for a talk. I again reiterated to him that he will be a very lonely child if he does not change his ways. I warned him that the child here tonight is his friend and that he bossed him around, yelled at him and hit him several times. I asked him how he thought the other child felt. He said that he realizes now it made him feel bad. We let him come back downstairs and now, he is being a complete ANGEL!!!!!
About the meds, he is on Foculin XR 15mg in the am about 7am and he gets abother dose of 10mg about noon. He eats well and snacks all evening. He is a little light for his age but loves milk shakes, etc.. and they are high in calories. We also bought Ensure and told him that they were his own special shakes.
http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17223& KW=real+age
This is the post regarding "real age" formula for children with ADHD...
Sally you may find the book Raise your childs Social IQ by Cathi Cohen helpful
I have read that ADHD kids are about 4 years behind in maturity. Recognizing this we keep coaching our 10yo daughter as though she were 6. You might look at Ogram's marble thread (top thread on this section of the forum) and work on social skills and whining. My daughter's behavior on the Marble system is much better and our relationship has benefitted greatly. A good parent/child relationship is important for a child to want to please the parent. We also would praise her for getting control of her anger (after a raging period) and her anger has become much less frequent and she gets it under control quickly (no more full blown rages).
When he is at home, is he going through rebound as the meds leave his system? Have you thought of adding a latter low dose? This might work if he is not having weight issues, and some people actually go to sleep better with meds in their system (cut the noise). If this fails, guanfacine might be an option (it helps with calming, opposition, hyperactivity, sleep and weight issues but not attention). These are some things you might discuss with his doctor.