The early 20's are difficult, and many cannot do it alone. ADHD was not recognized when I was that age, and I experimented with many "recreational drugs" and other behaviors trying to fill my needs for "Something in me that was missing". I didn't know what. I was not fun. I eventually found dexedrine, it helped somewhat and I self-medicated for years. Thankfully, now that ADHD is recognized, medications are available and can be administered by a doctor.
Many AD/HD people seem to need a highly stimulating environment. Living at home in a rural environment with a less than challenging job is not likely to meet his needs for stimulation. He will find some way to get that "adreniline high", be it legal or not. Try to help him find something to do that is challenging and exciting. I know it is hard as a mother to watch our kids do dangerous stuff, but I figure that skydiving is better than carjacking. Best of luck, and bless you for doing everything you can to help him!
Sing, coming from a similar background (good parents, good community etc) I was in an identical position. I was out of control for the first 21 years of my life. I never had the foresight of what would happen after I impulsively made bad decisions.
Is your son rational? Can you and his father sit him down and speak to him? Listen to Rae's advice when she says keep emotion out of your voice (this will get his attention). The scariest times in my life have been when my parents spoke to me in a very calm voice, it was like they couldn't help me out of my problems and they were just giving me advice, and I listened!
Do what ever it takes to get him to see a Psych. Medicine is not bad! A lot of people are anti-meds, my mother would of never put me on meds. I resent her position on that mindset. Instead I struggled miserably through school until I decided to drop out (best decision I ever made). At this point in his life he really needs to step back and look at his life. Hopefully he will see where he is heading. To my credit I was able to recognize all the damage I was doing to myself and my loved ones.
It wasn't until 6 months ago I sought the help of a doc. I've been taking meds ever since. It is a very positive thing in my life. Just make sure he knows that his best interest is important to the entire family.
My son is going on 22 now. He was diagnosed with add at the age of 12. No matter what we have done for him, it has only had a temporary effect. He does live at home now. He got into some trouble while he was out on his own that resulted in jail time, (which was a major eye opening experience for us all). After being released, we brought him home to help him structure his life. It worked for a while, but eventually he went back into his old habits of smoking marijuana, stealing from us, lying, skipping work, stealing his dads medicines (which we keep hidden). He is now spiraling out of control once more. Last time we put him out of the house, he had his own transportation. Now, he has nothing. He is not able to survive on his own without getting into trouble. He is actually blessed to be alive. We live in a rural area with not much help for ADD adults or children. It is overlooked here, yet very common. When dealing with an adult, there is only so much one can do. He is not on any medicines currently, but does have health insurance, which he will eventually lose if he continues to skip work. Is there anything in the world his father and I can do?? We sit him down and talk with him. He seems to realize what he is doing, but he realizes it after the fact. His father and I both are sinking into depression. Our home is not peaceful anymore. We are living with a lier and a thief who happens to be our son, who we love so very much. He has one sibling, a sister who is just the opposite. Neither one of our children lived around drug, alcohol or even cigarette smoking. We live a good life and take pride in being good people, honest and trustworthy.
What in the world can we do to help our son???
Singmom
http://home.iprimus.com.au/rboon/ADDandMarijuana.htm
I would keep the emotion out of my voice when talking to him. Dont show any, just speak friendly - otherwise he will not focus on what you are saying.
People who have been in trouble a lot, learn to blank out to the negative comments.
try starting a conversation this way "Did you know lots of people self medicate on marijuana - when really there are other things in their life that are bothering them, it doesnt make you a bad person, but would you like to find something that is legal and wont make more trouble for you" You can get the same 'affect' using medication that is legal, if you would like to give it a go and you want me to help, let me know"
You will really need to come across as a friend rather than a mom. And remember, stay calm and unemotional.
I found a few sites for you to look at.
http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?boardID=558 0&discussionID=384596
http://www.wamm.org/research.htm
Five tips for adults with ADHD
1. Be sure of the diagnosis. Make sure you're working with a professional who really understands ADD and has excluded related or similar conditions such as anxiety states, agitated depression, hyperthyroidism, manic-depressive illness, or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
2. Educate yourself. Perhaps the single most powerful treatment for ADD is understanding ADD in the first place. Read books. Talk with professionals. Talk with other adults who have ADD. You'll be able to design your own treatment to fit your own version of ADD.
3. Coaching. It is useful for you to have a coach, for some person near you to keep after you, but always with humour. Your coach can help you get organised, stay on task, give you encouragement or remind you to get back to work. Friend, colleague, or therapist (it is possible, but risky for your coach to be your spouse), a coach is someone to stay on you to get things done, exhort you as coaches do, keep tabs on you, and in general be in your corner. A coach can be tremendously helpful in treating ADD.
4. Encouragement. ADD adults need lots of encouragement. This is in part due to their having many self-doubts that have accumulated over the years. But it goes beyond that. More than the average person, the ADD adult withers without encouragement and positively lights up like a Christmas tree when given it. They will often work for another person in a way they won't work for themselves. This is not "bad", it just is. It should be recognised and taken advantage of.
5. Realise what ADD is NOT, ie., conflict with mother, etc.
- from Fifty tips for ADD adults on the internet by Drs EM Hallowell and JR Ratey, two US psychiatrists with ADHD. Authors of Driven to Distraction and Answers to Distraction, available from Silvereye Educational Publications, phone 02 4987 3457, email:silvereye.hunterlink.net.au
Marijuana and ADHD from this site http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/information/oith/oith 98.htm#no16
Statistics suggest that 40% of ADHD children are predisposed to substance abuse during adolescence or adulthood. Of the ADHD population who are poly substance users, 67% smoke marijuana. Many behavioural changes are similar to those of ADHD: academic ability decreases; sniffles, colds, trivial illness, especially respiratory system; concentration levels decrease; depersonalisation; increased levels of anxiety; increased depression; reaction times slows; short term memory difficulties; a lack of interest in things previously enjoyed; increased impulsivity; space and time distortion; may increase appetite.
Research suggests:
* Two cannaboids found in marijuana affect chromosomal structure, causing genetic mutation.
* The gene affected is the same gene implicated in ADHD. Three studies have shown that females who were heavy smokers of marijuana prior to pregnancy produced children who demonstrated significantly disturbed behaviours compared to mothers who did not smoke marijuana - the behaviours described were ADHD.
* Smoking one joint a day, three days a week for six month results in changes in brain physiology that can be detected three to five years later.
* Marijuana decreases the amount of T-cells in the blood, weakening the immune system.
* There is a higher incidence of jaw, tongue and throat cancer among marijuana users.
* Long term users may develop drug-induced psychosis. Other than those who develop drug-induced psychosis and cancer, all other effects are fully reversible with total abstinence.
This is a summary of a talk (no references available) presented by John Anderson to ADDult NSW. You can obtain an audio tape of this talk for from ADDult NSW, PO Box 472, Sutherland 2232.
http://home.iprimus.com.au/rboon/ADDandMarijuana.htm
Why don't you get him an ADD Coach?
Think about your son's strong points: what is he good at?