How to annoy people .. | ADHD Information

This is funny and true.
Can anyone see some of themselves in this ?
Maybe I can. I'll never tell .  

Rule Number 1: Blah Blah Blah …

If at all possible, make sure you spend all of your time in public butting into or dominating all conversations within earshot.  Talk a lot about your education, your hobbies, your medical ailments, your success in business, your own observations on life in general and the way things ought to be, according to your universe.  Make sure you don’t pause too much when you must come back up for air, because someone might try and put in a word or change the subject.  After all, we all love the sound of your voice as much as you do.

Rule Number 2:  Show How Much More You Know

If you cannot entirely control the conversation, make sure you belittle the speaker and whisper disparaging comments to those nearby.  Watch carefully when others speak, and find a way to contradict everything that has just been said. 

Rather than failing at this all-important task of regaining the conversation, if you can’t correct him, don’t be afraid to correct the speaker’s grammar.  Roll your eyes frequently, and make sure when the conversation in finished, you let all nearby know that the speaker who so rudely took your share of the conversation knows nothing.  And don’t forget to correct every Sunday school teacher.  She may have written the lesson, but that doesn’t mean she should have the final word.

Rule Number 3:  When Someone Else Makes an Excellent Point …

If another person speaking has ideas and convictions that agree with your own, try not to pay too much attention to what they have to say.  This is another great place to use the ‘roll your eyes’ trick.  Interrupt with your own insights on the subject to draw attention away from the speaker.  If you can guess what the point of the conversation is, beat him to the punch line and say it first, so all the credit of his brilliant insight is transferred to you.  If he does happen to say it first and others are duly impressed, make sure you mention that some famous philosopher said it first, and that you read already in a book by Ernest Hemingway, Gordon B. Hinckley, or Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell.

Rule Number 4:  What to Do When They Figure Out Your Lips Never Stop Flapping

When generally agreeable people have discovered that your pie hole is either always open or full of food, they will choose to remain silent when they are forced to endure your company at FHE or other gatherings.  This is a good thing!  This is exactly what you want.  You will be permitted to shine like the star that you are, and you will have no fear of a rival trying to take your rightful spot as the star of all verbal interaction. 

In doing the above four rules, you can be reasonably assured that the conversation will never be boring to you.  Everyone else is dull and has nothing to contribute.  After all, who wants to talk about anything but you anyway?

Rule Number 5:  Don’t Grow Up.  Ever!

Make sure you never move out of your parents’ home.  Although you have graduated from college and can make a decent living, live with your parents and spend all of your time and money on yourself.  Buy worthless items and spend a great deal of time with them, and talk about them frequently in the company of others.  Make sure you mention how expensive it was, too. 

Use much of your free time in chat rooms online and let everyone in the cyber universe know how fabulous you are as well.  Start your own email lists just so you can tout your expertise to all your acquaintances.  Be sure to get angry every time someone disagrees with you.

You may have to look for love online, because people whom you meet in person are far too intimidated by your personality and wit, so it’s a good idea to make yourself look better than you really are.  Use trite, worn phrases to describe yourself to others and post pictures that are at least five years old.  Make sure you talk down to people, online and off, because most of those you meet will never be your intellectual equal anyway. 

As Benjamin Franklin so neatly summed up, “Thus you will be sure to please yourself.   The polite man aims at pleasing others, but you shall go beyond him even in that….He can only please where he is, and you wherever you are not.”

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