Advice please | ADHD Information

xpaulinex-

My family has always been quite respectful of the diagnoses and decisions we have made for ds. Once you do have a diagnosis, it may be helpful to lend a book describing your dd's dx to interested family members. I remember doing this with my mom. After reading it she commented how my dad seemed to fit the descriptions too. Actually I think a couple members are diagnosed and maybe a few undiagnosed adders in my family. I don't think I shared that much of what we went through with ds with family members. Perhaps because it seemed like too much energy would have to go into describing something that I thought they couldn't understand unless they lived it 24 hours too. In addition, I wasn't really looking for them to help solve any problems we ran into. My previous experience in special education helped tremendously. By the way, my son is 18, adhd/gifted; after neuropsych testing 1 1/2 yrs ago he was also dx'd with LD in Rdg& Written Lang and disgraphia none of which surprised us. It just gave a name and number to what we already knew. It also helped ds understand himself much better.

Best of Luck to you and let us know how it all goes!

Thanks for all of your advice. I feel a trip to the library coming on!

I will have a try with the marbles and chase up her referral to the support team. It is good to know there are other people that have been through what I am going through now, and come out the other side.

At first I had problems with family members in regard to diagnosis and medication, but since my son started treatment and his behavior is improving little by little they seem to have grown quieter. The good part is that I didn't let myself be influenced by their opinions; I just listened to them but did what my mother's heart told me. Family members as grandparents have their old own experiences ,but that does not mean that you shouldn't be living your own experiences. As for my husband, he refused at first (even knowing that he is an undiagnosed adhd). It took me a while to make him understand that his kid was having the same issues that he had in his childhood; I guess he was through a denial process. But I really got him involved in talking to the doctor and the psychologist; I even made him go to a planned (by me) school appointment with his teachers. I used the fact that I was a teacher as a key to make him understand how miserable our son could have been if we didn't help him.

Well, this is more or less a part of my story, I hope it helps you!!

[QUOTE=xpaulinex]

I am so sure that she has a problem, but because she can sit and play computer games or watch DVD's he feels she is just putting it on when she is faced with things she doesnt want to do.

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This phenomenon is called "hyperfocusing". ADHD children can indeed hyperfocus on TV or anything else that interests them. I think you need to start to educate yourself on ADHD. The more you know about it, the better you can understand and help your dd. The library has lots of good books on ADHD. A good one to start with is "Taking Charge of ADHD" by Barkley or "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell. Good Luck!

xpaulinex wrote:

"Do any of you have problems with family members opinions on ADHD? "

There will be people (and family) that do not agree with anything you do. Parents get critisized for their child's behaviors and for using medication and for not medicating. You need to to what you know you need to do. Get a good diagnosis that you can feel comfortable that it is reliable, then work with the team to identify appropriate treatment options. Look at the top thread in this section called ogram's marble system for a positive reinforcement behavior modification plan. It is very helpful. You hav gotten some good suggestiond from members of this site and please know that you are not alone on this journey.

vickie39011.5239930556

Oh, thanks so much for replying.

I have been so worried about her. This team we have been referred to has links to psychiatrists and psychologists so hopefully it wont take too long to get her seen.

Do any of you have problems with family members opinions on ADHD? I am separated from my husband and although we have a good relationship, he upset me when I mentioned this to him. He said that it is a label to cover bad behaviour and thinks I am trying to make excuses for her. I am so sure that she has a problem, but because she can sit and play computer games or watch DVD's he feels she is just putting it on when she is faced with things she doesnt want to do.

I feel as though I am fighting this thing on my own, and such a lot is at stake.

I am so glad I found this site!

Great words of advice, strugglingmon!

It sounds a lot like add/hd and I'm glad she has been referred to a support team. A thorough neuropsych evaluation can be most helpful here, a discussion with her doctor and perhaps a referral to a pediatrician that specializes in adhd. Some people lke to go with a good board certified child psychiatrist. Kids with high intelligence are often not identified until later. Even though I suggested hyperactivity to the ped. when ds was a toddler and adhd many times to school support team when he was in first grade, they did not think so or were reluctant to say so. He didn't fit their image of an adhd kid. We happened to be at a neurologist's appointment when he identified it. It is important to get the right people to evaluate your child.

jfla239011.4057291667

I have a ten year old daughter who is struggling (and has been for the last 5 years) with many issues. I was talking to a friend the other day and she said to me "your child has ADHD". I had never given it any thought. Just thought I was not dealing with her appropriately, but didn't know how to change that. I have been into her school and expressed my concern, and they have expressed their concern over her concentration, wandering in class, inability to make or keep friends etc..... but always made me feel it is bad behaviour. At home she is frustrated all the time. I cannot give her more than one simple task to do at a time or she panics. She wanders away from the table at mealtimes, her homework and leaves tasks half completed. She is desparate to be liked but has no friends....she can be clingy, bossy and very intense, and this scares them away. She is quite intelligent and in the top set at school but is constantly pestered to put more effort in and not be so careless and lazy with her work.

I have been back into the school in the last week because of problems with lying and stealing, and at last they have referred her to a 'Childrens and adolescent support team'.

Does this sound like ADHD to you? She is not hyperactive during the day....but will spend 3 hours after bedtime talking to herself or singing. I am desparate to help her and just want her to be happy.

Any advice would be great!

Thanks

Sure sounds like my younger daughter who has ADHD. If your daughter is compulsive as my daughter is she can lose friendships. My daughter is also highly intelligent. Because of this I refused to put her on meds. As for the friendship thing, I just kept talking to her about her behaviour and found positive ways to help her to change them or control them. She did lose friends but I kept telling her that one day she will make a very good friend who will stay with her because of her. As she grew, and with my help, she was able to control her behaviour more and now does have a couple of good friends who love her for herself. I know, as a mother, it is hard to see your daughter hurting. It tore me up inside. I just kept telling myself that things will get better for her and they did. I was always positive and always put my daughter first when she needed me most. I believe her high intelligence helped her through because she really listened to the advice I gave her and I always told her that she was very special and one day she would be loved for who she is. I also told her that she was not alone. There are many people with the same problem. She is now 13 going on 14 and has great self esteem. Good luck to you.