I’m in tears | ADHD Information

I am new to this board and all I can do right now is sit here and cry.  My son is 9 and with the help of stabbing another child in the arm with a pencil he was diagnosed with ADHD and depression.  As I read over the stories of the other moms and the adults who describe what they were like when they were younger, I see you are all talking about my child.  School is horrible for him and I feel horrible for sending him.  He is very smart and the teachers don't see it.  They don't have the time to care that he can't sit in his seat and he can't stop moving.  When he's moving he still is listening he just can't sit still.  Every single day he is in trouble.  He is angry too.  Is anger normal?  Since kindergarten he has had his desk sit right next to the teacher.  My family put me down for the way I raised.  I wasnt hard enough on him they said.  What?  He was always grounded.  I just didnt take the time to think that maybe it was his brain.  He even told me he knew what was wrong and what was right but his brain told him to the wrong thing.  I thought that was a load of crap and got mad at him for saying that but sure enough when I took him to the dr.  they said he is probably telling the truth.  Another thing the truth is so hard for him.  His life revolves around misbehaving and how am I going to lie myself out trouble.  I feel like he has no trust in me now to understand that if he gets in trouble in school he needs to be honest with me but no, he is scared I am going to freak out.  My 9 year old child told me how he was going to kill himself.  I thought that was just him trying to manipulate me until he feel apart and opened up.  See he doesn't talk about his feelings at all.  He doesnt cry unless it is to get his way but as far as crying because something hurts him is very few and far inbetween.  So you think he's a boy and boys don't cry...no he so emotionless sometimes.  He is wild especially at bedtime.  You can't play with him like other kids and say ok that's enough cause he woulnt stop.  I could talk until I am blue in the face but I always have to remind him to focus.  I think he is even more tired then I am.  Everyday when he walks out that door to go to school he tells me "I'll show you I am going to have a good day"  The meds are working so so right now.  He is on concerta and zoloft but he thinks it makes him feel different then the other kids.  He is ashamed and his self esteem is already beat.  This poor kid.  Why do they only have one type of school structure?  There seem to be so many children that can't handling the school system. 

Sorry for rambling and if I didnt make sense but it felt good to get that out.  Thanks for listening. 

Hi, I'm sorry what you are going through but are you taking your child to therapy or maybe medications are not working.   Try all the programs that publics schools have the EIP  investigate in your school.

You have to be strong and also some us moms need therarpy so that can help us go theru this situations.

When I was having so many problems with myDS ADHD(6), DD ADHD (12) and I couldn't find support in my husband so a started going to therarpy and she gave tLexapro I was going thru hell really depress about my situation. I'm not totally ok still taking meds but I feel much better and stronger to deel mith my problems and also I don't get depress so easly.

I admire all the moms in this forums because the best is not easy to deal with these.

Oh, I'm so sorry you are having a bad day today.  {{{Big Hugs}}}  Maybe you need some more support right now.  Have you thought about going to therapy with him to talk over your issues and get some help solving them?  I can tell you it was a big help for us.  I also got some help for myself from my doctor.  I got tired of crying every day.  I'm taking Lexapro too and it helps immensely.  I'm much more able to cope now.  As for your son, maybe his dosage needs to be adjusted or changed.  Make sure he is at the proper therapeutic dose.  I read somewhere that a large percentage of children taking ADHD medication were not taking a high enough dose to get maximum effectiveness.  Good Luck!Thanks so much for the support.  I don't like being on meds myself.  I have tried it on a couple of occassions and I can't stick with it and that goes for anything not just depression meds.  I have been looking for info on nutrition and havent been able to find anything so thanks momonamission I will start by ordering that book right now. 

I am sorry!  I hope that you can find peace soon.  I know what it is like to be a parent to a difficult child.  My son is ADHD age 6 and I see all those problems in his future.  It really scares me.  The school/teachers need to understand that your sons brain is actually different from "normal" children.  I think when our neuropsychcologist told us that ADHD children have smaller frontal lobes (front part of the brain) it clicked for me.  It is completely a neurological problem.  Yes he may have some behavioral issues but it all stems from his brain.  You go and fight for him!!  No one will love your son as much as you do...

As for the meds for you, I am all for it.  I was on Lexapro and it made a huge difference for me.  I was a much nicer  happier person that was able to deal with all the issues of raising a special child. 

You and your son are in my thoughts!  Take care!

Dear cr12345mr, I feel so good that I'm not the only one taking antidepresents so we do go thru hell but now I feel 1000 times better.

It is not easy but Lexapro helps to have more pacience with everybode at home.

Hi.  I am new to these forums too but I am so excited by what I have found in a book called "Optimum Nutrition For Your Child's Mind" by Patrick Holford.  Get it and read it cover to cover.  It is only available in Europe but you can get it on Amazon.com.  The author advocates nutritional treatments rather than meds.  Even before I found the book, my husband stumbled onto a chemical imbalance some ADHD kids have called Pyroluria while cruising the internet.   Most doctors have never heard of it.  It inhibits B6 and zinc absorption which are vital to brain function.  Our son tested high.  There are only two labs I know of that do it correctly.  One is in Wichita, Kansas (just google Pyroluria Wichita and it should come up).  The other is near Chicago.  I suggest trying to find a nutritionist in your area who specializes in ADHD.  They know the proper tests to run such as a G.I. panel, food allergy testing and heavy metal toxicity.  A nutritional option is new to us but it is interesting that or son got worse when taking Omega 3 (cod liver oil) and that is one of the supplements people with Pyroluria are told to avoid.  Hope this cheers you up!

I am sorry you are feeling so down.  It is so hard and it is so scary and it is ok to cry - but then you need to pick up the pieces and move forward to do everything you can to help your son.

It seems like things are moving forward in that direction - hopefully the meds will help him to have more positive experiences at home, at school, and with his peers.  Once he is able to have more positive experiences, hopefully he will feel better overall.

It is very crushing for kids to want to have a "good day" so bad, but not be able to do it.  We started having M's teacher complete a daily chart, breaking down his day into several sections, and giving him a thumbs up or down on each section  - that way if he struggled at one part, but did good with the rest, he has some positive reinforcement for the good parts.  He used to come home and say his whole day was bad - even if he only did one wrong thing first thing in the morning.

                                      Big ((HUGS)) for you.

Oh Kmarq, I feel so bad for you. I know what it's like to just sit and cry because you feel for your son. You son sounds exactly like mine! Emotionless, suicide ideation, angry, even the part about stabbing another child with a pencil back in pre-school.  Every day he would tell me he's going to try and he's going to be "perfect" but those days were very few and far between. I still have the daily notes from first grade and it pains me to read them. I remember him trying to hard and the teacher would get out the note paper and start writing and he'd fall apart.

It's hard because until you understand what ADHD is all about, it seems like the child is just willful and wants to misbehave. We tried timeouts, spanking, grounding, you name it we did it. After putting him on meds, things would get better, but never good enough so that he was totally like the other kids. I think that's where my expectations came in, I've always wanted him to feel normal and like the other kids but he won't, whether he's on meds or not. My son has such a big heart and really wants to be a good kid, I just think sometimes he's unable to.

DS is 15 and currently at a treatment center where he's been for the past six months (comes home tomorrow ) and the last month we tried to take him off his meds because 1) he wanted to 2) I'd love for him to be off meds, and 3) I thought it was a controlled environment and he has docs around to evaluate. After a week, he told me his brain felt free but no one wanted to be around him because of his taunting the other boys and being sort of a jerk. Then he said he wanted to go back on them because he just couldn't control himself. This is how it's been his whole life, but only now can he verbalize it. Meds aren't bad. Diabetic children need insulin and ADHD kids sometimes need meds. I've pretty much gotten over the guilt of that whole thing.

There are going to be good days and bad days Kmarq, but all you can do is love your son and that's all he needs. Someone to stand up for him at school (DO NOT let teachers tell you what they'll provide, you TELL THEM what they are going to do). When I lived in CA, the small school we went to didn't have the resources for someone like my son. So I searched around and found a school, though an hour away, that provided one-on-one help, lots of rewards, homework help, behavior therapy, etc. and the school district had to provide transportation every day. So if the school says they don't have a program, tell them they had better find one. Get tough!

Whenever I got really really depressed I'd come to this board for strength. You're a good mom, you'll be fine.  For now, start researching other schools in the area with a good resource program who have people that understand your son and can work with him.

Have you thought about the supplements like fish oil, attentive child, or focus.  I have had DFS on them for about 2 weeks now. I have seen some change, but today he bite his para.  The impulse control I have a hard time understanding, he told the para he was going to bite her, then waited a bit before doing it. So he thought about it, that is what has me confused about all this, urrrgh.