sent to their rooms? | ADHD Information
Oh My Gosh - that's my daughter too! I'm with you girl. I don't know what to do either. I just wanted you to know that you were not alone, cuz I sure feel that way - a lot. I'm going to keep checking back to see if anyone gives us some good suggestions.
Hang in there!
Tantrums for my daughter would get violent. We had to carry her to her room a few times and she threw things, and slammed the door (over and over again).
At first we would yell back, but found this only escalated things. We learned to calmly tell her that she needed to be alone to get a handle on her anger (this was not punishment but a haven for her to find her calm) and that when she was ready, we would be there to discuss things and solve the problem. When she calmed down, we would praise her for getting her anger under control and discuus the problem and find a solution. When she was not angry, I would reinforce that people get mad and there are appropriat ways to show the anger, etc, etc. We started ogram's marble system (top thread of this forum-thanks for making it a sticky), and it costs 10 marble to have a tantrum. She gains marbles for constructively solving problems. Now, she will start to get mad and calm herself quickly and discuss the problem. Her anger was far worse due to her frustrations at failing at school last year and we worked on those issues so that this is a much better year all around. Good luck with this, it can be very scary...
RE: I am totally with you on the throwing things solution. It works very well when you start throwing their stuff away.
I have thrown an entire room full of things away before with no affect. She will trash the entire room and will refuse to clean it up. .
I told her that I had many things to do so I needed her to clean her own room. I gave her a week. She refused all week. Two days before the week was up I let her know that if I had to clean the room, I would go in with trashbags and throw everything on the floor away. She ran in there when I was doing it and grabbed a few of her favorite dolls. Everything else on the floor got put in the trash. You would think that would have worked... but no. Had to do it again.
If I offer to help clean the room, I do it all while she plays. That's the reason for the drastic "cleaning". I have tried giving her one type thing to pick up at a time. (all the books, or all your clothes) Always a no go. Even if I am sitting on the bed watching er supervising.
There really isn't anything that she plays with often enough or cares enough about. Except friends. She is an only child with no family in the state. Playing once in a while with friends is all she has. I can be harsh when I have to be, but not with the friend playing. She needs the social skills afterall. ;)
Another variation on time out that we've had success with is the "thinking chair". There is no set time for this one, all he has to do is sit until he is calm and is able to tell us:
a) What he did wrong
b) What he will do differently the next time
Sometimes he's up in as little as a minute, other times it takes him 20 minutes, but it's his choice and he learns what the signs of being calm are (even breathing, steady heartbeat, unclenched fists, etc) and really helps to get him to understand what the proper responses to different situations are because he has to come up with them himself.
*this does not work if you let them get up before they are really calm*
This may sound crazy, but maybe you could have this conversation when all is well. Discuss a way for her to get her anger out that you can also live with.
Not crazy. A good idea. Something to work on. 
I always felt sending my daughter to her room to have her tantrum there was the best idea. It gives us all a chance to calm down. The problem is, she won't go. I have to carry her to the room and then try to get the door closed quickly. The whole time she is kicking and screaming and saying she didn't do anything wrong. She is almost as tall as I am and it's not getting easier. Of course she screams and throw things and stomps etc while in there. 
Any suggesstions?
One suggestion I have is "removing the family". In this method it works best if you have other children. What you do is ignore your DD when she is having a tantrum and just praise and pamper the other children. Act like DD is not in the room. If need be you and the other children leave the area DD is on. Do fun things with the other children. At anytime your DD is calm for, you be the judge, certain amount of time. Ask her are you ready to be part of the family again? If she says yes and is calm include her in the activities. This really works on girls verses boys. The 1st time, if you try it, it might take along time. And go ahead and say ""DD when you can be calm you can be part of the family but until you stop your tantrum you can not be included." Seem harsh but after a time she will get that point. Country39017.4396296296well, the throwing things would only happen one time in my house! ever time she throws some thing, calmly walk in there pick it up and place it in to a big black yard trash bag and walk out. (of course, before the next fit, tell her that is what will happen and let her know that she will not get the things back). Then, if she screems, take the tv and/or video games/radio/mp3 away for 20 minutes. so, every time she does that, have a chart on her door with the day block off in 20 minute sections and then every time, X off a 20 minute section. After a few days of that, she would most likely get the hint.
What is her dx?
Ogram - I am totally with you on the throwing things solution. It works very well when you start throwing their stuff away. I threw away an mp3 player (actually I have it work and use it myself now - but DS doesn't know that) and 2 game boy games. Hasn't thrown anything since. As far as the screaming chart - very interesting idea. I hope it works for some parents. Unfortunately I know it would not deter from screaming. In one or two tantrums I would probably have enough X's to deny him his games and TV until he is 90 years old!
I have also had to carry my son up the stairs and put him in his room. Not easy when he weighs 86 pounds. Ignoring him doesn't work because 1. He scares my DD when he has a tantrum 2. he follows me around still screaming - puts himself in front of my path and such. One time I ignored him for 2 hours straight and he was still screaming. That was not fun.
I finally learned to combine the 2 concepts (throwing things and not going to his room) I told him that if he did not go into his room and stay there until I tell him he can leave then I was going to go to his room and start throwing his stuff away until he cooperated. Since I had previously thrown away some of his stuff he took me seriously. All it took was for me to grab a trash bag and start heading to his room. He RAN to get to his room first and shut the door in my face - which I didn't mind in the least! Sometimes you just have to do what works even if it seems a little mean.
well, i was grasping at straws. lol my ds never really had tantrums, thank God! But, the idea of throwing things away really works! I only had to do it 1 time! I like the idea for yelling too. I'd try that. At this point, trying any thing is worth it. Keep us posted, so others might be able to learn from you! Thanks for posting this topic!Well, I'm all for allowing children to express their anger and frustration in an appropriate way. That means not breaking things, cussing people out, etc. This may sound crazy, but maybe you could have this conversation when all is well. Discuss a way for her to get her anger out that you can also live with. If she likes to throw things, find something appropriate for her to throw and let her throw it to her hearts content when she is angry. If she buys into it, this just may work!For time out I use a timer and a corner in the dinning room so she has no toys to play with. We too have had to hold the door shut and she refused to go why we changed it and explained to her what we expect with time out and the time begins once she is quiet so if it takes 20 minutes to argue the time out lasts that much longer. In my parenting classes at the university another mother says time out for her son does not work that he will continue playing using his fingers for men so she has him run around the house to burn off the energy. She says it works for hyperness so he is 7 so he runs around 7x in all kinds of wheather. She does not live in a mansion for i have teased her about that.
I'm not sure if this has been said yet or not but in order to elliminate a behaviour, you have to replace it with something else. For example, if she's throwing her things out of anger (remove them, as someone suggested) and teach her a better strategy of expressing her anger. I get my son to jump on his trampoline that's in his room. It works sometimes.