Trying to vent again | ADHD Information

Hello:

Here I am again trying to vent. Today I feel  kind of desperate, I really have patience problems. My son started treatment for adhd about 3 months ago. He is on medication, behavior therapy, and pedagogical therapy. At the beginning of the school year he was very enthusiastic all the time in school and at home. But now, everything related to school seems to be a torture at home. Today in the morning I called the school psychologist to check how was he doing in school: She told me that everything is going fine. He seems to be concentrating, he is not impulsive or agressive and finishes his works on time (what an irony!!!); the only thing she said was that he still needs a little supervision from the teachers in making sure he is following instructions.

Now, the big issue comes whe he gets home. I really, really have a hard time studying with him and doing homework. This has become a yelling event. I get so mad that I get migranes almost every day. Today I told him that it was fine if he didn't want to cooperate, and that he would have to face his homework and spelling problem directly with the teacher. He always gets oppositional and when I say that he starts yelling that he really wants to do his homework and the circle starts again. I feel sooo frustrated!! I feel I don't have the capacity to deal with his homework and study time. Probably I am starting to weaken, but for me it has become extremely hard.

I feel frustrated because I am trying to do all I can to help him. He is on medication, on therapies, I have also become very strict on daily routines. What else??????

I feel sorry for my ds. I fell sorry for the ordeal that he faces every day at home with me and the homework. I have always said that if I could afford to pay a tutor just for homework everyday I would do it, but unfortunately I can't.

Sorry for my novel, but this is my only place to vent. Nobody understands what adhd means unless they live the experience.

ogram: my son is 6 years old and his doing what we call preparatory (in my country). I think that it is probably 1st grade in the US. I am afraid that the school my son attends is somewhat demanding for him. I'm starting to think about another option for the next school year; maybe I am anticipating to events but I just want to be safe just in case my son's school becomes extremely difficult for him. Thinking about this possibility makes me too sad; just thinking about the fact that making friends for my son is a little difficult. Let's see what happens, as I said, the problem is not so evident in school, it comes at home with me.I might not be knowing how to deal with it,( and for my frustration I used to be a teacher before), however, I consider that it is too difficult as a parent to take the role of a teacher at home. It makes me feel also very sad to have to think about another school for my son because he can't deal with the one I so enthusiastically chose for him.

All ideas to help in my homework issue are welcome!!

Thanks for your time!!!

Ogram: I also answered your questions in a previous post. So there you have more info on my case.

Is there a friend that could help you with homework time?  Sometimes you are just too close to the situation.  Maybe even just an older child to sit at the table and work along side of him?  My son seems to to well when he has company, and my granddaughter(age 6, 1st grade) who my daughter says she has to pull teeth to get her to do her work, does it with no problems when Chase (age 10) and I are there on Monday evenings to babysit her and her siblings.  Chase and her sit down at the kitchen table, and go right to it.

I also agree with jaderock54 who says that she lets her son face the negative consequences when he does not get his work done....maybe a few days of that will snap him out of it....if not, maybe his meds need adjusted...a booster in the afternoon to help with focus?

Hang in there

how old is he and what grade is he in, again?  You might try a different approach on the home work.  I find that for studying, we do chanting.  But, to better help you, i need some more info.  I'm severe adhd, age and grade would be of great help.  Put it in your signature if you can, so you don't have to put it on every post.  We can help, keep posting!!!

My son (8) used to do that every day with homework.  I finally sat him down and told him that when I see he's getting frustrated and he starts to get upset and yell then I'm going to have him take a 5 min. break.  He hates it, go figure.  If I tell him to take a break and play with his toys for a few minutes he screams that he doesn't want to and sits there pouting. Then, instead of forcing him to leave the table I leave the room for 5 minutes.  9 times out of 10 he's busily working when I get back (I think just to prove me wrong, that he doesn't need a break).

Sometimes it can be best just to step back, maybe tell him you're there to help and remind him to get back to his work but try not to be too involved.  My son's teacher told me that the homework is a measure of how much they've learned, so if some of it's wrong they know what areas to review.

Also it may be helpful to discuss with him what you expect before hand while everyone is still calm (we do this almost daily) and that if it doesn't get done in a certain amount of time, then it doesn't get done and he gets to face the consequences with his teacher. 

My son is in Grade 1 and he only gets about 20 min of homework.  Of course when he dawdles it can go on a lot longer ..... but it's mainly reading and when he applies himself properly it's only about 20 minutes.  He's not allowed to play with his toys or his computer (which he loves) until its done.  How does your son feel about karate?  Does he want to go very badly?  If so, what you could do is get him a watch, tell him to sit down and do his homework and show him where the hand on the watch must be when he finishes.  If it goes over, he misses karate / or you cancel karate. If he does it in good time, maybe he can have a reward?  My son had a particularly good day at school yesterday and we rewarded him for that.  He's now motivated to go and try to have another good day today.

 I usually mention the  same: that he is not allowed to play with toys up until he finishes homework but he still gives me hard time. As for karate, he has always been enthusiastic, but to tell you the truth, he doens'n care if he misses a day. My kid is the kind that just enjoys moments when they are happening, but he does not worry about future.He lives the present; actually I haven't had great success with reward systems, he doesn't seem interested and doesn't care much about them. Yesterday I was so surprised that he asked me about the marbles. "why don't we start marbles again?" Well, I can give it a try again. Let's see what happens.

I don't know what happens!!!. Why is may son sooo difficult!!! I see that many of the kids here are having success with reward systems and treatment. What is happening to mine????? I am starting to believe that is me. There is something I am not doing correctly.  Believe me, I try, but I don't know what happens. I can't get myself out of the computer because I am really looking for help!!!

My screen name is Rollercoaster_1 for a reason! After 5 1/2 years of trying
to adjust meds for my 10 yr old and seeing the chaotic effect his condition
has on both himself and our family, I speak with great wisdom and
experience (lol!). There are no simple answers or magic cures no matter
what anyone says! You keep on keeping on because you love your child and
help him to endure this problem while trying to keep yourself emotionally
intact. 'Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.' Treasure the
diamonds! I check this board for the same reason you do...

I understand that sitting beside my son while doing homework is not the best approach. The problem is that I am under time pressure. I really need that he finishes his homework on time because I also have to take him to his different therapies and karate lessons(all intended to help with the adhd issue). The other day I tried to let him do his homework alone; I was just coming by now and then for supervision; but what did I find? he was making drawings while I was not there and there I found myself again desperate fighting with him over homework. It is really stressful for me, because once he comes from school, he needs to have lunch as fast as he can so he can do homework and then proceed to his therapies. If I let him finish homework for when he comes back, the homework event really worsens, and the bed routine is also affected. I feel I must mention that homework time goes from 1 hour to 1 hour and 45 minutes. In the worst days I have spent about 2 whole hours doing homework with him. Isn't that too much for a 6 year old?? Is it this way in your country??? I'm just curious.

Thanks for replying!!!

When my son who is in first grade has homework I do not sit over him while he does it.  I explain what he needs to do and check it when he is done.  If he stops doing it I just tell him to keep doing it.  He doesn't like me sitting over him, and it is less stressfull for us both.  If he has different things to do, I give him them one at a time.  Sometimes with a break between.  My oldest who is 12 never liked me up close with his either, but I always checked to make sure he did it right and was and am there for questions.  As he got older he did most of it before I got home from work and had a time limit in the evening to finish it.  He doesn't like to write so the time limit helped him do it. 

You are so not alone!  My daughter is 8.  She is ADHD and PDD/NOS.  Last year she had me screaming every morning and every night.  My husbands blood pressure meds had to be doubled...atthe old age of 32! In the mornings she would drag her butt till she missed the bus.  You had to sit with her and constantly tell her to do whatever she was supposed to do like a broken record.  Otherwise, she sat there in a fog.  Then homework came...and like you said 1 1/2 hours plus.  Our record was from 4pm till 9pm.  The teachers suggested a time limit.  20 -30 mins. Then after that, sign the homework and send it in.  Not a possiblity for my daughter. She is very bright and manipulative.  She would catch on after 2 or 3 times and just push until she didnt have to do homework.   This year I found a life saver.  My school has an after school program like a daycare.  They do their homework first and then they can play.  My daughter is there 1-2 hours each day.  Her homework is always done. Im not saying its always right.  The teachers say to let her turn in what she has done and have her face the consequences of her actions.  After all, it is her chance to show what she has learned.  This has relievedus of a ton of stress.  It costs me a week...its the best money I ever spent.  I also try to remind myself that she doesnt do this intentionally to annoy me, its part of her condition.  But somedays, it still eats me up inside.  Mornings are better too.  I now wake her up 2 hours prior to the bus coming.  She has only missed the bus 3 times this year.  A huge improvement.  I dont know if any of these suggestions will work for you. But, if nothing else, know you are not alone.

Good Luck!

Piggirl

piggirl39021.1930092593Homework is an issue for a lot of children even non adhd kids. I think part is the whole parent child thing. I sit with both my boys when they do it.. I either help or I am going through the mail.. We do it upstairs in the hall way. We have a little table set up, it just has pencels and coloring supplies on it. There really is no disctraction except for looking out the window.. This has worked for us.. As they want to get it done and go back down stairs.. When we are with my neices 4 of them, we all sit in several ares and do it at the same time then move onto whatever we are going to do.. It has always been done this way.

As for everyone's child doing well with marbles.. That comes and goes in my house... Some days.. both boys are into how many they have other days.. they could careless if they have none...