Lost on What to do next .... | ADHD Information

Yes I did follow through and take everything way - I very much do not make empty threats either. We also do plan to continue the meds although not sure yet which med or dose is correct for us.

Im in the same boat. My daughter is on the only med she can take, and yet the lying continues. She does not care about consequences. Im not sure if this an an ADHD trait or part of her PDD/NOS. The PDD/NOS is a new addition to the diagnosis for her. Her doctor agrees that she makes up these stories and believes them with all of her heart..like it really happened. ThePsychologist has run out of ideas on how to deal with it. Shes says some of these kids fall into that world and theres not a lot you can do. Just hang on as best you can...dont let them get away with it...and try not to lose your mind. Sorry that you are also suffering from this. Good Luck!

Piggirl

My son has ADHD. He is 10 years old and we jut recently decided to try medicine. We have so far only tried Concerta and focalin xr. So far we have seen some changes but not enough that we are anywhere near our goals.

We know medicine will take quite a bit of trial and error and we are committed to trying it but here is my BIG problem. I don't think my son has any desire to do anything well. He has no pride and no problem with lying about everything.

If we ask him to do complete some simple chore (give the dog some water - he will not complete it, and then lie about doing it then when asked about it say he just doesn't know why he didn't do it.) I don't know how to enstill pride.

Also I think the lying has gotten to a horrible level - tonight I ask him to read his book (a required school assignment) for 25 minutes. During this time he read 10 pages (of a book I have read). When I asked him what it was about he made up a story with new characters, new plot everything and when I asked if he really thought he tried to read the story and pages he said yes. He did not care that he has lied to me or that he knew I knew he was lying. His father and I just do not know what to do.

What do you do when your child's reality becomes made up of lies.

We have tried therapy - hoping there is some other cause (we have quite a few family issues being a blended family) but after several different therapists (2 now have said they can't get past the lies to figure out what is going on) I don't know who to turn to.

Any advice, any similar stories, anything?

Are there consequences for the lies? REAL consequences?

An example might be, "Animals depend on us to live. They cannot get their own water. If we do not give the dog water, he/she can die. You have lost your TV privileges for the rest of today for not giving the dog some water when I asked you to. You have lost your TV privileges for tomorrow AND the next day for lying to me about it."

The lie should have a bigger consequence than the chore or request that wasn't completed.

As far as the pride....I don't know. Would it work to think of some type of charity/volunteer work you could do with him, that could open up some discussions about how good it makes YOU feel to do good things, work hard, help others, etc.?

Good luck!

MamaBear

We have tried consequences, positive and negative reinforcement - it seems nothing works.

I giet the "I don't care what you take away from me" as a comeback. To give an example I told him he had to clean his room or else his father and I would take what was not cleaned up. He said we could have it all and refused to clean the room.

[QUOTE=chasesmom79]

You did not say whether or not you followed through and actually took all of his things as you threatened to do. If so, how did he react? My children know that when I say something, I mean it, and I never make an empty threat.

I agree that lying is a self esteem issue, but it seems to me that it has as you say become a nasty habit that he does w/o thinking.

Have you tried the marble system at the top of the boards? Maybe he could earn marbles for each time that he told the truth about things, and for doing the things you ask of him...work toward some goal that he wants, there has to be something.

Good luck

[/QUOTE]

I was thinking of exactly those same questions. Did you follow through with taking everything away?

My daughter is 14 years old and diagnosed with ADD four months ago. The reason we went down the path of finding out what was wrong was because of all the lies she was telling and they were big things.

Our daughter loves the computer and IMs often. I did get software to record these IMs and started to find out all of the lies. She would tell her friends that we were in a car accident and at the emergency room all night. She stole money from us and said that her friend gave it to her. She mad up lies about my husband and I getting a divorce (not true) and my husband having an affair. I could continue but there were so many. When we started on the Adderall this stopped which was a relief. It is definitely some self-esteem issue and we have tried a number of things including therapy.

All I can say is you are not alone and keep very close tabs on your son. Maybe continue with trying medication until this stops.

I agree that lying is a self esteem issue, but it seems to me that it has as you say become a nasty habit that he does w/o thinking.

Good luck

lying is an easy way to deal with things that one doesn't want to do. There are so many other things that are more interesting to do. I think impulsiveness steps in to lead some kids from the task at hand. If the reward is great enough, then the less interesting task is easier to put up with. Another thought has to do with distractedness. the marble system might work. When ds was little, I physically went with him to redirect him back to the task. Later I would check up on him a couple minutes after giving him a direction to see if he was following through. Always remember to verbally and physically reward any minor compliance. It helps build self esteem. Ensuring that they are successful also cuts down on any negative remarks.

good Luck!

Hi im new in here, and from australia, so we have some different treatments etc. (so u might have to forgive me if i dont make sence LOL)

i have one son 7 who was diagnosed a little over 3 yrs ago. he has ADHD and ODD. (opositional defiance disorder) And have a 4 yr old who has recently been dianosed with ADHD, he doesnt have ODD thank goodness.

reading over some of the post in here, i have picked up that the symptoms you speak about with the lying and not taking the responsibiliy of 'owning their own stuff" so to speak, is a typical symptom of ODD. it is not generally a symptom of ADHD. If your not sure on it try and search it on the net, it will certainly give you some interesting reading.

I find that both my boys are quite a handfull but the one with ODD is a lot harder and a lot more frustrating. and heart breaking.

Hope this is of some help

Angel

angel_eyes39022.2147916667

As I read your posts I kept picturing a child with no jest for life, no interest in anything, basically zero self-esteem. I'm surprised his counselors never picked up on that.

It sounds to me like that may be were the problem stems from. Lying could be an avoidance behavior. My ex uses lying in that way. Lying helps him avoid dealing with situations.

I would present these ideas to a therapist and see what they say.

I have read over the ODD several times and I really believe he also has this - when evaluated he was border line for ODD. My husband though does not want to admit something like this. His explanation is that our son should have to follow rules all the time and I am too hard on him so this is the problem. Not a very helpful solution when I just want him to well in school and get a couple things done that we ask.

I want to do more therapy etc. but we are very limited right now - it seems I really can't find a place (most have over a year waiting lists). How do find someone?