15 year old daughter | ADHD Information
You hear a lot about ADHD here of course but, why not much about ADD? My daughter is not hyper but she does lose concentration and is very unorganized. She has low self esteem because of her low grades in school and because she feels inferior academically to her peers. She has become depressed by it all and stopped going to school, hung out with kids who smoked pot and who I believe have the same academic problems as she has. She is only in grade 10. I found her a great doctor an now she is in a new "work at your own pace" program at her highschool, is on anti depressants and dexidrine. This has helped her so much. She now goes to school everyday, has her homework completed on time, is feeling better about herself and communicates to me in a much better way. But still, she has been very unreliable and, I hate to say it, sneaky in the past. IE: Hid her homework, lied about where she would be, lied about being in school when she was not, lied about not taking drugs, stole from me, would break curfew, constantly said she missed the bus or lost her bus pass so that I would have to pick her up at midnight, etc. And through it all she always had such good excuses for her behaviour and she always seemed so sincere. This went on for approximately two years. Now she says that she is trying very hard, is staying in school and doing her homework and she is for the most part. She is also now more honest with me too. This has been going on for approximately 5 or 6 weeks.Well, I guess now I am finding it very hard to trust her again. I still feel that the bottom will, once again and at any minute, fall out of the boat. She wants me to trust her so badly and because she is my daughter and I love her, want to very badly but how do I do this with the feeling that she will betray my trust again? [:s]My 2 children have the ADD tendencies as well. No hyperactivity. I think that the 2 disorders are somewhat lumped together these days and on another board that I used to go on, a member made it her mission to go and kind of reprimand anyone that referred to ADD, telling them that medical professionals no longer call it that....funny my ped's office always says to me at the desk after each of my son's visits.."When would you like to set up your next ADD recheck?"
I think that you need to explain to your daughter (she is old enough to grasp this concept) that it will take you a long time to trust her again. When you begin to trust, make sure she knows that it is baby steps...once you see that she can be trusted in more minor issues (turning in homework, etc.) then you can begin to trust her in bigger issues such as going out with friends at night. Tell her just as it took years for her to break down your trust, it may take a long time for it to be rebuilt.
Good luck to you and your daughter!
No but this site is filled with parents and people with both types so stick around.
You will find all of the people here more than willing to give help and advice.
I am glad that I could help.
Thanks Chasesmom79. Very good advice and put so simply. I guess I just needed to hear what I already knew. Baby steps is a good thing. I will talk to her today.Also, I just cannot agree with "lumping" ADHD and ADD. They now call it AD/HD or just ADHD. I guess I don't agree because the symtoms are so different. I have looked for sites that cater to ADD but I haven't been successful. Do you know of any?
Strugglingmon.....as already mentioned, the classfication is AD/HD with 3 subtypes. Girls more times than not have Inattentive subtype and because they are not hyperactive and bouncing all over the room, very often the diagnosis is missed or these children are labeled lazy, scatter brained and unmotivated instead. More attention is drawn towards the child who has inattentive/hyperactive subtype because they are viewed as behavior problems in school due not being able to sit still. Unfortunately, many times the inattentive child isn't diagnosed until they are older so they experience failure and peer rejection for many years before diagnosis which can lead to depression and risky behavior just to fit in with peers.For these children, their need to be accepted by peers supercedes their desire to follows rules because like any teen, nothing is more important to them than having friends and being accepted as one of the crowd.
Because your daughter is now getting effective treatment, the road ahead of her wont be as much as a struggle and you will see drastic changes for the better. Of course it's hard to build a trust but the more you show your trust in her, the more trustworthy she will become. The medication allows the child to now make a choice and while none of us always make the right choices, with your understanding and guidance she will be motivated towards making better choices in all area's in life the future. While there is no magic cure for ADHD, the right treatment and a loving caring parent like yourself can make all the difference in terms of your daughter seeing great potential in the future.
I don't have an ADD 15 yr old yet (he's 8), but I have the experience of having been one. If you had thrown high risk sex and running away into the mix you would have described me in your post.
Trust is a very difficult thing to rebuild once it is broken. In my case it worked both ways because my mom didn't trust me to do what I said and I didn't trust her to do what was best for me. She refused to acknowledge that my problems were anything that needed to be treated by a doctor and to this day maintains that all I need to do is "turn to God" and I will be "healed".
I think baby steps are definetly the way to go, but kids with ADD get very impatient and it will feel like forever to her, which may cause her to stop trying. I would suggest that you sit down with her and discuss what it will take for you to trust her again (consistently going to school, turning homework, acceptable grades, making curfew, maybe random drug tests?) and as she shows you she can do those things for an agreed upon amount of time reward her with restoring any priveleges that have been lost or extended curfew on weekends- whatever it will take to motivate her. Put it all in writing and track it on paper so there is no argument and she can see her progress.
Also try to remember that the treatment she's recieving is making it possible for her to control her impulses now and she wasn't able to do that before, so already she is more trustworthy than she was before.
The ADD/ADHD terminology has to do with the way the disorder has been classified in the past vs. the current classification. Under the current classification, ADHD has 3 subtypes: primarily hyperactive, primarily inatentive (the old ADD), and combined. So when ADHD is written, it could be refering to any of these 3 subtypes. People with the primarily inattentive form are often missed because they are not disruptive; the causes real problems with self esteem, etc. HTH
vickie39027.5952430556Thanks all. I am so glad that I found this site.