My daughter has always had trouble with friendship with her cousins one is 8 months older and the other is 5 years old. They bond together and not include my girl and are mean to her most of the time. My family believe it or not have had a word with them and recently they have been trying to include her and have appeared to be nicer to her.
As of last night it began again and I do not feel my girl was totally innocent for lateley she has been annoying people on purpose (ODD). My nephew has a temper and can be a nasty brat and once turned I fear he will hurt my girl any way he can when adults are not looking. It all started when one of the cousins fell and hurt themselves and my girl felt the other one did it so he became angry with her at that but later in questioning she did not see anything at all. Then later he told me my child was being mean and she stepped on a toy of his and of course my girl denied it and it sparked another dispute and he openly said he hated her (my girl). I think part of it is she may have been annoying them but I do not know fully what had happened and maybe never will.
Next week is my childs 7th birthday and I am concerned over the kids being together again he can be so hateful and obviously my child has problems they do not understand. How can I make things better again? My sister and my relationship is not as close as sisters should be I grew up with her cruelty against me and no one ever believing me. Oh goodness could this be history repeating itself? Help all i want is my childs happiness and feeling of belonging. And in the future should I avoid family get togethers? Confused.
Maybe the thing you should try for your daughters birthday in particular, is to have a game where the children are all on the same 'team', such as a scavenger/treasure hunt. That way, they will all be working toward a common goal, not against each ether for prizes. Make up clues that each lead to the next such as: "Look in the place where you can fly high into the sky..." and this shold lead them to the tire swing where they find the next clue, etc. The 'treasure' should be already evenly divided into goody bags (with possibly names already written on?) to ensure equity when passing out the loot. I think that i read this in a Parent's magazine in an article on sibling rivalry, and with the cousins being so close in age, this may work for them as well.
I think that maybe the key here will be to try to keep a more vigilant eye on the children when you are at large family gatherings...I know my son can get wound up in a hurry at these high key events,and he is not typically the hyperactive type. It may just need some redirection by you to your daughter at just the right (key) moment, while she is still able to be redirected, rather than after she (or someone else) has lost their cool. The best way for this to happen is for an adult to be watching at least somewhat closely from the sidelines. If you can, enlist your sister and families help, if not it may fall solely on your shoulders.
Good luck and I hope this helps
chase mom and i think WAY too much alike!!! lmao make activities specifically for groups. I would do 2 different groups competing with each other, and have 2 different competitions. after the first competition, mix the kids up and do the other. Make it to where the kids have to draw from a hat to make up the groups and have the drawing so no one feels left out. Make each of them have a reward whether the group wins or not. Now, the winning group should have the bigger prize, but both should be winners for participating. mixing them up and having 2 competitions will give them all a great opportunity to work together as a team. It's important that they all see each others strong points. Scavenger hunts are good, when we were kids we used to bring a dollar to the parties and the winning team would split the money (that was when we had "Scavenger Parties" and the entire neighborhood participated in them and we had 20 to 30 teams and the pots were large for Jr. High all day events and it kept us out of trouble lol). You could also do a puzzle time, find different puzzle books, kind of trivia stuff they would know at their age like what animal makes this sound or what tv show has the blue dog, where do birds live, how many wheels are on a car. I could go on for days with that kind of stuff. But you get my point.
As for your relationship with your sister, has your sister ever taken any ownership for what she has said and/or done to you?
Hi Jillette- that's always a tricky situation when it invovles family. I think the games ideas mentioned above are great, keep them busy cause that way they'll have less time to annoy each other.
Does your sister acknowledge her children's parts in these incidents, or is she the type that brushes it off and ignores it? Are there any consequences for the cousins, from their parents or anyone else, when they are causing problems?
I have a neice and nephew (my brother's kids) who are both ADHD and when they are at my house I feel free to discipline them, since it's my house and also cause my brother and his wife are both ADHD too (talk about a crazy household!) and they miss a lot of what goes on between the kids. Most of our problems occur because the girls (DD and neice) and boys (DS and nephew) will irritate the others as a team.
My dd is turning 6 this week and asked that her cousins not come to her party because they really are disruptive (neither is effectively medicated at the moment) and my neice is in everyone's face all the time. So we are having family come down the night before and her friends will come the next day.
My sister does not always acknowledge what her son does in fact the whole family spoils him it is my sister everyone feels sorry for her except me. They all fall into that mode and she is good at playing poor me and no one sees it while growing up she would terrorize me and abuse me and tell the others that I am a brat and started everything and that I am telling stories again. Even my parents turned the other way and acted like it was all me that I am a brat. ADHd does not run in the family it came from my husbands side. My sister and I get along better now since I moved on my own and with her son she does now punish him for being mean to his cousin better than she did.
As for the activity part I will try my house is small so they will be in eyesight easier. I will be busy hostessing so I will have to depend on my husband which is hard as well for his favorite thing is to sit and enjoy and not help out once his big butt sits it is hard. I will try to prepare him ahead of time and hope it works. Sometimes he surprises me if not we end up fighting after people leave for I do not need the stress alone. I may also try talking to my sister so it is a group effort and will acknowledge my childs faults. I am also planning to call her psychologist for advice for I do not want her to annoy people or other kids and am hoping this week she will begin meds again. In the study she is in she is definetly being moved to the group with low dose of meds.
I may go to dollar store to get some gift bags and gifts to have my girl give as a thank you. On the 18th I am having yet another party for my child a kid party so I have to buy gift stuff and goodie bags anyways. I have set the limit 10 kids the most in the home. I am going to do games and activities and for cake I am going to have the kids decorate their own cupcakes that will keep them busy awhile. I will try to do some of the games next weekend. Thanks