Hiya
My daughter is not diagnosed with anything yet but I have had her referred for assessment and she has many of the symptoms of ADD.
I have just spent a hideous day with her, trying to get her to do some homework which should have only taken her an hour at most, but ended up taking all day. Most of it was copying some rough work she had already done, but she had the most horrendous moods, saying it was too hard and she was confused! I spent time with her, tried to be very patient...but at the same time trying to get her to take some responsibility for her work. She became quite upset at one point and told me that she couldnt stand it anymore and wanted to be put into Foster care. She said that she didnt feel part of the family and was getting in the way of my relationship with my two sons. She feels that I give all my attention to them and she feels that I don't love or like her. (She is 10 years old.). This is not the case, and if anything, it is my sons who have to take a back seat because of her demanding behaviour. I do everything I can to make her feel special and loved.... spending one to one time with her and trying to be very positive about the good/nice/helpful things she does. She really is a wonderful and special child. I just feel so hurt by the comments she made today. I don't necassarily think she meant any of it, and she apologised afterwards and took it all back..... but where did it come from? I cant put my finger on where I am going wrong with her. I really can't wait to get some professional help with her. I feel like such a failure!
I am struggling so much with everything. I am a single parent of three, working and trying so hard to provide the kids with all the attention, love and support they need. I feel drained and tired. Want all my children to know they are the most important people in my life and that I will always be there for them.....just don't know how to get this through to her. It's hard to judge how far to reassure her without fuelling the situation and giving in to her every whim.
HELP
xpaulinex
I definately feel your pain....I have lived through a somewhat similar situation. My oldest daughter was ADD her whole life and I had no clue...the disorder mostly focused on the "hyperactive" part in those days (20 years ago) and she is the inattentive/unfocused/moody type.
I think that she felt(feels?) the same way as your daughter does. I am not sure why, but I believe that it stems in part to them noticing that their sibs sail through things that send them into a tailspin. Making friends was easy for her younger sister, but for her it was more problematic. The younger one breezed thru her homework AND remembered to turn it in, but if she managed to get it completed, as often as not, she would lose it somewhere before it made it to the teacher.
In addition, these children are...not so much harder to raise...but frustrating, in that you can see their great potential, and no matter how much you lecture/tutor/guide/cajole, you cannot seem to get through to them. There comes a time when you almost dread 'helping' with homework because you are well versed in the horrible ordeal that you are about to undertake each evening. They have a hair trigger, and one never knows just what the trigger will be.
I am so happy that you are getting your daughter evaluated, I only wish that I would have seen the light in my daughter's childhood....if not for her guidance in her adulthood, her little brother would not be receiving the treatment that is so helping him now. He knows how much he owes to her and is on a mission himself to get her to go to her doctor and resume the medication roller coaster to find a med to help her.
All that I tell you is to keep your chin up, and hopefully if she gets a diagnosis and proper treatment, some of these feelings of inadequecy will abate and you will have a happy daughter once again.
My daughter is also a member of this board and maybe she can help you with a point of view from the daughters side.
(Jonna, I hope that you are not upset w/me and maybe you could chime in and let this mother know how you felt as a teen and what may have been helpful to you?)
Awwww, big hugs to you! {{{{ Hugs }}}}
Let me assure you, we have all been where you are now! And the worst part is not knowing what is going on with her. :( You have the school assessing her? That's a good first step. You may also want to get your own private assessment done, because it is more thorough. You would get it done at a neuropsychologist's. They do a full range of cognitive testing including IQ, processing speed, LD's, etc. Maybe your daughter does have an underlying LD and that is why her homework is so hard for her. It would be good to find out. The np will also give you a full written evaluation that you could use to get the SD give the proper accommodations, if necessary.
If you think she is going to be taking medication, you need to get a specialist for that, not her regular pediatrician. We use a developmental pediatrician. Others use a child psychiatrist or neurologist.
My dd also had a very very difficult time with homework last year (only 1st grade!) I will say that after we started her on stimulant medication, the homework problems went away....poof! Really, it was almost a miracle. It has been a long road to find the right medications though. We still are in the process of adjusting them. She started med trials about 1 year ago. Good Luck and keep us posted!
my daughter said something like that but she is not add/adhd.
kids say that kind of things sometimes,and with girls at that age with the hormone thing,it can be hard.give her a big hug and say you love her.