need support from other families | ADHD Information

nfisher I completely empathise.  Things are so hard just raising kids, without all that other crap to deal with as well.

The only advice I can think to give is to ask you son outright, What are you so damn angry about?

Does he see his natural father?  Is he lonely?  Is he ashamed of himself and given up?  Is he trying to punish you for something? Does he feel that ADHD is an excuse to be difficult? Has he any desire to be a better person? Is he sorry for his behaviour?

Is there  a church youth group you could find for him to join.  Here in Australia there is a catholic youth group called Antioch which is very supportive and I went myself as a child and it turned me around. 

But somehow you need to find out the emotions behind the behaviour.

You have him on both Ritilin and Clonidine? Did you know your giving him a double dose of a medicen for ADHD?

My daughter had almost the same problem. She wasn't a real problem child, but she didn't do her homework, even though she's a very smart girl, she had a lot of trouble at school herself. She was very drawn back and didn't really...like life much. She was depressed.

Why don't you just try and find out why Tristen's acting the way he is. Generally, with my daughter, if she started acting differently it was an emotion. Maybe he's mad at something. Kyrie got frusterated often because of her ADHD.

 

 

Please help! I am at the end of my rope with my son. He is 9 and has been diagnosed with adhd since kindergarten. I fought the medications at first but relized how much they helped. I have had him on every kind of medication with Straterra actually making him worse. He is on the maximum dossage of Ritilin La.  60 mg. He takes clonidine at night or he wont go to sleep till past midnight.I hate having to do this medication ritual just to make it through the day.The problem is he is failing all subjects except reading. I get calls from the school or after school daycare center sometimes 2 to 3 times a week.( i am about to get fired from all the calls to my work and having to come and get him.)  My number is on the principals speed dial list! He is emotional and has massive outbursts in class and at home. He is Defiant, lies and is very lazy when it comes to doing homework. I know he can do it when he tries. He is very smart. I hate to say it but hes ruining my marriage. I have done everything you can imagine to help him. Diet, natural supplements etc. I have tried every possible punishments for bad behavior as well as bribes!I praise him so much when he does good, you would think he would want that more than the ounishments. I am so tired of having the "bad kid". Other parents wont let him come over, or come to our house because of Tristans behavior.The school he attends is not in our district even though its just down the street and its possible they will not let him back next year.  I hate the comments and looks of other parents. I need to know I am not alone and my child isnt the bad seed!  Anyone whos having similar issues please let me know and if you have any suggestions I am all ears.

[QUOTE=nfisher]Please help! I am at the end of my rope with my son. He is 9 and has been diagnosed with adhd since kindergarten

Hi !

 You are not alone! My boy was the same age when diagnosed. Strattera made him sick and it not help him focus. I know of other parents that had no results with their kids on Straterra or bad stomach ahces with the hyper behavior. These meds are supposed to help. If your boy is on these meds and his behavior is not improved and his grades stink and your family is suffering then the meds are not working. I understand the guilt and shame we as parents face when other parents reject our kids. It is also hard to watch our children turn people away from them with there impulsive and bad behvior. My sons psych told me that my son (at the age of 6, he is know 11) that he also has ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder that is common with ADHD kids and this disorder is sorta perpetueted by the impulsivity and constant rejection by their peers and freinds parents. I found an ODD parenting class that gave me specific tools for kids who are extremely challenging and defiant and uncoopertive. It helped me take back control of my house and helped me to reinforce his behavior in ways that circumvented the defiant stuff they can pull. These kids need love love love and lots of understanding. My personal choice is to only allow people in our lives who are understanding of the ADHD stuff and have the ability to not take their difficult behavior personally. Once I quit listening to advice that offered no help and only criticism I felt better about me, about my son and both our self esteems went up. You and your husband have got to love each other through all this and get support as a couple and remember that loving your son together despite his flaws and challenges he gives you that God gave him to you to love because he believed you two could handle it. Some of the toughest kids grow up to be AWESOME adults! Hang in there! 

Clonidine is frequently given with a stimulant (Ritalin) in treating ADHD.

  This is my first time visiting this forum. I want to cry for all the parents and children in hardship with daily life. I too have a child whom one doctor tells me he is ADHD and another says he is bipolar. He is 14 years old now and his problems began in about the 3rd grade. Teachers kept telling me he was hyper. They believed he needed meds to do well. His grades were fairly good up until the 5th grade when he had a teacher constantly belittling him in front of the class. She would point out all his mistakes, the messes around his desk and laugh at him. The kids followed suit and began treating him badly to. He couldn't pay attention in class. He constantly lost his school supplies. He would begin new tasks without finishing others. He was so disorganized. He hung his head walking through the halls. He also tried ritilin but it he would fall asleep at school and couldn't sleep at night. My son David was in a mess. His stepfather, my husband said he needed to grow up and yelled at him a lot and cursed at him and even sometimes hit him. I was frustrated too with him. Many nights I tore up his homework and made him redo it. I couldn't understand why he had to be told 6 times to do something before it got done. I eventually excepted his behavior and life became easier for me and harder for my husband.  He took concerta after ritilin but no positive results. He was finally switched to straterra at age 13. It seemed to help until we moved to Germany since my husband is active duty military. His world fell apart here. He stopped taking his meds when stepdad deployed. David needed structure and it is not in Germany. It is very laid back here. He has become very moody and defiant. Severe mood swings was hospitalized in KY for 7 weeks where he was neglected by the doctors and staff and gained 20lbs. I got him out by signing an ama. In Germany know one is equipped to help my child and straighten his meds. In his best interest I'm returning to the states to get him the care he needs along with my other children who seem to be coping with my sons outbursts. He has been contemplating suicide and is obssesed with knives and violent cartoons. He has been experimenting with alcohol and cigarettes maybe other things I dont know about. I love him so much and am afraid I'm losing him. The residential care he was in for 7 weeks lost his medical records too. I dont know where to begin to get him help and the support he needs along with the rest of my family. My husband finally said I had to choose between him or my son David. I told my husband he needs help too! I feel depressed and overwhelmed with the whole situation and only want the best for my children. The verbal abuse and some physical abuse has forced me to separate from my spouse. I'm open for suggestions. I need help. I'm trying to be strong.

You are not alone!!! 

I have a 10 year old with ADD- not ADHD, although sometimes i wonder.    Anyway- re-evaluate the medications, ask your Dr. about Metadate instead of the Ritalin LA- I noticed a big difference between the 2 of them even though they have the same active ingredient.  It is in the way the timed release units are released. 

Hang in there- have you tried behavioral therapy?  If you get him an IEP or 504 plan the school has to cooperate with you and your child - they can not refuse an education because of ADD/ ADHD.

 

 

largentfamily, what is your financial situation.  If you are financial enough, I would return to the states, where you have support of family (are you american?) just for starters.  America does seem to be miles in front of other countries with regards to the acceptance and treatment of the ADHD diagnosis.

I understand your dilemma, as here in Australia there is not assistance for this diagnosis either.

But you are isolated where you are and if your hubby is not coping, then you will find a 14 yo boy (and still growing) a little hard to manage.  If he has bi-polar this is extremely serious and I would be focusing on the treament of this illness first.  ADHD meds can have serious bad affects on bi-polar sufferers.

But yes I would head back to the States and get the help you need, no question about it.

Your other children will be grateful further down the track if they see a brother that is stablised and not creating as many problems for their Mum.

I would also do it ASAP because as kids get older they are less likely to cooperate with your decisions.

I know it is hard to deal with an ADHD child when they are throwing these kinds of fits and not doing what you know they can do. I have four children. My youngest is now 4. He was diagnosed over a year ago with ADHD. He is not on medication. I have heard too many horror stories about it so I use peppermint tea for my little one. It's all natural and it is easy to make. It tastes like peppermint gum. My son was bouncing off the walls at 2 am. You could not get him to settle down and sleep. It is still hard for him to sit still but he is happy and not on something with side effects. Another reason I will not put him on  meds is because they mess up his eyesight. He has bad eyes anyway so we have to watch what we give him. The peppermint tea is made of peppermint leaf. It is a natural relaxer. I am not really giving advice but I thought if you knew there was something out there that was natural and that it might help it could make a difference to you and yours.

Rae 70 has started a post under the Children and Young Adults with ADHD section where people can post their experiences as a child with ADHD. I've just added my story and I'm sure others will follow shortly. This could be a good chance for parents to see what their kids are going through.

Click below to go to the post

  http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2419&P N=1

 I am a mother of a 5 year old son who deals with daily struggles of his adhd and developmental delay.He was dx at age 4 with this horrible disorder.He started w/ adderall 10 mg time released  xs day,worked for a while then stopped after couple of hours. Then went to adderall  10 mg 2 xs day .did not work either after wearing off he would have major rebound.switched to ritilan 10 mg 2xs a day that worked for about a week but then he had major wineing bouts all day long(my weekends seem to never end soon enough w/ him, the school would call an ask if anything new at home has happened(as if i was the cause) Today i had to drop off change of clothes and he saw me and refused to go back to class calling teacher very vular names( names we dont use in our home) and had a bad rage attack, i called doctor to get med changed and he agreed to change to concerta 18 mg 1x daily,he explained that that was all he could do for me, no more meds would be perscribed from him and that my son would have to see pshy. instead of him.He will be starting new concerta in morning, im hoping this is my answer.I love my son he is so loving and wants to be so good but just cant seem to.I sometimes feel very alone and hopeless.I dont want to give up on my son but , guilty enough i feel like im at my wits end with him.I feel empathy for any other parent who is in this similar situation and i would love feedback to let me know there is hope.

luv4myson, This is a very difficult llittle boy you have - must be hard.  Sympathies to you.

I hope the concerta works alittle better