[QUOTE=CMRsmom]so when I got into 7th and every year after that I took every single book with me to every class so I wouldn't have to stop at my locker during the day and I'd put the ones I didn't need in my locker at the end of the day....it sucked but it worked for me.[/QUOTE]
I see what you mean, CMR. Mark is very forgetful and has made zero's in class for losing homework or got D-halls for having the wrong books. I'm afraid if he is held back, then his problems will only get worse. I sure don't want it to come to that. We are in contact with his teachers and I'm learning to recognize the Principal's voice without him even telling me his name.
Hubby kept Mark home today with the Principal's permission. They are spending time together and hopefully can come to some kind of agreement/ discipline/positive reinforcement deal. I sure hope so!
[QUOTE=vickie]Even if the marble system is not right for your son, you can look into the basics of a positive reinforcement behavior plan. You might get your son working with a counselor/psychologist to work out some of his issues and posibly help you help your son. Your son is also dealing with puberty in addition to the ADHD and ODD. Is he on meds, and if so have they been reassessed lately?[/QUOTE]
Hi, Vickie. I agree that maybe puberty is a contributing factor. The only thing he cares about is having a girl friend. He is on Concerta 54 mg. and was reassessed by a psychiatrist yesterday. He is also going to group therapy at least twice a week. The psychiatrist has assigned a case worker to determine why he can score so highly on the Benchmark exam and then make poor grades in class. Hopefully, the caseworker can help us figure that out. Thank you for your reply.
[QUOTE=susieb]My ds is 13 and doesn't have a tv, cell, or computer of his own and he's on the honor roll. If he's not even trying to do what you say, why are you providing reasons to do something other than what he's supposed to do? At our house, tv and computer games are allowed only if everything else is done.
Having said that, my son doesn't have ODD, so I don't have any experience to compare to yours. One thing I do know is that our kids need structure and discipline. I think in our case that's at least 50% of the reason he's had success. He knows what the consequences are for messing up. Look into the marble system and don't be afraid to crack down on him.
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Thank you for your reply, Susie. I agree with you. He doesn't deserve having all those luxuries in his room. That started because I have a daughter also. She's not ADHD, very responsible and makes good grades. She has earned those privileges and the son got them because she did. I hate to hear kids say "it's not fair." But, we can't compare the two or raise them the same way. It just won't work for him. He is supposed to have his chores and homework done before he gets on the computer. The problem has been that he lies and says he has done his homework at school. We've got a daily planner now and have the teachers sign it daily.
Oh, Dear! I cannot imagine what it is like to have an ODD guy in the house, hormonal, and in trouble. I don't know what else to say, except really try the positive reinforcement thing. Even if he is just doing something, ANYTHING, right, even if it's normal, could you praise him for that? A simple thing like asking him to help you take out the trash or help with something in the yard, and then thank him for helping and for his company? Have you taken him out to dinner with just YOU, or him and just his dad? Was he nice once to his sister? Did he get up or on bed on time? There must be at least ONE thing he does right each day, FIND IT! If not, give him the opportunity! These little things help them to feel valued, trusted, and he needs something to lift his confidence and your love in him. I know it's so hard, but try to find something little, and let him know you appreciate him for doing it.
Keep us posted OK?
(((HUGS)))
Sonya,
I am not adhd or add but when I was in 6th grade my class room might as well of been the S A D room is what they called it Suspension and detention room I had a detention every single day all threw 6th grade because I either couldn't get my homework done or I was late to class it wasn't because I wasn't doing my homework I was I just didn't turn it in I'd forget it at home or I'd lose it in my locker and and the reason why I was late for class isn't because I talked to friends I walked slower then everyone else because of my congenital hip dysplashia I had five minutes to get to classes and my locker was always down the hall.....they held me back because of it....I would talk to his teachers and see what's going on in school and find situration that would help him so he doesn't get held back.....I didn't like school at all I'm in full contact with my kids schools because I don't want them getting held back because I got made fun of so bad in school not just because of failing because of my limping and by both grades that were higher then and me and the grade that I was in and that does not make a child feel very good I know at least not for me it wasn't.
so when I got into 7th and every year after that I took every single book with me to every class so I wouldn't have to stop at my locker during the day and I'd put the ones I didn't need in my locker at the end of the day....it sucked but it worked for me.[QUOTE=cr12345mr]Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I don't have a 13 year old, but I'll throw out some ideas. I think you need to get help to help him. ODD kids need a certain kind of parenting. I have heard this "It isn't your fault your child is ODD, but there is a lot you can do to make it worse." Maybe enlist the aid of a psychologist for you both. Have you read any books on ODD? Educate yourself as much as you can about it. Has he been assessed lately? Perhaps you should take him to a child psychiatrist for an eval. Can you rule out bipolar? Are his meds the right ones and at the right dosage? Good luck, I hope you figure out what to do.[/QUOTE]
Hi, CR. We are working with a pyschiatrist and we both were very open and honest with him yesterday. I think his dosage is right. It lasts for a full 12 hours. It controls his hyperactivity but not his anger. I haven't read much and welcome any suggestions on what I should read. Thank you.
[QUOTE=calicorose] I have an almost 14 year old DS. He doesn't have the ODD factor, but he he is coming out of a not-as-severe situation as your son is in right now. 7th grade last year was horrible. He had 1 suspension, lots of d's and f's, I was getting those dreaded phone calls often, and he was just like a drifting leaf. Negative reinforcements don't work. He doesn't care if one more privilege, game, TV hour, friend-time, etc, is taken away. These are not a motivator for the kind of behaviour you all want.
This year we started fresh. I catch him doing something RIGHT, and really praise him sincerely for it. He still screws up, but not as much. He really loves and cherishes, is flourishing with the praise, is attempting to do much better, and he also really is doing much better, and this year is really MUCH, MUCH better overall at home and at school. He's in a great mood. We are also doing the Bender therapy in Anni's "crawler's unite" threads, and he is really getting some good results from that as well. It is all tying in together, and he is overall less frustrated, things are easier and more positive.
I said a lot here, but my bottom line suggestion is find out about the positive reinforcements, and use them AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
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Hi, Calico. The statements in your first paragraph are very much like what I am dealing with. Thank you for telling me about the threads. I will look them up and read more. The problem we have is that he doesn't do anything to receive positive reinforcements.
An update to my story is that he got out of in-school suspension at 9:30 yesterday morning. The principal called at 3:00. He had been in another fight. The principal said he didn't know what to do with him and I said I don't either. Principal said he would not send him to ISS because it doesn't work. He said that Mark grabbed a stick and threatened to "f'n kill them." The teacher caught him before he hit anyone. It turns out that two other boys admitted that one of them hit Mark first. So, he's not in trouble at school. Hubby tried to have a talk with him and decide what punishment he should have for grabbing the stick. It turned into a full blown argument. Mark dared my hubby to hit him so he could call the police on him. He threatened to call the cops and tell them that his daddy hits him every day. Something that is entirely untrue! Hubby is planning on consulting our attorney today before Mark gets a phone and makes false child abuse allegations. I swear, I am soooo tired.
[QUOTE=calicorose]Oh, Dear! I cannot imagine what it is like to have an ODD guy in the house, hormonal, and in trouble. I don't know what else to say, except really try the positive reinforcement thing. Even if he is just doing something, ANYTHING, right, even if it's normal, could you praise him for that? A simple thing like asking him to help you take out the trash or help with something in the yard, and then thank him for helping and for his company? Have you taken him out to dinner with just YOU, or him and just his dad? Was he nice once to his sister? Did he get up or on bed on time? There must be at least ONE thing he does right each day, FIND IT! If not, give him the opportunity! These little things help them to feel valued, trusted, and he needs something to lift his confidence and your love in him. I know it's so hard, but try to find something little, and let him know you appreciate him for doing it.
Keep us posted OK?
(((HUGS)))
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Thanks, Calico. I'll be around him all weekend and will watch for something positive to praise him for. I'll try really hard. Right now, he has to be told to do everything, go to bed, get up, eat, shower. I will keep you posted.
I I can relate with your frustrations at trying to get him to just do the right things! I am 49yrs.old with an 11yr.old with ADHD and also ODD! I've found that giving my son options on how some things need to be accomplished gives him the sense that whatever the outcome,. it was his idea. Try phrasing words differently, such as "you could try to get your work done and then you won't have to go to summer-school,this would possibly mean a new dirt-bike if you pass? Or.......explain that you are giving him an important decision to make where responsibility will be rewarded. As parents we have to do whatever it takes,what may work 1wk. may not work the next. Incentive -Works wonders!!
Sonya I understand your concern and your doing the right thing by keeping in contact with his teachers and principal....With my son I ask his teachers to see what his strong points are and then I work in his weak points does your son have an IEP? I know he's 13 but I believe they still do that in Middle and High school
I have a 13 yr old with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. His grade point average is probably an F. He is in In-School Suspension for the 3rd time this school year. Hubby and I have tried to ground him from his computer, tv and cell phone when he's been in trouble in the past. It didn't work and his grades actually went down. It's like he doesn't care about anything. We can take away privileges and he still doesn't try to do the right thing. I read some of the marble system. I'm thinking he's too old for that. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. Even if the marble system is not right for your son, you can look into the basics of a positive reinforcement behavior plan. You might get your son working with a counselor/psychologist to work out some of his issues and posibly help you help your son. Your son is also dealing with puberty in addition to the ADHD and ODD. Is he on meds, and if so have they been reassessed lately?My ds is 13 and doesn't have a tv, cell, or computer of his own and he's on the honor roll. If he's not even trying to do what you say, why are you providing reasons to do something other than what he's supposed to do? At our house, tv and computer games are allowed only if everything else is done.