Poor memory of life history-normal? | ADHD Information

I have always had a poor memory. I rely on my one sister to remember life events of our family.  There are so many gaps, or things that happened and I had a different understanding of the event than anyone else.

Having just been diagnosed at 50 I have alot of questions.  Is this just another ADD side effect?  I did grow-up in an abusive/alcoholic household so I always blamed it on that.  My since being out of the house since 20 yrs of age I now rely on my husband for our history. And also future plans - regarding life events we should plan ahead for.  I just don't get it.

Also, I cannot remember names of people that live in the town I have lived in since I way 10!  Who's related to who, did I know them and where?  I live in terror that I will run into someone and not remember where I know them all the time. The worst of it is that my husband knows everyone.  They all know him, his family, life events etc. I always agree that I remember, but I don't .

 Is it just me? HELP  LISA50

 

Hi Lisa!  Well, I can't remember what I had did yesterday, much less last year.  I have moved alot, so don't run into long lost friends, but I am terrible with names.  I can't remember the names of my relatives and co-workers spouses or kids, even though I know they have told me a number of times.  It makes it very difficult for me to make friends.  I think they think I don't care

As for planning, I stink.  I can plan for next few weeks using my organizational tools, so get along OK at work, but much past that I am at a loss.  My husband is worse than I, so I have a feeling we will be in big trouble when we get to retirement age.  We haven't planned at all and are in our 40's and 50's. 

I do my best to enjoy the moment, because that is something that I always have!

 

Thanks for the reply and confirmation that I am not alone, that some other neurologicial force or life trama has caused this. 

So, what do we do about it?  Try to recreate what we remember or accept and deal with the fact that we will never have that memory of our life?  I struggle with current events, and people that I have met in the last couple of years.  Even that has been embarassing to me.

I have read a really good book that I found by chance, easy one and very helpful. Called "The Art of Small Talk"  I recommend it for current life.  I may need to go back and take notes and tips on how to work on this!

LISA50, I too can not remember my past.  I'm 29 now and I have very faint memories of my childhood, I cant recall almost anything until my mid teens.  I listen to stories from my families and I ask in the middle of it "who's was this?".  so your not alone, my history comes from different sources as well.  I try to figure out who I was by listening to other people and judging their actions and behaviors from the past.  I too come from a broken home, I lived with my father after my parents divorced.  My father got another divorce while I was living with him and I have no memory of that time.  So anyways, there is so much going on in my head there is no room for memory.

LISA - have you ever had a concussion through your life?  Sometimes a bump to the head can affect memory issues.

But I had an alco/abusive Dad also and I tell you it probably is not worth remembering.

DEAR RAE 70 - NO I DID NOT HAVE A CONCUSSION WHEN I WAS YOUNG THAT I CAN REMEMBER.  YOUR PROBABLY RIGHT.  I SHOULD JUST REMEMBER THE LITTLE GOOD THINGS THAT I CAN.  THANKS

 

DEAR BOGGLED,  THANKS FOR NOT LETTING ME THINK I WAS ALONE!

THOSE COMMENTS SOUND JUST LIKE ME.  IN MY HIGH SCHOOL YEAR BOOK THE PUT IN COMMENTS BY SENIOR PICTURES.  MINE SAID "SNOOPY"  IT STILL HURTS, BUT NOW MAYBE I KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM AS I WAS COMMING INTO CONVERSATIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH-UP!????

AS FOR FINANCIAL PLANNING - WE STINK TOO - WE WENT TO SOMEONE WE TRUST AND HE KEEPS AN EYE ON US. WE MEET WITH HIM COUPLE TIMES A YEAR TO SEE HOW WE CAN MEET OUR GOALS. IT'S A GREAT RELIEF THAT SOMEONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS AND CAN FOLLOW THE THINGS.  WE CAN'T..  GOOD LUCK

You know wat me at the age of only 17 I can't rem wat had happended thoughtout my life until the age of 10.not even all the different hoses I lived in or which house my mom became pregant wit my bro...I sometimes wonder if maybe my d** meds cuz me to be like this...I have to ask my mom wat happended when I was young and even she can't rem

Lisa50, I'm glad you have someone to help with the planning.  Thanks for the idea, I will look into finding someone to work with us. 

My 5 year-old son stunned me this weekend.  He told me "the reason I can't throw it out is if I can't see it anymore, I can't remember it"!  Alot of things suddenly became clear like why he won't get rid of anything (even gum wrappers, etc.), and why he often likes to watch old videos of himself and look through the photo album.  He seems to "remember" through what I have told him he did, rather than through personal experience.  I also kept everything as a child, and luckily I still have some of it because it helps me remember little pieces of my childhood.  I am so happy that I found out now, rather than later, that my son seems to have this problem so I can be more vigilant in collecting videos and photos that he can keep as his "memories" as he grows up.   

I grew up in an abusive household too....

But I remember snippets or snapshots of my childhood, and feelings, lots of feelings.  However,  I didn't remember a lot of the abuse (or at least identify it as abuse) until I was 24.

My brother has ADHD and he says he can't remember anything before age 8.

My guess it is a combo of both.

I am definitely ADD and can remember my family history without any problem.  I am into family genealogy, which I acquired from my paternal grandmother, so maybe that is one reason for my memory.

I am not good at remembering names however and had a time in school remembering subjects that I studied, maybe because I never studied homework, LOL.  Math was really hard for me in school.

I find the connection between abuse and ADD particularly interesting, and wonder how much EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) would help with this particular problem, as EFT ignores the conventional methods (e.g. re-wiring the brain, enhancing focus or drugs) and looks instead for unresolved emotional issues such as anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, or tauma.  Once these issues are resolved the ADD symptoms tend to fade.  (Note:  Please rely on your physician regarding your ADD drug use.)

 

 

I too have no memories from when I was a child.  My memories don't start until my early teens.  My first counselor (for eating disorders) thought that since I had a bad relationship with my dad and I had no memories of my childhood that he probably did something to me as a child.  Now after seeing my new counselor I realize that is not true and that my lack of memories is due to ADD.

Have you ever tried keeping a journal?  It may help to regain some lost memories.  Sometimes just simply writing about a few observations or feelings during the day can trigger something.

My memory problem is all short term related. I do have blacks out memories caused by a severe seizure issue in the 8th grade. I remember going to the hospital and leaving. The time I was their I was also dopped up. This happen do do to a sudden growth spurt and not takeing my medacine always.

I have very poor recall about my life history. It seems the parts I remember most vividly are the worst times rather than the best. I also found out the hard way that things about my children that any mother can rattle off at the drop of a hat and you don't think you could ever forget are lost to me forever.

The really weird thing is that sometimes I won't remember something and then later it will all come back to me, then I don't remember again. I can't trust my recall.

I was called for jury duty a while back and fortunately, I was excused but that made me start thinking about how many ADHDers are sitting on juries and not getting the whole picture, then having to determine guilt. We might spot something that no one else would but how much pertinent information would we miss? Would the transcripts be enough to prevent us from messing up or would there be just too much to take in?

Lisa, here's another memorieless soul!  I am so in the moment at present, but somewhere else at the same time.  Does that make ANY sense?  I cannot remember much of my life.  No trauma, no abuse.  Wondering if I do have some ADHD too.  thank you for bringing this up, because I am way to embarrassed to ever ask anyone if they have a lack of memories.  Maybe that is why, too, I used to keep EVERYTHING, and in my youth my room was such a muss!  I never could even remember who I told what to.  Makes making and keeping friends very difficult.  In church yesterday, this gal had shared last time about her dad having surgery, and I totally had forgotten to ask her about it.  I feel like such a doof. 

Is this normal, or ADHD??? 

i have very poor memory too.  i just don't remember.  my sister's will say "you remember - when we did this." 

total blank.

i do not know what they are talking about - AT ALL.  zero recall.  not a fuzzy vague idea -- but nothing.  we moved house when i was five (which is young enough) i have NO memory of that house.  i actually went to see it a few years ago - it's only 20 minutes away from where i live now in the UK.  i didn't recognise it.  i had to walk up to the door to be sure i had the right house.  no sudden "ah! - it all comes flooding back to me now".

on the flip side --- i also have memories that i CANNOT place.  for example i have one of being in a maze, like a tourist thing, kinda crap, not really good one (it's not a dream - it's a real memory) and coming out and going into a restaurant on my own and ordering something to eat.  i cannot place this in my life.  i don't know what country it was in.  i don't what i was doing.  why i was there.  why i went to the maze.  i figure my age to be in my mid-twenties somewhere but where i was - Australia/Tasmania/England/France/Russia --- what i was doing???  nuh - can't place it.  the only reason i plump for France is because the tablecloth is checked red and white.

i have several of those.  memories that i can't fit in to my life.  the where - the when - the why.  i think that might also come down to being slightly itinerant and always on the move.  i don't have enough of a structure to place things in.


My memory is crap too, and I DON'T have ADD/ADHD. Childhood memories, and memories of when my own kids were young can be just blank. I don't think it is just an ADD thing. My ADD husband can remember the most minute, trivial details of things that happened when he was very young, but can't remember "important" things. Also, he was not diagnosed with ADD until last year at age 50. Up until that time, he insisted his family was very "Brady Bunch-esque"; everyone got along, never fought, loved eachother all the time, no problems, even though his father was a raging alcoholic and he himself became an addict as a teen. So I tend to think his memories are skewed.

I don't remember many things that my sister remembers.  I think it has a lot to do with ADHD.  I will forget vacations, events, school events.  I can usually get the memory to work if someone reminds me about it and I think about it for a while.

 

Horrible memory.  No abuse.  ADD.  I remember the bad things more than the good.  I thought maybe I couldn't remember my childhood, because it was so blah.  We never moved,  we went to visit relatives, but I don't have many memories about that either.  I can't tell my children what they were like as babies.

I think before meds I was to busy trying to make it through the day to be able to file any memories away.  I keep thinking ,lately, that all that stuff is somewhere in my brain I was just to unorganized to file it.  So now that I'm on meds and doing better...I tell myself...Now I can remember, now I can make room for memories...I don't have to block things out...the cahos has settled down.

dont feel bad. i cant remember things either, things i need to. It infuriates my husband, i dont think he believes i really have ADD so it isnt really talked about. but ive read it is a part of ADHD and ADD. Ive started taking fish oil vitamins to see if it doesnt help , ill let ya know

chris r

What was your favorite Christmas-

What was your favorite Birthday-

Who was your favorite tea cher-

I don't know the answer to any of these questions.

Most of my memories are about objects.  

I remember the sandals my sister wore when she was 3 and I was 7.

I remember my dad's guitar but not him playing it - although I heard a recording my grandmother made.

I remember the hat I got at disneyland when I was 12, but not the trip.

I remember the slide at the local park down the street from when I was 4, and the gravel at the bottom of it.

That's so strange, there are no people in my memories really, until I was around 12 years old, not even me.  My memories are a collection of objects, near the ground and without much context.

My memories now are mostly of people and what they said.  Not much else.  Maybe a vague idea of where we were when the conversation took place.

Is a sense of time related to memory?  I have never had a good grasp of time, but that is probably the one thing that has slowly gotten better with age.  I don't know whether I am fascinated or scared... thanks!  *grin*