ADHD child and sibling fighting! | ADHD Information

oh my daughter who hasn't been diagnoised yet on halloween told me that I ruined their lives I guess she was talking abotu her and her brothers and that I wished she never was born and that hurt....

Chasesmom My mom told me that I did that with my sister to give her up I was 9 at time she was just a baby she was getting all the attention. and she still does but I love my sister.

We reduced the fighting in 2 ways. one was to put the marble system in place (ograms marble thread- top thread of this forum) for both kids. After getting rewards, they both hate having marbles removed for fighting. The second way was finding the right med combo for the yournger (ADHD) child. She is now less impulsive and does not do things to irritate others "because it is fun".

When the younger one was upset she would say inflammatory things to get others upset. She used to get  mad and tell me to take her sister back to her birth mom (my oldest is from a family adoption). I would simply tell her that adoption is forever. She quit saying that, as it did not get the response she was looking for.

We never experienced the destruction of pictures with the sibling in them, but I do remember one day when my oldest(ADD) told me one day..., about 7 years old ,she had just been a grouch all day and nothing that I could say or do was helping...finally I said "Jonna, you are so upset and unhappy, just tell me what I can do to help you, tell me what to do to make you happy?" And her response was "Well, you can get rid of one thing that is a 7 letter word!"  Now I do not know how I got this, but she was talking about her baby sister, Chelsea, who was 1 at the time! 

So I went to the phone book and started looking in the yellow pages for adoption agencies...she asked what I was doing and I told her..."Well, you want me to do this, I am looking for adoption agencies for Chelsea!"  Then she broke down and said "No, mommy, I really love her don't give her away!"  We had a long talk and I found out stuff (long, LONG story about my MIL) that exacerbated the normal sibling rivalry....but...I think the ADD definatly contributed.

All of her life she has felt (I believe) that her 3 siblings are better, and that we, as parents, 'love them better'.  In actuality, although she got the most inexperienced parents, she got ALL of our attention 24/7...she stayed up with us til WE went to bed, she went everywhere with us, and she got my undivided attention all day long as I didn't work outside the home.  Her siblings were all subjected to 8:30 bedtimes (or earlier) from the beginning, and always had to wait their turn for any "mommy time", not to mention being dragged around to their big sissies activities when they would much rather be at home watching Thomas the Tank engine!

My two boys now (1 ADD 1 not) are also bickering a good bit of the time..the older one is VERY smart and loves nothing better than to push the younger one's buttons by constant annoying chatter.  This sends Chase up a wall, he will ask Jake to stop maybe once and then I hear "JAKE!!! SHUT UP!!  YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!  Jake still keeps on til I ask him to stop or to come away from chase...I am currently working on the yelling with chase...I tell him that is exactly what jake wants to see, it is his reward, so if he can stay calm, Chase 'wins'.  Not much luck so far...

I can't let them get physical...the older one is at least 3x the younger ones weight!  But I really think that the parental 'audience' is an end goal in any sibling rivalry.  My boys rarely get into a spat when I am not here, usually when I return from an errrand, they report that they have been "good friends' the whole time..They are 13 and 10 and I frequently leave them for short periods to run into town for things...so I try to stay watchful but apart (up to a point) and then I step in and diffuse the situation. 

I am hoping that soon (puleeeaassse) they will learn to co exist peacefully.

I am one of four kids, we faught like cats and dogs.. My sister and I are now best friends. Live 2 miles apart and our families do everything together.. I have two boys 6 and 7, they fight constantly.. the 7 adhd, says often when mad, that he doesn't want his brother wishes he was gone ect..I do have the problem of them getting to physical... when one hurts the other they have to nurse the one they hurt.. get the ice, a band aid.. whatever.. that seems to work...

So part of what is going on in your house is a norm for families and part is the adhd.. My sister has four girls, 13, 11,9 and 7.. they fight often.. but, don't get physical.. I do think girls are a bit nastier.. my neices say the meaniest things to each other..      

Okay-there were two of us.  Myself and my adhd(undx) brother.  We fought so bad.  Many times we drew blood.  We fought until we both were out of the house. 

My ds (8 adhd) and dd (11) fight all the time.  I can go from nice mommy to evil mommy in seconds.  My dd does not tolerate my ds well and most of their fights are due to her or her manipulations.  It has gotten a little better in the last couple of months as I have explained more to her about adhd.  But hey siblings are going to fight.  My 2 year old dd fights with both of them!!

Good luck to you. 

I have two boys, one is 3 and the other is 6.  The 6 year old has Adhd.  He is constantly yelling at his little brother.  They totally get on my nerves.  Especially since I know that the little one worships his big brother.  Big brother just wants his space and can't stand having a little guy around and little brother just wants to do everything like and with big brother.  When little brother can't play with big brother, he will perposely annoy big brother.  Big brother doesn't bother to tattle, he just starts yelling and screaming at him.  Then the other starts screaming and yelling (and then despite all advice, I start yelling).  Total crazyness.

The point is--I understand.  Big brother is starting to learn that if he can find away to include little brother things with be so much better.  I think it will take a lot more practice.

Hello, I have a daughter with ADHD who is 8 year old and one who does not have ADD that is 6 years old.  They are constantly fighting with each other.  Has anyone else experienced this problem?  I feel so guilty when I yell at them to stop fighting.  Sometimes, I let them go on but they always come to me when fights erupt.  There is no physical fighting but its mostly like they play a tug of war game  with toys, grades at school, who has the most friends, whatever you can think of.  I was an only child but expected some sibling fighting but I think that this is getting out of control.  I know that I am at the end of my rope on hwo to deal with them; What I would liek to see is that they settle most of their disputes together because it would help them when they are adults in relationships.  I also need to know how not to get so angry at them that I start yelling and threatening punishments when they come to tattle on the other.  I feel guilty about saying this but I am starting to get resentful at both of them for not sharing and constantly teasing each other.  I'm thinking of going to a family therapist to get some advice and to find an outlet for my feelings. 

hello welcome to the board.

We were informed that our child Jude 4 ADHD who was fighting with his sister Alana constantly was a traight of his ADHD. The child Phsyc said he veiwed Alanas existance in the family as a infringement on his personal space / viaing for attention. He even went around and destroyed all the pictures of Alana by herself we had on show, and would go in and destroy her room for no reason .

W e have had to try to show him that he is not the only child in the family and that he is not always 1st and menopolising conversation / activities in the house . By forcing them to play together they have grown closer together.

Thank you all guys so much...

Being an only child myself, I knew that some fighting and disputes were going to be normal.  When I was a kid, my mother and I lived with my aunt and her kids (my three cousins).  They never fought like my kids do.  I remeber they got along pretty well.  They had their moments but they pretty much let each other have their space.  I thought that was what brothers and sisters were supposed to be like.  So now I'm pretty much at a loss as what to do.  I've tried explaining to my younger dd (non_add one) about her older sister.  But it seems like she has a desire to "get back" at her sister by constantly pestering her.  And the older dd (the ADD dd) is always saying that I wish she was never born, etc.  Because we've had to focus so much on her homework, classroom time, teacher issues, etc.  I think she is starting to feel that she has to have special favors, or allowances just to do what the other kids can do normally.  Or...maybe I'm just projecting that.  Anyway, the ADHD dd is curretnly seeing a therapist with group of children that have similar issues to where they play with puppets and games to learn how to function in various social settings.  I think it will definitly do her some good to learn how to be more empathetic, etc.

I think I'm going to try the marble system also.  It sounds like some people have had some success with it.  The time outs aren't getting any results anymore. 

Okay, thanks for my ranting and raving.  I'm so glad to have this board to go to when I have problems.  I'll keep ya'll posted as to what happens! THanks!!!

 

My DH was an only Child I grew up with my aunts and uncles and my sister and brother so I knew what to expect my DH when they get to much out of hand he gets frustrated and goes out side He's also ADHD so it works better for him to just step outside and calm down while I deal with it....

A family therapist would be a great idea.  Maybe you can find one who also practices relaxation therapy to help you learn to handle situations better and relax before you respond.  That's the best thing to do but it's something that takes practice.  Even after you have mastered that you may still have some days where you fly off the bat, but hey, everyone should be allowed to have a panic day sometimes!!I have a 7 year old son adhd and a 9 year old son with out adhd....they are always at each other, the non adhd cant take the constant nagging, and will punch after he gets to that point of leave me alone...it is stressful..but as any siblings fight it seems worse when one has adhd or anyother behavior issueMy two fight like crazy! Raina is very pysical too, often hitting Hunter for no reason or just because she is mad at him for some little reason (he looked at her, etc.) and she is 5 years younger! It wasn't always like this but just seems to be getting worse unfortunatly and hard to deal with on a daily basis. Sending them to thier rooms usually works...at least Hunter will comply. Raina on the other hand is more difficult.....My daughters, 7 (ADHD) and 6, fight all the time too.  Yet at bedtime, they always want to sleep together.  DH assures me that this constant fighting is pretty normal, based on his experience growing up with 2 sisters.  I grew up alone, so I have nothing to compare it to.