Our son had a lot of aggression issues at home and at school. Personally, I was pretty sure that they were due to his frustration levels, because he could not do what he was being asked to do (sit still, listen, focus, be quiet) he would become frustrated, or do something wrong as a coping mechanism to get him out of the situation he was in. I also felt that much of the aggression was due to impulsivity, and not being able to control his emotions.
He seems to be doing much better with the meds, and we rarely get notes from school that he has hit someone.
One thing we and his teachers always noticed though was that he felt bad after he had hit someone.
I don't know if I can help much, but I will try. I have a 3 yr. old son. Aidan has anger issues and he can be very aggressive to himself as well as others. He doesn't know how to express his anger, or any other emotion, properly. He is seeing an Occupational Therapist who is supossed to help him. When he acts up at home, I will stop him and ask him "Aidan are you angry" and ask him to tell me why he is angry. I am trying to help him learn to express hisself in other ways. Its hard for him. I also will sit and watch him in class. We talk about all the good things he does as well as the bad things. You may have already tried these things. And your child is also older than mine. I have had some success. He has been getting alot better. He also seems to need atleast 10hrs of sleep. And if he doesn't get enough rest, he is much more difficult the next day. Sleep seems to play a big role. Some children need more rest than others. Aidan was taking melatonin to help him sleep. It help wonderfully for awhile. Now he is taking Clonidine and it is working great. Aidan has never slept through the night before until now. I hope maybe this might help. I would love to know how the Ritalin is working for your son because Aidan's doctor wants him to try it. I am not sure if I want to try it or not. Nothing has ever really worked on my son either ie marble system sticker chart etc.My son has no sense of time so they made him a time scale chart at school that worked for a while.My son is 6 and before he was excluded ( long story) If he felt he was gettin angry he could go to a time out room and hit a large soft pillow till he felt better and was then rewarded for understanding when he was getting angry! He also did anger managment techniques and relaxation techniques.. Looking into a mirror pulling silly faces screwing his face up etc.And also some exercise called *floppies* where he started my scrunching his left leg then his right then left hand then right hand then tense whole body then face then let go and shake it off.Didnt work for my son but might for someone else!Also education psychologist suggested a high frequency reward system for my son where he got a tick on a chart for even doing the most simple of things and when he gotten ticks got a certificate.Marble system didnt work for us as he soon got bored, and dont get me started on sticker charts..cos he would want a sticker for nothing and if i didnt give him one would rip the chart up and he did the same at school.He is now waiting on a place at special school.I received a call from my 5 yr old son's school today about his behaviour. Within a very short amount of time, he became angry that a friend put up a toy that he wanted to put up and so the school tells me that he got his friend into a headlock and started hitting him. This got him sent to the office quickly. Shortly after he returned and was calmer he became upset again that he was not able to have a toy he wanted at naptime (b/c he had been throwing it all morning) so he picked up a chair and tried to throw it at his teacher.
Who is this child and how did he get in my son's body??
I'm so upset that his behaviour continues to deteriorate at school. I don't know what to do. They told me if it happens again, I'll be asked to come pick him up from school. Obviously he'll be in trouble when he gets home. But it will have blown over by then and it won't matter to him.
We're already on a marble system at school so I don't see that he'll be getting any today. I've started taking him back to the psychologist but she doesn't think there is much she can tell me to do to help his behaviour that I'm not already doing.
Does anybody have a suggestion for me to try at school? I am very upset that I've received this phone call today.
Thanks for listening and any help!!
As a follow up, he walked into class this morning and apologized to his teacher "for having a bad day yesterday" and then apologized to his friend that he hit. He did this on his own and without any prompting from me. Today was better, although he did hit another kid. I don't know why he's becoming more aggressive. I'm going to have his speech evaluated next week to see if there is more of a problem communicating (I've always felt there was something not "right"). Maybe if he can start getting the words that he's feeling out, then he won't feel the need to use his hands on his friends.wow r u talking about me...lol
My adhder has not a care in the world when it comes to punishments/rewards..he doenst seem to care....I am at my wits end..as he gets older it scares me that i wont be able to control him...AGH Feel like screaming
Is he an only child or an oldest child in the home? Seems like he is used to being the dominant figure in the home which would cause the same effect at school. When the only child or the oldest child ventures off to school the teacher in the class becomes the "mother" figure. ADHD children cannot control their adrenaline. A normal person's adrenaline fluctuates depending on certain situations and with an adhd person their adrenaline is always in active mode. When he is confronted with something he automatically goes into the "fight or flight" mode. There seems to be a power struggle with the teacher at school and with other classmates and when he goes into the "fight or flight" this means that he either is ready to duke it out-"fight" (by being stubborn, ignoring or physically taking action) or he walks away-"flight" (gives in).
His actions could also be a result of poor anger control. That is something that can't be cured overnight, but can be worked on with patience, love and by people around him setting examples for him (not meaning just his parents).
Is your son on any kind of meds?
Hang in there mom!! this is only one battle, but you can win the war.He's my middle child and he's not on any meds. His pediatrician has been reluctant to give him any due to his age. I talked to her again this week and told her about his difficulties last week and she agreed to do a trial run on Concerta if I want. I am going to look into side effects and see if this is the way we want to go right now. He's had 2 really good days in a row - focused on work, using his words, following directions. His teacher is also trying very hard to help catch him before he totally melts down and work with him to help him calm down. I'm going back to the psychologist to see if she can recommend anything to help him get better control of his emotions.I too am wondering if he is on meds...our son had some pretty severe problems with hitting/pushing, etc. at school. He has been on meds for a little over a month, and all of the aggression problems seem to have stopped.
I think that there were two things causing the aggressive behaviors - he was extremely frustrated, because he could not do the things at school that he was being asked to do. Also, he was very impulsive...if he got upset, he would lash out, without having the ability to think about whether that was a good choice or not.
Is he on meds? For some kids stimulants cause more aggression. Also, I think it's a good idea to evaluate him further. I would send the school a written request for a special education evaluation, and obtain a private evaluation.