I GIVE UP | ADHD Information
I JUST GIVE UP! I don't see how I'm ever going to be able to function as an adult. I can't remember anything. I forgot my effing appt this morning to get my meds changed. I could just cry. In fact, I think I will. How the he!! am I ever going to be able to be half way normal if i can't even remember my stupid med appts?!?!?!?!?!
i just can't do it anymore. i'm never going to be right. i can't do anything right... never have, never will.
People forget, ADHD or not.Don't be so hard on yourself.
Try to get more hours of sleep and that should help a bit with memory.
I"d really like to get more sleep, but that's nearly impossible. I have three kids 6 and under, I'm self employeed, and my husband works second. although i'd like to not stay up and wait for him to get home, i normally do. i stay up until 12 or 1 or later even b/c that's the only time i have peace and quiet from the kids, and b/c i want to make sure he gets home ok. then i get up at 7 with the 1st grader, and the cycle starts all over again.
i'm the most upset about missing the appt b/c it was my last time that i could screw up b4 they kick me out of that practice. i think i've actually missed too many appts already and they have been nice and let it go. they only let you miss 3 (per FAMILY, for LIFE) b4 they kick you out. i've missed probably at least 5 in the 2.5 years we've been going there. and, let's face it, it's my responsibility to get the kids there, so we all know how that goes. so i'm sure i'll get billed for that and i didn't anything out of it.
[QUOTE=chasesbigsis]Thank you everyone for your kind advice. My life is just too stressful. I pile my plate full of sh!t and then wonder why i can't remember to do any of it. STOP PILING THE STUFF UP. CONSCIOUSLY PARE DOWN YOUR COMMITMENTS.
I did the post it thing last spring during the recital crunch time. i had a monitor full of post its and it was very overwhelming to me. that, and my 2 y/o dd loves yellow, so she insisted on ripping them off for me. MY SYSTEM MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU. DEVELOP ONE THAT WORKS FOR YOU. GO FOR 80% EFFECTIVENESS. LET SOME THINGS SLIDE. DON'T TRY TO BE PERFECT.
My husband works second and so do i, which causes havoc, b/c he isn't here during the most important times of the day. My kids have a different sitter every night that both of us work. He gets home too late and I stay up then expect my body to just pop out of bed and go through the day. SO YOU HAVE TO STAY UP FOR HIM? WHY? CAN YOU GET OUT OF THIS AND JUST GO TO BED?
Why can't i just win the lotto already?! Then I can hire a nanny and a personal asst to remember this crap for me. NICE DREAM.
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i've been trying to organize my life like that for years... it just hasn't happened. i have a cell phone that i used to wear 24/7 b/c it was my only phone. now that we have moved we have a landline so i'm not as dependant on the cell. that and everyone knows not to call me on it, b/c it has such crappy reception here.
and what CRAP to not have any empathy for an ADD person to FORGET their appt... i mean that's like asking a blind person to see the huge pothole in the road!!!!
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. My life is just too stressful. I pile my plate full of sh!t and then wonder why i can't remember to do any of it. I did the post it thing last spring during the recital crunch time. i had a monitor full of post its and it was very overwhelming to me. that, and my 2 y/o dd loves yellow, so she insisted on ripping them off for me .
My husband works second and so do i, which causes havoc, b/c he isn't here during the most important times of the day. My kids have a different sitter every night that both of us work. He gets home too late and I stay up then expect my body to just pop out of bed and go through the day.
Why can't i just win the lotto already?! Then I can hire a nanny and a personal asst to remember this crap for me
I can't understand why a Dr's office which charges you for missed appointments would boot you for missing any number of them. They are getting their money without the hassel of earning it. They are benefitting from you not showing.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Its their loss. You'll be able to look for a great dr now.
We all screw up. Its part of what makes life with an ADHDer interesting.
I woulnd't be surprised if some of the great inventions and creations attributed to ADHDers was something that happened as the result of a mistake.
Don't beat youself up too much about this, PLEASE. First of all, docs go through this all the time. There are many other patients that do this. It's not just you. Try to stop caring what people think. In the grand scheme of the population, you are just 1 of many. Forgive yourself. Find a more forgiving doc asap, can you? You have 3 small children, for heck sake! Been there, done that. It's a wonder you are fully dressed every day!
Go ahead and pay the penalty fee. To me, the cost is really well worth the time of whatever else I ended up doing (musta been compelling or relaxing), as well as the added stress of trying to squeeze everything in. I'd rather just pay the $$ than stress out. Hope that makes sense. I agree, they oughta just call. My dermatologist even has a requirement that I call back to confirm or the appointment gets cancelled. Brilliant.
Try to figure out a custom reminder system...whatever works for you. See LCdc's post above. At work, for example, I used to make lists (which I never looked at again) and tried to use a paper calendar (which I never opened).
Now I use Post-Its. When I think of something I need to do that should not be forgotten (small things), I put it on a Post-It and stick it to the top of my desk. Ultimately, I hate having Post-Its on my desk, it looks messy. Not only are they RIGHT THERE STARING ME IN MY FACE...but also, I get such (perverse) joy in throwing them out. Stupid motivation trick, but it gets the job done.
For bigger strategic projects (of which I have many), I make a projects map and tape it to the shelf in my cube...right in front of my face. I must be a visual person b/c if I can't write it down & see it, it will NEVER get done. When the project is over or is no longer important...toss!
For work appointments, I put every single thing in my Outlook Calendar, I even schedule routine phone calls. Outlook sends me a visual and auditory reminder for everything that is tied to the clock. Also schedule in some free and goof-off time.
OK, so once I've documented all my to-dos as above...I just FORGET ABOUT THEM ALL. Then I focus on one thing at a time. I get to pick whatever I want to do that minute...get rid of some Post-Its, tackle a bigger project, or go to my appointments. The choice is up to me all day long...and alleviates boredom.
Without these tools, I just sit there not knowing what to do or where to begin. Honestly. It's pathetic.
Also, eliminate all nonessential life tasks. "Clear the decks" as I call it. For example, now that my kids are older, I just don't cook at all any more. Sorry, too much stress. REALLY it is! We are an eat-out or make-it-yourself family. That's just me, I told the kids. I will never be Julia Child. Give up the dream. I'm excellent at spur-of-the-moment fun outings, but Hazel, no way. For dinner sometimes, feed the kids snacks & tell your husband to open a can. He's a grown man. Hire other people to do as much as you can, if you can afford. Forego social events and the X-mas craziness. Play to your strengths.
Keep identifying the root causes of the problem areas in your life & creatively problem-solve them 1 by 1.
artemis39031.8876157407You need to find a docs office that understands. The doc I see for adhd has his office call the night before the appt and remind you of the time and remind you of anything you need to bring. It is very helpful. We have all been in the same place you are and it is very frustrating and easy to get in the cycle of beating yourself up.
I carry a pocket calendar in my jeans and have a white board at the house that is a large calendar by the garage door that I have to look at to get to my car. I use 4 different colored markers for each kid, myself, and the dogs. It is a life saver. Even with all this and a cellphone that I set alarms on to remind me of things daily, I still miss something critical once in awhile and my kids are older!!! 
oh no! i have gone to appointments on the wrong day... many times :( i can relate to that all too well.
I'm not sure if being self employed is a good thing or a bad thing. it's nice to be able to do what i need to do when i need to do it, but i do have many responsibilities that i cannot just pare down on. I'm the only one that can do my job. i hired an office manager this year which is something that has helped... not a whole lot, but definitely some.
ok, my poor cell phone. i'm never sure where i'm going to find it next:
when i was hugely pregnant for my tot i threw up on it in the car. i set it in my non-exsistant lap, forgot about it, then got car sick and it got puked on. i had to get a new battery.
one time it was brought back to me by the village cop. she said someone found it on the sidewalk and walked across the street and turned it in. she called "mom" on it and mom told her where i worked.
another time i dropped it on the sidewalk at my dd's school. i had to go back and look for it.
another time i dropped it on the sidewalk here at the studio and someone from the car dealership found it and called "home".
then there was the time that my tot threw it in the trash and my dh went out to the curb listening for it to ring.
Big Sis...
I got a good one for ya, make you feel better.
Orthodontist calls yesterday (Mon) to confirm appt. 2 kids at 11am. I call ex in a late eve. panic cause I'm tied up Tues (today). I say, help me out. He says sure. He lives somewhat far away, btw. Getting kids through the attendance office & out of classes...Fort Knox is easier to penetrate.
I get call today from ex, middle of day..."Um, office closed, all dark, I called all the numbers listed on the door, no answer, says they will be back in the office tomorrow."
Duh! Punchline: Had I actually listened to the msg, the confirm was for Weds!
Call him back, apologizing up & down & down & up. Everyone has big laugh. Nother wild goose chase orchestrated by me. "At least I got to see the kids."
He is used to this sort of thing by now.
hmm i haven't heard of those! where are those sold?
yesterday i used some post its. i put them up on my kitchen backsplash by the sink so when i leave dishes in the sink, i'll see it, and the kids can't get to them as readily. hope it works.
Another idea is to get a PDA or pocket PC. IT syncs into your computer and uses Outlook or soem other program, and then you can wear it at your waist like a cell phone. I love mine. It will start flashing and play a sound to remind me of things at preset times before I need to do them. It helps me sooo much to have it remind me of meetings, general tasks, and it saves those post-it notes from the hands of youngsters. It's also a little harder to forget and throw in the wash
As far as your Dr... you def need to find one that specializes in ADHD patients. I love mine. they call me the day before and remind me of the appointment. I have been terribly late before, but as long as i call and am on my way, they will hold my appointment, even if I only get in to talk to my counselor for 15 minutes... that helps alot.
I have also realized it helps to let one room be your "brain" room. My bf and I live together, and he is a total neat freak. Me... well, definately the opposite. We comprimised. I would help keep the rest of the house clean if I could have one room, my office completely to myself to be kept as i saw fit without compalint by him. That room is my sanity. I have a desk, a work table for all my projects in process, endless shelves lining the walls with all sorts of little things, and a rocking chair to sit and read in. I normally have to move boxes around to get to any one of these things... but it is organized jsut like my head... which isn't organized at all! It is perfect for me to get away from. I can jsut leave the "normal" controlling world outside.
Try not to get frustrated with yourself. It is really important to remind yourself of the great things that you ahve that non-adder's have... like creativity, and the ability to just be spur of the moment. Those can be great qualities. :)
Keep your head up and Just take it a day at the time.
[QUOTE=chasesbigsis]hmm i haven't heard of those! where are those sold?
yesterday i used some post its. i put them up on my kitchen backsplash by the sink so when i leave dishes in the sink, i'll see it, and the kids can't get to them as readily. hope it works.
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Write in the rain products are sold in forestry supply catalogs. I have not seen a calendar one but thought I could just get the pocket size phmaphlet and make my own. Write in the rain products are pretty indestructable for me, I use them at work and I think they would survive the wash.
PDA's annd cellphones work well, but I have washed those also!!!