Thank you both for your input. I appreciate your thoughts about the friend situation.
As far as testing goes, what does that entail? What kind of tests do they do? When I was diagnosed, my pdoc picked up on it himself. He asked me several questions about my ability to focus, etc., and about how I was in school when I was young. I wasn't actually seeking a dx at the time, but was so glad that I got one.
Thanks so much. :)
Kate
oh wow. my sons are younger than yours - i have a 4 1/2 yr old and a 20 month old. but i swear the personality types you describe are SO CLOSE to my sons' personalities! Your 8 yr old is more like my 4 1/2 yr old and your 3 yr old is like my 20 month old - who is loving and loves his family but also cries at EVERYTHING and ANYTHING when things dont go his way. and my 4 1/2 yr old also would forget his head if not attached and ONLY motivates when super-interested in something.
how did your older son do in the earliest grades? I am sure my son has some sort of ADHD and dont know how/when to address it. did you see signs of this when he was 4?
i'd love to hear from you. seriously the similarities are striking!!
CT in ct.
Country said:
The note said C choose to spend 20 minutes not working on his assignment and cut his shirt instead. My question was if you had time to watch him for 20 minutes not working then you had time to redirect him back to working
Yes!!! This is a perfect example of a ridiculous power play that some teachers love to engage in. "I'll show those parents just how bad their child is!" What a joke!! If a daycare teacher pulled something like that, she'd get reprimanded at least or probably fired!! I'd love to yell at this teacher," Do your job instead of looking for ways to prove that this child is 'naughty'!!"
AAARRRGGGHHH!!! There, I feel better.
We're in the "middle" of an eval for my 8-year-old dd. We did the hour and a half intake (nurse practitioner asking us EVERY question under the sun while we talked and talked and talked and she took a ton of notes). The teachers filled out forms, we filled out forms, now we wait until they can fit us in again in another month. While we don't have an "official" diagnosis, the nurse practitioner said she sounds like she likely has ADHD. We'll see what happens when the forms come back. I would guess that's a typical format for an evaluation. We didn't even see our family doctor - I called and talked to the nurse who just referred us straight to the pediatric behavioral health department of another clinic. I worried so much before the first appointment, but feel relieved at having taken this step. If he's having that kind of anxiety and distractibility like you're talking with the spelling tests I'd certainly take the step and see if you can help him out. Poor guy.
Your 8-year-old sounds a lot like mine! I think if you read the posts here for a while (which you maybe have already) you may start to see the similarities in your son with other ADHD kids. A lot of what I thought was "just her" turns out to be things typical to ADHD kids. Again, I'm relieved to realize there's a reason for this, and there may be ways to help.
I'm curious - do you worry that bringing in two kids for an evaluation will make people say something like you're a bad parent, or you're not accepting of your kids natural personalities, etc.? I've been really trying to ignore my 5-year-old's bounciness (see, I even refuse to use the word "hyperactivity"! lol) as we focus on my dd's evaluation, but I fear we may be headed in that direction, and those are some of the worries I have - that no one will take us seriously because we've had one evaluated already. We'll probably hold off on him for a while, because he's not TOO bad. We're trying some of the natural alternatives with my dd already, and will try that with him, and basically just watch to see how school is going, and wait until he drives us nuts a little more. So long story short, I'd pursue testing on the older one. Maybe mention the concerns on your younger one when you go in, but if he's not totally frustrating you yet, and you can hang on a little longer, it kind of seems like parents are taken more serioiusly if the kid is just a little older. Mentioning it now to the doc though will help set the case if you get him evaluated later. On the other hand, if you're really concerned or see that he's quite different from other kids his age, getting some things in place BEFORE school starts may help him be more successful then. Good luck and hang in there. You've found a great site here.
Kate Where is your sons desk in the class room? If it is not front and center could that be changed? Also could he number a paper the night before his spelling test so it is already to go the next day? I personally think boys need to be able to be boys sometimes. That includes "climbing up the walls". My sister was in tears most of last year with her 6yr. To start out with they wanted him in prek. Since he has one of them birthdays that has him older them most of the kids in his class she did not want to add even a bigger difference. Well the 1st week they were calling her, C did this, C did that. C can't keep his hands to himself. Well C was in a class room with 2 teachers, no aids and over 50 kids. They wanted him on meds asap. The psychologist would not prescribe meds with out more test, good for him. But he suggested they take C to his family doctor who said and I quote. "They just want these boys to sit around and act like little girls". He did say C need have more guidelines and a "swat" on the butt never hurt anyone. This went on until Christmas when my sister and her husband decide they could not fight it anymore and placed C in preK. This was after C climbed on my lap very sad one day when I was visiting and told me he was the "naughtiest boy in the whole school". It broke my heart and my sisters. When she saw what they had done to his self esteem. C has not been a model student by any means but he has been a boy!!!! and is happy again. I think the funniest was one day my sister received a note with a piece of C;s shirt on it. The note said C choose to spend 20 minutes not working on his assignment and cut his shirt instead. My question was if you had time to watch him for 20 minutes not working then you had time to redirect him back to working and his desk was in the back of the room. Soooo anyways since I hijacked this post and I am sorry but my point is... I think parents get beaten down be the schools and think meds are the only answer. So I would suggest you explore all avenues 1st if you son is not being disturbed. I would also see if he has learning disabilities. Country39034.9989236111The 8 year old sounds alot like my son just before he was dx. He often got words wrong on his spelling tests for just the same reasons as you describe. He also is extremely smart, and began having grade trouble in the 4th grade, when the material became more challenging.
I agree with BPQW in that you should have them tested, as she said it cannot hurt and since you are dx, it is a good possibility that they also carry the disorder. I also agree that your son may need a little nudge in the friendship department.
good luck and welcome to the board!
BTW since my son was dx and put on meds 6 months ago, he has not missed a spelling word in 2 9 week grading periods of school! (Among other improvements)
Well, because some people think that it runs in the family, I would certainly have them both tested. It can't hurt. As for your 8 yo not having friends, I think it's probably time for you to step in and arrange a social life for him. Identify one or two boys that seem similar to your son in temperament and make be there when they get picked up from school or talk to the teacher to see if she thinks these kids might be a good "friend" fit. Then, invite them over one at a time and have lots of activities planned so that they don't have time to feel at loose ends. If they can keep themselves occupied, great. If not, you'll have something to do. I like to have an activity that gives the kids something to take home with them, like Shrinky Dinks or painted plastic suncatchers. If things go well, keep inviting them periodically. Your child may not ever get invited back (I choose to believe it's because other parents are just too busy to bother!) but he'll have a friend and social experience to draw on in other situations. Good luck!!Hi all, I am new here, and I'm just looking for feedback. I realize you can't diagnose anything here, and that is not what I'm looking for. I have 3 sons, ages 17, 8, and 3. I'm not currently worried about my teenager, although, I have wondered in the past if he has ADD (inattentive type.) I myself have been diagnosed with ADD inattentive type, just a few years ago. I have been on a few different ADD meds, and I'm currently on Adderall, which seems to help me quite a bit. AD/HD runs in my family.
I am concerned about my other two sons. First, my 8 year old. He is the sweetest, kindest boy you ever wanted to meet. He is very polite and considerate, and extremely shy. He doesn't have any friends though, which bothers him a lot. We just had his first parent/teacher conference, and the teacher had nothing bad to say about his behavior (he has never had a behavior problem.) He got all A's this grading period, which is a first for him, and we celebrated bigtime. They have been doing a lot of "review" material in the classroom, so he has done well so far. They are really starting to get into the harder math stuff in school, and he is having a very hard time. Math has never been his best subject. The teacher said that he daydreams or "spaces out" a lot in class, and often misses or doesn't understand the directions. For instance, she gives oral spelling tests, and he has a hard time keeping up, because as he is numbering his paper for the next word, he has already fallen behind. He can't seem to keep up. He got very upset about falling behind and missing a couple of words that he just stopped and quit taking the test. She could see that he was visibly upset about it. He is very smart, but has low self esteem, and is so shy, he will not ask for help. His best subject is reading, he loves to read, but it has to be something he is absolutely interested in. He is in 3rd grade and at an almost 5th grade reading level. This holds true for just about everything, if he is not interested, he can't focus on it, and if he is very interested, he hyper focuses on it. (Like video games/reading.) I'm sure there's more, but I'm having a hard time concentrating myself right now. :P Oh, I just remembered..(heh)..he'd forget his head if it wasn't attached, and much of the time he is unaware of the world around him.
Okay, on to my 3 year old (3 years and 5 months.) This boy is very hyper, he literally climbs the wall (I have pictures for proof lol). He has no fear whatsoever. He's very agile. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "if we could bottle that energy, we'd make a fortune." However, he does not listen or do anything I tell him to do, he is defiant, and can be downright nasty sometimes (eg. hitting.) He doesn't like to be held or hugged too often, snuggling is out of the question. He is only happy when he gets something he wants, and if he can't have it, he screams bloody murder. Time outs do not work with him (I'd have to tie him down...which I have never done,, don't worry! I've jokingly mentioned this as an option to my husband, when we are at our wits end.) Reasoning doesn't work. Taking away his favorite toys doesn't, and spanking has no affect at all. He has drained every ounce of energy I have. He is very smart, and can be loving...but that has to be on his own terms. He screams a lot, and seems very angry, despite being raised in a loving home. Once again, I'm sure there is more, but this post is getting very long, and I feel like I'm complaining about my kids, and I'm feeling guilty about it.
I love all my boys with all my heart, and just wondered if this is within the "normal" behavior for the ages of my kids. As I've said, I've been diagnosed with adult ADD, but I know I've had it since I was a kid. So, I can totally relate to my 8 year old...but my 3 year old is making my head spin.
Thanks for any input. Sorry this was so long.
Kate