Dealing with The Other Parents | ADHD Information

Wow!!! That lady sounds like an major PIA.  I am glad that you are taking care of the 12 year old.  Good luck with everything.

I have a friend going through a similar situation with stepchildren, though the abuse is much worse...I agree with the others, just document all that you can to show that she really has been an absentee mother for all intents and purposes,  and how you have met her halfway for visitations, and don't forget to mention that it was not so great a hardship on the day the mom brought the child back and dropped her on your doorstep  a week and a half early from the visit! Tell the child to just tell the judge the truth about the issues with her mother, and relax. 

I really believe that a judge will see the truth for what it is.  Good luck with the new psych and everything...

 

All I can say is, when she turns thirteen she will have MUCH more say in what the custody arrangements will be, and if she's reasonable enough to see what life with ther mom would be like, she will probably choose to curtain that relationship. Kids will always love their parents, though, even when they get used to hurt each other. Good luck!I was just thinking the same thing BPQW. 13 is not that far away.I would also suggest see if the court will arrange a exchange place for you guys.  Then if she is late to pick up or does not come at all they have that documented also.  If she is late to pick-up there is often a huge penalty she would be responsible to pay.

Wow! Tons of great advice and support! Thanks all!

I started documenting all of the bad happenings about two years ago. I also send her important mail through e-mail as often as possible... with receipt of read

All of this just blows my mind...

Bio mom may have arranged this restriction with the psych, but your husband as co-guardian can sign a release saying that you can be there.  Unless the court decrees that you may not have any med info about your daughter, I don't think bio-b*tchy-mom can prevent it.  Google Health Information Patient Privacy Act (HIPPA) and do some research.  Kudos to you for taking such good care of your sd and loving her like you do.  I'd try to keep bio-mom out of the picture as much as possible.  Communicate as little as possible, only what would be required.  She sounds like a real piece of work!  Good luck! How can she call herself a mother!  Some people should not be parents this poor child has enough to deal with then a screwy mother.  From now on whenever you sent the witch copies make sure you do so certified mail so you have proof.  Is she jealous of you?  It was an afterthought.  If the courts were to talk to the child the truth will come out, I wish you the best Jill

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you could just growl at the world? I am so mad at my daughters biological mother I could burst! If you can all bear with me and read through my ranting... and see if I am right and this woman is off her rocker!

Okay well I am a newbie her we know all that  and doing my best to fit in encourage and learn from the Pro's and I am doing this for my/our 12 year old... I am her primary care-giver and have been for over three years now. We are together often at least 5-6 hours everyday and all teachers workshops, days off school and at least every other weekend normally three weekends a month.

So her I am trying to make a difference in her daughters life! Positive reinforcement... hands on approach trying every possible avenue to help a sweet child understand and cope with ADHD/ADD... Which I might add in her bio-mom did not,,, she yelled screamed hollered Hit!! locked in rooms you name it! She did it!

 My/Our 12 year old moved up to my house with her Father about 50 miles away three years ago. (Long after divorce in which he was granted physical custody with the ex only allowed visitation every other weekend and off weekend Fridays) I have attended all of the school functions she was always informed, but never came... I have sat through the testing boards for ADHD... She was invited never came. I hate to sound saint like, but I have been the one constant in this child's life since she came here! Her dad does try, but he has a very large work schedule. They do get quality daddy daughter time though

Last summer we were blessed her Grand Parents wanted to take her for the Summer!!!!! I never imagined at 38 I could do Cartwheels LOL! I would miss her, but oh the break would be nice. So everything was all set! 2 1/2 months without interuption... (I know a bit selfish, but) We packed her up and drove to her grandparents and kept in contact every two to three days... They were very busy with activities and did not want to squelch their style. All was great she was doing excellent they enrolled her in art and guitar lessons took her to the gym every night really positive experiences. Then on the third week she had a Psyche appointment for med evaluation... Her Bio-Mom had the day off and offered to take her! Cool beans I thought I do not have to drive the 100 miles round trip! and she is sopping something with her daughter!!!

She told the Dr she no longer needed the meds and that everything had stabilized... Ummm what!!! She took her off her meds without consulting her custodial parent kept her for the rest of the weekend then dropped her off at the grandparents saying she couldn't deal with her anymore! Well, the happy days with the Grand Parents ended very soon... trouble in the guitar and art classes etc... So we got the phone call to pick her up. I asked them if they could take her just one more day as her mother was scheduled to have her for two weeks starting the next day. They agreed! (by-the-way at that time we had not been told that her meds had been stopped) So she went to her mothers for what should have been the next two weeks... turned out to be about 36 hours and she dropped her at our door step! No call Nothing! Like dropping a dog at the pound! She didn't even know if we were home or not... which we weren't we were next door. 

I was umm a bit beside myself, but did not let it show... I didn't want our 12 year old to feel she was not welcome back. So I am helping put away all the stuff that was packed (by-the-way it all came back unwashed) I asked where her pills were she said oh My Mom says I do not take those anymore! If you close your eyes you can actually imagine the look I gave her father! But, I thought lets give it a try it's summer I am with her and I can access the situation... which I might admit except for the overeating has been mostly decent.

Then after that except for two weekends in 4 months (4 days) she has not seen her mother and both times I have driven half way to do a drop off and pick up! One time she refused to drive saying she was teaching us a lesson "the dad" a lesson for moving so far away!!!! I have e-mailed progress reports specialist teacher reports the whole thing not a word back! Sent copies of parent teacher progress times... Gone way above the call of duty!

What do We get in the  mail yesterday! She is taking us to court for moving and not allowing her to see her daughter "undue hardship" Although in their divorce decree she is bound by law to see her daughter every other weekend regardless of mileage and she is responsible for transportation! Too BOOT!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH ((((had to scream again!!! ))

She is not even paying child support!!!! ...and I asked her to pick her own darn daughter up a pair of new sneakers for indoor gym a decent pair with good bounce so her shins would not get damaged on the hardwood floors of the Gym!!!!!!! She gave her an old pair she didn't like anymore because they were not comfortable!! Can you imagine the audacity!

So now he will have to take a day off work drive to the court house! ...So help me!!!!! she will be paying child support this time! AND A LOT of it! She actually bragged to one of what she thinks is one of her friend's that it is so much easier having some fool to pawn your kid off on... Thankfully I have that in writing along with You would not believe how much money I made last year it was so nice to take two months off!!!!! She never spent a second of that time with her child!!!!!

I tell you one part of me wants to go into court and saying you two need to spend time her she is! We will see you every other weekend... and the sensible side that realizes how much this poor child needs me! AGHHHHHHHHh (screamed again)

To preface... they did get divorced over the way she treated her daughter, So anyhow, you can imagine I was   about to blow when I found the paperwork stuck in my doorhandle... My 19 year old read through it as I was umm looking for any sort of flammable liquid beverage to calm my internal rage. Unfortunately I lost my normal composure and did a little ranting in front of the 12 year old... (this is not my style I am not a bad talker in front of children about the exs ever) My only good moment was the 12 year old walking up to me and saying don't worry she is being an idiot and a fool and giving me a HUGE hug and the sweetest kiss on the cheek! She said you are more of a mother to me then she will ever be!  WOW! wouldn't that make your heart just melt! She then asked if she could just stay with us from know on because she is happy here and she is miserable at her Moms... (between all of us here, I would never do that to a fellow mom I always pray some goodness will show up eventually)

The three of us my 19 yr old and 12 yr old had a really nice talk about life and growing up and how to be different then people who do hurtful things to others...

But Now here I sit today one million things to do... none of them even started because I am so  mad that the big JERK would and has done all of these things to her daughter! AND is now making me so mad that I waisted a whole day over her asinine behavior and actions!!!!!!

Ohhh and another the Dad actually has to go in person another day off work to talk to her Psych because the mother left it that I am not allowed consultation privileages... (they have joint medical custody) So now when I went to look for a new Psyche and the new Psyche called the old I am not allowed to speak with anyone! ...and I am the one who spends all of the time with her!!!!!

Am I crazy or is this woman off her rocker! or is she just trying to permanently damage her child...??? any solid heck even unsolid advice would be great!

 

Thanks all for letting me vent!