I cant believe I did this | ADHD Information
I CANNOT believe I did this. I worked last night in the ER, it was after 1am when I got home so you can imagine how much sleep I got. All I could hear down stairs was my DS 6 years old screaming and complaining about EVERYTHING. My husband must have told him 8-10 times ( not an exaggeration ) to put on his socks. My son told my husband to shut up!!!! So, here I am, exhausted after my 3rd days work in a row ( no excuse ) and I snapped.
I went charging down the stairs, grabbed my son, spanked him, screamed at him 2 inches from his face that I was ssoooo tired of the morning problems. That EVERY morning there is an issue and who did he think he was telling DH to shut up. I pulled him over to the door, forced his jacket on him, pushed him out the garage door and shut the door in his face!!!!!!!!
Even I was shocked at my behavior but if ever I had a breaking point, I reached it this am. My DH went out after my son who was now crying that I was mean. I went upstairs to get the other child dressed and DS came back up into the house and apologized for his behavior. He told DH he was sorry he told him to shut up. I told DS that I loved him more than he could know but that I would NO LONGER tolerate these morning and nighttime difficulties, that it was too stressful on everyone, that he has the same routine every morning and he needed to get with the program. When he left, it was after 20 kisses from me and an apology from me for MY behavior.
Now, for anyone who thinks they are a bad mother, I think I win first prize today!!!
Sorry , no bad mother prizes for you!!
A BAD mother would have been one who did all of those things, and then was unapologetic about them, giving no apologies afterward and allowing the child to go to school with the ranting, screaming image of his mommy being the last thing he saw.
A GOOD mother is not perfect at all times, but has the sense to see that when she breaks, she is only human, and must apologize and move on, just as we expect our children to do when they 'mess up'.
Your son sees that you can mess up too (and admit it afterward) and that you still love him. That is a good mother, hands down.
Many of us have been there. I suggest you spend a time for yourself. Go shopping to the mall with a friend, to eat, a massage, whatever you really enjoy. Take a break. We all really deserve it at times. I just did it last week for a free kids week vacation and to tell you the truth I feel renewed. I feel with more energy to keep on the battle. Probably you can't spend a few days kids free bcause of your work, but at least do something for you.
Don't feel bad and be happy you have somewhere to share your experiences!!
I have tears in my eyes, I can relate! It is hard, you are not a bad mother. Being a mom is hard in general and REALLY hard when you have a "spirted" child. I am sending ((((hugs)))) your way. I hope that tomorrow is better for you!
Laura in MN
The best lesson a mom can teach her children is that she makes mistakes, too, we all do, and that we all can apologize and be forgiven. BPQW39036.3232060185[QUOTE=longsally]I CANNOT believe I did this. I worked last night in the ER, it was after 1am when I got home so you can imagine how much sleep I got. All I could hear down stairs was my DS 6 years old screaming and complaining about EVERYTHING. My husband must have told him 8-10 times ( not an exaggeration ) to put on his socks. My son told my husband to shut up!!!! So, here I am, exhausted after my 3rd days work in a row ( no excuse ) and I snapped.
I went charging down the stairs, grabbed my son, spanked him, screamed at him 2 inches from his face that I was ssoooo tired of the morning problems. That EVERY morning there is an issue and who did he think he was telling DH to shut up. I pulled him over to the door, forced his jacket on him, pushed him out the garage door and shut the door in his face!!!!!!!!
Even I was shocked at my behavior but if ever I had a breaking point, I reached it this am. My DH went out after my son who was now crying that I was mean. I went upstairs to get the other child dressed and DS came back up into the house and apologized for his behavior. He told DH he was sorry he told him to shut up. I told DS that I loved him more than he could know but that I would NO LONGER tolerate these morning and nighttime difficulties, that it was too stressful on everyone, that he has the same routine every morning and he needed to get with the program. When he left, it was after 20 kisses from me and an apology from me for MY behavior.
Now, for anyone who thinks they are a bad mother, I think I win first prize today!!!
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Ok, so I work 11pm to 7am and have not gone to bed yet, it's my night off so I will sleep from the afternoon until Friday morning. Anyway, I am actually crying, a lot due to exhaustion, but I so relate to your post! And the one after it! I would have done exactly what you did all the way to the end with the son coming back crying and me kissing him up a storm telling him that I love him more than anything, but his behavior is unacceptable. My son does not want to disappoint ME because he knows that I have been fighting for him since he was 4 and attending a lousy inntergrated preschool, supposebly!(they wouldn't let my son attend gym, of all things!
And the poster after your post, I agree with you wholehearted - a bad mother would never had loved him up the way you did! Remember that!!
Hi again:
Ok, I have to write this due to te number of private messages I recieved. I guess I struck a note with everyone on my post. Let me explain why I got so upset:
I was EXACTLY like my son growing up but they didnt have a name for it. My mother could not handle me so she put me to the side, taking my sisters on trips, buying them things and leaving me out. She was not mean, but downright cruel to me. I was the odd man out at school and home. Birthdays were a nightmare because I only had a few people to invite to my parties. I NEVER got invited to other peoples parties. My sisters noticed the way I was treated and started doing the same thing. It continues to this day.
When my sisters got married, they threw each other their wedding showers, noone threw me mine. Neither sister came either. One sold Amway and was going to hear the owner speak, she thought it was more important. When they had children, they were the godparent for the first born of each, I wasnt even offered for the second. When I was pregnant, my husband had to travel out of the country and called one of my sisters to tell her what was happenning in case I went into labor. Her response was to say " whats the matter, dont you have neighbors"? Noone sends my children gifts, calls them, cards, nothing at christmas.
I do not want my child to grow up the way I did. I NEVER recall hearing that anyone loved me. That is why I tell my son 20 times a day. I became distraut the other day because after my DS went to school, all I could think of was my mother and how she used to treat me like that and how sad it made me. It killed my self esteem and I refuse to do that to my child.
Noone said anything wrong or hurtful, dont worry. I can assure everyone I am ok and that this incident will NEVER happen again. I only need remind myself of my mother to put myself in place. Thank you everyone for your caring and messages. They are VERY appreciated.
I think sometimes we forget (well, I do) that although our children may require more from us, we forget how resilient kids can be sometimes and bounce right back.
Glad it went well 
hmmmm...wonder how fast my husband can build a back porch? 
Hi all.
Just wanted you all to know that I took my children out for a late dinner. They were a little bored in the restaurant waiting to be seated but once the food came, they were great and well behaved. My husband only had a small amount of difficulty getting my son out the door this am, probably the fastest morning in history!!!!! He seems to have forgotten what happenned yesterday, has not mentioned it.
Leslie
You are not a bad mother or a lousy sister. You just have the misfortune of HAVING a bad mother and lousy sisters! It's them that are missing something, not you. Have a terrific Friday and a wonderful weekend and a stupendous week next week. Hugs your way!
Given the circumstances, I think you handled that just fine. Kids need to learn that when parents make mistakes they need to apologize, just like kids do. They also need to know that everyone has their limits.What you did is reminiscent of what I do when ds doesn't get dressed for school. He can sit around in his bedroom in his underwear playing for a half hour in the am if I let him. I got tired of nagging so I put his clothes in a paper grocery bag, shoes on the bottom, underwear on the top and set a timer. When the timer goes off, I go in and grab him by the wrist, pick up the bag and lock him out on the back porch. He finishes getting dressed out there. Our porch is tile on concrete, so it's really cold on his feet. I act like I really like to do this to him and he races to get dressed so he won't have to finish on the porch. If I do have to lock him out, usually I am laughing and he is too.
An idea that MomfromNH gave me was the funky chicken. When the kid starts to melt down and is screaming, get up and start walking like a chicken. Wings flapping, butt stuck out etc. She says this gets their attention and demonstrates that you're not listening to whatever it is they're screaming about so they might as well quiet down. I'm going to try it next time we have a melt down at our house.
You're not a bad mom, so don't feel guilty. Apologizing and forgiving are two very important lessons for kids. You're doing just fine!
I CANNOT thank everyone for their replies. After reading some of them, I sat down and cried for about 1 hour. Then I went grocery shopping and bought some of my sons favorite things. I alse decided to take him out to dinner tonight. I dont want to go over board but I feel like he should have something special today to countermand what happenned this am.The Pms continue, thank you everyone for your support. I know I have a crappy family and the sooner I accept it and move on, the better I will be. It is just hard.We all make mistakes, but BPQW says it the best. It is the best lesson we can teach our children. We have all been there, you are not a bad mom. This whole thing is a really tough road, but together we will all win!!