Behavioral Plan a BIG FAT ZERO | ADHD Information

Holy cow!!!! Just reread this - Feel free to hit the back button . Got a little carried away, but think I feel better already. No more mrs. for me!

Sorry - need to get this out, maybe it'll organize everything in my head and bring back a little level of sanity!

I've wrote on here in the past about my ds morning and evening issues - extreme uncooperation in the morning, having to physically get him up, dress him, etc, and horrible tantrums/defiancy in the evenings - and also about the schools recommendation to let ds hold the responsibilities of a 10yo and get himself up and ready in the morning. If he chose not to, after the start of school, they were to call the truancy officer and he had to remain in for recess to make up for time late. Did this twice - once the officer couldn't get to my house on time and gave son a warning at school, 2nd time she literally ripped my a$$ about my parenting and "we're not babysitters, we can still spank our children, take things away, going to give me a ticket for contributing to the deliquency of a minor and next time I'll get a ticket, have to appear in court and be reported to social services....." My ds wouldn't sign ticket so then she threatened to take him to a youth detention facility - thank god he finally relented!!! Well, it was my understanding the school and truancy officer worked together closely - obviously not. I spoke with the school counselor (SC) after and was told later they still believed this to be the best option and to continue to call the truancy officer.

No thanks. Never knew about rebound until I read it on here. I immediately made a dr appt., changed his meds (from Concerta to Daytrana and Clonidine in pm). Things improved quite a bit, but still having to assist and cajole more than appropriate in the morning. Called behavioral counselor (BC) and I told him about the truancy officer. We also discussed social issues he noticed raising the possibilities of mild aspergers. He said, "Why don't we get a meeting set up with school counselor for a behavioral plan? I'd like to be his advocate." Fine by me. Appt was today.

I FELT COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED - IT WAS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME! We sat down in the conference room, and the SC looked at the BC and said, "So you wanted this meeting...?" and he said, "No, actually the mother did." and all eyes turned to me with a good 30 seconds of me looking like a complete moron (deer caught in headlights with my mouth open ). I finally said well,....and told them how things have been going since the med change, how i discontinued job card grounding (works in summer, not during school year) and started the marble system, etc. Said myself and BC had talked about awkward social skills of ds and might be part of reason not wanting to go to school, didn't think going to principal's office to make up late time was good because he LIKES to mingle with the adults in the office (somewhere in here, principal admitted sometimes she forgot and would come in and there he'd be, serving his time with no reminder. My child DOES NOT do something he dislikes on his own without being coaxed or forced!) SC reported good comments from teachers, most commenting since recent med change, and feels he has no social problems with kids. Principal agrees. BC says nothing. SC asks how marble system is working. I say fine, easier when he has something taken away to work for versus earning points for future "use" but going fairly well. BC disagrees with marble system because there's no immediate consequence like job card grounding (upon negative action, child is grounded from everything until chore from job card(s) is completed). I explain, I have 3 hours with my children from the time I pick them up after work to the time I put them to bed. I don't have time to cook, help with homework, cleanup, baths, etc. and watch ds the whole time he's refusing to do his job and is supposed to sit at the table until such time he decides to cooperate. 3yo is constant distraction as well. I would NEVER get anything done and ds would be grounded for who knows how long. BP explains all parents have these kind of problems and we need to be consistent even if he takes 2 weeks to complete the job(s). I agree in being consistent, but I don't agree putting the whole house thru he!! when this particular discipline does not fit my families schedule. It's that simple.

BC wanted to know what happened with his "rewards" in the morning for getting up (ie. favorite cereal, activity, etc.) I said, "Ya know. He really doesn't care. Maybe one day out of 5. Our thing right now is Tom & Jerry at 7:30. If he's dressed and eating, he can watch it. It's worked for a week and a 1/2 for the most part. I'm sure tomorrow will be something else. I never really know what will peak his little curiosity to crawl out from under them covers." Gave me more suggestions - eat breakfast at school (said no, he'd miss Tom & Jerry), help janitor in morning (really likes her, but...yep, he'd miss Tom & Jerry), soon offering "PE" before school on days it's not offered. I mean really, do you think he's going to get out of bed to run laps? Shouldn't they "know" my child a little better than this by now???

Overall - a big fat zero. Don't really know what I expected, but I really did have high expectations, and I left the meeting and started crying before I even got to my car. I wasn't expecting a miracle...just something different. Something...

(Coming down from rant...) Realize we can go to a different counselor, get an IEP, have him tested (no official dx/testing done except for ADHD/ODD) with neuropsych, etc. Not giving up on my son by any means, but from 2 months ago thinking about a boys home to his behaviors today, I see big improvement and right now, at this minute, I just don't have it in me to "fight" with todays results or start all over with counselor, etc. I'm from a fairly small town with few choices for professionals and I seem to get a runaround or "there's nothing wrong" attitude. If I knew someone in my position around here, it would help tremendously. There is no local support group here either.

(Giving self a little pep talk...) I THINK I'LL TRY AND BRING MYSELF BACK UP TO THE POSSIBILITY OF MAYBE I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN. MAYBE I DO KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR MY CHILD AND I CAN QUIT FEELING SO HELPLESS. I HAD COMPLETELY LOST FAITH IN MYSELF AS A MOTHER. THINGS HAD BEEN SO HORRIBLE AND I JUST DIDN'T THINK I COULD POSSIBLY DO WHAT'S RIGHT WITHOUT "PROFESSIONAL" HELP. I DIDN'T WANT TO "BREAK MY SON'S SPIRIT" OR JUST DOWNRIGHT HANDLE THINGS IN SUCH A MANNER THAT MY DS WOULD BE "SCREWED UP FOR LIFE". WE'VE DONE WELL WITH THE PEDIATRICIAN, AND THE TRUANCY OFFICER HASN'T BEEN BACK...LIKE SHE SAID WAS SURE TO HAPPEN!

OK... came into work on some deadlines, better get started or I'll still be here when we open at 8:30 a.m.

This HUG is for you.

This is for you not giving up on your son, loving with all your heart and knowing that this WILL get better.

This is for the people at the school, my god, I think I would have hit someone or yelled atleast.

is what you should call those idiots. You have friends here, please keep writing.

laurapalmer - the behavioral counselor told me that yesterday too. "you know, maybe if he can't get dressed, he'll just have to come in his pjs and carry his shoes." Your average joe kid who decides to push your buttons - I might try it, but ds is soooo sensitive I just feel it would scar him forever! Trying not to be overprotective, but.... And to top it off, his behavioral counselor is supposed to be his advocate.

country - I haven't heard of a personal care asst., but I doubt he'd qualify because his academics are good and they don't see a "school" issue, they see home/parenting (?) issue. I did ask him last night about helping the janitor and other options they all suggested and I got, "welllll...I'd miss Tom & Jerry", and yet, this morning he pulled a tantrum again. I think I jinxed myself.

I would like to thank all of your for your words of encouragement and ideas. It truly can turn a bad day around!

I really feel for you. My son is 8 and has similar issues. Last year I had to carry him in the living room after physically dressing him in his room. I would sit him in his chair and he would sit there 1/2 asleep.

This year is better. We are using ogram's marble system and he gets marbles for dressing himself, leaving the house willingly and on time. He is historically famous for not really being affected by punishments. Rewards do work for a short time. He is very goal oriented-so if he has something he wants to buy he will do very well getting dressed and brushing his teeth independantly- to earn those valuable marbles.

I just wanted to say I feel for you. I hope you find something that works

ang

Our school sounds the same........hang in there!!!! Get an advocate if you need too........I think they are free, not sure tho.........It is not your fault, don;t feel guilty............I am not sure if this is possible but could you check in to getting a PCA, Personal Care Assistant, to come in to help with DS in the mornings and afternoons. I am not even sure where you would start other then the country nurse, which is who came in to do our assessment. My son is in foster care and DD/MR so we might have more resources available. Could you remove his covers? And why can't your son help the janitor or in the office if he arrives at school on time for a little bit in the morning. If he is late he misses that chance and must go straight to his class room.

to you. I know what those mornings can be like, that 1hr it takes to get DS off to school is like running a 5k. Not that my lard butt would know what that is like either but you get the idea. LOLOh & it used to be sooo bad in the mornings with my youngest, that I took the school's advice & brought her to school in her PJ's!

They told me to do it & then looked at ME like I was nuts

.......

I have gone through the same thing with a little school who wanted to blame the parent, put me on the spot as to what I thought would work and then told me they couldn't for one reason or another.

They refused to actually treat an ADHD child any different than any other student. They will admit verbally that ADHD is a problem but think that meds and parenting are all it takes. You can force them to abide by the law.

I've learned a lot over the last couple of years. If you want to pm me the area of the country you are in, I'll see if I can help you find an advocate. If you can't find one, we'll work out a game plan.

Save every piece of paper that comes from the school. Document every conversation that you have with anyone in school, including the truancy officer. You may need these in the future. I'm almost certain you will.

PM me.

barb39037.4541666667

I'm sorry you had such a hard time at the meeting. Really, the only person with your son's best interests in mind at the meetings is you. The school has other agendas, a lot of which has to do with money.

I would not discuss home activities in any depth with school personnel. This does not benefit you.

I think you need an advocate. You need a private neuro-psyche report. You need to request that he be evaluated by the school for SE in writing. You need to read From Emotions to Advocacy. And you need to read 1-2-3 Magic.

It will get better!!

My son has very severe adhd and has been excluded from school.Because he has a statement of special needs and a pastoral support plan the local education authority made them take him back.He is allowed in 2 and half hours a day! Though they cant even manage that.I got a call today as i do most days after just an hour demanding i went to pick him up from school, when i got there the head teacher asked me infront of others parents i may add if my son had been taking his medication as he had told her he hadnt.I told her not to question me and that even if he hadnt had his medication it was nothing to do with her but yes that he had.I kept him off school the other day because he had a headache and they rang me being quite abusive saying that a headache wasnt a good enough reason and that they would take me to court if need be.So i marched round to the school and got the truth out of them, that the local education authority had told them if he wasnt in school they couldnt use the extra funding that they have been given and im convinced this money has already been spent and not on my son.If they cant handle him for an hour how do they think i cope all day! So I have told them if he attends from now on i will leave him there but will not be answering the phone and will not be picking him up before i am meant to.The whole system sucks if you ask me :( I feel for you i really do I'm SO glad my son is not the only one who does this in the mornings and evenings....

I am so sorry you are getting such a hard time with the school.

Hopefully you will be able to find someone to help you out - the way they are acting is not in the best interest of your son.

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I would like to thank all of your for your words of encouragement and ideas. It truly can turn a bad day around!

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My daughter's school won't even help us at all!!!! She was misdiagndosed & has a mood disorder (bipolar)....& things, ppl, etc. are always changing at our school..........we moved here 5yrs ago.......the good news is that my oldests math teacher is now the acting principal & the head of the child study team........all's I gotta say is, "they haven't heard the last of ME"............