trouble when other parent comes home | ADHD Information

Calming the busy ones in the evening can be a challenge.  My kids slow way down in a bath.  It is a good way to remove them from the chaos and put them in the tub.

When my five year old and my 9 year old start to get worked up I take the little one and put him in the tub. I try to have cool tub stuff to entice him away from the action.  Like fizzy tablets or little capsules with a foam animal.  I got some foam soap at the dollar store (Like shaving cream)
Then I can get my older one occupied with a movie or computer game or legos.  Legos are very calming for my 9 year old. 
The thing I have had to face is that no chores are going to get done at this time of day.  I get dinner cleaned up and that is it.  My 9 year old has a late snack and suppliments at bed time and I just stick the mess in the sink.  Give him a sandwich on a paper towel etc.  I finish chores before they get up or after they are in bed.

By the way if your adhd child calms down well in the bath it is worth looking into sensory issues.  Something about knowing where they are in space.
Dear WMTMANN:
I know how you feel. My husband is gone one week at 6am and home at 6:00pm. The other week he is sleeping until the kids are off to school and home at midnight.
When it comes to discipline we do not see eye to eye. He is very hard on them and they are teenagers. It has come to the point that I have had enough and I have told him that he needs to realize who is the one who is home the most and bringing up the kids the majority of the time. I told him that he needs to trust that I am doing the right thing and that he needs to back off on the discipline and that he needs to see and understand this if he wants our marriage to work.
I also know that a mans home is his castle and thats just the way they see it. Traditionally they are use to being the leaders so I know that it is difficult for him to let go. I have tried to make it easier for him by not giving the children concequences until I have talked to him about what they have done. We come up with solutions together though I must say that I still need to guide him on the harsh discipline that he wants to hand out.
Things have gotten better but I know that it is still difficult for him to bite his tongue. If I am not home he does revert to his old ways at times. In other words, he may just be going along with what I say to avoid confrontation with me and does not really agree with what I have told him and suggested.
Anyway, I don't know if this helps but it sure felt good to get it off my chest! Thanks! Ha Ha!You can try one of those small trampolines.  My son likes to walk on the treadmill so we put him on that.  Also, our therapist recommended jumping jacks but he doesn't like to do them so we don't do them very often.
I would also appreciate any winter ideas. It seems we struggle the most after football ends in the fall up until spring when i can kick them outside.

Thanks
Winter is hard when you can't let them run outside and burn off some energy.  I have found this is the only way we survive after school.  It seems like my little adhd child barely seems to hold it together during school but once he comes home he has to have an activity that allows him to let off some steam.

We cannot afford to have all the kids in activities all year long so I am planning to be particularly careful of how I schedule my adhd child's activities so that things like karate are scheduled for the colder months so he can have some things like that to do after school where he can get some energy out. 

We also have a great rec center right up the street from us where kids can go with their parents after school and shoot basketballs or run around the indoor track.  This is a sanity saver especially on snow days.

The other thing that works for us is to check out a few exercise videos from the store - my kids are young so they think it is hilarious to try and do these videos with mommy - they really get into it and they wiggle and giggle at the same time.  Sometimes it gets a little out of control but they love it and it gets the energy out.

When all of these aren't an option I usually try and have a different kind of activity lined up for after school like baking cookies or working on some kind of art project - anything to keep him occupied and not randomly running around the house with no purpose other than to drive me completely crazy!

I'd be anxious to hear some other ideas for the colder months - it gets to be a long winter after a while!  Think I might just get them all warm coats, hats and mittens and send them out for a while anyway if it gets too crazy!

Aimee
This week has been pure hell when DH comes home from work. I go to work at 6:30 am work till 3:15pm, My Dh works later and gets home around 7 pm. We work these hours so the boys are not in before or after care. So the morning is DH and his boys.. they have there own morning routine... So I get them off the bus... trouble is when DH comes home things seem to fall apart.. He thinks the boys are out of control and are not listening.. Now, he is walking in on the lets get ready for bed etc.. We all know this is a hard time.. as the meds have worn off ect.. this week he has been yelling and has spanked both boys.. on different days... we do not do this often, but at times they just won't stop.. last night both boys told me they just want Dh in the morning and he can work late.. and come home when they are in bed and read to them... of course DH heard the two of them.. and he felt really bad and sad.. DH and I talked about it and he really feels they are disrespecting me and he doesn't like it.. I told him I am with the boys from 3:30 till 7 when he gets home.. a lot goes on.... I do let them get away with more.. but, I also know the adher is at the end of his thinking time and I let things go.. and his brother just follows his lead.. Understand... I don't let the boys get away with to much.. but, it may take telling them 4 times to go upstairs.. etc.. that kind of thing.. I know this is long.. but this week at night has not been good... I thank you all.. this place puts my mind at easy.. I am here at work.. and now I can actually focus on work.. how ironic is that...   I know exactly how you feel but it's the other way around for me I'm a stay at home mom, my husband leaves for work at 720 to get on the bus.....and then Monday thru Thursday he's at meetings three of those days he doesn't get home until 8:30 one of those days he gets home at 8 and Fridays he gets home at 530 and The night routine for me is hectic from the time my sons meds wear off to when my husband comes home I am not saying I rely on the meds because I cared for him when he was younger with out the meds I'm saying the Meds help considerably My other two I know agrevate my oldest son which he is 6 and I've told my daughter and my youngest son to leave him alone because it doesn't help you push his buttons when he explodes I'm at my witz end by the time my husband gets home. My husband is also ADHD but with my son he hits spits bites and kicks when his meds wear off last night I told them that they can't be wrestling because they can get hurt and my adhder got hurt by his sister nothing serious but still it shouldn't of happened if they had listened it's getting to be winter anyone have winter ideas since it's going to be getting cold and they can't run there energy out.

Regarding the wintertime question....I do take my kids outside during the winter. Even if it is cold...not when it is below zero or anything like that, but honestly in WI we dont get many days that are that cold.

I bundle them up in snowpants, hats, gloves, snowboots, and we go outside...even if it is only for 15 minutes. (course it may take 30 minutes to get them dressed up to go out for 15!!)  I remember last year, my dh was up north snowmobiling, and at 8pm it was snowing and I bundled up the kids, we shoveled a track on the driveway and they rode their 4 wheelers around the track.  They had a blast, and they were ready to settle down when they came in.