My child is 11 years old, and was diagosed as ADHD -Inattentive 3 years ago. I don't deal with discipline problems or hyperactive behavior. My challenge is the amount of time it takes to complete simple tasks. For example it takes 2 hours to get ready for school. If I don't supervise by standing next to her, it can take over 25 minutes to brush her teeth.
She's a good girl, and respectful except for the blank looks I get when I've been trying to get her to get ready for school and finally get frustated and angry after two hours.
Does any one have tips or suggestions for more effective an positve approaches to getting the very basics done?
You might make her a list to post for getting ready for school. If you make one for each week with places to put check marks, she can keep track of what she has done. Incorporate this with a positive rewards program like ogram's marble system (top thread of this forum). My daughter has a white board in her bedroom with her daily list on it.Thanks, I'll try this!Here's what we learned: don't make it your problem, make it her problem. We started to connect his being ready for school by a certain time to TV and computer privileges, and it only took one day of losing them for our kid to become much more motivated to get it all done. Of course, there will be the day or two that your kid is late, maybe very late, but the misery that ensues when TV, computer, and play dates don't materialize will quickly become not worth it to him/her. Also, we offer a point system where being ready on time actually earns EXTRA priviliges, which probably works even better than the punishment. We have the rules posted on his bulletin board so he can check "where he's at."
Right now he's up 62 points and he's hoarding those points for a microscope.
shellyA,
Here's the medication stuff so far:
Yes, I know how frustrating this is. Here's what we've done with medication:
First we tried dexadrine, it worked, but it wears off fast (by about 3pm.). This meant she was still having a terrible time with homework. We talked with the Dr. about giving her another smaller dose in the afternoon - we never tried this because my daughter is very thin, and one of the side effects of dexadrine is loss of appetite. Next we tried concerta. Wasn't working great so we upped the dosage, that lasted one day and I had to go and get her from school where she had locked herself in the bathroom crying- she didn't know why she was crying. Then we went to adderal, works for a while, then it stops, up the doasage, it works for awhile, and then it stops. When I say it stops, I mean that it's not really a gradual thing. Its more like everything is good, then over a period of two or three days it's almost like she never had any meds. I'm off to the Dr. this week for something new.The Dr. says that this is a trial and error process - that unfortuately there's no formula to follow. He says that the drugs we are using are "stimulants" and has not recommended ritalin at all. He and I discussed it with our girl, and decided that we'll just keep trying. He's given me some forms to give the teachers to fill out when we change meds, this helps - depending on the quality of effort the teach puts in (some have been good, some not so great).
As for the doing too many things for them, I'm kind of on the fence about this. The doctor was pointed out to me that the meds don't cure, they just help us all to cope with the challenges. I do too many things for her too. But - I know for sure that she knows how to do all of it. She knows how to brush her teeth, she knows how to get dressed, she knows how to but her school bag away. It might not be realistc to expect her to do all of those things and still keep her grades up. I have moments of sheer exasperation when we are in a hurry, but a good chunk of the time, I remember to pick my battles. If she can get her homework done, then I can help get her ready for bed. She may never have after school activities because she couldn't manage getting the home work done and getting ready to go some place too, so she sings musical theatre on Saturdays, and it doesn't start until 12:45 - so we don't have to get up and rush. This ADHD Inattentive thing is real. It's a part of our lives, and it's not going away. Coping with it might mean changing what we think is acceptable. Finding this message board has helped me already to realize that meds aren't going to solve this any more than insulin makes diabetes go away. It's easy to forget that this is like a disability of having only one leg. We can give them cruches and make sure they can use them, but we can't give them the missing leg.
I'm feeling pretty strong tonight, so I can step back and remember that it's just not fair of me to expect my girl to behave like all of the others. What's not acceptable for another child, might have to be considered good behavior for this one. I hope I can remember it next week when I'm late for work, and trying to get her to school.
joesmom
Ok when I answered you the last time, I thought I wouldn't have time to weigh him before he got on the bus, but he MISSED the bus due to the fact that he was, um, busy on the toilet.
So, when he got finished, and brushed his teeth (which is what I sent him in there for in the first place...) I had him get on the scale, at which point in typical 10 year old boy fashion, he said "Mom, I probably just lost 5 pounds in the bathroom!"
He weighed in at 55.5, so he has gained at least a little...you know how you can weigh one thing at one point in the day, and another at another point...he used to hold pretty steady at 53.5- 54 before we began this med...
HTH I will periodically post his weight, or you can PM me if you want to know anything else...
grasshop
You say that the first med worked til it wore off too soon and then you couldn't add another dose due to appetite issues.
Ask your doctor about periactin (Cyproheptadine) to add to that drug. This is an antihistamine like claritin or Benadryl, that has the side effect of appetitie stimulant/weight gain. It can also help with sleep issues that the stimulants sometimes make worse. This drug is given to anorexic patients and the elderly to help with appetite concerns. Do a search on the internet and you will most likely find the same info that I did where this drug is even recommended to pediatricians for ADHD kids with problems with appetite on the stims.
My son is on Concerta and like your daughter, very thin and small for his age. He had basically stopped eating except for breakfast, but the med was doing wonders for him otherwise.
He began this other drug in addition to the stim and now he eats. He actually feels hunger, and eats 3 meals a day (plus snacks). 2 nights ago he ate 3 pieces of pumpkin pie after dinner over the course of 3 hours, where before we would not have gotten much dinner into him, let alone a snack....but 3 pieces of pie! Major difference. No question.
It is a relatively inexpensive drug to try...I have no prescription coverage and I only pay .86 for a months supply.
It took 3-4 days to kick in , but it most definately did...I did not tell my son that it was anything but an allergy pill in the beginning to make sure that there was no "placebo effect".
I have a thread in the parents board a few pages back titled "Chase is hungry" that goes into more detail.
I just think that if the first drug, dexadrine, worked, you should go back to it, add another perhaps smaller dose in the afternoon to cover homework, and add this drug to help with appetite, which seems to be the only issue that you/she had with the drug.
Good luck and feel free to PM me if you have any questions..
Chasemom, I know your son is eating good now but have you noticed an increase in weight? Has he gained any weight? Just curious( I think I want to ask for this med and get my DS out of the slim size)...7 years old and 44 pounds
I haven't really weighed him lately..and it has only been a couple of weeks but I will keep you posted on that..I don't want to put too much stress on the weight thing....but I will weigh him later. The last time that I weighed him before he began it he had gone back to 54 pounds....then once I weighed him after he started it, he was back up to 56...a personal high for him.
Hi there. Wow, 2 hours in the a.m. would put me over the edge too. In addition to the other suggestions, try a timed timer. We use these timers because it provides a visual as to how much time has expired and how much time is left. Sounds like she just doesn't understand the passage of time (which is fairly commonplace among the ADHD population).
Here is the link:
chasemom,
seems like you are off to a good start. I tried taking him off the meds for a few weeks in the summer , he ate like crazy but he was so hyper he did not gain. Next doctors apt I will ask for this. Thanks
Good luck! My Chase is also always moving! When I didn't medicate on the weekends, he ate pretty good but mainly stayed stagnant on the weight....and he got frustrated pretty quickly so it wasn't worth it. And I knew that I needed to get something going pretty soon to keep him from drying up and blowing away come summer when he really gets active.
I hope that this continues on...I am kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop....last week one day he went back to the noneating frame of mind, and I was ticked.....til I found out that his sister (where he spent the night the night before, sent complete with meds) had not remembered the Periactin, only the Concerta! So after the evening dose, that was when he ate the 3 pieces of pie!
Those are great suggestions! I have a 12 year old inattentive ADDer. One thing I do is if I'm sending her to do a task that has multiple steps, I write them on a dry erase board & have her take it with her. That way she can check the steps if need be.
is your dd on any med? just curious.
my dd just started adderral today...and what a big step that was/is for her and our family. such a big step...with tons of hours of consideration...and med knowledge backing our decision.
the only reason i'm asking is because we had our daughters teacher conference on tuesday night and it was an eye opener for me, and your case sounds very similar by your post. my dd's seasoned teacher kept coming back to the issue with us that "if you send your dd upstairs with a list of 4 things to do BY HERSELF and you went and checked on her in 20 minutes how many would she have done on her list"? my husband and my response was 1. but my dd's teacher said at the age of 9 this truly is a problem and it needs to be addressed. hearing the teacher tell us that our dd truly had an attention problem was hard, but good for me to hear. i do too many things for my 9 year old dd...and i realized that during the conference. the nagging, the have you brushed your teach yet...you haven't brushed your hair, etc...it needs to STOP! for me and for her!!!!!
i would try the other suggestions posted...they sound like great ideas. read up on alternatives and medication options...and go from there.
reading your post hit home with me...my dd was taking WAY to long to get ready for anything...with me helping her, or nagging her...and it truly isn't healthy for me or her. today we started adderral...today went well...but know that you aren't alone with this type of issue. this is what this board is all about...so read, and make your own decision as to what is best for your dd and your family...and go with it:)
good luck!
shelley
Thanks for your notes. It helps to know that I'm not alone with this. I did see the doctor today. We decided to go back to the dexadrine, and maybe two 15 mg doses a day. We'll watch her eating and add the Periactin if her appitite wains.
Thank you again for the suggestion!
grashop