Yes, I agree that our children need to be taught organizational strategies. We have lists for everything around here. That way she knows exactly what is expected of her. We even have the house rules posted in almost every room (4 rules). Perhaps a list on the bathroom mirror. We also give rewards for doing everything on their lists at night.
I'm afraid though that they are just made this way. DH is also this way, and he has developed coping strategies, but is far from organized. He gets frustrated with himself that he forgets things a lot, and I can see that it affects his self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, he is very successful in his job because he is pretty smart and has some organizational strategies.....but it doesn't come naturally to him. He has to force himself to do it.
I found these reminder bracelets that seem to help my son remember what he is doing...you can look for them on the Mead web site. Office depot had them as a school promotional item.
I love the ideas of MamaBear...it is so true that we need to teach our children organizational strategies...they will not figure it out on their own
Is she on any medication to help her ADHD?
I know that many ADHD kids can not take on a general task like "Go clean your room", by themselves. It just seems to overwhelming, they don't know where/how to start, so they just don't do it. Tell her you are going to help her by giving her specific areas, one at a time, to focus on. Then help her in the following way (or something similar):
1. Hang up anything on your floor that goes on a hanger, or put it in the hamper if it is dirty. This should include clothing, purses, belts, scarves, etc.
2. Put all of your shoes in the closet (or wherever they belong)
3. Straighten up your dresser
4. Wow, your doing a great job! It looks so much better already! Let's go take a break and get some lunch/snack, then you can come back and work on your bookcase.
Continue on in this manner, only giving one area at a time to clean. Let her take frequent little breaks, or try to make it fun in some way. Maybe you could help her a little and have a race. "Let's see who get's done quicker. I'm going to straighten up your trophy shelf, while you organize your stuffed animals. On your mark, get set, go."
When she is finished, you could tell her you will help her by dusting everything for her.......Now that you can actually see some surface to dust! LOL
The school should be helping with organizational skills as well. Assingment books checked for accuracy and signed by teacher & parent each day, a peer buddy to make sure her backpack is loaded w/ all the books she needs for homework each night (better yet, request an extra copy of all her textbooks for home, if she frequently forgets them), etc.
ADHD kids do need extra help w/ organizational skills!
God luck!
I just spent the last half hour of my 11 yr old daughter's day holding her while she cried and said that it feels like no matter how hard she tries she keeps getting into trouble for not getting things done at home and at school. I know that she wants to please us and her teacher too. Yet the assignments don't get done, the room's a mess, and she can't find the codes to restart her tomagotchi (SP?) after she forgot about it and apparently it died.
Maybe it's not fair to expect her to accomplish the same tasks that other kids her age can get done. Maybe asking that is setting her up for failure. I'm sure it's been hard on her confidence.
Thoughts?
I saw the Dr. today, and I'm going to actually try doing more of the stuff for her myself for a little while, get more of the stuff done at night so that I minimize what I need to get done in the morning. For a little while, I'm going to back off on my expectations of her. I can't get my head around teaching organization skills when after I've dressed her, and hand her one sock - it takes 5 min to put on a sock while I stand there and watch. I'm going to pick my battles more carefully and try more positive feedback (I'm not very good at it) and see if the encouragement makes her at least feel better, then add the lists and timer when its preceeded by a month of positive re-enforecement.
Thanks for your notes and ideas. It really has helped not to feel like I'm loosing my mind.