Help for 9 year old - Inattentive ADD? | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=chjones] .
i am ADD inattentive and very happily so - some of the time more so and sometimes less so but i would never want to be medicated. [/QUOTE]
Actually, me too. Never officially diagnosed but I have done the online quizes etc and I fit the description. I was also considered "gifted" as a child...don't know how much good that's done for me as an adult...but, omg, how I suffered as a child. I made good grades....so it wasn't the pressure of the grades. I just knew I was different...had terrible social skills, depression, etc. Anyway, I digress...I hope you read my first post about the main child I am concerned with. He is a 9 year old twin. Although, I do have a 10 year old whom I briefly wrote about later in the thread. He is not my concern as I have mostly figured out that mostly he is just an intense, eccentric, gifted child. But, if I ever feel that he is suffering and needs medication, I will not withold it.
[QUOTE=chjones]i know it is hard for 'normals' to ever imagine that anyone might want to be ADD or even enjoy it (and plenty of ADDers don't) but actually lots of ADDers do suffer it but value it and would never, ever want to be re-trained into being a normal and if your son is just a bit dreamy and grades slipping - why not tell him it doesn't really matter.[/QUOTE]
Because grades do matter. Because if I tell him that grades don't matter, why would he even try in school? If he later drops out of school, should I tell him then that it doesn't matter? I have high expectations for him if life. I know he is capable of the good grades and I want him to experience the pride of achievement in school...because I know he has the ability. I would feel as if I were just giving up on him if I just decided to forget about it! How could I watch him suffer every day and not want to fix it? Kyle is more than just a bit dreamy. He has a very hard time even in daily functioning. And he suffers very much from it. He lives daily with high levels of frustration with himself for not being able to handle doing the simplest of tasks.
[QUOTE=chjones] as long as he feels he is learning [/QUOTE]
He doesn't feel he is learning...especially when he sits down to do math and can't do a first grade level math problem. He's in fourth grade.
[QUOTE=chjones]you don't really care if his grades are slipping (for example) so that he doesn't develop anxiety but love him regardless and value his unique way of looking at life and see if you can't find some way for those strengths to shine through and help him in his day-to-day routine.[/QUOTE]
I don't tell him I don't care about his grades, but I've told him "its okay right now. We are working on a way to help you bring these grades up. Next time it is going to better. Don't worry about it, but keep trying your best. I understand that you are having some problems and me and your doctor and your teachers are working to help you bring these grades up." To me if you tell a child..forget about it...it doesn't matter. Then they will say "ALRIGHT! This is great...I don't have to worry about it, and I'll just not care about school. I can just not do my homework or give a rip and I won't be in any trouble!" That's a great deception in my opinion. Education is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. And that's what I'm working for....helping his strengths to shine through! He's an artist and very creative and I encourage him heavily in this area. But I can also help him in his weak areas as well.
[QUOTE=chjones]that's how i feel about ADD. so it is only a minority of the population who are blessed with this gift ---- and it IS up to us to find a way to use it. it can be looked at as a disgusting deformity, a useless disability but anyone who is truly ADD absolutely knows in their heart that it is NOT. it only seems that way - because we can't put this gift to use.
why not consider letting your child develop his ADD to the fullest ---- stuff society and its crappy narrow-minded focus on grades and bullsh*t that means absolutely nothing and has NO meaning in the wider context. so your son doesn't do well in his exams at ten - does that mean he will be a failure for the rest of his life? no. but if he isn't supported in being true to HIMSELF then i think that could mean he will fail to try to be something he isn't for the rest of his life. "to thine own self be true" ---- some people insist that medication helps them be better ADDers - i don't know and i don't really have an opinion on that as i remain unmedicated. [/QUOTE]
Maybe the way I'm handling this is conforming to society...but, if that is what I feel is in my child's best interest, then, well I guess I'm the only one that can decide that. BUT, how can I be helping him by allowing him to fail by society's standards? Do I want him living on the street, jobless, homeless, in prison, involved in crime, addicted to drugs, or dead? That's what happens to many (especially boys) untreated adders, right? I mean I can tell him how great he is and how it doesn't matter that he can't function all I want, but he's not stupid....he will see that he is not succeeding, etc. I can't change how society operates. But, I can change how well my son operates in society.
Don't get me wrong I do see your point, but I also feel that your point is well, in my opinion, pointless as it applies to the reality of my family life. In a world where everyone just drifted along with no expectations on them...I guess your way would work. But, I just don't see how letting my child suffer with his chronic symptoms is going to change the world or my son for the better. I'm not saying medication is the answer, but finding the way to overcome it I believe is the answer.
[QUOTE=chjones]and obviously you do exactly what you want but nobody ever seems to address the issue of the fact that ADD can be a GIFT. in my point of view IS a gift and whether you believe it or not is entirely up to you but i think that omission of even considering it as a gift - can also be harmful to your child's self-esteem. forcing him to believe that what he values inside is worthless and all negative...[/QUOTE]
How is it a gift? I guess I see where some parts of it could be...but not the debilitating parts. And that's the part I'm trying to fix. I'm sorry but you saying I'm forcing him to believe that what he values inside is worthless and all negative Not a very nice thing to say. Besides...he's nine years old. He's still learning what his values are. What are you saying he values inside? Living in la-la land while the world passes him by? Not setting any goals for himself and then realizing at 50 its too late and what happened? I don't understand how you think that I'm telling him what he values is worthless. Children are to be molded and shaped and "raised" and taught. They don't come in with a value system already in place. What chaos this world would be if children were not taught and handed down values from generation to generation. Do you think they coming in valuing hard work? Do they come in with the value of sharing with others? or how bout not stealing? No, most children value "ME,ME, and more of me" and they have to be taught that the world does not revolve around them.
[QUOTE=chjones]i genuinely believe that what is more important than grades or anything else is being kind - and you said your son had that desire to be kind - well, what a great son! what a wonderful, compassionate, super child.
and i hope i haven't been unkind in trying to outline my thoughts about ADD and its positives above. [/QUOTE]
I appreciate you taking the time to explain your position. I do understand what you are trying to say...but it seems very idealistic. I hope I didn't come across too harsh either. My child is VERY kind-hearted and yes that is important. But I just want to give him the tools he will need to put that kind-heartedness to work in a very unforgiving world.
Tressa
Tressa,
I'm glad you took the time to comment on certain comments and with great tact!! I completely agree with your thought and outlook for your son!
hello there --- and thanks for all the replies no worries nothing was harsh at all! i am sure it is much harder to be the parent of an ADDer than it is to be the ADDer!
i think i see it more as that within Kyle is probably a wonderful talent but not one that would necessarily be recognised straightaway... i think that is what i meant by the inside and worthless bit --- is sorta that dreaminess which seems such a negative is probably a positive.
i find it hard to explain but if society et al constantly just pushes the being organised, the being efficient as the only worthwhile things - the things that get rewarded then that large part of him that is not interested in that (which i consider probably the more worthwhile part - gets considered as a negative). urgh this is making no sense. maybe a metaphor will help me. self-discipline is absolutely necessary but not at the expense of the ADDness.
i don't know --- but pushing Kyle to be a normal seems doomed to failure because that is NOT where his strenghts are so he will be constantly working against his inner nature and his own self. he MIGHT, with the help of the stims, make it to be a vaguely successful accountant but what is that worth. to me, an ADDer it's not worth anything if he is not being true to himself.
there are Buddhists out there who have probably trained for years and years just to get to the stage of detachment that Kyle is fortunate enough to have as a natural talent. the world is not unforgiving --- it is delusional. none of these things we impart value to necessarily have real value.
it may seem idealistic --- but it seems NORMAL to me to view the world from that perspective, more than normal - it seems right. just as Socrates said (or whoever it was) that the world is as a shadow-play on the wall of a cave but we are meant to go outside the cave and into the light. ADDers can't see the shadow play so they don't get caught up in it --- they are drawn toward the light because their vision is set up for that. and to be constantly drawn away from that and to be told and medicated into concentrating on the shadow-play --- it is not as though the shadow-play doesn't exist, it does - it is just it is not the reality of who WE ARE. urgh - i am hopeless at this.
but society constantly pushes people to limit themselves --- there is no need for that and no need to conform out of fear. nobody wants to live a fear-based life.
i can't explain it. it doesn't matter anyway --- if Kyle is an adder, then that is what he is and his thought patterns will be that way. and that will be a blessing to the world --- as long as his confidence in his inner-self is not shattered along the way, then he will come to be the true ADDer, the visionary, the free-thinker that he should be - and he shouldn't aspire to a normal life. it may be a more or less difficult life than a normal life - but that is the pleasures and pains of being an ADDer.
we need to be taught hard work and we need to be taught self-discipline these are all good things - and i don't know perhaps meds really do help with that - i just don't know.
i wish you all the best of luck --- i have no doubt it will all be fine. it will all work out.
chjones39052.3185185185
I guess I just want him to have both. I want him to be the dreamer, but not at the expense of not being able to make those dreams a reality. He is my most spiritual child out of the three for sure. He has always been very drawn to spiritual things. I do understand more of where you are coming from now when you put it that way. No, I don't want him to feel negative about himself because of his great talent to dream and create. In fact, I wanted him to be able to be in the gifted program at school so he could have some outlet to express himself. Although he has an above average IQ at 115, I guess the number isn't high enough to get him in...even with his extreme creativity and artistic abilities. Sigh....it's really totally up to us parents isn't it? I will have to be sure I continue to build him up by telling him what a wonderfully different person he is, while at the same time helping him to function well enough to make it through school. I just don't want him to bomb out of school. But when you put it the way you just put it ....it does make you mad that he can't just bomb out. You're right in that the schools seem to force some of these children into being who they are not meant to be. UUGGGHHHH@@@@. I feel like crying. I wish they had separate schools - ones for dreamers and creators and ones for analytical and focused.
But, he does have to meet certain responsibilities, especially as an adult. He will probably have a family to take care of....etc. So he will have to be both ways in order to make it in this world. There will be others depending on him.
Thanks for helping me to see his strengths in a new light. I really apreciate your time and effort.
from what i have read concerta is worth a try...that was one of my med choices for my dd to try, but she didn't master swallowing pills and she had never been on an adhd med so the pediatrician didn't want to start her on concerta's lowest dosage.
i also have read amazing reviews on the daytrana patch on this site....you may want to give that a try. my dd's pediatrician would not prescribe the patch for her because it is so new, no physician in her practice will prescribe it, but that varies from clinic to clinic.
my dd is on adderal @ 5mg and just started this past weekend. her school reports have been good...but she has been reading, etc in bed late at night, but this wasn't uncommon before meds to i'm watching this closely. she's eating well though...so that's a big relief:)
anyways...this is a great site to learn from. big hug to you! there are many knowledgeable parents here...
shelley
Sounds like my daughter (7yo), except for the insomnia part. She has been on Dexedrine slow release 10mg (this is the first med we have tried so far) & it seems to be working great. Her teacher & I can even notice how much improved her handwriting & reading have become! Her med was prescribed by a pediatric pshychiatrist. Good luck to youGuanfacine has been shown to help some w/ the hyperactivity and impulsiveness that can be a part of ADHD, however studies show it is not helpful with the inattentiveness.
My DD is on Guanfacine for TS, but she recently had to begin Metadate CD for the ADD. The Guanfacine didn't even begin to touch her inability to focus. Metadate CD is working great. Concerta did nothing for her. It is funny how just the way it is formulated, makes a difference....they are the same active ingredient... I think?
Wow, it sounds like you are talking about my son. I don't know if it's ADD related or not but my son will do that sort of stuff every once and a while. I came home a week ago and he had made his bed and cleaned his room (this used to be and sometimes still is our biggest feat). This is the soft hearted side of him that I had always seen but his teachers never did. He likes to do sweet things to make me happy. Even though he is only 9, a couple weekends ago he asked what he could do to help out and he offered to finish taking down the trampoline. I was so proud. I can remember back to before we had Concerta when I would try to get my son to clean his room it would become the biggest fight ever. A friend that had a son with ADD said they went through the same thing and of course as I learned more I learned that cleaning a room is a huge task for a child with ADD but when you break it down into small tasks(put clothes away, make bed, etc) it's much more manageable. It makes sense because I make lists too and it's a lot more rewarding when you can cross something off.
To get Chase's room clean, I have to tell him each step...pick up all the clothes and put them in the hamper, pick up the trash, throw it away, put the toys away, etc...and I usually have to stay pretty close and involved to get it done...
My older daughter had the same issues...we never had a dx for her, they did not recognise the inattentive type back then and we just thought she was lazy!!
Well, I guess since he has had problems with three stims (four if you count wellbutrin), I'm nervous about trying any more of them. But, I guess its worth a shot (a shot in the dark it feels like). So from what I'm hearing in these comments ones "alternative" stims to try would be concerta, metadate cd, dexedrine, and daytrana?
I know what you mean about cleaning the room. Telling either of my twins to go clean their room is a joke! They spend about 5 minutes and then say its clean. I go in there and there's a cleared space on the floor and that's about it. It's like they don't even see what to pick up! You have to point out to them what to pick up. Yeah, it's an impossible task it seems for them to do. And alot of parents who don't understand would just say ...well, if that were my child, by golly, they'd have that room clean. It's so frustrating when others don't understand what you go through with children that can't stay with it! It's not that they don't want to, it's more like they can't. My children are in no way rebellious or mean-spirited, and they want to please me... and they cry when I scold them for not cleaning their room the right way.
It is nice to come here and vent with people who do understand that our children are definitely different.
Thanks!
Tressa,
One thing that helped my kids clean the room (when they were in the same room) was a little competition. I would pick one type of item (toys or books or clothes or trash) and have them race to see who could get the most picked up in the shortest time. Then there would be a prize. Then we would go on to the next type of item. I had to be in there with them, but it taught them how to break down the task into smaller, more managable units.
Thank you so much for all of the kind responses!!! I think this type of ADD-inattentive is the very hardest to treat. At least from what I've read. I think it's because the emotions are more involved.
Anyway, I have been giving him as I said before a liquid vitamin B-12 supplement in the mornings before school, a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement and melatonin to help him sleep (which works like a charm by the way - out in 30 minutes or less). He's been on the B-12 and multivitamin for a couple of weeks. Monday, he got ready before his brothers did which is so unusual I don't remember ever seeing that happend before. Yesterday, he again got ready on time. And this morning, we were all running behind, but he wasn't sticking out like a sore thumb...he was running about the same as everyone else.
But yesterday evening I noticed that the blankets we keep in the living room - One was spread evenly and carefully over the sofa cushion seats, another was neatly draped over the back, lined up evenly, and another was neatly folded and draped over the back of the recliner. When I saw it I just stopped dead in my tracks and said "Who did this?" I was shocked beyond belief that one of my children had decided to "fix up" the living room this way, because usually they don't care how it looks - just throw the blankets wherever and Mom will fold them later type attitude. Kyle said "I did". I was completely blown away!!!!! I'm not ready still to say that its just because he's taking some vitamins, but it does seem like a strange coincidence. That took alot of iniative and focus for him. I really couldn't believe it! I told him to go put 5 marbles in his jar and I gave him lots of praise. I'll just have to keep an eye on this situation! 
I am still considering trying the concerta because although the vitamins seem to be helping, I don't know that its going to help enough, especially for school. Since the vitamins seem to helping him emotionally, maybe he'll be able to respond to the Concerta better than without the supplements.
Nah, not crazy, but sometimes we feel like it. I use EFAs, magnesium &
calcium - it's worked wonders for both of them.
[QUOTE=2XADHD?]Tressa!!!!!!! I thought I was the ONLY one with ADHD twin boys!! I think
they should create a reality show just for us. My guys are 8 years old and
it's been quite the ride.
[/QUOTE]
Nope - But, I'm in the U.S. ..... you may be the only one in Canada
One of my twins, Alec, is on Wellbutrin and has an IEP in place. He seems to be doing pretty well right now. He's still pretty distractible, but he gets by. The Wellbutrin has helped him out alot. He's only been on it for about six weeks so I was waiting before I tried to add anything else to it. His social skills are very underdeveloped and he has speech problems. But, amazingly he keeps a good attitude. He was my main project for 3rd grade.
Now, the other twin, Kyle, is my main focus. At least they seem to alternate with their problems. But, there is always an underlying current of "different" behavior with both of them. It is definitely a struggle.
I also have a son that is 10. He had some add-like behavior from kindergarten through 3rd grade. He was treated with Wellbutrin - actually diagnosed with depression - in second grade. He's in 5th now and using that medication at the time was the best medication decision I've ever made. It helped him through a really tough "phase?". He's gifted, so that helps him to overcome his attention obstacles. He daydreams and doesn't pay attention in class, but still comes home usually with all A's and a B on his report card. Right now, he's doing fine mostly and seems to have outgrown alot of his impulsivity issues... But, he still struggles with it at times. At this time, I don't feel he needs medication for it, though. He may as school gets tougher, but hopefully not.
Tressa!!!!!!! I thought I was the ONLY one with ADHD twin boys!! I thinkthey should create a reality show just for us. My guys are 8 years old and
it's been quite the ride.
2XADHD? wrote;
"Tressa!!!!!!! I thought I was the ONLY one with ADHD twin boys!! I think
they should create a reality show just for us."
I would actually watch that show... 
It is really nice to have some support out there and to be able to talk to people who are going through the same thing. But am I the only one who thinks its weird that every other kid is being diagnosed with ADD? Atleast in my area anyway. It just makes me think that everyone is under the understanding that every kid should be learning at the exact same level and it seems they have so much more pressure than we ever did in school.
Don't get me wrong, I believe 100% that my son needs his medication but it sometimes worries me. Am I crazy?
Hi, My name is Beth and I have a nine year old that sounds exactly like your son, or use to sound like your son. We were very fortunate to get him on the right medicine on the first try which usually doesnt happen. He is on Concerta 27 mg. He started at a lower dose two years ago but as time progressed we uped it a little. If he doesn't take his pill he is so unorganized and can't pay attention to save his life. His teacher notices if he hasnt had his pill and he will just come straight out and ask him, "did you take your pill today?". He struggled with grades for a while but we are now seeing big improvements, his NWEA tests show all above average scores, even in math. His grades are about b average and his teacher said that if he would just not work so fast on some stuff that his grades would even be better because he has the potential but he just doesnt want to take the time. When I think back to before we went on Concerta, his behavior affected our whole family, his moods where horrible and it was hard on me because he was such a sweet boy but at school they seen a different side of him and it was hard for me to accept because he was my little boy, you know. Eventually we worked through it and he has gotten much much better. I would love to share more with you if you would like. I have posted before about my twins - but I am still having difficulty trying to solve especially one of them's problems with attention. Here's what we've tried so far in the past two years with medication and the bad results he's received:
1) Ritalin - only 2.5 mg causes him to completely leave the building mentally...hated it.
2) Straterra - worked up to 60 mg - was really good for his mood, sense of well-being, but did didly-squat for his attention (i.e. no help for focus!)
3) Focalin XR - adverse reaction - hearing voices first night
4) Wellbutrin - same thing - basically hearing sounds that were not there - like animal sounds and running water. He was also paranoid thinking that someone could be looking at him throught the lightbulb above the tub. He even got some Obsessive-like thoughts on that stuff.
5) Zoloft - he became a very cheerful child - so cheerful in fact that he was bouncing off the walls with hyperness and even less focused than ever!
6) Adderall XR - was too subdued, inactive, zombie-like, then would have horrible emotional meltdowns when the medicine wore off.
7) Effexor - doctor prescribed about a week and a half ago, but it's still sitting in my cabinet. I can't bear to give it to him! I'm scared to because I've read it's not even approved for children. He said if this didn't work he would have to refer us to a child-psychiatrist, for although he is approved to treat children, he also treats adults.
His symptoms are:
1) inability to stay focused - HIGH distractibility - failing grades - (but he's a really bright kid - above average IQ)
2) short attention span
3) chronic forgetfulness and no organizational skills
4) moodiness - gets very emotional (crying spells) over the smallest things - and horribly cranky mornings!
5) immature social skills
6) insomnia
Does anyone have a child like this? And what has worked as far as medication or other therapies....Anything guys?
I've been trying some nutritional approaches, but its very difficult to maneuver all those remedies without some guidance from a professional! I've been giving him B-12 (liquid) for the past 10 days or so in the mornings and that does seem to help some with emotional stability and I've been giving him a multivitamin/mineral and then melatonin to help him sleep. This morning was one of his best mornings. He beat his brothers getting ready for school...which is highly unusual!!!! I'm scared to say that it may have been the vitamins...since it could be a coincidence. I've tried the Omega's but it is a chore getting him to swallow those!
He's had a neuropsychological examination and they said he met the criteria for ADD - inattentive type along w/possible underlying anxiety/depression and also has a specific learning disability in math (he's since gotten his I.E.P in place).
Does anyone else have a child diagnosed similarly and what has worked for you?
Thank you for any input!!!!!!
Exactly! I stil have to stay on top of Chase in the morning until the med kicks in or he would miss the bus every day...but it is a daily reminder of how much the med does for him....
I think the concerta is worth a try. People can react differently to different formulations of the same active ingrediant (ritalin, vs concerta vs daytrana vs metadate). Guanfacine Tenex) is another option as Chasesmom stated. It may take a combination of 2 meds at low dose to get effect. He may also be having more problems due to stress and lack of sleep (both cause cognative problems or make them worse). Do not give up.
Sending hugs your way...
Beth,
Thank you for your response. I feel so lost with him because most folks who have children with ADD just get them on medication and they're fine..it seems. I've had no such luck. 
I just feel so bad for him because it's like he's floating through life with no real goals or aspirations...he just floats along unmotivated, over-emotional, and distracted. He tries his best to have a good attitude and is a very sweet child who desperately wants my approval...and I try very hard to give it to him when I can. I try hard to notice when he has done something right and reinforce it with praise....because I know he is frustrated with himself and is really realizing he is different. He takes so long to do things and I have to nag him constantly to get him to do basic daily things...like get dressed, comb your hair, brush your teeth, etc. I've tried lists (he can't remember to look at it...he says it makes him more confused, too), timers (timer did seem to help some for a while), we're doing the marble system now but most of the time he doesn't remember that he can get marbles for stuff or he still won't remember to do things to earn them.
I had actually thought about trying Concerta a few times, but since he didn't do well with other stimulants, I am just leary. But, I think I may just call his doctor and ask...sounds better than Effexor anyway.
Thank you so much for the suggestion, Beth.
Chasemom - I'm so sorry I read your post right in with Beths's - think I have a touch of the ADD myself...or either I'm just stressed.
It's interesting that you both posted about Concerta!
My son sounds just like yours as well..the only med we tried was Concerta and he is a different child. We are still having a small problem with over the top reactions to small things, but we are thinking of doing a trial of guanfacine along with the Concerta. The guanfacine is supposed to help with moodiness, memory, aggression, anger, stuff like that.
They even are prescribing a long acting form of that as a primary med for ADHD, but I am not sure how much it helps with attention and focus.
I still have to remind my son many times to do things, but mostly in the morning before he takes his medicine and in the evening at bed time. He is in good spirits but when you tell him to take his pill or brush his teeth, you have to tell him several times because if the cat walks by he has to lay down and pet the cat or if his brother and him get to messing around then all hope is gone. But now its a good distraction, I remember having to shut the door to his room at times and just let him throw a tantrum like you wouldnt believe because I needed to take a few minutes to calm down in order to deal with him. It can be very trying! We havent had a day like that in a couple years now, it's amazing how big of a difference we see. Like I said before, we are lucky that the medicine we tried worked right a way as I know that is not usually the case. But each medicine is different and that is why there are so many. My doctor told me that it is trial and error. I wish you all the best and I hope you find something because some of the stuff seems a little more risky.
Let me know how it turns out.
That is great that you feel that way I hope my son always has an outlook like that. He however, doesnt mind the medicine and he really gets frustrated when he doesn't take it because he just can't think or focus on anything and he gets pretty hyper, so that he disrupts the whole class. We tried just getting into a routine and learning other ways to cope for quite a while and our last resort was medication. My son went from feeling really low and having no self esteem to finally back to the fun loving kid he used to be.
I always encourage him like any mother would and when he worries about his grades I'm the one telling him that they don't all have to be A's but he just has to do his best and I know when he is doing his best or not and it's not because of his ADD. A lot of my sons characteristics when it comes to school or not are just WHO he is, and I love every ounce of him.
Each and every person with ADD or ADHD are different and each and every one of them need to deal with it in a way that works for them. The same thing doesn't work for everyone, it is ashame that it doesn't. That is why there are so many medicine's out there. In our case I am convinced that my son needs his meds maybe some day he will stop them and work on other alternatives to handle his ADD and to me that would be great.
I appreciate your thoughts and insight as an adult with ADD but do you have children? I think it's a whole different animal when it comes to your kids and giving them the best that you can. That is why us mothers are here chatting, because we all have a common thread that binds us, our children and ADD. And for me, it's just nice to know that others are going through the same thing and that we arent alone. We can offer insight to situations that we each are facing through experience. I don't beleive any of us look at our kids with any amount of negativity about them or their ADD, that is just who they are. And as a mom, no matter what your children go through or what they do throughout life they will never lose the love and support of their mother - at least not this one!!!
Thanks again for your personal insight!!
well i hope this doesn't upset you at all but are you so convinced you need to medicate away your child's ADD (you do what you want - i am not criticising just putting forward the other point of view)? i am not particularly anti-med but i am somewhat pro-ADD. i don't conceive it as always this super-negative disorder/disease that needs to be medicated/eradicated away.i am ADD inattentive and very happily so - some of the time more so and sometimes less so but i would never want to be medicated. there are a lot of coping mechanisms that make my life easier and it is NICE to understand that some of the things i used to beat myself up over are part of the whole syndrome and not a weakness of character! that has been a real breakthrough and helped me find better ways to counteract some of the most negative parts of ADD.
i know it is hard for 'normals' to ever imagine that anyone might want to be ADD or even enjoy it (and plenty of ADDers don't) but actually lots of ADDers do suffer it but value it and would never, ever want to be re-trained into being a normal and if your son is just a bit dreamy and grades slipping - why not tell him it doesn't really matter. that you don't care about the grades as long as he thinks he is understanding the subject matter. as long as he feels he is learning --- einstein was pretty rubbish at school (or so i read) as are many geniuses and free-thinkers. depression is something that can come along with having a freer conscious access to the soul - is it worth it? to me, yes.
what makes it worth it??? knowing you have a loving family who support and love you no matter what - means that you can get through almost anything. is all of this negative worth the flip/the positive side to ADD --- for me, without doubt YES.
without doubt YES. so much of the issues of self-esteem and so on are not necessary parts of the condition --- they are a direct result of the social conditioning and peer pressure we put ourselves and our children under but they are not a necessary reality and it can be different, if we choose to look at it differently. if you choose to tell your son - you don't really care if his grades are slipping (for example) so that he doesn't develop anxiety but love him regardless and value his unique way of looking at life and see if you can't find some way for those strengths to shine through and help him in his day-to-day routine.
peer pressure and social conditioning can be severely negative things --- from Chinese women believing that they HAD to bind their children's feet otherwise "urgh, everyone will LAUGH at them for being different, how can they ever expect to get on in life, why would they ever need feet when people of our class are always carried, what horrible monstrosities - what a freak this child will seem!" --- would it negatively affect their child's self-esteem (probably) might some children hate the fact that their parents hadn't bound their feet and although they could walk and run they couldn't find a husband or be accepted into normal society, would they commit suicide over it (yes probably some of them), would they never find a way to develop the muscles properly in their legs so that they could actually run and jump anyway (probably not - unless very strong-minded) ------- but in the end it is all crap, bullsh*t, nonsense, irrelevant peer pressure/social conditioning which one absolutely should stand up to!!!! allow people to stand on their own feet - make a STAND.
that's how i feel about ADD. so it is only a minority of the population who are blessed with this gift ---- and it IS up to us to find a way to use it. it can be looked at as a disgusting deformity, a useless disability but anyone who is truly ADD absolutely knows in their heart that it is NOT. it only seems that way - because we can't put this gift to use.
why not consider letting your child develop his ADD to the fullest ---- stuff society and its crappy narrow-minded focus on grades and bullsh*t that means absolutely nothing and has NO meaning in the wider context. so your son doesn't do well in his exams at ten - does that mean he will be a failure for the rest of his life? no. but if he isn't supported in being true to HIMSELF then i think that could mean he will fail to try to be something he isn't for the rest of his life. "to thine own self be true" ---- some people insist that medication helps them be better ADDers - i don't know and i don't really have an opinion on that as i remain unmedicated.
but i do hope that at least somewhere we can recognise ADD for the gift it is - and how blessed your son is to be gifted and addled. regardless of whether that means he doesn't flourish in a curriculum designed for normals. why should one care and stress about that?!? its as petty-minded and stupid as binding feet - a flaw in society not a flaw in the individual. and one needs to be able to look at the bigger picture and see that perhaps it is flaw that needs to be changed - not the individuals who need to be changed to fit the flaw.
i don't mean to harangue you in the end we are all here because we want to help not harm --- and obviously you do exactly what you want but nobody ever seems to address the issue of the fact that ADD can be a GIFT. in my point of view IS a gift and whether you believe it or not is entirely up to you but i think that omission of even considering it as a gift - can also be harmful to your child's self-esteem. forcing him to believe that what he values inside is worthless and all negative...
i genuinely believe that what is more important than grades or anything else is being kind - and you said your son had that desire to be kind - well, what a great son! what a wonderful, compassionate, super child.
and i hope i haven't been unkind in trying to outline my thoughts about ADD and its positives above.
good luck with it all.
chjones39051.2869212963
My 9yr old was diagnosed with ADHD over 2 yrs ago, by his Neurologist and Pediatrician, although it was expected that he was ADHD much earlier. First choice was Concertta, started at 18mg. After a year we increased to 36mg. His grades improved a great deal (he was 2 yrs behind in reading, speech, math). We are now going back down to 27mg. My son sounds exactly like yours (and the second post in the thread).
Things I found to help is having a layout of the days activities. And the patience to go over the same thing verbally allllll day long. Chores are written on the fridge, step by step. Just one event in the day that my son isn't aware of will throw him into the biggest loop. He is sensitive and can be very emotional at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know we're going through the same things
Your stories are sounding very familiar to me. I'm very new to all of this, I am told by my son's school that he is failing and he just can't seem to focus on his work. He has always had focus issues but they werent a big deal until he hit grade 4. The school wants to have the district psychologist observe him. I took him to a pediatrician who says he exhibits many signs of ADHD and would like to try him on Concerta. He is a very good kid and his behavior is not an issue. He's not hard to deal with, even the school says he's a very polite well behaved kid. Im so confused!!!! Should I try the drugs? He has trouble focusing, he isnt organized, he can't finish his school work... but isnt this just typical of many kids? As all of you I only want whats best for him and right now I havent got a clue what that is. WOW!!! YOUR SON IS BEING OVER MEDICATED!!!!! FIND A DIFFERENT DOCTOR FAST. MY SON IS 15 AND HAS INNATTENTION ADD. HE HAS BEEN ON DIFFERNT MEDS AND NONE HAVE EVER BEEN HIGHER THAN 30MG. I WAS TOLD THEY GO BY THIER WEIGHT. MY SON IS SIX FOOT TALL ,SO DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M COMMING FROM?AS FAR AS THE MEDS HE WAS GIVEN ,STRATERRA WAS TO HIGH OF A DOSE ,THIS MED DID NOT HELP MY SON EITHER. WELLBUTRIN , WILL NOT MAKE YOUR SON HEAR VOICES, I TAKE IT FOR SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER,IT HELPS ME FOCUS. AND HELPS MY MOOD.ZOLOFT WOW, I WAS TOLD TO TRY THIS MED AT 20MG. THEN AFTER A WEEK 50. I STOPED AT 20.AND GOT OFF! IT MADE ME STILL. I MEAN STILL I SAT AND WATCHED THE WORLD PASS BY, FOR DAYS THATS WHY I STOPPED YUCK!!!!!!!!!! ADDERALL XR HE WAS TAKING THIS FOR A WHILE IT HELPED HIM FOCUS AND PAY SOME ATTENTION, BUT AFTER AWHILE HIS MOODS IN THE MORNINGS GOT HORRIBLE, HE WAS JUST PAIN MEAN!!! MY SON WAS A KIND AND LOVING PERSON . ON HIS NEXT CHECK UP I TOLD HIS DOC ,HE SAID IT WAS A SIDE AFFECT. CHANGED TO FOCALIN 20 , THINGS ARE SOME WHAT BETTER. MY SONS ORGANIZING SKILLS ARE STILL HORRIED , THEY ARE HELPING IN SCHOOL WITH THAT. HIS INMATURE BEHAVIOR IS STILL WITH HIM AT TIMES ,I THINK IT WILL GET BETTER WITH AGE.. I HOPE .YOU ARE NOT ALONE BEEN GOING THREW THIS FOR YEARS NOW.YOUR SON IS HAVING A HARD TIME SLEEPING , THATS ANOTHER SIDE AFFECTFROM THE DRUGS. TAKE HIM TOA DIFFERENT DOC!! YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK AS FAR AS VITAMINS B-12 FOR ENERGY HIGH-MULTI, I TRIED THIS ALONE FOR AWHILE ,BUT HIS GRADES SUFFERED. BACKTO MEDS AND VITAMINS . VITAMINS DO HELP.. BEST OF LUCK ,AND HANG IN THERE LET HIM KNOW,OFTEN ..THAT YOU BELEIVE IN HIM....
chelly,
I don't really see where you are coming from as my son has always started out with the lowest dose possible on every med he has tried. He's not taking all those together. Those were taken very spaced apart over 2 years trying to find the correct med and were prescribed by different doctors. We are on our 3rd doctor and I do a WHOLE lot of reading up on the different meds and their affects. Of course, we all know different meds will affect different people totally differently. The wellbutrin definitely did make him hear voices the first night after he took it. That had never happened before and hasn't happened since. The doctor immediately stopped the med. It was the xl version and the lowest dose possible 150mg. He's not overmedicated, though since with each medicine we've tried, we've been very conservative with the dose. Also, the Straterra dose was gradually increased over about 6 months to reach the 60mg. We were trying to give it the best chance to work that we could.
Yes, I believe that the b12, multivitamin, and melatonin are definitely helping with his moods. But, I don't see it helping in other areas. I am wanting to try Concerta. Right now he has been off any medicine for 2 weeks. I wanted to clear out his system before trying another med. He has a doctor's appt Monday. It was supposed to be a follow-up for the effexor, but instead I'll be telling the doctor I didn't give it to him. Hmmmm. Not sure doc will be too happy with me, but my gut instinct was just not to give it to him.
Cam's mom,
It is typical that alot of kids don't WANT to do their work. I guess the difference with a child who has ADHD is that they CAN'T do their work. Usually I've noticed that with most ADD children they can do the work if they have someone sitting beside them keeping them focused on what they are doing. But if left to do it on their own...it's pretty hopeless. And this is an EVERY day thing. Not just once a week or even twice a week. At least with mine that's how it is. And the funny thing is, every once in a while they will have an awesome day where they seem cured all of sudden. Like maybe they had some special motivation to "get it done". The reason is because they can do it if they give 200% at all times. But, noone can give 200% every day all day. And like your child, my child is not a behavior problem whatsoever and wants to please. I know he craves my approval and envies when his older brother brings home straight A's or all A's and B's. He has an above average IQ, so I know it is very frustrating to him that so far he has not been able to accomplish the same thing.
One of my twins who is on wellbutrin and responding well to it read his first entire chapter book yesterday. He is in 4th grade. I am so proud of him! And I'm so happy the medicine is giving him a long enough attention span to read a book like that. This shows the example of how long of a struggle its been. It has taken him until 4th grade to read an entire chapter book. He is very proud of himself...bragged about it all day yesterday!
Smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tressa and Cam's mom
I think that tressa put it well when she said that ADHD inattentive kids can get the work done if someone is sitting there keeping them on task. Grade 4 is where Chase's grades began to slip in earnest. He is also gifted and I believe that up til that point the work was easy enough for him that him being unfocused and handing in incomplete work was balanced by the fact that the work that he DID make himself stay focused on was A+ work. That and the fact that any work he did manage to remember to bring home, I made sure that it got done! Believe me, when he brought home a A or B, I felt like i had worked as hard for it as he had! The work that I am referring to is sitting by his side saying "Chase, your paper is over here." "Chase leave the cat alone." "No, you do not need to sharpen your pencil again, it is just fine." "Come on, Chase it is getting late, let's get this done!" One or two worksheets could easily stretch out to an hour's work! God forbid if writing was involved....he hated doing it and when it was done it was illegible!
His 1st day on 18mg of Concerta, he only brought home 1 thing to complete, and sat right down (no prompts from me) and finished it w/in 10 minutes! The discipline tickets that he usually recieved on a daily basis for forgotten and milsplaced work and supplies dried up, and the next grading period was all A's and B's for the first time!
This year, his first grade card and the progress report that we just received a week or so ago were all A's, and he has a goal to not bring home any paper with less than a 95%! He still has days when for some reason he doesn't get something done correctly, and gets a not so great grade, but he has so many A's that it is barely a ripple. The mere fact that he expects to do well is a total turnaround from last year when he constantly told me to give up on him, he was just too dumb to learn anything, and that he did not understand why I thought he was smart.
His cursive writing has improved dramatically, his printing is still atrocious, but he does not hate it as much as he used to.
I literally got tears in my eyes and cried when I read his progress report this last time...I cannot believe that I let him go for so long and resisted getiing him dx and treatment...I really knew that he had an issue for at least 2 years before i did anything.
I have not regretted my decision for a moment. We still have some tweaking to do..I want to try guanfacine for some over the top reactions he is having and for moodiness and anger and aggression issues, but things are coming along and he is self confident and expects to do well now and proud of himself.