Longsally, I can relate with your story soooo well!!
My ds has days like this too, usually something will set him off and it all goes downhill from there. He can be so negative about everything and argue about anything ...... you tell him the sky is blue and he'll argue and tell you it's grey. It is very draining. I try to turn things around to help him see the glass is half full, not half empty and sometimes this helps.
I call him Eeyore when he is in one of his moods.
Longsally this complaining is attention seeking by the sounds of it ? Jude used this tactic for a long time its not that you arnt looking at him its he wants more attention/ affection. HMM IM NOT THAT GOOD AT EXPLAINING THINGS SO IF I DONT DO WELL SOMEONE JUMP IN AND HELP!!
Its like when we pick him up from school -ok
He has had to share the teachers attention with the class which he dosnt like -ok
So when he gets picked up by us he wants to feel / be number one with all the attention even if this means fighting and rowing its negative attention but attention just the same. Apparently stopping and really listening helps he sees you listening and responding and it can stop him kicking off(sometimes)
So, I pick up my son today from school and he tells me he pulled a ticket for talking in school. When we get in the car, he puts his hands on the video screen. I tell him to stop, he ignores me and does it again. I close the screen and put on the radio. My son then starts to whine and starts non-stop complaints that he doesn't like the music. Then he tells me to stop singing with it and more complaints. We get to Wal-Mart. He gets on the end of the cart. I ask him to get off, he ignores me. Then I raise my voice and tell him again. He talked constantly while in the store and got his younger brother all riled up.
Then we get in the car and he starts to complain about something else. All I can think of is that I was sorry I picked him up at 4pm and that from now on, I should leave him at the after school program and let hubby get him at 530pm that way he goes to bed at 830pm and we only have to deal with him for 3 hours. Is this an ADHD thing or just a behavioral thing? Does he need more medicine? A different medicine? Nothing is ever right for this child, nothing ever good enough, everybody is wrong, he is right. His mood is SSSSOOOO hard to take sometimes and his constant complaints are a drain of the whole family. What else is there to do but limit the amount of time he spends with us in the evenings? He is 6 and I am at a loss.
TO ME KIDS NO LONGER ARE ALOUD JUST TO BE A KID ANY LONGER. THE HEALTHY OILS CAN HELP OUT WITH THIS ALSO.
Longsally
I can really relate to your problem. I have a 8 year old (adhd) that is very moody and constantly complains in the evening. My husband is not really helpful because he has very little patiences with him and it ends up being a real shouting match between the two of them. I am not even sure that my son even realizes that he is being so mean. And it is really hard at night because he refuses to even go to bed and sleep. Sometimes I catch him at 1:00 am sitting on the couch playing. I started giving him Melatonin to help him relax so he falls a sleep, it helps a little and when he sleeps he sleeps straight through. But the time after school and before he goes to bed is very straining. Has anyone else given any advise to actually help out with the meanness? or even explained why?
My son is an only child that was diagonosed with ADHD when he was 4, been on 3 different types of meds before we found that Adderall works. He also has been having problems with headaches, anxieties, Oppssesive Compulsive behavior. The school tested him for special Ed - and also found he might have a little bit of asperger austism.
The only thing I have found that works "sometimes" is when he complains or gets moody about something - change the subject or distract him. But to tell you the truth it gets harder and harder to being creative.
Has any one else have any advise?
xcross
My stepson is 19 and behaves the same way!! I'm finding that instead of limiting my time with him (which is purely for my sanity), he does better if I spend more one on one time with him....like watching a movie or something.
Susiequte-
step mom of 15 months to 19 yo boy with ADHD )fell through the cracks somehow)
No advise.. sorry. But looking for it just as you. Hello! Same Boat here!! hehe. My son thinks I know nothing.. and he knows all. What can start out as an easy question or conversation can quickly turn into a stressfull situation. I catch myself totally avoiding conversation with him if I can b/c of his constant complaining or your wrong arguing. I usually answer questions with quick yes .. and dare I say ... no. But then he complains even more that I do not explain things to him, then I do answer... and there it goes... he turns the conversation around so much i lose track of what he asked in the 1st place. I get soo fed up with the losing battle conversations we have! Here lately my answer to every comment (that has arguing potential ) is .. ok. Huh... ok. yeah... ok. Sounds horrible I know, but i try my best just to not start a debate or arguement over nothing!!! Oh and he is 6 BTW. ptgally39049.8668055556I think the problem is that you have picked up my son by mistake. He isI think incessant complaining can be a warning sign that he feels totally frustrated and out of control of school and social issues there, so he wants badly to have some control in other areas. When he finds out he doesn't, he feels like his life is out of control and at the mercy of everyone else.
At one time I was a constant complainer and would see the negative in everything first. For me it was a cry for help. I needed someone to help me learn how to have control over my life and of course no one ever could. I'm an ADHDer and wasn't diagnosed as a kid, therefore I was never helped to learn any coping skills.
For me, it was never about attention. It was all about HELP ME! I'M DROWNING in ADHD LAND and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM!
My 8 yo daughter complains a lot too. It drives me nuts. I will get her a toy, she will complain it is not the right one, I cook dinner, she complains that she likes nothing. She will also argue about whether or not the sky is blue. I told her the other day that if she wants to keep complaining then she can have PB&J for dinner and not get anymore treats or toys because she is acting like a brat. That slowed her down for about 3 minutes, until she decided that PB&J would be better than what I cook anyway.
She is so so so picky, no meat (except hot dogs, chicken nuggets, and meat at other peoples houses) She used to love everything, I think she tells me she doesn't like stuff just as a power thing. If we are in public and I say "Oh, no Lexi won't eat that" then she does, just to prove me wrong, at home though its all green peas, salads, and sandwiches for her. FRUSTRATING!!
All of the behaviors everyone is describing is a big indicator of the child suffering from low self esteem, depression and anxiety which can be very prevalent in the ADHD child due to peer rejection, constant criticism and negative reinforcement from educators and people in general. No child wants to be moody, argumentative or project an image of general unhappiness but their behaviors and moods are shaped by the negative experiences they encounter on a daily basis. For those who chose to medicate, it is not a behavior pill or a happy pill. It is one of the many tools used to help manage the symptoms of ADHD and the role of medication is to eliminate the element of distraction so they could focus in order to meet their full potential academically and being able to focus allows them the ability to make a choice rather than act on impulse. In combination with medication parents need to develop a good behavior modification plan. Many children may also need social skills training classes as off medication, with lack of focus they don't pick up on social cues in social circles. Counseling may also be needed to learn coping skills and some may need special accommodations in school for their academic needs.
This can be very frustrating for parents and finding the right help for the child can be daunting task but once we understand why our children are acting out in such a negative way, a treatment plan can be implemented and tailored to the child's specific needs. There is a lot of help out there and its all about knowing what and where to get it. I reccommend reading the marble thread by ogram in the parent/children section as it is a great behavior modification plan and also do lots of research on treatment options for children with ADHD as an effective treatment plan can lead to quality of life for the child and also the entire family unit. As children get older the problems become bigger and more complexed so the earlier an effective treatment is sought out, the better the outcome may be down the road
Luvmykids0239052.3570023148To me it sounds like he is quite irritable after school. Is he experiencing rebound? If so, maybe an afternoon dose of short-acting stim will help. We also just started guanfacine(Tenex). It's really helping with the moodiness issues. And also, maybe he needs some time to decompress after school rather than running errands. Sometimes transitions are hard for our kids. Pick up the 1-2-3 Magic book or CD. It has lots of ideas to deal with this type of stuff. Sounds pretty typical, and I be a lot of it could be resolved by applying the techniques in this book.