Self Esteem Issues | ADHD Information

OUR SON WAS TEASED JUST FOR BEING A SE KID. DANIEL LIKES HIS SCOUT BUDDIES BEST.NOONE IN THE SCHOOL DANIEL WAS IN WHICH WE LIVE RIGHT  BEHIND CAME TO A PARTY AT OUR HOME OR EVEN LETS US KNOW THEY WOULDN'T SHOW. THE MEAN ONES CALL HIM GAY.

[QUOTE=kelseasmama] Ok need more help still...........My daughter 6 is still having huge issues with self esteem, friends etc.  She thinks no one likes her, and she has no set friends that are always there. She is very sweet and tenderhearted and a great bubbly outgoing positive personality 90% of the time. One day they will play with her the next they wont. It broke my heart because she said "mama sometimes I feel like Jesus is my only friend in the whole world but he cant come play with me." I dont know what to do or how to help her. Does the concerta help with this once they body adjusts? Even tho Kelsea is having the headaches Dr still wants her on the Concerta 18mg for 1 month. Help I dont know what Im doing! [/QUOTE]

I know what you are going through.  My 9 yr old son, Alec, is also very tenderhearted and kind - diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type and also has specific learning disabilities in reading and math, and also has to go to speech therapy. Bless his heart, he has a lisp (needs braces we can't afford right now) . Plus, sometimes he says things that just come out completely the wrong way and honestly sometimes don't make sense.  I have to figure out what he means and repeat it back to him to help him say the sentence the right way.  I worry so much about his self-esteem, but I've been very open and honest in talking with him about how he is different and how he does have problems with saying things the right way, etc.  It seems to have boosted his self-esteem just knowing that I understand exactly what his issues are. He seemed to get a boost from knowing that I do understand what he's going through. I also explain to him his strengths along with discussing his weaknesses.  Sometimes I think kids just need to know that the adults who care for them "get it".  I think Alec feels he can come to me about his problems, and I will sincerely listen and not be judgemental.  This seems to help alot.  When these kids have rough days at school, just being able to come home and vent their feelings to a caring adult makes a world of difference I believe. (Look at us - we're adults and we come on here and vent!) There have been times when I would tell my kids of something similar I went through in school and they like that...knowing I survived it!

Also, we have said prayers for those who hurt his feelings, and this also seems to help.  We've even seen attitude adjustments from the ones we've prayed for!!   One of the boys that bullied him last year is now his friend! 

Oh and one more thing ... now that Alec understands that sometimes his words don't come out right he has been able to explain to some of his classmates that "I have a problem with words sometimes".  Some kids are more understanding if they know why someone acts different.  I think him being able to explain to his classmates why he says things the wrong way has helped his peer relationships, also.

 Ok need more help still...........My daughter 6 is still having huge issues with self esteem, friends etc.  She thinks no one likes her, and she has no set friends that are always there. She is very sweet and tenderhearted and a great bubbly outgoing positive personality 90% of the time. One day they will play with her the next they wont. It broke my heart because she said "mama sometimes I feel like Jesus is my only friend in the whole world but he cant come play with me." I dont know what to do or how to help her. Does the concerta help with this once they body adjusts? Even tho Kelsea is having the headaches Dr still wants her on the Concerta 18mg for 1 month. Help I dont know what Im doing! kelseasmama39050.4710069444It sounds like your daughter is more emotionally mature that her peers, which would explain why she's hurt by their hot-and-cold friendships.  Kids that age can be the best of friends one day and forget that the other one exists the next. I would try to explain to her that it's nothing personal and that one day (when the others mature a little) they will also want the kind of always-there friendship that she wants. Until then, all you can do to help is to encourage the friendships with lots of invitations to come to your house to play.

     I so understand.  While at Wal-Mart the other day, I was getting my battery changed in my watch.  There was a man at the counter with a boy there. My son 6yrs old went right up to him, asked him how old he was,( he was 10)  then came right out and asked him " do you want to be my friend?"  The boy who was WAY older, sort of smiled and said sure. Then he finished his transaction and walked away.  My son didn't think anything about it.

     He told me last year that he didn't want to go to public kindergarten as noone would like him. I cried for 2 hours afterwards, NO KIDDING!!!!! This year, he is having much less problems at school with his peers than last year.  When he makes comments like that, I always point out how many friends he has in the neighborhood and how many people we have to invite to his parties for his birthday.  He does not have play dates with classmates yet but as a boy, I don't  think that is unusual.

Do you know what the issues are with friends? Kids this age are very fickle on friendships; one day you're best friends and the next you don't talk. You may have to coach your daughter on friendships more than you would think for someone her age (kids with ADHD are about 1/3 behind thier peers in maturity). Is she into any group activities that you can build on? Try to find something that is just forming and the kids do not already have a set hierachy (it is tough being the new kid in an established group).

You might have to watch the times when the meds are not in her system, as these can be bad times for friends to be around.  For the headaches, make sure she is well hydrated. If she does not adjust, the doctor will change the med.

My daughter used to be impulsive and "annoying" and could not keep friends. Now that she is on meds, she does much better, but it takes time for other kids to want to be friends again. She is on concerta and guanfacine. My daughter used to prefer active boys and younger kids, now she gravitates towards girls her own age and is forming new friendships in school. Between the rapid success at school and a better relationship with family and friends, my daughter's self esteem has improved greatly.

vickie39050.4884027778Once M's body became adjusted to the meds (he is taking Focalin XR) and much of his impulsivity and aggression at school came under control, we began hearing that his friends are beginning to really want to play with him again.  I have heard that the kids want to do what he is doing and that he is a good leader with them - but part of all of that is his personality.  When he is happy, he is a very very engaging little boy!

[QUOTE=ivanhoe]OUR SON WAS TEASED JUST FOR BEING A SE KID. DANIEL LIKES HIS SCOUT BUDDIES BEST.NOONE IN THE SCHOOL DANIEL WAS IN WHICH WE LIVE RIGHT  BEHIND CAME TO A PARTY AT OUR HOME OR EVEN LETS US KNOW THEY WOULDN'T SHOW. THE MEAN ONES CALL HIM GAY. [/QUOTE]

That just breaks my heart hearing that. Yes, kids can be cruel but where were their parents to at least rsvp so you didn't think children were attending. I had something similar happen, but so few rsvp'd that I cancelled the party. I did mentally excuse the ignorance because it was to be after preschool got out and people had started their summer breaks. But it still isn't right!

Just so you know, my son would have attended, as well as his younger sister begging to go too!!

I am glad he has his scout buddies, they may be his life long buds!!

 

Beth

     see, the party thing is where I can say no problem. When it is my DS's b-day, we invite the same children that he has been hanging out with since he was a baby, my friends kids.  They may only see eachother 1 or 2 times a year but we NEVER miss the b-day parties.  WE always reciprocate as well.  This way, he gets 2-3 b-day invitationsa year, always from the same kids but who cares!!!!!!Ok really this is really getting me down now. We are having such a hard time with the friends issue. I wish that I could just make all this go away for my daughter. I know the rest of you probably feel the same way. Just really frustrated.  I dont know how to help her. She says that she has no friends that no one at school will play with her at recess and her feelings get hurt so easily. uuugggghhhhhh

My daughter is 8 and seems to have the same problem. She says everyone at school hates her.She talks about 3 or 4 kids that she is friends with but apparently they are the only ones that aren't mean to her. She sees herself as different because she takes a pill but I tell her no one knows that but her. She has had a hard time making friends since she started school. Even in daycare the teachers told me she would rather play by herself that with other children. The odd thing is she has many friends in our neighborhood but none are her age. They are either older by at least 3 years or younger by 2 years.  She did cheeleading this year and is also in chorus but says the girls that she cheered with ignore her when she talks to them in school and the chorus kids do to. I just don't know what to do for her, I hate to see her come home from school and cry.

Yeah, we have neighbor kids like that.  Love you one day, hate you the next.  My attitude is, who needs friends like that anyway?  So I kind of go with the flow.  My dd's don't seem to be terribly upset when they aren't getting along.  I just tell them, "Wait a few days, they'll be in a better mood then, probably."

I know what you mean. When I would try to psych up my son for Kindergarten at the new school, he told me that it didn't matter, that noone there would like him. He was 5 when he said this and it RIPPED my heart out.

I am always pointing out to him how the kids are ringing the door bell wanting to play with him, how he has many people who come to his birthday parties, how much we love him.

Interestingly enough, we got started on this road when my DS came home and told me that noone would play with him.  I asked the teacher and she told me that by the end of the day, he was on his own, he had irritated the kids so much.  That was when we took him in for an evaluation and got the diagnosis.

I told his kindergarten teacher as much as I could and she told me that her son is add and ocd.  She makes sure that NOONE teases him and the aide for the class told me the other day that he has made some buddies.  I was so happy for him. It will take time but it is worth the investment.