Friend Prob! | ADHD Information
Can't offer much help or insight. I have major problems with people. Pretty much I just don't care about them at all. The plus side is nothing they say or do can offend or hurt me. I have a superiority complex though so I just automatically assume I am better and smarter then everyone else. While some people might find me weird at the same time my brain is picking up a dozen weird behaviors or manorisms they have that irrate me and ultimately make me want to stay away from them. I have lots of acquaintances cus I'm outgoing and I like to go out with friends and have a good time but I have to keep it on a superficial level. If I don't think about how weird or stupid they are I can relax and have a good time.Hey, just read your post.I'm the same with me. I pretty much only have one really good friend and have pushed the rest of them away without a clue as to why. I've never actually had a real relationship either cause girls think i'm weird. Really sucks. I tend to go on saying everything that is on my mind but i can't, for the life of me, pay attention to a girl long enough and that is essential (actually, I can't pay attention to anyone long enough to really even hold a conversation and I think that is one of the main reasons I don't tend to keep friends long). Actually, I've gotten extremely shy over the years cause i'm scared of what will come out of my mouth (don't ever mean to offend people, i just do and then feel terrible).
You're lucky though cause you know you have ADD and are still plenty young. I just found out and I'm 26 so I've been clueless for years as to why I can't keep friends.
I think we should all start a little island where folks with ADD can go and be with others of our kind. We'd drive each other bonkers but it might be kinda fun.
Not sure if this reply helps at all but just to let you know, i know how you feel (and not just sympathy but empathy as I have been dealing with this seemingly forever).
As for your bf, nothing I can offer there. I'm not a regular guy and tend not to judge anyone by their cover which is not in the least how the real world works. I hope you guys stay alright.
Best regards,
Matt
I live in a small communtiy and well I am ADHD and when I am around the other teens I am completly different from everyone else....Why is that there are some teens that do not include teens that have ADHD...Ya ok I may tlak to myself and do weird things and want to work all the time but way are people so judgemental?????? It makes me so mad but hey if anyone knows can u plz let me know I need help.
How do I make and Keep friends??? Even wit my bf he has a prob with me for the way that I am now I don't know wat to do??????HELP
Neldy
Judy -I can't STAND small talk, and I like people too. My boyfriend tells me that he thinks I use people as accessories to entertain myself with, but that's another story... When someone starts talking about some routine thing, and I kind of finish the story- (yeah, and so it rained...) , and I get the ending of the horribly boring chit chat wrong (it didnt rain! it was windy!), the corrections are even more tedious than the main story, because it seems so aggravating that the small talk can be interchanged with other small talk with no effect on mood or substance or anything. (rain, snowed, you ate tacos/burgers/cereal...) When people consistently talk about nothing, I become contemptuous in a way, not because I have anything better to say- I don't- but because the silence- or other activities are so much less irritating.
About being a loner yet a very sociable one, I am too.
People become activities-or stories to experience, rather than fleshy emotional things to nurture long term. When the novelty or need wears off...
Laurala
Laurala, as ADHDers it is easy to become a little Big Headed. I say this because I know what you are saying, as I have been like that too. I tend to easily insult and be snotty in conversations some times, less now than a few years ago. Because I feel people are shallow and pretentious.
But you have to learn - they are happy be happy for them. Being ADHD allows us to see a very large picture within a small conversation. We can see contradictions and lies fairly easily. We can see peoples 'walls'. Sometimes I wish I could just be trivial and float along in the muggles world happily talking about nothing and thinking about nothing except my next manicure, but i have been blessed differently
These are gifts not something to be taken for granted. Having these gifts allow us to help others find the truth. If we use it in a gentle way, you can bring a persons thoughts around to what their true situation is.
Just a thought from my head! Rae
[QUOTE=judy483]I'm 48 [/QUOTE] ----
[QUOTE=judy483]
I'm 47 [/QUOTE]
Hey Judy, what meds are you on cause I want some of that. :-)
I only concentrate on what seems important. Isn't that why we're all here? I think I'm 47 and will be 48 soon. Might be 48 and will be 49 soon. Whatever. I have too many other things to keep track of.I'm 48 and I never heard myself so well described before. When I was a kid they made me do an IQ test and they decided I was a genius; I had no idea what a genius was or why it mattered, so all of my life I thought that was why I didn't have any friends. I thought people hated geniuses (they do, actually, or are at least intimidated by them, but my real problem was ADHD). I'm too intense, constantly working, always need a challenge. People are always telling me to please sit down so they can relax. My mother was always asking me why I got into so many situations that other kids don't get into, my ex-husband was always telling me I acted like I thought I was Superwoman. I got tired of it, so I've decided to be by myself. I refuse to give up success to make other people feel better about sitting around. If I ever find someone who is as busy as I am then fine, if not I do ok by myself. Most ADHD people can totally take care of themselves. They get the job done, they don't sit around. It's a shame that the world can make you feel bad for being good, for being efficient and self-sufficient. Those are not bad traits but the world will make you feel like they are. I felt that way most of my life. I never understood why I was strange, why, when I was doing more then other people and making good grades and being efficient, someone was always mad at me for something. I started thinking I was just too stupid to know why they were mad. It got crazy. Now being alone is my choice and works at my age, but for those of you who are still in school, 8 to 13% of people are ADHD----find those who understand you. Your school should be full of them and you should recognize them. They're looking for friends the same way you are. If I ever start looking for someone to be in my life again, that's what I will look for.
Even with ADHD I've never had a problem with friends and I'm beginning to think it has a lot to do with confidense and not caring what others think. Basically if you think you are the greatest thing in the world others will think so too.
If you don't feel that way now you can probably fake it until you do. People are driven to outgoing, confident people. I don't know why maybe they want to see why you're so confident or maybe because they feel good being around someone who feels good about themselves. It makes sense because no one wants to hang around someone who is miserable or complains all the time.
I love your attitude, wish it was mine. I wouldn't even try to talk you out of it but I have noticed post after post on all of these boards on this topic and it sounds like you need to do some more talking because a lot of people need your advise on this topic. I like the concept that someone on here with ADHD hasn't had this problem. I'm 47 so I've had this problem with people of all ages by now.
I love people but I don't want them around all the time. They slow me down and they chatter and they criticise because I'm too hyper and too driven. But if a stranger on the street looks sad I have to stop and help. I stop at all traffic accidents and everywhere I see anyone who needs a kind word. I can make friends at a gas station. But I don't want to waste time with small talk and I hate parties. I'm great at medical stuff because I want to fix them all. I'm good at reading body language and I can tell when someone is sick or in pain or upset even if they hide it. I share anything I have, even with strangers. I love people, but I don't want to keep them and I don't want to be around anyone who talks without saying anything. So maybe they can feel that. I know that when someone needs me they do seem to know how I feel because I can calm upset people down fast and people trust me quickly, so I think they feel that I honestly do care, which means they probably feel it when I no longer feel needed. I'm happy to pick up anyone who falls and I'll hang in there as long as they need me but when they're ok I want to go back to my latest project, whatever that is. I love this board because it's a ton pf people all helping those in need, co-working at a common goal, collective strength, but if it became "how's the weather" I'd be gone. I've always thought it odd that I can love people so much yet be so much more comfortable as a loner. How many ADHD people can stay focused on small talk and hearing about small problems?
Well I am 33 going on 21