Depression | ADHD Information

Never give up and don't stop trying!  There are so many uncertainties in life.  AFTER you have improved with treatment, go back and keep going back to get back into the PhD program.  Take proof of your diagnosis and treatment and communicate how you have changed.  Even if there are policies that make it seem like you can't get back in, never say never.

If you do have to start over and you really, really want to this for your vocation, then start over.  So what if you are late in your career.  You can still have a satisfying work life and giving up on that just ensures you won't feel better.  Things change, life happens, doors open, new people can enter your life, and even ex-wives have been know to change their mind when they see changes.

BUT!  Be open to other possibilities.  Tune your radar to be open to other opportunties.  We ADD people have a natural intuition for those things.

Thanks Parduse, ShawnB,

  It helps having people to talk to that actually know about the problems I'm dealing with. I get the impression from most people that when I tell them that ADD procratination and forgetfulness are ruining my life I am just making excuses for being lazy. So frustrating!

   I can't give-up on life, but I just don't know how I am going to recover from failing out of grad school. By the time i could finish another PhD I would be near 50! Don't know what I could do at that point... Well, good thing us ADDers are stuborn.

         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;    Thanks, Brian
P.S. You say your brain is dysfunctional. I say we simply have brains that don't fit into society's predefined defenition of normal. I don't know whos theory it is but try to find the ADHD theory about "Hunters and gatherers" it explains somewhat why ADD is more a genetic adaptation than a disablility. I believe the disability is societies inability to accept anything but what they define as "normal".


I agree !!

PHD at 50 is better than at 55. I will never have one at any age. You can't turn back the clock and regret will only keep you in depression. Learn from what you regret and don't dwell on things you can't fix. ADHD people are notoriusly hard on themselves. If you did the best you could with what you had, forgive yourself and move on. As thomas edison would have said in your place "I didn't fail, I just learned 1 way to not get a PHD." You only failed if you didn't try your best and didn't learn anything from it.

Shawn is right, things can always get worse. Distance yourself from people that have a negetive impact on your life.

I am so damn ADD that I forget to procrastinate!!! 

I once lost a girl I wanted to marry and the best paying job I ever had within 4 days of each other.

If you want to feel better about yourself find a singles group to go to. You will see just how badly screwed up some people can be. You will leave there thinking "you know things aren't that bad." I felt sorry for some of those people but I realized, depression and lonelyness are temporary but some poor souls have issues that can't be fixed.

P.S. You say your brain is dysfunctional. I say we simply have brains that don't fit into society's predefined defenition of normal. I don't know whos theory it is but try to find the ADHD theory about "Hunters and gatherers" it explains somewhat why ADD is more a genetic adaptation than a disablility. I believe the disability is societies inability to accept anything but what they define as "normal".

I found an article explaining " Hunters and Gatherers." Its not the one I originally read but its very close.

http://www.thomhartmann.com/hunters.shtml

Here is a list of famos people that had ADHD, ask yourself which ones were normal by societies standards.

http://www.adhdtexas.com/famouspeople.htm

Parduse39063.4574189815

Have you ever looked up the famous people throughout history who have had ADD? High Intellect and ADD go hand in hand. Its possible that if you didn't have the ADD you wouldn't have the high IQ either.

With me, dealing with my ADD was all about me educating myself so I can compensate for the bad traits and harness the good traits. I see that you hate research, but if you can, read and learn as much as you can about ADD.

Try different meds than just Adderoll. Everyone's treatment varies. Don't give up on treatment for ADD before you have exhausted all your options. Use a scientific approach to your treatment, and eliminate meds that don't work for your ADD. You might also consider changing depresssions meds if you still feel depressed after 5 months. Find a counselor that specializes in ADD. Look up the local chapter of CHADD (ADD support group.)

I can't tell you what turn to take in your life, but trying to do too much without knowing yourself ( strong points and weaknesses) is like beating your head into a wall. Knowing how ADD effects you can help your self-esteem. You will know whats ADD and whats not.

Although I can't say I've been in your particular shoes. I only wish I were able to have completed more than one semester of college. However, my advise would be for you to go back to your Dr.  and tell him/her what's going on and either up your dosage or ask for a different med all together. Plus ask for something to treat your depression. ADD meds alone won't cure the depression that you're going through. You've been through some traumatic things, and it takes time, and counseling since you don't have anyone close you can talk with. I have suffered deep depression to where I lost my mother to cancer, got divorced, lost my job, home and kids. Sometimes when you don't think it could possibly get any worse and there's no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. There is. Time heals all wounds.

You're 42.. you're NOT too old to compete in your field. With proper treatment you'll exceed in your studies. Right now I would focus on getting back to the Dr and finding the right combination for you to help both your ADD and Depression to then be able to move forward with your degree. Don't give up hope on treatment when you still have a lot of options left out there. I know how hard it is to deal with depression. I even had a therapist tell me I was hopeless and gave up after only 1 med was given to me, and 3 sessions. They gave me Paxil and it didn't work, and  I had no insurance (which is why I think they gave up hope.. I had no money) anyway... I couldn't get any other meds to try, but after a year and a good friend (now my current husband) I was able to get out of that blackness. I know you can do this. YOU just have to know you can!   

We're here for you if you need to vent, or talk.

ShawnB39063.2959953704
Hi everyone,

   Feeling really depressed with my life right now. Was diagnosed with ADD this summer, at age 42. This happened right after my wife of 14 years left me...

  It gets worse. I went into such depression after my wife left that I couldn't keep going to school. So, after struggling for almost 10 years to get my doctorate in biology I was kicked out of the program.

  Here I am, alone. My wife, whom I still love, grew tired of my underachieving ADD lifestyle, grew tired of always having to help me, grew tired of me never living up to my potential. I feel abandoned, but I can't really blame her - I was not really the man she thought she was marrying. When she left I had no good friends in town to turn too for support, and started sinking into depression.

  Losing my wife due to undiagnosed ADD behavior that I could never change was awful. I wanted so badly to become more responsible, more reliable, and actually succeed in school! But everything I tried failed: calendars, lists, reminders, helpers...

  I've had the ADD problems with boredom, motivation, distractibility, lack of follow-through all my life. Finding out they were due to ADD has been a mixed blessing; I finally had an explanation for why my life had failed to life up to expectations (I was valedictorian in high school, national merit scholar, genius level IQ, blah, blah, blah) When I went to college everything fell apart - it took me 8 years to get my BS. Needless to say those eight years were hell. My self-esteem was pretty battered, I was bitter and frustrated, and most of all I was totally baffled by my inability to keep up with other students who were not as bright as me. Graduate school was a little better; I was able to get through classes fairly well, but trying to do biological research was a nightmare. Year after year I could not get the simplest experiments to work, and could never figure out why. I was watching other students who had started with me graduate while I was falling further and further behind. Yet I couldn't even conceive of quiting. Since childhood I wanted to be a scientist. Science was the only thing that interested me, and I was very good at it. Except for doing research. But if you can't do research you can't get your PhD. And without that degree there is no job for me in science. I don't know what I'll do with my life if I can't do science. I haven't been able to think of a single alternative career that doesn't seem boring (and thus undoable) to me. And, I have to admit that my pride and ego are shattered. I want that degree. It doesn't really mean much - I know many people with degrees that aren't too bright, or honorable people. But, without the limitations my ADD put on me, getting that degree would have been easy for me. I'm so frustrated that I have the talent to get it, but apparently not the ability.
     I had hoped that treatment for ADD would help me conquor the behaviors that lost me my wife and degree. So far, after being on Aderrall for two months, getting coaching, joining an ADD group, and reading every ADD book and forum there is, I haven't noticed any change in my behavior. I'm trying not to be pessimistic but I am afraid I am going to be one of those people that treatment doesn't help. And even if it did, my life is a mess that I can't think of a way to rebuild. Even if I was sure that treatment would allow me to do research well enough to get my PhD, I am too old to start that all over again. Assuming I could get accepted into another PhD program, which is unlikely. AND, if I managed to actually get the degree I would be too old to compete in the field and find a job. I feel like I've just lost the game of life.
   Anybody gone through problems like this and survived? I'm so glad to at least know that a brain disorder is the root cause of my messed up life, but it seems like a death sentence to me if treatment doesn't work. I will eventually get over loosing my wife, though it is a great loss. But, not being able to succeed in the one career that I've been working on my whole life is spirit crushing. How do you live with yourself when you realize what your life could have been, and what you are missing? I don't know if I can do that....

  Sorry for such a long, rambling post. Any help or insights would be appreciated. For 5 months I've been unsuccesfully dealing on my own with loosing my wife and career, and coming to terms with the fact that my brain is disfunctional. I always defined myself by my intellect, and now I have to accept that my mind is hobbled by ADD. I'm afraid of my future, and I'm afraid of the depression that I'm mired in...


         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;        Thanks everyone,

         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         &nbs p;         Caliban2

I take Adderall XR 30mg once a day.  On weekends, I am not in situations where my ADD will negatively affect me so I don't take the Adderall.  This is what those of us on stimulant therapy call a "medication vacation."  The same holds true for any days where I am not working.  If I have longer than a weekend off and am travelling I will usually take a couple of pills with me just in case.  My first two days back to work after a weekend or vacation I will typically "split" a pill and take approximately 1.5 doses on the first and second days back.

I also get VERY depressed and agitated, about a month before the "silly season" starts.  This is due to the change in seasons but also because of the stress so I start on Wellbutrin XL which I take at 150mg then up to 300mg after a week.  I usually take this until about March when I start to taper the dosage.  I am usually off the Wellbutrin from Mid-April through late October/Early November.

Finally, I take a Folic Acid supplement and a multi-vitamin everyday.  When daylight savings time ends, I add in a vitamin D supplement.  I also do as much aerobic and anaerobic activity as I can.  Normal exercising like running or lifting weights bores me to tears so I do things like split wood, play raquetball, move furniture, etc.  I also stay away from depressants.  Cold medicine and OTC allergy medications are VERY bad so I just deal with cold and allergy symptoms.  That's it.  Hope it helps.

Hi yo_louie


   What is the mix of meds that is working for you?

My advice would be to approach your treatment as an experiment.  Only this time YOU are the subject.  Purchase a brand new lab journal to document your results.  Start by trying to remember your physical and mental state during the times when things went smoothly for you and when you were not medicated.  Try to remember what your attention span, mood, and sleep patterns, etc. were like.  Also think about activities you enjoyed.  Then think about how you handled stressors in your life when things were going good.  You should also think about anything else that you think is relevant.  This documentation now becomes your control group for the YOU Experiment.  The "control group" feelings also become the basis for your hypothesis (i.e.  As a result of therapy, I should feel like I did in the Control group.). 

Now you will begin keeping a record of your physical and mental state in the experimental group.  You should tell the doctor about what is was like when things were going smoothly and then tell him/her what things are like now.  Ask that you only start on one drug (if that happens to be Adderall even better) and schedule appointments EVERY month.  Now keep track of your physical and mental state on Adderall.  Think about the things that have gotten better and think about the things that haven't gotten better.  In one month, tell your doctor what has gotten better and what hasn't gotten better.  Your doctor may then suggest adding another drug to your treatment.  At this time, you can stop taking the Adderall to note the singular effect of the new drug.  Once you have a good idea of the singular effect of the new drug add the Adderall back in and notice the cumulative effect of the two drugs together.  This process can take a long time (for me it took two years before I finally got the right mix).  Be patient and be honest and objective with yourself.  Eventually you will find on a combination of meds that works for you.

Thanks again all,


   I really don't want to give up, but I don't want to waste another 10 years going after a dream i can't manage. I'm going to work on getting my ADD under control and then see if I can find a way to get back on track. Or on another track

  I too try to think of ADD as just a "different" kind of brain, but in my case the negative behaviors have outweighed the positive. For example, I'm great at brainstorming, but I forget to write anything down! Somehow got to find a niche where the positives outweigh the negatives...