I've been there. Lived it. I was with my wife for 20 years (married for 17), three children. I do believe that ADD was the reason for the demise of my marriage. I couldn't tell you how many times I appoligized for "everythig." How often I felt inferior to her. How often she "reminded" me that I acted or responded like a "child." How ignorantly bliss I was in my marriage. It forced me to stand up and seek help. I am now on Ritalin (any currently separated) and feel much more in control of my own life then ever before. Over 38 years I had developed quite the coping mechanisms for just about every situation. Now, I hardly need them. I don't know if after 17 years of marriage I want to put someone else through what my ex-wife went through
Schwep
We have been married almost 21 years (this December).
I am afraid we will not make it to 22 thanks in great part to ADD.
My wife has begun to have a very active social life with friends, relatives, church, volunteer work, etc. She avoids relationships with men (as I avoid women) since we do not want to create a problematic situation. But we do not have much of a relationship any more. There have been just too many years "parent-child" interactions, endless apologies, etc. etc. etc.
She needs the type of focus and attention that I cannot seem to provide even with medication. Our last child is a senior in high school and I guess she is just sticking it out with me until our daughter leave for college.
I am ADD-inattentive. I have friends who are men and friends who are women. I do not cheat on my husband with either. They are my FRIENDS. I do make sure that my husband feels included; is the issue that you are excluded from these friendships?
rainraven
I have ADHD and believe it has adversely affected my reltionship with my wife of 21 years. In particular, it seems she constantly seeks friendship with other men (though I do not think she has been unfaithful). Have any of you had similar situations? And can you enlighten me as to the cause.Well acutally thats a hard one...one things is that I am not even married..lol...I am still a youngun and well I know is that I look for friendship in guyz a lot of the time y I don't know....Have u tried talking to ur wife bout it at all???
Ur pal Neldy
Talking worked for the first 7 years. lol. At some point, I get the feeling my apologies weren't working anymore.Hello,
I am a the wife. I am 28 and my hubby is 30. My husband has adhd. We have been together for 8 years and married for 1 year. I don't know how we made it this far, but we did. It's been and still is very hard. My husband has gone untreated the entire period of our relationship up until last week. I can't tell you how many broken promises and apologies and ups and downs and blow outs we have had. I sometimes feel like we can't communicate, what I am I saying? We can't communicate. I want my best friend to hear me once in a while. I want to stop feeling like I am always the bad guy, that I am always at fault, I want to stop walking on egg shells all the time. I guess we can't always get what we want, right? I deeply love my husband very much and I am not willing to quit just yet. Thank god we don't have kids and that he is finally giving it a shot at getting treatment. I don't want to get too exited about this, but so far so good. All I can say is that it's extremly hard being married to someone that has adhd, but I love him that much that I am willing to stick around and make it work.
God Bless
Sophie
my husband is 49 and we have been married 2 yrs., second marriage for both of us, we both were married 20+ yrs. the first time. He takes ritalin which does help him feel more normal, but he also still self-medicates with alcohol and other substances weekly but generally speaking we have a good relationship because i overlook alot and give more because i know he cant help the way he is and i think i am slightly add myself if there is such a thing so can empathize. Luckily we dont have any children at home anymore so if i have to be the "parent" sometimes i can deal with it.
I am thankful i found this forum because it helps me remember that its not all his fault and he didnt ask to be this way, he hates it but he accepts it because he doesnt have a choice.
Does anyone ever wonder why nobody has responded to or participated in the conversation you are having only to realize the the entire conversation took place inside your own head so nobody heard it?
I'm the spouse with ADD, although not a spouse anymore. While having a deep discussion during our separation my wife asked me what I was thinking. Now' I've learned over 38 years to NEVER tell anybody what I am thinking at that moment. Well I did. So I told my wife, "I was thinking that my shoe (the bottom) looked like a fish. Is it any wonder we're hard to deal with
Schwep
Hey Schwep,
I know that is not funny, but I laughed when I read it. I am sure if my wife could have spent a day inside my head she would have run screaming for the hills years ago!
My life does go more smoothly the less I speak.
Schwep,
I can relate to that I had quite a few conversations like that myself. We will be having a serious conversation and something funny from the day will make me laugh, It really pisses him off! How can I concentrate on one thing when I have 50 different thoughts going through my head at the same time.
While going through the separation, there was a week where my ex was completely lost. Confused, disorganized, unable to concentrate on anything, unproductive, etc. I had to look at her and say, "Welcome to my world." Sounds mean, but true.
Schwep