its a choice | ADHD Information

Michelle, ADHD is an excuse (in my opinion) for our behaviours. Not everyone has the strength to control their behaviours. I went to the psychiatrist today and he put it in a way I could understand. I just wish I was smarter so I could explain it well again, but here goes.

When an ADHD childs brain is developing and he is being disruptive, argumentive, defiant, stubborn, impulsive, angry, etc all of the time (as my son is off meds) then he is developing those parts of the brain that create that behaviour and making it strong and dominant.

If he is not using the processing parts of his brain that make him stop and think and learn from his mistakes to make better choices. Then the parts of the brain that are responsible for these behaviours are atrophying away.

If a man body builds and works on his abs, he will get good looking yum yum abs, but if a man just sits on the couch all day and does no excercise, well he starts to look a touch pregnant. The same with the brain. Use it or loose it. But in our kids cases. Dont ever use, Never develop it.

So therefore what I could look forward to was my son growing up with the negative traits he has and having a miserable existance. But I have been reassured that the medications will give him a much better life, and that the dr will tightly monitor him.

So from that psyciatric explanation, I can only assume that our kids and ourselves with ADHD cannot stop the emotions we are feeling, in fact for me I have isolated myself rather than embarrass myself in public anymore.

Because that is easier. But I would rather be able to function as a normal person with friends and a job and a life that I could feel really good about what I am achieving.

Dont get me wrong, I am very proud of who I am - but I know my limitations too well and I just choose not to make my life harder by putting myself in situations that I have no control over my behaviours.

[QUOTE=mattm]What did you do to overcome the incredible amounts of energy, the undying will to look out the window, the feelings of terrible inadequacy that come with a lifetime of half finished projects, being "lazy"?[/QUOTE]

Michelle this would a be a good opportunity for you

i am a adhd parent and behaviour at that age is a choice i dont take meds and think that some of you are using your condition as a excuse for your behaviour.

its all about choice and controll that we all have so stop complaining and grow up

Then you have very mild adhd and are one of the extremely lucky ones that has learned to deal with the disorder.

Does the blind man "choose" not to see? Does the schizophrenic "choose" to have voices in her head?

There is ample research showing that it is not a choice so please explain.

What did you do to overcome the incredible amounts of energy, the undying will to look out the window, the feelings of terrible inadequacy that come with a lifetime of half finished projects, being "lazy"?Hmm michelle said some of you, so why jump the gun again matt and over react? First of all who said the blind man had ADHD? and schizophrenia is often a cause of another disorder. I know for a fact that it and bipolar are very common in Fetal Alcohol people so it is not always a disorder on its own merits. I know you will flame me for what I have just said but I am only speaking the truth

LOL all I can do is laugh.

If you use something as an excuse isn't it supposed to make things better. If all I had to do to make my symptoms go away was to tell people I have ADHD then life would be so much less complicated.

"Sorry boss I can't sit still at work or concentrate in meeting but I have ADHD."

"Oh ADHD well why didn't you say so. Here is a raise and don't you worry about those meetings you don't have to go anymore because you have ADHD."

In fact telling people you have ADHD often earns more discrimination from your boss and coworkers then your bizarre behavoir did in the first place. I have never told anyone that I have a "disorder" but maybe I have been mistaken.

Please if anyone has gotten any help by using this as an excuse let me know. Maybe I don't need meds and I just need to whine about my problems around the office. Wow that would be great. Then I don't have to worry about the cost of medication or the possible side effects I can just use ADHD as an excuse and have a normal life.

Yippeeee glad I've been informed

Well i have read all your replys and will respond with this,

I HAVE ADHD, yes and so does my mum, I am HYPO, and love being ADHD i have harnessed my condition and use it as a powerful tool that drives me to sucess. I use to be a heavy dope smoker and break the law in my teen years it started to change when i had my first son at 17, I had to make choices about the life style i had chosen. Even tho i was ADHD the drugs slowed me down and i was depressed and in a relationship of sexual abuse and other stuff. I was a mess, I had a cot death baby he was 4 months old when he died, this was reality i was on dope and alone even if i was in a relatinship, and depressed so much i just wanted to die, i got pregnant again and looked at my kid and baby inside of me and stoped taking drugs. Every so often my husband would bash me and force me to take dope, I made us move in with my dad but my man didnt know why he was happy tho to live in a house that had power and food and heating, none of which we had before as all of the money was spent on drugs 450 dollars a week.

My dad saw how i was treated and kicked him out, Kool i split to my moms and had my time, second child now born, this like had killed my mind and for an ADHD person it was no good, I went to conselling and got help this went on for years,deppression, meds,thoughts of killing myself, lots of men and babies, UNTILL 9 years ago i raed a book called the power of positive thinking, cant remember who wrote it but it changed my world and condition, i started to harness my self and made positive choices for my family, i knew between right and wrong and began to follow the path to sucess. I became happy with my kids and who i was, I would wake up every morning and say, IM GLAD TO BE ADHD, now i met a man who was good and we have had two kids its been 6 years and we are still in love, I am the chair person at my sons school year,7&8, i am on the board of trustees at another school, i am on the kindys commity, and am joined with 3 fundraising groups, all so i take my kids to therapy 6 appointments a week, and i must say i love adhd, it is my tool and keeps me going like a rechargeable battery. It powers me to sucess, i have learnt ways to learn, i will not stop and cant. So i am saying to you all its your passions that drive you and if your ADHD and doing what you hate you wont get anywhere, and parenting is what you dont like then its not because you dont like it but you havent found ways to drive your self because we all love our kids. But if its a job you hate then retrain in your passions, and you will find you will be so ingrossed in it with your adhd that you will get to the top fast. And no i do not see ADHD as a reason to take pot, i rekcon it makes one depressed, and messed up and for myself i find this with any meds i take, its effects all sorts of things, so i feel that with out meds me and my ADHD are free to explore.

michelle38284.6180208333I'm so completley amazed that somebody who supposedley should know what it's like could say something like that. I have no words..... and that's sayin someting.

Thanks once again rae for your advice, i just get a little carried away, im here to learn and that i am what i say isnt to hurt or upset any one, so sorry to anyone that may feel that way. Its not intened.

I am a loud mouth i guess and just need to exspress who i am and how i think, i am learning alot from you rae about others who are different to me and i guess in my life most know me as stuck up, but that isnt the case just strong willed, i must say that since i have been on the board i am learning a softer side of my self that has been lost for some time. In the past i have always been hard on others and am learning that they are people who have feelings to.

Perhaps my way is a form of pertection is some way so i dont have to feel for others and just whats in my life. But now i have that learnt that with out other people to listen people cant heal. and friendship, support,understanding,patience, is what we need. so you guys if i get carryed away just let me know and i will stop. Thanks to all and with love to RAE

Yup, it is really hard to remain sensitive in this world when you have had to learn to be tough to get through. I just try and look at old people and consider what type of old person I want to be.

The cranky, mean, cynical, hard nose. Or the type with wisdom and amusement in their eyes.

I like the latter, It is also important to work on our expressions, because the ones we use a lot are the ones that will be permanently etched on our faces as old people, and everyone knows what type of person we were and are.

Told you I was a lateral minded person. Always worrying about weird things.

I love that Michelle, It shows what a strong person you are.

Your a tough sheila .

Having kids does put some perspective in our lives, when we are on the path to ruining our lives - does it not?

I am so proud of you and how you have turned your life around. You were given a sh*tty deal to start and through your will power you have used your energy and passions to be a bright spark in the world

Not everyone has come as far down this path as you however, and keep in mind that we are all experiencing different things, we all have different levels of stress tolerance, and we all have varying self esteem levels.

Therefore, when you see others that are struggling, try to respect where they are at and support them to become happier. You have learnt the knowledge that has gotten you out of the sh*t and made you a better person, but others havent yet. I know I am still learning.

I think there are two types of people in this area: those who have been hurt and want to hurt others so they understand/share the pain, and those who have been hurt and want never to be the cause of that kind of pain for anyone else.

Michelle, I don't see how your life could have been so hard and you still say ADHD isn't real or didn't hurt you. Don't you think you'd have had a better life if you'd been on meds so your own personality could come through? It's not an excuse, it's like having one leg, you learn to cope but you can't just pretend you can walk. You can say whatever you want but if you stand up you will fall over. It's just a fact. You tried to walk with one leg and no help, it's no wonder you had so much trouble. If a child can't see well we get them glasses. You tried to see without glasses. So did I. It's possible but it's certainly not the best way to do it. Get yourself some "glasses" (meds, help), and see what you can really do. If I had life to do over I'd get some help for this. I succeeded in life but how much faster could I have done it? How much easier could it have been? I had to fight for every inch, is that really necessary? I was 34 before I started succeeding. I lost years. You're right about one thing, we can cope with it without help, but why? Why takes years to do what we could do so much faster and more easily? Meds don't do math for our kids, it just makes it possible for them to focus on the work, they still have to do it. If you make it possible and you still sit and do nothing you will not succeed. It's not a crutch that will hold your weight, it's like glasses. You're able to talk about where you've failed so you're ready to succeed.

sorry if i seam a little annoyed lets just end this post and forget it .

What on earth are you on about judy, I have read your reply above and disagree,I am a successful parent and have many people who look up to me.

My ADHD doesnt mean that I have one leg and and trying to pretend that I can walk properly what a weird way to Judge someone. I feel very positive about ADHD and if a person could deal with it as I do then they would be moving forward in leaps and bounds. The past is gone every night i go to bed and the new day brings light and joy. My past was hard big deal It has taught me alot.

Your comments are a waste of time to me I hold my self high and who i am. IT is a excuse when a man rapes a woman and says sorry it wasnt my fault its because I have ADHD, or I didnt mean to steal that car the ADHD made me do it,or I didnt mean to sleep with my mates husband,or i wasnt trying to break my childs arm or toy, People use there medical condition as a reson for such behaviours and I dont see it as a excuess. Its a load of rubbish. Yes I have ADHD and its is full on but as an adult i know between right and wrong and so do many other parents i know who have ADHD.

So Im not here to hurt but to help and am a successful human, have a think before you react and think about asking questions instead of making statements that are a waste of time.

I think Judy's post makes a bit more sense then that one Michelle.

ADHD has nothing to do with raping women, stealing cars, or abusing children. Anyone that would think that obviously doesn't know anything about the disorder. So I don't know who used those excuses with you but wow were they full of sh*t.

I don't really see how Matt "overreacted", I think he brought up some good points. He also wasn't saying the blind man has ADHD, he was just comparing, making an analogy that I think is appropriate. The blind man is never (well, shouldn't be) told that he should just see, that his condition is a choice. No, because it is a visible disability, he is accepted and assisted in many ways. Whether or not schizophrenia is brought about by fetal alcohol syndrome is also not the point, it is not the choice of whomever has it. What the point is, is that because these disorders or disabilities are more visible or our society more informed, there is less of a stigma and they are helped far more than most ADHD people. ADHD is an "invisible" disability, which makes it more difficult for most of us. I am glad that michelle has done so well, yet I must agree with Matt in that her ADHD is probably either a different type or to a different degree than many of us. Telling us it is a choice is offensive to me, and writing about it being an excuse is missing the point. It is not an excuse, but a reason. hello. my names diandra, and im not very sure, but i think i have ADHD, and so do my teachers, and friends, except my mom wont belive me, or atleast she wont take me to get help. and i've been doing horrible in school as far as I can remember, but it's gotten worse since I turned 13, and now im 15 and im barely passing my class's. She does'nt understand me, and ive looked up all these sights about ADHD, and still I dont have the right to say i have ADHD until i go to the doctor or whatever. But, I dunno, it's really lame, and I just wanted to know in simpler terms what your like when you have ADHD, or i could describe them to you if i had the time, but i dont, anyhoo i have to go.. Please tell me some things your like when you have ADHD or some things you do. Diandra Bailey

hi guys,

I am 17, apparently i have severe adhd and i always used 2 use it as an excuse for my behaviour. however, when i realised this, i did try to control myself but found it almost impossible to do so. it made me so frustrated that i became stressed and depressed.

however, i had a very interesting conversation with my closest friend last night. she explained how, although the behaviour of adhd is uncontrollable, taking the tablets etc YOU can control and therefore, rightfully, it IS a choice!

Just thought I'd let you know.

Take care,

vicki xxxxx

[QUOTE=Susicia]I'm so completley amazed that somebody who supposedley should know what it's like could say something like that. I have no words..... and that's sayin someting.[/QUOTE]

May I say that anyone who does know would not say that. I am 41 and still have the craziest emotional outbursts, much to my embarassment and I do alot of apologizing to people believe me!!

[QUOTE=D_baby89]hello. my names diandra, and im not very sure, but i think i have ADHD, and so do my teachers, and friends, except my mom wont belive me, or atleast she wont take me to get help. and i've been doing horrible in school as far as I can remember, but it's gotten worse since I turned 13, and now im 15 and im barely passing my class's. She does'nt understand me, and ive looked up all these sights about ADHD, and still I dont have the right to say i have ADHD until i go to the doctor or whatever. But, I dunno, it's really lame, and I just wanted to know in simpler terms what your like when you have ADHD, or i could describe them to you if i had the time, but i dont, anyhoo i have to go.. Please tell me some things your like when you have ADHD or some things you do. Diandra Bailey[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=stressed parent][QUOTE=D_baby89]hello. my names diandra, and im not very sure, but i think i have ADHD, and so do my teachers, and friends, except my mom wont belive me, or atleast she wont take me to get help. and i've been doing horrible in school as far as I can remember, but it's gotten worse since I turned 13, and now im 15 and im barely passing my class's. She does'nt understand me, and ive looked up all these sights about ADHD, and still I dont have the right to say i have ADHD until i go to the doctor or whatever. But, I dunno, it's really lame, and I just wanted to know in simpler terms what your like when you have ADHD, or i could describe them to you if i had the time, but i dont, anyhoo i have to go.. Please tell me some things your like when you have ADHD or some things you do. Diandra Bailey[/QUOTE] [/QUOTE] Dear diandra, I will not say that you have adhd only your doctor can tell you that. That being said; here goes: do you habitally lie? Do you sometimes take things that don't belong to you and you really don't know why? Do you do stupid things and you know better? do you forget to try and cover them up?(my son does that) I atleast attempted to cover my tracks. mood swings are typical for your age so don't let anyone tell you that is a symptom of adhd at 13! That's called hormones. Unfortunately you'll mood swing all your life as a woman. Teehee!! I am what you would call old and I have adhd have had it forever and there is hope, if your mom is having trouble accepting that you're pretty much stuck until you are 18. But when you do turn 18 take control!! Don't let life control you. Set goals for yourself now. short term. Not long term. Today I will not get upset no matter what. I will pass my science exam this week. I will study my least favorite subject for 15 minutes every day. I will reward my self for good behavior. I will talk to my mom about how she can help. I will not attack my mother verbally tody . Well you get it by now. Hope this helps, It worked for me most of the time. I had to write my goals down, on the mirror, in my note book, on my hand, whatever works for you.

[QUOTE=michelle]

What on earth are you on about judy, I have read your reply above and disagree,I am a successful parent and have many people who look up to me.

So Im not here to hurt but to help and am a successful human, have a think before you react and think about asking questions instead of making statements that are a waste of time.

[/QUOTE] If i wasn't sure you had adhd i am now. You obviously didn't read it well your reponse is out there and highly emotional. Good luck kiddo!!What i was going on about is matt smokes dope and has sex with heaps of chicks this has got nothing to do with adhd and if people break the law it is a choice