Disciplining a Toddler | ADHD Information
Hi, I've written about my 3 year old daughter before, I am at my wits end on what to do with her until her remedies start working (FOCUS/Brightspark/EPA/Multivitamins/Diet) etc.My main problems with her is....
-She talks NON-Stop, even when I ask her to be quiet she gets into a debate with me. she's also extremely LOUD, everyone always turns to look at us.
-She argues about EVERYTHING!!!! ex. I told her to eat her oatmeal, she said "it's not oatmeal, it's cereal!, it's not a potty, it's a toilet! etc"
- She refuses to take afternoon naps now and instead runs around wired and making a mess.
- She's not a good sleeper, she falls asleep late and wakes up early!
- She can't follow simple instructions, ex, throw the napkin away, put away your toys, she will get distracted 20x on the way there along with me constantly reminding her.
- I feel guilty for saying this, but this child has been draining me since she was born, she was a "high-need" baby that rarely slept and cried most of the time, I need some solution now. Before her, I always dreamt of having a large family, but that dream makes laugh now. I really don't know what else to do. I feel like I can't take this anymore, I never thought motherhood would be so unenjoyable the majority of the time. Are harsh medications the only answer?? Will they even give meds to a 3 year old? Her pediatrician won't even talk to me about possible adhd, she says it's down to parenting skills, and I need more patience and encouragement!?$!$?
HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lioness1139081.7318171296
I think you should see a psychiatrist that specializes in children. I know how you feel as my son was much the same way prior to our visiting this doctor. He however now is on a low dose of meds (5mg a day) and this same doctor recommended a glucose tolerance test which resulted in us discovering our son had hypoglycemia which results in his sugar levels dropping drastically. So we also try to watch his diet.
I highly recommend a play therapist for your child. In my opinion kids learn behaviors and they just don't know how to stop doing them no matter how much they may want to.
My son was was just barely 4 when we started working with these professionals. He is doing awesome now. Now he pretty much acts like any kid out there. (He is 5 and has been doing very well for over 8 months ) Still gets upset when he doesn't get his way but this is pretty typical as far as I can see it.
I also think that I had to learn how to discipline in a manner that worked for both of us. Parenting is difficult for most but especially difficult for those of us with kids that have special needs such as ad/hd. You have to learn to read your child. Learn the signs of when they are tired. Much in the same way we have to learn their ways as infants. Make observations and record when they have their major breakdowns. This will help you know how to head off situations before they flare up. I have found this to be very helpful. This suggestion came from my son's play therapist.
Take care of yourself as this too can be very beneficial for all involved. It took my own counselor to convince me of that. 
Amazing to me how we neglect ourselves when it comes to our children.
Goodluck in finding what helps your child the most.
4myson39081.7611574074I remember three being being my hair pulling year. Did not think I would survive. Talking all the time, everything was asked why why why, argumentative etc... Some things are still the same. But I found if I told my son he was making my head hurt from his talking or questions and I needed a break he would stop for a bit. It took a while for him to actually do this. But eventually he did and I still tell him that at times. As he got older we have a game if he can go 1 or 2 or 5 minutes not talking he gets something special or we make a bet that he can or cannot. Usually I say he can't and he will do it to prove he can.
Have you looked into your school district about early intervention? Your daughter is still kind of young for that but I got my son in at three and they worked with him and me with his behavior and at times they were the ones that kept my sanity. I know they worked with weighted vests and such. It helped them focus on themselves when wearing those. He likes to carry heavy things to this day.
Hang in there, I think the 3's are worse than anything for all children. I think the terrible 2's is nothing compared to 3. I would also see if someone can watch your daughter even if it only an hour or so a week. You need to get breaks just to recharge and as little as an hour can be beneficial.
Watch out for asparatame! I gave my son diet/sugar free things not knowing that asparatame is really bad!
Yeah. The list of things you have to worry about is long, sometimes.
Making the diet transition did take some work; I agree. But it wasn't impossible. It was just the first few weeks that were hard -- reading the food labels of all the things my son normally ate. Then, for each thing that contained an artificial dye, I tried to find a substitute that didn't contain a dye.
So, for example, he liked V8 Splash (which contains red and/or yellow food dyes, depending on the flavor.) I stopped buying v8 Splash altogether. But I substituted apple juice and grape juice and a bunch of other juices, until we finally settled on Juicy Juice, which he likes and has been drinking ever since. No problem. And no power struggle, since I tried to be flexible in offering ADHD-friendly, non-food-dye alternatives, until we found something he liked. So he never felt deprived, that I know of, and I still kept the necessary control of what he was eating. And, since I'm the one who makes the buying decisions, I have the upper hand. lol! 
The thing is, he has control over what he won't eat. I can't force feed him. But I have control over what he will eat. That is to say, I control what's available to be eaten, and he gets to choose from within what's there. It works. Usually. Birthday parties? All bets are off.
Good luck.
And caffeineis also a bad idea, IMO.
Oddly enough, though, sugar doesn't seem to have much of an effect, either way, unless it's an over-the-top sugar rush (like Halloween candy, which I have to limit.) Otherwise, good, old-fashioned, sugar-sweetened stuff seems to be fine, in moderation.
(I'm sure there're those who'd disagree. 
)
our nutritionist and doctor recommended high protein and low carb diet (we still allow him to be a kid though... if he wants cake at parties he gets it and if he wants fruit chews we use them as a special treat and so forth)
for example:when we give a fruit we usually provide protein because fruits can be naturally high in sugars
juices are 1/2 water and 1/2 juice or better yet we just buy the low sugar juice
we try the veg thing and sometimes are successful... but honestly I think he gets that gene from me... as a child I despised veggies
spaghetti with omega was recommended by our nutrionist and all wheat products if possible
4myson39083.3837615741Thanks! I checked the sugar free nesquik and there was no asparatame, unfortunately her Cary's Sugar Free syrup does!! I feel like with all these restrictions we might as well just give up eating. No carbs, no sugar, no artificial sweetners (Is SPLENDA ok??), no caffeine, even most fruit I've been told to avoid because of the sugar, and unfortunately no carrots for the same reason and my daughter LOVES carrots, she says "look mama, I'm a Rabbit"! lol. Can somebody let me know if Splenda is ok, like the actual Splenda in the box, they also make brown sugar which I just bought with excitement. I also have bought "diet/lite" fruit juice, jello, pudding, other sweets made with Splenda.Hugs, lioness11! 
I second the recommendation that, if at all possible, you take some time out to care for yourself. (Was that you, 4myson? )
I can't contribute a whole lot, since I've never had a really horrible year with my son's behavior. Quite a few years of horrible worry and exhaustion. But his behavior has always been at least borderline tolerable.
One thing I'd suggest (please pardon my ignorance, since I don't recognize the names of all the therapies you've mentioned.) Take a look at her diet. (I also second this one of 4myson's recommendations.) When my son was in the three/four age range, he just wouldn't sleep. I mean. It was awful. He'd spend at least half the night, every night, flinching, waking up, waking me up, and then falling back into a restless sleep. And he was SO hyper. So, so hyper. That's when I started reading about non-medicinal treatments for ADHD. We took him off all food dyes. I'm not going to lie to you. We didn't see immediate reaults. It takes a while for food dyes to work their way out of the body. But, honestly, after a few weeks without dyes, he was sleeping deeply through most nights. And, when we did a "confirmation experiment" by deliberately giving him red food dye (just one glass of Hawaian Punch) a few months later, he was bouncing off the walls, so to speak, within half an hour.
For him, diet is a huge thing. Maybe not for your daughter. I don't know. But it probably is worth at least trying. (Not just dyes, btw -- dairy is big for some kids, other additives, gluten, you name it. There're books on the topic.)
And, if you can (I know it may not be possible) try to find a space -- even if it's just half an hour a day -- where you can truly relax. I think one of the hardest things for me, as the Mom of an ADHD'er, has been constantly being on call -- always worrying about behavior or breakdowns, or homework or doctor visits or meds. There's always something. Without an occasional release, I'd go crazy.
And, about the parenting thing? Well. I'll be the first to admit that my parenting is well-intentioned, but far from optimal, sometimes. Hey. That's just the way it is. I do my best. For a doctor to attribute all of your daughter's behavioral issues to your parenting style seems really unfair, to me. Okay. Yeah. We all give better parenting sometimes and worse parenting sometimes. And we all have more to learn, I'd venture to say. But for your caregiver to dump everything on you, on top of everything else you're going through, must've felt like a betrayal. It certainly would've hurt me.
Anyway. Hugs. Is there any way you can get a friend or your Mom or a babysitter or somebody) to watch her for an afternoon while you go see a movie and get your nails done?
She IS on a adhd friendly diet (sorta), it's really challenging to police everything she eats, also restaurants are a challenge. I am starting to wonder if she has a milk allergy, she has milk about 3-5x a week either in cereal or with sugar free nesquik. And it is the fat free kind. Yesterday I started to cut that out and I will see if there's any difference because unfortunately she really loves milk and dairy products. I also give her sugar free jello but that ofcourse has dyes in it!?!? Sometimes it just seems like diets to make you healthier are just so unnecessarily COMPLICATED!?!? LOL.
THANKS;-)
Thankyou 4myson and aaronsmom, I took her to a child psychologist less than a year ago because her father and I seperated and we moved back to the U.S from England. I was concerned about her emotional health, but the psychologist said she was well adjusted and acting "normally". Well, my daughter tends to tone down around other new adults, she is only a handful with her father, daycare provider and me. I will still look into therapy though.
And yes I agree 3's are much harder than 2's. I am just waiting for this to get easier, I also have an annoying friend who is always bragging that her kids never acted like mine does!
Anyways, I'll look into early intervention, but I have never heard about "weighted vests"?? What is that about? I'm not too sure about that.
But THANKYOU:-)
I guess I should hang my head in shame. We have Whole Foods, Central Market and a Sprouts -- a super-reasonably priced farmer's market that has a huge selection of organic foods. I'm spoiled. 
Just a question to throw into the mix. What's you ladies'/guys' opinion on the value of going to a nutitionist? And how do you find a nutritionist that specializes in ADD/ADHD diets (or is that even necessary?)
I ask because our approach has been strictly research, followed by (pretty extensive) experimentation to see what works for/against my son, or what seems to have little effect. Seriously. We started from the top of the list of possible food sensitivities and worked our way down, using behavior, sleep patterns, etc, as our responses. It seems to have worked pretty well, so far. We've tried to keep his diet as "normal" (whatever that means) and unrestricted as possible. But what the heck. Always open to new ideas.
OTOH, I think 4myson's on the right track. He is a kid, after all. There's gotta be a balance.
Thoughts, anyone?
And, on a totally unrelated note, about the veggies. One thing that works for my son is cooking stir fries (He likes to help chop the veggies and there's the added bonus that, if he helps cook it, he's more likely to eat it.) and hiding veggies in sauces -- either chopped or pureed seems to help.
I found a recipie for ranch dressing my kids love. I make it with almond milk and real mayo.
I was a real stretch for us at first. Half of my recipie's included Cambell's soup. Now I make a huge pot of soup and freeze can size portions and my casserole's are great!
Just make slow purposeful changes and think like a 1940's mom.
I still use minute rice and I have yet to find a good kid bread without all the preservatives.
Sugar has never adversely affected my kids either, and I am an "old fashioned" cook, when it comes to dinner...and I honestly just don't even think of going down the potato chip aisle for months on end...I love to bake and most of the boys' treats come from that...things that I make.
Funny thing....I asked for a new betty crocker cookbook for christmas because I have worn my old one out from so much usage...the cover was gone long ago, and the pages are falling out and binding is falling apart! My MIL got me the Better Homes and Gardens one....I will have to get on amazon.com for the betty crocker one...
So, maybe diet isn't a big factor for Chase...seems like i already do a lot of the stuff on my own..
emergent,
I like your idea of stir fry for vegetables...my little one loves to help cook and just maybe if he is involved in the process he'll be more apt to eat the veggies. Who knows maybe I will be too.
As for the nutritionist we met with one per our doctors recommendation. We've(my ex and I) only met with her once but the time spent seemed to make some difference for us. We have always tried to be more on the healthy side for our son since birth (again, I haven't deprived him of being a kid). I just didn't want him to have bad habits like me or his dad. I eat the wrong foods and his dad was really over the top on the food subject( he/dad since has improved in this area due to some of his own health complications and doctors establishing a healthier diet for him). His dad just didn't believe in eating, period. Only survival eating. He use to bug our daycare providers all the time about the way he perceived them to be feeding our son. My son is and has always been okay in the weight department. He really eats healthy on his own. Just this morning in the car with my brother who bought him a chocalate bar, my son said that he wouldn't be able to eat much of it because his doctor doesn't want him eating chocolate because of too much sugar. This came from the mouth of my newly turned 5 year old. I wish I could have his self-control!
I was so over whelmed with diet changes at first. Whole Foods is expensive! But my son age 9 is now in 18mg of concerta vs 54 mg before we started. And none over longer breaks!
Discipline can help too. I have a really out of control 5 year old. I use 1-2-3 magic and ograms marble system. It is still chaos but I am no longer the one out of control!!
I watched nanny 911 yesterday and saw my self a few months ago! I made me feel good that I got things more in control.
Getting the 5 year old to stay in time out was the biggest challenge!
Oh look up Dr Mercola and read what he has to say about Splenda. THANKS BL. I actually plan on going to Whole Foods today. Will I find this stevia or evaporated cane juice sugar there? I love Nanny 911, I must've missed it. After watching that show sometimes I feel like my kid isn't so bad after all! LOL! Whole Foods has everything! Except high EPA fish oil. And... whole foods has regular chocolate milk with unrefined cane sweetner! OK ladies, I am green with jealousy...I keep hearing people talk about 'Whole Foods' so I googled it..the nearest store to me is 90 miles away... thanks... I think I will try the frozen vs. canned in the future. It might make a difference for both my son and I.
curious chasesmom... how do you prepare your peas... my son went yuck the other night and said his school made the peas better. I obviously need some cooking lessons.
Maybe those of us on this post need to share share some kid friendly recipe's with one another.
I have always used frozen vegetables, because I just think that they have a nicer texture and appearance. The only exception is green beans, I don't like the texture of frozen green beans. And I literally heat them either in the microwave or on the stove and serve them...sometimes I put a little butter on them...thats it. But that is all my kids have ever had...they don't even have cheese on broccoli! When the girls were little, I used to put cheese on it, then when Jake was a baby, I read that you should let the baby get used to the vegetable itself, before putting any seasoning on it, so I started making it w/o and sometimes heating cheese separately, then I just kept forgetting to make the cheese...the boys will not hear of me contaminating their broccoli with cheese!Jake won't touch the school's peas, they are canned! He says they look and smell gross. I think they are horribly overcooked as well. I have always cooked mine just enough to be done, but still firm and fresh looking.
Exactly. I think that may have been why the diet transition was relatively (relatively) easy for us -- because I've always been a from-scratch cook. Convenience foods just never tasted all that good, to me. So getting rid of a lot of preservatives really didn't take all that much work. Snack foods were more of a challenge, of course, but, with those, I try to stick with the "plain, original" version. Plain potato chips have potatoes, oil and salt. Period. It's when you start adding "sour cream and onion," for example, (which, btw, doesn't contain real sour cream or onion lol!) that you get into trouble, IMHO.
Just like any non-ADHD parent, I've always limited snack food. Not I just add the requirement that the snack foods my kid eats be "plain." It's amazing how much stuff is out there that he can eat.
Another trick is to try changing brands. For example (and I know this won't work for the no sugar folks here. ) Pre-ADHD, my kid used to have Minute Maid pink lemonade for a treat. Food dye. Red 40, IIRC. Now, for an occasional treat, I let him have either homemade lemonade or Capri Sun lemonade -- no food dye. Sugar, yes, (but again, sugar doesn't seem to bother him,) but no food dye, which has a big behavioral impact on him.
Who was it that said this earlier in the thread? It all comes down to really knowing your own kid(s) and fitting their diet, activities, schedules, everything around what works best for them. (While taking a little time out for Mom, here and there. 
) Just my thoughts.
emergent39083.5304282407How about Trader Joe's? We have Sunshine Market but I don't think it is a chain. I googled Trader Joes and the farthest you could search was 50 miles away, and there are none in that range...
I am in NW Ohio, and I think that the trend towards healthier eating and away from traditional 'comfort foods' just hasn't reached us yet....
As for eating veggies...give Chase a raw veggie and he is in heaven...broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, peppers, cucumbers...he doesn't like tomatoes though. But a cooked one....the only cooked one he will eat w/o a fight is broccoli. He will eat the others, peas, green beans, corn (on the cob, loves it, off, says it tastes different) but only because he knows he has to, not willingly.
Jake will eat veggies any way you serve him....he has always been a very good eater, as a toddler/preschooler, we had to hide the veggies (peas especially) from him til he ate the rest of the meal or he would fill up on them! Really....true story! Then near the end of the meal, we would bring them out and he would be as excited as most kids get about ice cream, and eat 2-3 helpings of the veggie! Luckily my girls also like veggies. so they would also dig in!
Jake still gets all excited when he finds out I am serving peas for dinner!
[QUOTE=4myson]As for the nutritionist we met with one per our doctors recommendation. We've(my ex and I) only met with her once but the time spent seemed to make some difference for us. We have always tried to be more on the healthy side for our son since birth (again, I haven't deprived him of being a kid). I just didn't want him to have bad habits like me or his dad. I eat the wrong foods and his dad was really over the top on the food subject( he/dad since has improved in this area due to some of his own health complications and doctors establishing a healthier diet for him). His dad just didn't believe in eating, period. Only survival eating. He use to bug our daycare providers all the time about the way he perceived them to be feeding our son. My son is and has always been okay in the weight department. He really eats healthy on his own. Just this morning in the car with my brother who bought him a chocalate bar, my son said that he wouldn't be able to eat much of it because his doctor doesn't want him eating chocolate because of too much sugar. This came from the mouth of my newly turned 5 year old. I wish I could have his self-control![/QUOTE]
Ah ha! Thanks for the recommendation, 4 myson. Thanks to you, I searched through my health care plan's providers and found a nutritionist whose services are covered by our insurance. We have an appointment later this month. (My son is ADHD, I'm overweight, and my husband is ADD and diabetic. lol! This appointment certainly hasn't come a minute too soon! )
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I wanted to make sure I'd closed the loop, first.