Giving things away | ADHD Information

My son has this problem, to a degree. He has many friends he plays with on the playground, but when it comes time for a birthday party, he never gets invited.  I think alot has to do with the parents' perceptions of him, rather than how the kids feel. Also, his best friend is Jehovah's Witness, so no birthday parties there. his other best buddy, whose mom is a reading specialist, lives about 40 minutes away, really out in the sticks, so after school she 1) has had enough of children, and 2) really doesn't want to  invite kids over so that they have to be driven home. I get that, and so far I think my son does, too. We just try to make home as fun and interesting as we can, so that he doesn't feel like he's missing something.

Jillette..its not uncommon for children with Adhd to put extreme effort into making and keeping friends. Due to so much peer rejection and rejection from society in general, issues of low self esteem build rapidly. That's why early intervention is crucial. In social skills training classes, the psychologist role plays with the children and teaches them how to react and respond in any given situation. Just telling the child how they should act or respond is not very effective as most of what you say floats right by them. A visual and hands on intervention like social skills training classes has proven to be a very effective tool for children with Adhd and this tool like any other tool is more effective when the child is on effective medication.

You have very valid concerns about the future but I suggest you take things one day at a time because with maturity and the right tools to manage the symptoms of Adhd, these children are less prone to indulge in risky behavior and succumb to peer pressure. My heart goes out to you as I recall my son doing the very same things as a child and my heart used to break but a a result of effective treatment, he got through the teen years just fine and without incident. However, he was still a normal teen that would drive me crazy with worry at times as no kid, Adhd or not is perfect. When push came to shove he made the right choices and that is the goal as parents that we strive for. Perhaps my success story will give you more hope. How are things going with the medication? Do you think its working at maximum benefit? I would ask your daughter's psychologist about social skills training classes.

Luvmykids0239086.9740046296

I agree with Luvmykids02. My ds has social problems. He only has one friend and it is difficult for him to make more. It breaks my heart when I hear of other kids of his class group getting together to play in one of their houses and my son never gets invited. It is also hard for me as a mom to deal this issue with other moms who show to be desinterested in us; sounds hard, but this is reality. I feel relief that my ds best friend's mom is one of my best friends and knows and understands all my problem. She has been very supportive with us.

My son has been attending social skills training with a wonderful psychologist. I can tell you that this is ruining my accounts but I try to do whatever I can so that my son always goes. She does a lot of what you say in regard to roleplaying. By doing this she represents social environments. She does it by roleplaying as a kind of theater and also with some toy characters she has in her office; my son is also allowed to bring toy characters he feels confident and happy with( these are two of many other activities). My son has had improvement socially, although, this is a very slow process. As far as I have seen, I have noticed that he is better at getting in games with other kids; before this was a nightmare. He is also better at keeping a conversation and giving ideas and points of view. He still needs to correct impulsivity and to my disadvantage meds are not working as they should. I am trying to do something about this but it has been difficult due to my son's tics and so few options of meds I have here in my country.

I highly recommend social skills training. If you take this decision try to find somebody with very good references tro make you feel more confident since this is a real investment. Well I don't know about you, but I don't have insurance coverage for this here and expenses in regard to my son's adhd are extremely high.

 my dd used to do this a lot in our old neighborhood when she was excluded from the few girls...it is heartbreaking as a parent.  she'd offer food, books, etc. so that they would be her friend.  the kicker was that she was always okay to play with until someone else was around:(   

no advice for you...just thought i'd say that i think that this is common. if you find something that works...let us all know:)  good luck! 

shelley 

My daughter is making things for other kids in hopes that they would like her and be her friend.  She does tend to annoy others and they do not understand her and it all breaks my heart when she gets excluded.  She is also giving other things like toys and such.  I am terrified of the future for she is sweet and gullible and I see her easily taken advantage of and it kills me inside.  With her impulsivity and ODD I am afraid of her meeting up with bad influences and being tricked for she would do anything for  a friend.

  I spoke to her psychologist and he recommended I role play with her and talk to her about if you want someone to like you to smile and listen to what they are saying.  I did try this and did add if they are saying something bad or mean or you can get in trouble for that you do not listen to.  I was told if it does not get better to bring her in for a visit.  Anyone else have any other ideas?

Hmm.  Gotta think about this topic a while.  My son gives things away, sometimes, too.  But I'm not sure it's about making friends so much as the fact that he's an only child with an enormous number of toys and games.  So kids ask for stuff.  And he's a bit timid about saying no.  I'm not sure that's the same thing as giving away stuff in order to gain friends, although it might be.

 

One thing I've noticed about my son, ever since his earliest days in Montessori school (age 4,) is that he tends to gravitate toward other kids (usually boys) in class who also have attention issues or else are quite a bit younger than he.  He hasn't had trouble making a few close friends, pretty much since the baby room at La Petite. lol.   I wonder if he's compensating by picking kids like himself. Hmm ... Well.  If so, I guess it's working.   *shrug*

emergent39087.8839930556

All of us can feel the pain of this.  I am glad you are staying right on top of it so hopefully she will be able to make the right decisions now and later on.

My son just had to switch schools which is so hard to begin with and he was not making any friends.  They had a Santa shop and my ds ended up giving his change (a couple of dollars) to a boy to pay him to be his friend.  But my ds first lied to me and said he gave the boy the money because he did not have any for the Santa shop.

Great for you!!

Keep us posted on her progress!!

Thanks everyone.  My biggest fear is her doing things she should not for friendship and just plain being taken advantage of.  My girl is sweet and naive and just wants to please.  I spoke to the University today and they plan to address this with her as well.  I am going to take things one day at a time.


    I am also happy to share she is having trouble in math and the Study through the university is going to tutor her for free being in the study.
My girl does have one friend with the same diagnosis and I think it is wonderful for they have more in common.  The only hassle is she lives across town from us we met them through the study but worth the travel.