Cleaning up after oneself | ADHD Information

Adhd children just can't seem to focus on the task of picking up toys without help, they just seem to get lost and forget what they are doing or start playing with the toy they have in their hand. I always work with my daughter to get the job done,by telling her what to pick up next and where to put it. Now that she is 7 and after reading this message board we decided to try the marble system only a little different; she now has a chore chart on her wall and gets a happy sticker for doing her chorces that day. at the end of the month we will count up the stickers and she will get a dollar for every happy face. So far so good. And this helps in another way- any new video game or movie she is wanting she will have enough money ot the end of the month to buy herself... no more asking us for this or that at the store I just tell her wait until she gets her money and she can buy it. We was worried about the reward being at the end of the month but the daily happy stick seems to be taking care of that. No more fight to get her to do her homework.. PS if she was younger just the stickers or marbles would work but she was wanting an allowance so I just put the two together..

LOL yes even homeschooling she has a little homework, she seems to want it after seeing her friend doing theirs.. Oh yes now; we do pick our battles and if her room is really a huge mess that day I will still go in and help her knowing it will just be to much for her to get done without her getting upset.

JOyce

My boys know that if the clothes are not downstairs in the hamper, they do not get washed, and the older one does his own....right now he is putting a load of jeans in the washer while I am at my daughter's house babysitting. He asked me to check and see if he remembered to transfer them to the dryer. I am in the same boat with Chase....he is way too short to reach into the washer, but he is actually the one that brings down his dirty laundry, so it isn't an issue. Then they have to take up their clean laundry and put it away. I have found that Chase's does not get put away unless I hang it on hangers....he only has to put away (in drawers)socks and underwear then!

jaderock54,

I have started transferring my daughter's laundry to her. She has to empty the dryer when I do her laundry (she cannot yet reach all the way into the washing machine to get out her clothes. I do her clothes after the rest of the laundry is done because it is hard to get her to empty the dryer, and her clothes are in the way of me drying other loads of laundry. I even took them out and put them on her bed; she just knocked them on the floor at bedtime and later put them in the hamper.

I was recently trying to not wash her clothes until they were in the hamper, but her dad intervened (I forgot to tell him what I was doing). I would like to know how long she can get by without me doing the laundry.

When the girls rooms (and both of my girls are slobs) get out of control, I simply tell them that neither one of them gets any tv or anything at all for that matter until the rooms are clean. Sometimes, its' taken days. Literally. But it eventually gets done because neither one of them likes being cooped up in their room for days with no hope of playing outside or watching tv!!! I'm so evil! It may not be as perfect as I'd do it, but after reading years of articles....I've just let it go. Sometimes I'll go in and clean it out MY way....but usually, as long as I can vacuum and not suck up half of their Polly Pocket civiliation or step on anything that is going to cause me to scream (that would be an earring or something along those lines)....then I'm getting better at letting it go. Good luck!

We took toys away as well. We ended up with a spare room full of toys. They just forgot about the toys and made no attempt at earning them back. So I started giving them to Goodwill.

Marbles work for the youngest (they have separate rooms now) and she keeps her room picked up (gets a marble each day it stays picked up); I still remind her though. The oldest still can't keep her room clean more than one day and keeps losing her homework and books in the room. In her case, it is clothes on the floor. I recently did not do her wash (clothes are on the floor, not in the hamper) to see how long before she would run out of clothes.

Hey

Have you tried anything like the marble system where they earn marbles for doing things you ask and lose them when they don't comply! There is also the 123 magic book you can read it says to doc pay for having to do their chore for them.

I'm gonna try that with my sons chores! I'll let everyone know how it goes! As for the 123 magic as a general disiplin book it seems to be working great! It was rough at first 7 to 10 days he was an immidiate tester and pushed me to 3 alot but now only a few times this last saturday! Big smile He is 8 and has ADHD.

Hope this is helpful!

I didn't find that removing the toys has worked for me either, I've been using it as a means only to try keep the bedroom floor clean and my 9 year old could care less about what is in the bag. His attention span isn't long enough!

I've always found positive re-enforcement to work and to only give him one small project at a time. Have you read about the "Marble System" in another thread? I've tried this tactic and found it successful, but found the goals need to be realistic to an ADHD child otherwise they lose interest very quickly. Rewards have to become available to my son after the end of everyday, or he loses interest all together.

Aside from the marble system I like to have rewards available upon completion of chores, not only do the children get paid a small allowance for doing the dishes, but my son is only allowed dessert after his dishes are done. Without an incentive he'd stand there all evening until bedtime and still have less than half the dishes done. So I make sure we have a nice dessert at the end of every meal, as an incentive. He is given a clear deadline and if the dishes are not done, I follow through with not allowing him dessert. But he still gets paid if the dishes are completed before bedtime.

On a difficult week I'll take all his priviledges away and everything becomes a reward... videogames and TV become 'earned' rewards for a set amoung of time, for a certain amount of marbles. This one REALLY gets his attention! But I use it rarely, because it would become ineffective if I tried to use it on a daily basis.

In all honesty I've never found just ONE thing to work all the time, I've had to be adjustable to his behavior because some days are better than others. All goals have to be attainable, or he doesn't even try.

Taking the toys away did not work for me. My son would ask where they were, and how long they would be there. Then he'd say "OK, so I can have that back in 7 days?" So I started throwing them in the garbage. Now I tell my kids that any toys that are still on the floor in 30 minutes are going into the garbage. It's amazing how quickly they can clean up. But that means you have to actually do it, and I know plenty of parents who won't go that far.

I'm with you on this one Jillette. Taking the toys from my son never worked either. At one point we had emptied his room of everything except his bed and clothing. Guess what? He played with dirt! Yes dirt. All the little dust bunnies from under the bed, a loose screw he found in the back of the closet, a rubber band, you name it. He never got those toys back- 5 rubbermaid tubs- he never missed them. He has of course gotten new toys for christmas and b-day and his room is full again.

I was actually in tears this weekend though- I'd spent the whole day cleaning and organizing and when I was done the house still looked like a tornado had hit because everything he had touched all day was still out and I was too busy cleaning to be on his tail about putting stuff away when he was done.

I tried to tell myself I was overreacting because I had tripped over a box of army men while moving a bookself (did I mention this can be dangerous?). But then I went to stick the box in his room (he was already in bed) and tripped on his shoes that he'd left on the stairs. I threw them in his room ( not the best example I know) and went to the kitchen and when I turned around to fill my glass with water from the dispenser on the fridge I found his cup sitting on the little ledge of the water dispenser.

The only thing that I've found that helps is to stay on him about putting htings away when he's done. I hate it. I feel like I'm constantly nagging him. So does he. The marbles don't really work either, cause it's just a matter of him remembering to do it and apparently he can't, so he never earns any marbles for picking up.

I'm feeling like it's just going to be a long 10 years till we can ship him off to college.

Vickie- When I was your daughter's age my mom got sick of yelling at me to pick up my clothes, so she made me start doing my own laundry. Worked like a charm. I started picking them up once a week or so in order to wash them, and she stopped caring because she didn't have to pick them up any more. If I didn't wash them, then I had no clean clothes, and since I was old enough to care that only happened once or twice. She did start shutting the door to my room though.

Thanks my kid is a tough one and since I am home alone with her today I can keep on her. When daddy is home he is busy on the computer or watching TV he does not watch what she does as long as she is quiet and when I come home the house looks like a tornado. She has little privilages today some TV she is doing now and no computer unless it is to play math games ( she needs help with math and will not do so independently). I am ready to rip my hair out my daughter leaves her barbies and whatever toy or game she is playing with all over my floor and does not care about picking her things up. When I force her to she says it is too much or she is not done with it yet and she will start playing with it again instead of cleaning it up. I so far took TV time, computer, and watching her movies on DVD away until she cleans up. I see it if she does some of it she can earn watching a Movie back then she does more she can earn the TV back, etc as motivation. She does not care whatsoever and I made this rule yesterday and still she still has not done anything. Any ideas instead of me dragging her by the wrist and forcing her to clean?
My son says it it to hard for him too. I try to catch him moving to a new toy and before he does it I have him put the old one in his room. Which is a disaster area. He has to clean it when he gets in trouble at school as a chore to make up for being bad. Most of the time it is just moving stuff around. The stuff your daughter doesn't put away take and put away so she can't have it. Do it with everything she leaves out. Doesn't get back til she starts showing she can pick up on regular basis. One thing at a time. She will either learn or run out of toys. And speaking of him putting stuff away before he moves, he put his wrestling stuff away and had asked to play on computer.

I think that if I saw that she had moved on to playing with something else, and left out the previous toys, I would just pick up the offending toys w/o even mentioning it and put them in "time out". After a while, she is going to notice things missing and ask about them, at which point you can tell her that if they get left out, they need to go into time out until she earns them back. She probably won't care until most of her stuff is in time out....and she is bored, so get a big tote and put it on a shelf in the garage or somewhere....Another idea would be to have a small laundry basket and periodically, like an hour before bed on school days or once just before lunch and an hour before bed on weekends, go around an gather (with her help) all of the trail of toys, and have her put them in their proper places. Then it isn't so much out all day...

And don't worry...EVERY kid (not just ADHD kids) does this. I am forever after my boys, grandkids and daycare kids to pick things up!

With my son I too take them away without him knowing and put them away and when he asks where they are I tell him he lost them until he learns to pick up.

When it's too much I turn the TV off and take everything away and make him sit on the couch and do nothing until he decides he's gonna pick up.

That has been successful for me. Now it's hard for him to be still so he like all over the couch and I have to keep telling him to sit down but it usually doesn't take long before he is ready to pick up because he gets tired of sitting there.

I find if I work at the same time as my son he is more willing to help with the clean up process. Or at least a lot of the time he does. I think all kids go through this though.

I remember as a child I hated to do my chores. I'd hide all my toys under my bed or shove them in my closet. My mom would bring them all out to the center of the room and add some. This seemed to work for me. LOL!

I haven't tried this with my son but might have to some day.

I like this topic and can't wait to hear more ideas. I'd like not to have to be so industrious everytime I want him to clean up his room.

Okay... this is just too weird(this is a follow-up to my previous response). I have some dishes in the sink that I haven't had time to get to all day. My son just came up to me and asked if he could do his chores. He is in the kitchen washing the dishes as we speak. Pray for me as I expect to see water everywhere. He is a cutie pie. Shirt sleeves all rolled up and taking his job very seriously.

But eventually most of her toys will be gone and she will have to do something to get them back. And you can make TV and computer time linked to cleaning up after herself...if you turn it off she is done.

I would not allow the computer or TV if she will not clean up.

[QUOTE=Aaron'smom]My son says it it to hard for him too. I try to catch him moving to a new toy and before he does it I have him put the old one in his room. Which is a disaster area. He has to clean it when he gets in trouble at school as a chore to make up for being bad. Most of the time it is just moving stuff around. The stuff your daughter doesn't put away take and put away so she can't have it. Do it with everything she leaves out. Doesn't get back til she starts showing she can pick up on regular basis. One thing at a time. She will either learn or run out of toys. And speaking of him putting stuff away before he moves, he put his wrestling stuff away and had asked to play on computer.[/QUOTE]

*This sounds good however depending on her mood she appears not to care. I like the idea of her having to show she can clean up after herself.
[QUOTE=chasesmom79]

And don't worry...EVERY kid (not just ADHD kids) does this. I am forever after my boys, grandkids and daycare kids to pick things up!

[/QUOTE]

*In the past we have tried her losing the toys until she earned them back however she will just go and play with something new and forget about it and not even care. My girl is a tough one and not to mention ODD and very smart. If you take away TV for example she would obsess on the computer or something else instead and nothing is getting through for her.
I would say that if you did it with her, she would be more apt to comply. Being ODD, she probably responds very negatively to being "ordered around" by you. Otherwise, maybe make only a binful of toys available to her at any one time. That way, the cleanup will be much less tiresome. Store the others away and rotate them occasionally. I know, I know, that would take a lot of organization....but I saw that on Supernanny once, I think.