Um.... she said in her post that they use that system, but that her husband tends to forget it in the heat of the moment....
"My dh does not always have the best patience skills with the kids, especially after a long day at work, and tends to forget to use the 1-2-3 Magic and marble system and will resort to yelling/demanding that the kids do what he wants them to do, and getting mad when they don't comply. This only gets them more worked up and everyone is upset."
We both try to use the 123 Magic - unfortunately, we are both guilty of not always doing it right - dh tends to not give enough time to comply before he completes counting...I on the other hand tend to give too much time and try to "allow" him to comply so as not to have the consequence. (I tend to dislike conflict!!)
When we do it right it works very well for M.
dmid, your husband sounds a lot like mine!! Here's what I did at home: one day while he was watching a football game, something he loves like my son loves video games, I called him to come and unload the dishwasher. Of course, he tried to brush me off, so I wigged out, just like he does when our son doesn't listen to him the first time. He looked at me like I was nuts. I did this a few more times that day, until he asked me what my problem was (because he was very unhappy at being yelled at) . So I told him that that was what our son felt like, too, and that children deserve respect just like adults deserve respect. I stressed that our son's inability to comply immediately the way dad wanted was compounded by his adhd and wasn't just a choice. He didn't really like seeing his own behavior in action, but it was very effective. He still has a short fuse some days, but mostly it's much better.That is a great idea. My dh does NOT think that he yells at the kids a lot - he honestly thinks that he just has a "loud voice". I try to tell him it is not just the volume, it is the tone and terseness of his voice that are bothersome. And the fact that he expects immediate compliance, and even if he does ride it out and give the kids a little time, he body language reflects his impatience!
I may try that on him tonight. I had thought about taping him so he can hear his voice, but that seems kind of sneaky.
Hi everyone, I haven't posted here for a while, but do read posts regularly.
My 5 y/o son was diagnosed with ADHD in October and is on 15 mg of Focalin XR. He is doing so much better in school, but nights, once meds wear off, continue to be a challenge.
Here is the current problem - I am a CPA, and this time of year I have to work later at night, many nights of the week, so my dh is home with the kids. My dh does not always have the best patience skills with the kids, especially after a long day at work, and tends to forget to use the 1-2-3 Magic and marble system and will resort to yelling/demanding that the kids do what he wants them to do, and getting mad when they don't comply. This only gets them more worked up and everyone is upset.
Any suggestions to help him get through these nights? I have thought that if he gives them 15-30 minutes after dinner to go downstairs in the basement and tear around to release some of their energy, that may help the nights. I read the "explosive child approach" and I like some of the thoughts-one of my dh's issues is that he tends to demand immediate compliance, but that doesn't necessarily work well with M. I will at times do more of a compromise - if M won't stop what he is doing to go brush his teeth, I will say, OK, you can have 5 more minutes, then you have to go brush your teeth. I make sure that I have 5 spare minutes for him to do this so that bedtime doesn't get too late.
Any suggestions would be extremely helpful! It is hard for me to work what I need to work if I am worried about things at home. And it is very hard on dh to have to take on so many of the nights if they are so frustrating.