STRUGGLING TO KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER | ADHD Information

I KEE[ WRITING AND ERASING, SO IM JUST WASTING TIME;.  IWAS TYPING FOR AN HOUR ABOUT WHY IM GETTING SO FRUSTRATED, THEN after looking at it, realized WHO THEW HELL WANTS TO READ ALL THAT??

I know life's a pain in the ass, and its been very hard at times.  I do get a little depressed at times, but its mostly because I wish I could function like normal people, rather than whats messed up right now.  STUPID, HUH???   Im moving to back to ALABAMA in a last attempt at normalacy.  I have family out there, and all my old drs, so we'll see whats up.  school maybe???  A better job??? MUCH CHEAPER TO LIVE OUT THERE THAN HERE!!! B We'll see if I follow through
DUDE, I see what you're saying, and I feel stupid because of what I last night when I was in a mood, but DAMN, enough is enough.  I did plenty to make things bad, and my pride and stubborness probably made things go a lot worse than it had to be, but EVEN GETTING BACK ON MEDS, (WHICH WAS a mission itself, even with my medical records) AFTER 10 YEARS OF refusing to even consider I still needed them, has been a mistake.  ADDERRAL SUCKS!!!!!  Same thing with or without them.  IT MAKES VERY LITTLE DIFFERENCE in helping me.  I'VE TAKEN RITALIN, DEXADRINE, and a couple others and I think the Dexadrine SPansules, and tablet, where better for me.  I was put in foster care at 14.  Before that, I was rape at gunpoint when I was 13, and at 9yrs to about 14yrs of age my step-dad couldn't control his temper so I was usually his scapegoat per say.  HE USED HIS FISTS AT TIMES, EVEN ONCE HAD HOT COFFEE THROWN AT ME, and he even stooped low enough to molest me right around the same time I had been raped.  (LOTS OF ANGER THEN) BUT I got over it.  Don't think I would have been able to survive, and take care of myself for all this time if I cried about how sh*tty my life was.  BOO HOO HOO, there's gotta be worse that could happen, I'm sure.  AND PROBABLY WILL BE TO ME) But I'm just so angry at HOW I LET THINGS turn out.  LET ME TRY TO FOCUS LONG ENOUGH TO DO A FAST FORWARD.......and just to complain about recently and not ALL MY WOES  LOST APARTMENT after a neighbor (and someone I knew for years and considered a friend) AND COOKED FOR HIS BI*CH A*S WHENEVER HE HAD NO FOOD) stole my purse w/ my rent money.  Right in front of me too, and yet I didn't realize it until later when I remembered where I had left it.  (I had been trying to both help some little runaway rich girl because I felt sorry for her.  I lived in an area that was ghetto and dangerous compared to her VERY WEALTHY area of W. Hollywood.  ANYWAYS, THATS ANOTHER LING STORY.  Then one night after coming home from work, the manager kept banging on my door insisting my radio was blasting.  (It was coming from downstair's neightbor) but for some reason, the crack and alcohol was somehow preventing him from seeing that.  HE INSTIGATED A FIGHT WHEN  HE SAW ME GOING OUTSIDE. and i ended up busting his head with a plastic coke bottle in an attempt to defend myself when he decided to start hitting me.  I would of done more than those 5 days, a (da rejet) but his own camera proved he started it/.  (but i was told he had some kinda deal with the seargent, so I got screwed)  WELL, I DID HAVE MY DOOR LOCKED, yet it was robbed while I was custody, and discovered I'M 26 YEARS OLD AND STILL CAN'T GET ON MY FEET OR KEEP
MYSELF OUT OF TROUBLE!!!! I have so much bad luck, whether I cause it
or not, nothing good happens. Even when I really try, I get knocked right
back down. I get so tired of trying I'm ready to just give up. When I was
doing wrong, the same sh*t happened. SO what's the point????Chill.  26 years of the kind of living that gets you in trouble don't change the moment your ready to change.  Its ok to get all bent out of shape, go break something.. shut yourself in a closet and scream at the top of your lungs, take off all your clothes and dance around on your front lawn screaming "LOOK!  A NAKED LOOSER!!!  But don't give up trying to change, you already no you get the same sh*t if you stay in it.  Alot of the sh*t we hit while trying to change is leftover sh*t from yesterday.  Depending on how long or far you flung yesterday's sh*t, it will stop eventually.