How do you instill values? | ADHD Information

I have been thinking about this post since I read it this morning....I agree that the only way is to live the values....and point out when you see others doing the same. Your children watch everything that you do, whether you realize it or not, and they will just innately copy things that they witness you doing.

I have done the same as cr12345mr, and had the cashier look at me like i am from mars..."You came all the way back in here to pay for this .99 item?"....but my kids saw me being honest...so I did not care what the reaction was of the cashier...

Also to add, admit when we are wrong to our children and apologize to them if we make a wrong judgement call on their behalf. They need to know that mom and dad are not perfect either and its important for everyone to take ownership when human error occurs. Children ar more likely to live up to attainable standards as opposed to unattainable standards that leave no margin for error. Luvmykids0239105.3881365741

good point luvmykids02! I had forgotten that. Children will learn to admit their wrongdoings much more readily if they have seen their parents modeling that behavior...after all, if mommy and daddy can admit they were wrong and apoligize for it, so can the child...

Or if they hear the parent apologizing to a friend that "I was so frustrated, I guess I just lost my temper, I am sorry" They will learn to label their feelings and to eventually control them as well.

chasesmom79 wrote: Or if they hear the parent apologizing to a friend that "I was so frustrated, I guess I just lost my temper, I am sorry" They will learn to label their feelings and to eventually control them as well.

Exactly chasesmom

What methods do you use to instill values such as honesty and integrity, etc, in your children? What works for you? What didn't work?

Obviously I try to show them by example. I've also started reading them books with morally outstanding people in them. I try to expose them to positive role models in the community such as sports stars, etc. They need to learn right from wrong.

Yes, my first thought was to actually live the values. Like when you find a dollar on the ground, take it to "lost and found" instead of saying "finders keepers." Just little stuff like that. A couple weeks ago I was at the grocery and had finished paying and as we were leaving, I noticed one item was tucked under my purse...so I turned around and went back and paid for it and made sure dd knew what was going on. And support them when they have charitable ideas. Recently dd told us we had to save poptops for Riley Hospital. So I made her the boss of the poptops and she is responsible for keeping them and getting them off the cans. She's really into it.

Then I guess I am doing okay! I am honest to a fault or try to be, will pick up litter when I see it in the street, will definitely not litter myself, etc. We also give to charity. My parents never EVER admitted they might be in the wrong to me, and when I had kids I realised that it is SO important to do that, I admit I'm wrong and apologise quite freely to them. I'm trying to be on a more human, accessible level than mine ever were.

I just hope that our values at home have more of an impact on them at this impressionable age than the moral degeneration that they are exposed to in just about every other area of their lives. I guess what I'm hoping by going into these books, etc. is that if my son reads something else out of my control that's not so morally clean, he will think back and go that's not right - The Secret Seven would never do that. etc.

All good advice so far.

Example and repetition are key. It is also important to have constant conversation with your child. When other kids act up or are disobedient, I use them as times to explain why such behavior is not acceptable.

Gutsy, we use dinner time to reflect on the day.

Each night the questions start, and we all answer-including my husband and I.

Here are some examples of what to talk about.

"How was your day", "What was something good about your day", "What was something bad about your day", "How did that make you feel", "What did you think of that",....We discuss things like this in detail and it gets them to open up and reflect on their experiences. It gives us the opportunity as parents to instill our values and standards in our children. When my husband and I talk about our day, we show them that we experience the same pressures and situations that they do.

We are Christians, so have also found that a regular family bible study helps.

MonkeyButt39106.5493171296

[quote=monkeybutt]What was something good about your day", "What was something bad about your day"[/quote]

we call that "high, low".. like from the movie "the story of us"

I try to model values and to apologize when I'm wrong but since my son can be oblivious to what's going on, I also point out when someone does the right thing. I don't say "See, I'm going back to pay for the gum the cashier overlooked." It's more like "Oh, she forgot to ring this up, we need to go back." I try to make doing the right thing something's that automatic, like a reflex.
[QUOTE=MonkeyButt]

Gutsy, we use dinner time to reflect on the day.

Each night the questions start, and we all answer-including my husband and I.

Here are some examples of what to talk about.

We are Christians, so have also found that a regular family bible study helps.

[/QUOTE]

We do a lot of the same things with our kids. Our morning drive to school is also an opportunity to make a good start on the day with us. We say our prayers as we drive to school. I have noticed quite a difference the longer we have done this. I finally figured out we were on the right tract when Tyler's prayer was mainly about helping everyone else, but the homerun was when he asked God to help his baby sister Kadee learn to love Jesus like he does because that is so important to him. When I asked why he said that particularly he said it was because he knows that Jesus always loves him like we do no matter what and he wants to make sure his sister knows she is loved no matter what also.