New here and need support!!! | ADHD Information

I am so glad that you found this board.  You are in good company and getting lots of support.  Just about everyone here can empathize with you because we've all been there.  I want to you to believe that things do get better.  Many mornings I was in tears by the time I got him on the school bus.  It was a rough road to travel always trying to figure out what will work for him, but ds has never ceased to amaze me.  He is now 18 and I couldn't be prouder.  As I have told him in the past, "You make my life colorful."

Oh yeah, one of the colleges he's been accepted to has offered a great scholarship!
By the way, he is ADHD/gifted/LD in Rdg and Language/dysgraphic.



Ask your doctor about Daytrana.  It's a ritalin patch.  No pills to swallow and the up and down is very gentle and gradual.  Ritalin helps with impulse control, too.  My ds uses it and we've had really good results.  Go to the meds board and check out the daytrana threads.  One is really long (23 pages), but there's lots of good info in it.  And everybody is right.  It can get better.  And you're in good company.  We've all been through what you're going through.  Heck, in 6th grade, my son pulled his pants down on the school bus and pretended to hump the seat.  You are not alone.   If there's anything that isn't on the daytrana threads, pm me with your question and I'll find an answer for you.  Don't worry, you're not alone, you're in really good company!   (((((HUGS))))) http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25343& PN=1

Check out this thread. 

 

My ds couldn't swallow the pills either and we too tried poking holes in the capsules.  My now put pudding on a spoon and put the capsule in the pudding.  I tell him it is there but as long as he has pudding or applesauce with it he finds that it slides right down.

That is how Chase first started swallowing pills too.  A big spoonful of pudding or yogurt, plop the pill on top, then scoop it into his mouth...the pill goes right down.

 

Thank you all sooooooo much!!!! I wish I could hug everyone of you! You understand! Thank you!!!!!! So much of what you all said is right on the mark - this isn't what I thought having a child would be like. Everyone else makes it look so easy, why can't that be us? I know - sounds like a pity party, right? But, I wonder that all the time - why me? I'm not strong enough for this - I worry too much about EVERYTHING - and this is so hard! I definitly will research guanfacine. I bought fish oil once, but the pills were so huge and I tried poking a hole in it and putting the oil in his milk - I don't blame him for not wanting to drink his milk cuz it tasted funny Any ideas on where I can get fish oil in a different form? His Dr. wanted a letter from his teacher stating what he's like a school, what a day is like with him. I'm sure the Dr. will continue without it, but I guess I just keep putting it off. You know, part of me thinks that there is nothing wrong and we just expect too much from him and that it's our fault so why medicate him?! And part of it is fully admitting there is a problem. It doesn't help that no one else has said "yes, there is a problem." We just think we're imagining it. And part of it is embarrassment - which I shouldn't be cuz I'll be less embarrassed of him when his behavior is under control. Gosh, that sunded terrible! I'm embarrassed by my own child!!!

Thank you all for your wonderful tips and advice - I will call his Dr. on Monday and get the ball rolling again! I'll let you know how it's going soon..........

I know exactly how you feel - you love your child so much, and you want to make everything ok for him and it hurts just so darn much to see them struggle and to hear about it from everyone.  I feel like my heart was taken out and broken and stomped on a million times over the last year and a half.

Just remember it is not your fault!!!  It is not your sons fault either - you can tell when they can control something and when they can't.  I know that with my son some of his behaviors are learned and he can control them, but most of them are not.

I want to tell you it can get better!  My son has been on Focalin XR since October - he is doing very well in school.  His teacher is thrilled with how well he is doing now.  His relationships with his school friends are better, he is happy to go to school, he is engaged, he talks about what they have done.  I went to his Xmas program with much trepidation (like you, not all of our previous experiences with these events have been positive) and he did so good I almost cried through the whole performance - he stood where he was supposed to, he participated, he was happy - the teacher didn't even sit anywhere near him.  We are so used to him always having to be right next to the teacher.  One of the best things is that his imagination and creativity are really starting to shine in positive ways!

I am curious as to why you have to wait for this teacher???  Why do you have to wait for her to write a letter? 

Parents are always the target to ignorant people and even now diagnosed you still get the attitudes others just do not understand.  Also no one is to blame it is a tough life and sounds like this teacher has no clue.

I agree with vickie.... talk to a doctor about the tenex/guanfacine!  Do the research and give it a try!  This is not to say that focus will not be an issue cown the road, but for now, behavior is the only problem and this med helps to calm the child and slow them down just a bit so that they have time to process a reaction....so he can take the time to think of consequences before he reacts.  My son was a lot like yours in the fact that his grades were good....until 3rd grade when the work gets more difficult....he was smart enough that he could turn in work here and there, ace the tests and get As and Bs until the 3rd grade, when he began to struggle to get Cs.

Your son may never have focus issues and the tenex may be all that he ever needs though..

Good luck and be sure to post any questions you may have. 

Hi! I guess I just need someone to tell me that it's not my fault! My son is 5 1/2 and we always thought he was just a difficult kid, I was a stay at home mom (working part-time now) until this year when he started kindergarten. It seems to both my husband and myself that the differences and problems are so obvious, but no one else sees it! His teacher implied that it is our parenting and there isn't anything wrong - she's been a teacher forever, wouldn't she know? But, he is doing VERY well academically, he's always been very smart. But he is constantly getting time-outs at school and home life is immpossible. I tried to explain to his teacher that as naughty as he is there, she's getting the good part of him. My husband had add and my brother had adhd and a learning disorder - tho that's not what my parents call it. They say he's "immuature" and blame it on the Ritalin. Yeah, that's just what I need to hear when I'm considering medicating my baby just to make it thru the day without crying myself to sleep! I know that they say it's genetic. Nothing good ever seems to happen because it gets "ruined" by his behavior. He does not care about punishments or rewards - and we've tried it all! My friends will tell you that we are too strict, which makes me wonder if that's the problem. Do we just need to relax? It has gotten to the point where I dread social situations - playdates etc.. all the things that are fun for "normal" families. It always turns into him acting up - how am I supposed to feel when ALL the kids are tatteling on only HIM - then we go home, he gets a huge lecture, lots of yelling and then 5 minutes after he's in bed I'm crying because I think he must feel terrible and I'm RUINING HIM!!!! But, even tho I beat myself up I often wonder if he really even cares or even gets it. It doesn't seem like it clicks! As bad as I feel for him - he's just a little boy who doesn't know any other way - I don't know that I can handle this! I'm getting to the point where I'm almost more worried about MY mental health because I feel like it's my fault and I'm doing everything wrong and I'm running in circles beating myself up and worring about him! He has yet to officially be diagnosed with anything - the hold up is his teacher, we're waiting for a letter from her to continue with the Dr. - but I'm guessing ADHD and possibly ODD. He is an angry little boy and has violent outbursts - but only towards us. Mostly me. Like I said, he does very well academically, but socially he just doesn't get it. He can't seem to control his naughty behavior, gets extremely wild and then there is NO stopping him, says he knows right from wrong, but doesn't know why he always chooses to do the wrong thing, VERY argumentative, sassy, seems to enjoy making people mad/annoyed and just doesn't listen! I'm afraid if we don't do something he won't have any friends, he'll start to fall behind in school, I'll go crazy and he'll be emotionally messed up cuz of all the yelling and disciplining that's not working anyway! Please help! P.S. Sorry it's so long.........

goinnutz, I feel your pain ~ that's been my life since I brought my son home from the hospital and we HOPED it was colic.  He's 8 now and I finally exhausted all alternative therapy and put him on Concerta a month ago ~

I'm too new at the med game to be of much help, but I'm sure other's here can.  All I know is the meds make a HUGE difference.  My son makes staight A's but will throw himself on the floor and have the worlds most epic tantrum because he doesn't want to take a shower ~ there were times I wanted to just drop him off at a hospital and head for the hills before I lost my ever lovin' mind~ LOL~!  But most of the time my heart just broke for him, and I'm supposed to be able to "fix everthing" but I can't fix "this"~

If he's diagnosed at school you should start to get some support and special services there.  In my personal opinion it's also helpful to see a child counselor or shrink for a thorough assesment, outside help etc..

Good luck~!

goinnuts,

I don't know where to start. This sounds just like me when Robert was 5! I know exactly how you feel! I wish i could hug you sooooo tight!

IT"S NOT YOUR FALT!!!!!!!!  The best thing you can do for your child you are already doing! Asking for help!

There are tests you can fill out and tons of articles you can read up on! This fourm and the natural remidis forum has tons of info! This is a good place to find support! We are all here for the same pourpuse, to give our childreen the best quality of life we can.

My best advice to you is get your hands or fingers on every thing you can read and post any questions or concerns we are all happy to try and help!

I'll keep you in my prayers!!

Luvmykids0239108.9515509259

Welcome to the board. You will find lots of support and help here. Immaturity is a big part of ADHD. People with ADHD are thought to be 30% behind their peers in maturity.

Look at the marble system by ogram (top stickied thread) for a positive reinforcement behavior plan it can be very helpful with these kids. You can ask for the teacher to implement a behavior plan for school as well.

As far as meds, because the issues are behavoir and not school performance, you might discuss guanfacine (Tenex) with the doctor as an alternative medication to the stimulants. It can be used 24/7 and helps with defiance, impulsivity, calming and hyperactiviey. There is a discussion here:

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24770& PN=2

Also, look into the omegas on the alternative board; there are some studies suggesting they may help with behavior issues in ADHD.

What ever you do, take care of yourself. This is a tough journey and your son needs you to be at your best, despite having to deal with the challenges of ADHD. You are not a bad parent. Bad parents do not go to the effort to educate themselves to help their kids. You will get through this, and it will get better.

 

My heart goes out to you.  I started to feel the way you did around 2 years old.  But then I just chalked it up to terrible two's.  Then he was three and everyone under the sun told me I was just a bad parent.  If I changed this or do that he wouldn't be the way he was.  I would spend many nights crying asking myself what have I done.  I knew it was genetic and his father has a intermitent rage disorder.  But he was such an angry child.   with the abudance of energy.  Displine not mater what form just wasn't working.  We took him to see a psycholoigist who said you have to take away what maters to him.  Great idea but nothing seemed to mater to him.  We would take away one toy or priviledge and he was like so what I have others.  I took a parenting class over the summer by a different pschologist and she pulled me aside and told me that no parenting class was going to help with the issues I was dealing with.  She told me about ODD for the first time and just hearing those words a light bulb went on in my head and I told her that describes my ds to a "T". From that point forward we pursued a psychriatrist.  I did not want to medicate but it was becoming a matter of MY mental health.  When we went in to see him I had the attitutue that if we don't walk out of here with an rx for ds.  We are getting one for me. I hate to admit that but that was the point I was at.  I loved my ds but I didn't love his behavior and I thought many times of quitting being a parent.

Well let me tell you meds work.  And for anyone that told me it was my parenting I would like to tell them that if it truly was my parenting then one little pill wouldn't make a difference. but it sure did.  I now can truly say that I love my child I love being a parent again.  This is what I imagined when we decided to have a baby.  It is not your fault it is not your parenting and it is most definetly not your sons fault.  This is a brain chemistry problem.  There is no one to blame.  Just as if our kids had diabeties we would take them to a doctor and get help, but in our cases it is a brain cheimistry problem and we take them to a doctor and get help.

We too struggle with the teacher side of things our kindergarten teacher doesn't believe there is anything wrong with our ds.  We have been fighting with her since the beginning of school. (She seems to thinks she has her medical degree)  It wasn't until recently that the truly personality of my ds started coming out.  Now she is calling frantic that there is something wrong.  I wanted to say I told you so but I did better.  As my ds needs a meds change and the doctor's day off was Thursday.  I sent my ds to school without meds just to prove a point that there is something wrong and with meds he is a different child.

My heart and prayers go out to you ... Get as much info as you can.  I read books...I listened to books on tape in the car.  I reserached on the internet etc.  The more informed you are the better you can make decisions for you son.  Each child is different and there is no one better way to deal with this than another.  It is a hard road and just when you think things are going well they will need a meds adjustment.  Hang in there your not alone you have come to the right place.