husbands and friends | ADHD Information

mines the same - so dont worry ! It is hard i find it hard to to attend events but its like the Doctor told me "Its not your child with the problem - its the people who have a problem with her "

 

Most of our friends are the parents of my sons friends and they don't know what's going on yet. There are the 4 boys - my son and his 3 buddies - and I always get upset because no one wants to tell you that your child is naughty so instead I feel like this outcast. Especially since I haven't talked to them about this yet. But it's so hard - they don't understand. So, yes, in a way it has affected our social life. I sometimes dread doing things cuz I know my son is the one that will be getting in trouble the whole time - and my friends just look the other way. If it's just us parents getting together it's fine - that hasn't been affected - but I don't talk about my son too much for fear of breaking down and I'm just not ready to tell them. So, instead I just joke about it.

Our marraige hasn't been affected - YET! This all to new to us. Right now I am sort of throwing myself into it - learning all I can and talking about it non stop - where as my hubby has always been a "if we don't talk about the problem, then it's not a problem" type guy. I'm sure we will have issues, but I like to think that since this is our son he will make more of an effort. We will see.....

that's too bad that your husband won't join in with the other husbands. It's such a great way to have a social life.

I don't mean to pry, but since ADHD is hereditary, could it be that your son received it from your husband and he feels guilty?

It's pretty tough for anybody going through life to care about what others think, people are too cruel that you really need to blow off other's ignorant thinking, including any ignorance in regards to adhd.

No, he's not add or anything.  He likes other husbands, just not the ones that are the fathers of my son's friends.  He just thinks that other people judge him by the way the rest of the family behaves.  And I think he's embarrased that he has a son that isn't what he expected.

That breaks my heart mellowdancer

Are your son and husband close in any ways - sports, video games, etc.-any shared interests so that there is a bond?

On a lighter note, you are so lucky that your son has his friends and your have the mothers to socialize. The socialization factor is such a struggle with adhd'ers and other's in society are just plain ignorant, and that can go for even family members such as uncle, cousins, grandparents, etc.

I wish.  My husband tries but my son is not into sports, watching or doing so that is hard.  I keep working on it but my son feels that dad is always telling him what he's doing wrong.

 

Sadly, it's what my husband's father did to him.  And of course the teen years make it worse.

Just curious, how much strain has your child put on your marriage or your social life?

I find much of the stress in my marriage comes from my ds and his behaviour.  My husband hates to go to group or family events because we never know if my son would interact appropriately or sit at dinner or have a  melt down.  It's hard. 

If you had a child with obvious special needs like cp or even autistic, people would understand but our kids look like everyone else so people don't understand when they behave the way they do.

Luckily, dh and I are on the same page as far as ADHD goes. We do have our disagreements on discipline issues from time to time, but it isn't an ongoing battle. We don't really have a social life as we are both introverts    . I do have a lot of neighborhood friends that are also dealing with ADHD, so that is a big bonus. I'm not really one to try to maintain an image of perfection anyway, and I'm not anal about things, so I think that helps in parenting my ADHD dd.

My closest female friends have been the moms of my sons friends because most of my son's friends have some sort of issue so we all bond.  Unfortunately, my husband has not really clicked with their husbands so we don't do much as couples.

My husband cares much more about what other people think than I do. 

I also think that it's so easy when your heart is breaking for these kids to make it define you.  Even if you have hobbies and friends and a job you like, you still feel defined by your child.  It kind of overtakes everything. 

I don't know how to get past it, but it's really bringing me down.

My ds has not been diagnosed, but teachers say hei s distractible, and his grades are not what they could be (they say it's obvious he's intelligent, but he forgets to turn in stuff and other flaky behaviors).

Dh and ds have a terrible relationship, always have. Every now and then they will do ok with each other, but lately most of what goes on is fighting, nagging, and shaming.

Dh would rather yell at him for being irresponsible than have him go to the dr., because he knows they will recommend some drugs, and dh is against drugs (so am I, but I am trying to remain open-minded). SOme of his concern is probably legit. His brother and other family members are on all kinds of meds for depression, ADD, etc., but it doesn't help them. His brother is an adult who lives at home and has all kinds of problems. Drugs don't help him.

We have heard that ADD kids can't get into the military, and since ds has average to below average grades, dh has already given up on him and says he won't be able to get into college, so we are not shutting the door on the military by putting him on stimulants. He is afraid ds will wind up like his brother, a guy with no education and no life, just problems.

My heart is heavy today, sorry!

I can relate to all that you said elizam!!!

 

How old is your son?

[QUOTE=mellowdancer]

I can relate to all that you said elizam!!!

 

How old is your son?

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He is 13, 14 in April, and seems to be full of raging hormones. How old is yours?

Mine just turned 13...yes I relate.  Everything his dad does is embarrassing and annoying to him.  He is always telling my husband to go away.  And my husband needs to learn to let some behaviors slide. 

I'm much softer and that's why my son has a better relationship with me.  I think I also look to praise him more.

It's a tough age, no doubt!  I'm just hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

My 11 year old daughter is an absolute doll but give her a few years, I'm sure she'll have her moments.

This strikes a note with us.  My husband and I both stated that the amount of stress in our household is tripled by our ds who needs constant reminders to get dressed, go to bed, do homework.  We have a baby sitter once a month on a regular basis or we would go insane!!!!