I WANT TO SCREAM | ADHD Information

Ok, so I am on the phone with one of my best friends and was telling her how I had rearranged my schedule at work so my DS would not have to go to after school care. I told her how much he hates it there.

Her response? " Well of course he hates it there.  He is probably in with older kids who are even more cruel that the younger ones and your son just goes on and on and irritates people all the time, no wonder he doesnt want to be there."

I was dumbfounded.  I then told her how my DS has had no problems this year with other kids in his class.  Her response? " well, thats because the class is smaller and the teachers are right on top of them so nothing will happen to him there.  He is still very annoying though".

I want to punch her!!!!!!!  I have decided NOT to tell her ANYTHING else about my DS and what goes on with him.  She now see's him as nothing but an annoying trouble maker. She did tell me at one time (jokingly according to her)that she was glad that he was not her son because she didn't think she could take it.

She sounds kind of lacking in tact at the very least, and not a very good friend as well.

I have a friend whose son is very overly sensitive, and cries at the drop of a hat at almost 11 years old....I find this kind of strange, and not the normal behavior of an 11 year old.  Would I dare to say that to her? No way.  If the subject comes up, I agree that he is sensitive, and leave it at that. That is what a friend is for-to support you, not tell you how annoying your son is....

She has supported me through the whole process of Chase's dx and treatment, and she never once said "I knew it!  He has always shown signs of that!" She said "I am so happy that you found out what is going on and have him back on track!" 

 

chasesmom7939113.5824074074

Good Lord...she wasn't born with a tactful or thoughtful bone in her body, was she?  If this is what a "best friend" says...who the hell needs enemies?  I don't blame you at all for wanting to smack her.  It's a good thing phones don't have that option yet, eh? 

I swear....I keep trying to drill it in my girls' head that if you don't have something nice to say....SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  I guess she must feel that since you're best friends that she can say what she wants....but holy crap man.  I think one of my best friend's son's is strange (the kid sniffs feet...weird...but he is a bit developmentally challenged...AND is my godson!)....but there is no way on the face of this earth that I'd ever tell her to her face that she has a strange son!  We actually can take solace in knowing that we both have kids with special needs and know what the other is going through sometimes!!!

At least WE know what you're going through....so vent away....it's cheaper than a lawsuit if you actually did smack her....

 

 

Good thing she took it upon herself to tell you, because otherwise you never would have known  . Some people just have a ME-centric view of the world. But at least you know now. That is what makes me so upset.  She was there when he was born.  She was there when he was in the hospital at 8 months old with RSV. We have shared a lot of things through the years.  I would NEVER think to say something like that to her if it was her precious child.  I just dont understand what makes her think she can say those things to me.That is just it...she DIDN'T think....she just spoke!Wow.  How difficult it is to move on from remarks like that.  After being your friend for so long she probably feels comfortable in speaking her mind, but totally no regard for your feelings.  She seemed very assuming in the situation without actually being there.  Sorry this happened.  Hopefully she will think aobut how abrasive she was and offer an apology.Yeah, you just experienced what we were talking about on another thread. Talk about these things on a strictly need-to-know basis, or with friends who have proven understanding of the situation.Wow is all I can say.  I would be so upset but wouldn't even know how to respond.  I know my family sometimes feels like we can say things like that but the sting is still there.  Can you call her and say how much that hurt you?  Can you explain to her how that made you feel so maybe next time she won't say these things?  But if my friend felt that way about my son, I don't know if I could be friends much longer to be honest.  If she's Catholic, tell her that Jesus loves ALL the little children.  Although I myself don't think I'd be speaking to her for a while.  Obviously doesn't have ANY kids of her own, does she?She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. Go find other friends who are a little more loyal! I read an interesting book called "Queenbee Moms and Kingpin Dads".   Here is a link:

http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Moms-Kingpin-Dads-Make/dp/140008 3001/sr=8-1/qid=1170342320/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-9154045-3003958? ie=UTF8&s=booksShe does have children, but of course, her kids are PERFECT and NEVER do anything wrong.  If I ever said anything detremental about her kids, I don't even want to think about what she would say or do.

We have been friends a long time but there is starting to be a rift there.  She is catholic and is startinf to go to mass ALL THE TIME.  I have nothing against religion, mind you but she has gone the extreme.  There are pics of Jesus all over the house and roasry beads everywhere.  I happen to be Jewish.

To top it all off, there was a woman I had a fight with and no longer speak to.  My friend has decided to become friendly with her and even use her husbands company for some business work.  I was hurt to say the least.  I stand by my friends ( as corny as that sounds) and would never throw a friendship of several years away over a newcomer to the area.

 I think I was right the first time, I will no longer discuss my son with her

I feel like you have just been in on a conversation I recently had with a so-called friend.  She is always quick to point out Tyler's problems but loves Kadee our little girl.  They stayed the night with her about 5 months ago and after I got off the phone with her I was so mad I was crying.  (I notice most parents with these problems do this a lot)  Well I got sick of it.  I had not talked to her since then until a few weeks ago when she called to tell me all about her perfect kids except now the youngest boy is such a handful according to her.  All I could think in my head was ha ha ha!  I know that is not very christian of me but I couldn't wait to tell my husband that info.  She is always wanting my daughter to come and stay with her even though she had been a part of Tyler's life since birth and I am sooooo sick of him being slighted that I told her NO.  She just makes me soo mad but now I actually look forward to hearing about her problems with her son.  Am I a terrible person?

     That is exactly the way my DS is.  He brings me things, wants to help around the house ( loves to vacuum), sweet to his brother.  He is simply hyperactive and missing out on social cues and that is what gets him.  I just got bothered because she is always pointing out his faults instead of the good stuff. 

     I always remind my son that he can tell me anything, that I love him and that he does have friends.  When he says who, I start naming off the kids in the neighborhood who always come looking for him to play and his other friends who we see periodically.  I am always trying to boost his morale.

     Interesting to note that I have NOT spoken to my friend since or called her. I just feel that since I cannot say something nice, I should keep my mouth shut.  I am trying to be nice, even if others arent.

 

No you are not a terrible person, you are watching out for the way other's treat your son! You are a hero.

Your "friend" does not fit the decription of a real friend.  Your children and you deserve better. I don't know why people have such a problem with ADHD. My son has the kindest heart. Last night he wanted to watch a show with me, so he came upstairs and took the time to bring the drink I drink, "just in case I was thirsty". I thought that was so thoughtful for him to think of me without me asking him to grab me a water. He is only 9, but has his trouble socially for no reason, just labeling.

Hi there Longsally,

It is so typical of people "picking" on these guys. We obviously stand out, but not always in a negative way. Society is like this, they pick on everything. Then when you have ADHD, it makes them even easier to be picked on

Keep on fighting and sticking up for your children, that's what we do. Especially when they are as sweet as our.

Your's sounds so cute, likes to vacuum. Our boys are very much alike! Mine used to get into things, thinking he was cleaning. One day he took my 409 to the screen tv thinking he was cleaning it. Yes, it was wrong, but he was 4 at the time and thought he was helping. Yes, he too just wanted to help, has the impulsive thng going on and is very hyperactive. I describe him on the boards as adhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhd

And I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, I would even have another just like him. He really makes my life one big smile!

Keep the upper chin, I still would avoid the so called "friend" I have a wonderful friend who does not have adhd children. She does have a little girl with sensory and speech delays, but is so understanding and compassionate in my time of need, which is often  That is the type of friend you need, not someone who picks on a loving hyperactive boy, who is always picked on!

Oh, I almost forgot, you, especially your son, are so lucky he has kids in the neighborhood to play with! That is awesome for his self esteem. We do not live in a neighborhood, so afterschool activities are part of our life. Mine is fine at school hanging with the boys at recess and in class, then after school it is activities and just hanging at home. He is a homebody, but so was I!!

Keep up the good work Longsally!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!  We went to the carnival and ran right into my friend in the parking lot.  My son went up to her son and took his hand and we all walked toward the school.  My DS was skipping and swinging his arms.  With this, my "friend"  reached over and VERY ROUGHLY seperated the boys hands and told my DS to walk with me as she did not want HER son hyped up before he got inside.  My DS stared at me, took my hand and asked why his "aunt" was mad at him.  As soon as we got inside, I "lost" her in the crowd.  She called my cell phone several times and I did not answer.  As soon as my husband showed up, we left.  I am in awe at the nerve of this woman.  I do not know her anymore.     Well, my "friend" called me up to say that there is a carnival at school tonight from 5pm until 7pm and were we going.  I had to bite my tongue. I was going to say " well, we would go but my son would just go on and on and annoy you".  Instead, I told her that I was unsure and that I would let her know.  We will be going and I am sure I will run into her there.  I will tell her I was too busy to call her back.  I just feel distancing my family at this time is the best thing to do.That is my thing.  My mother also stated that his behavior was because I did not give my son attention.  I have relied on friends to get me through.  That is why her behavior is so hurtful.I wouldn't either...wonder who she will blame her son's bad behavior on now.....because obviously, he is not like all other normal, mortal children that (gasp) act up from time to time and get silly on their way to an exciting carnival with their BEST BUDDY!!!!!

You know, I would say something to this "friend" about how cruel she is treating your son. He doesn't deserve this. He has done nothing wrong.

Your "friend" behaved horribly at the carnival. These little boys are very young. To hold hands and skip, run is NORMAL, with or without ADHD. I also feel sorry for her little boy. I can only imagine what his days are like, poor little guy.

Your friend needs help. I even feel sorry for her. I wonder if something ELSE is going on with HER  ?

Tell her how horrible she treats your son, that you don't ever want her doing that again. If it continues that you want nothing more to do with her.

I also feel bad for the two boys who obviously enjoy being friends.

Help your friend out, tell her how you feel and what she is doing! You'll feel better and either you will be done for good, or she'll get it and stop it!

She is the one with the problem, remember that!

 

Holy crap.  I'd have had a word or two and none would have been nice!  My sailor streak would have come out!   I'm sorry your son had to be subjected to this moron.

I would have had a hard time not saying something to her too.  For goodness sake!  That had to hurt the little guy's feelings!  Did she not see that?  How old are these boys again?  Holding a friend's hand and swinging arms is not 'getting hyped up'.  And uh...did she stop to think that a CARNIVAL was probably gonna be high energy anyways, and the second they walked through the doors and saw all of the activities, they were going to go wild anyhow.....

I would steer very clear , and when she inquires just tell her she has your son thinking he has cooties or something contagious, and that his "aunt" doesn't like him very much anymore!

My Ds is 6 and hers is 5. They have grown up together, gone to eachothers birthday parties, etc..... When they were in the parking lot, my son said " come on xxxxx" They started to run.  She immediately grabbed her son and told him that if did not calm down and stop it, they would leave right then. I also instructed my son not to run.  It was after that when they started to swing their arms, laugh and act silly.  That is when she did what she did, in essence, blaming any bad behavior from her children on my son.  I felt like she was saying if he got hyper, it was my DS's fault.  I flat out told my husband that I WILL NOT take my children over to her home anymore. I completely agree with bethann, Just remember what i told you in private email.  I feel sooooo much better now.  I basically told my so called friend off and let her know her child was no perfect either, I don;t know about her but I felt great

Now, having read all of this, I realize what my biggest problem is.  I am completely non-confrontational. It is easier for me to remove my son and myself from the situation than confront this woman who I once considered a good friend.  Her husband and mine are still very good friends and I do not want to put that on the chopping block. 

She and I have different value systems.  When my son has a party, I invite friends,  people my son plays with on a regular basis and sees weekly if not more and kids he has grown up with (13) at the last party.  She invited the ENTIRE sunday school class, even children she didnt know ( 40 + kids). I know other people who do that too.  I never would.  I don't want to just fill a room, I want him to be surrounded by friends and know he is valued and cared for. 

Maybe the problem is me (?)  Maybe I need to grow a backbone.

I am just like you for parties...we have had very nice parties with only 2 friends...and family members make up the rest.  I think moms that do that...invite the whole class are looking for gifts....not a celebration with good friends.She is your friend?  Unfortunately, I think not.  Wow!! With best friends like that you don't need enemies do you?  I would have went off - not sure how you stayed calm.

Hi,

 

A newbie here, and cruising through different posts. 

I have the same problem as you, but my problem isn't my best friend (who is most understanding), it is my one and only SISTER.  She doesn't have children, she doesn't call me on the telephone, because it toally un-nerves her to hear my children in the background....and yet she tells me it's the way I've raised my son that makes him the way he is.  And if I'd be more structured, and control his diet he wouldn't act the way he does.

I'm ready to bop her in the face!  No one knows what it's like to have a child with a problem.  Everyone is so ready to offer advice on something they no absolutely nothing about....it really gripes my bum!

Stephanie

I am in an odd situation here myself. I have friends that do and dont have children but the ones who do their kids have no issues so I have no one to vent to but you all. (Which helps) I find that it is ok for me to say "Yes, he is annoying today" or "He is bouncing off the walls" but I get very offended when someone says something about the way he acts or they think that I am not doing anything about him.

I agree with above If you do not have anything supportive to say then keep it shut.