poor motivation? | ADHD Information
I've been having this problem pretty much my entire life and I would like to if it is an ADHD-related problem--not feeling like doing anything routine. This could be showering, doing laundry, any other household work...just basic day-to-day living mundane activities. It's like I have to drag myself into the shower because I never "feel like it". What does this mean??makes two of usMe too, even though I love showers, I end up taking too long of a shower, and taking too long getting into and out of it too.I get the same way. Mundane housework and even getting that energy to get into the shower can be a daunting task at times. I hate stinking, and I do love the shower while I'm in there.. it's just dragging myself in there!There is nothing boring nor motivating, but thinking makes it so. (a take-off on Shakspiere's quote- there is nothing good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.)
While the medication available to us for ADHD helps us to proccess thoughts and ideas presented to us, it still takes a degree of effort on our part to condition ourselves to adjust to this new and improoved ability to think. What and how we think is the greatest factor in how we percieve our roles in life. I used to hate my job as a building maintainance worker. I had resolved in my mind that I had to do such a job as insignificant as that when I fancied myself to be a genius. Under this perception in my mind I would always do my work grudgingly and under half steam making a borring job a punishment as well. One day an employee who worked in the office where all the genius's were lucky enough to work told me; "I wish I had your job mark, instead of being trapped in this small workspace for 8 hours, day after day...while you get to move about freely from building to building, even the use of a truck to get you around. From that moment, my job took on a whole new feel and although it was still the same job I had before, my thinking of it added a whole new dimesion. I too have trouble time to time with getting my lazy arse into the shower, but I found when I think of the good feeling of finnishing up and feeling refreshed and new that I get when I dry off and dress, I learn to look forward to that feeling. Think about it. peace
Oh please.......and when you finally get yourself into that shower, am I the only one that just takes forever? Daydream, take 25 minutes, etc?
My fave is when you can't remember if you've already shampooed and are ready for the conditioner or if you've only gotten your hair wet and need the shampoo still. Oy.
KIDD......how long does that feeling really last? The part about your job, I mean. Wasn't that just the other guy's perception from his point of view? I get what you mean, it gave you a nice new perspective but if it's boring to you or you feel like you wish you had a career vs "a job" wouldn't it still catch up to you eventually again? I've been in those shoes, usually a new job and I am LOVING the structure and the feeling of having a purpose but eventually that wears off and the real issue of where has my life gone comes back. It seems to get worse at you get older and I wonder if that's because you get used to this more and more and the patterns re-emerge as you figure yourself out. It's kinda like winter. For the first 25 years, sure it's a nice change of pace but after a few more years, you're used to the drill and all of a sudden it hits you "I hate this crap" lol
Not trying to burst your bubble or your positive outlook in any way. I hear you and I get it. Good for you but wouldn't that perhaps just be a temporary bandaid if you really are just going thru the motions job after job.
I don't have a real "profession" and that bugs me now because I know that it was because I never wanted to have to choose any one thing and now it's not so cool. I either have to dream up something and be my own boss or I'm stuck paying for that inability to simply "become" something. In your 20's it doesn't seem so bad but when you hit 40 and still feel like the teenager on the job or the goofball.........you suddenly see it as a pattern and a problem that you've never wanted to stop and deal with.
At least for me, that's been the case. Can you say you really are happy with your job or did that other employee just give you a brighter perspective on it from his way of seeing it. Afterall, he was comparing it to his job.
Oh yeah... never a short shower... generally 25 minutes or more lol But then again when I have to shampoo my hair, shave my arms and legs it takes forever. I guess I'm focusing on how LONG it takes me in there and that's why it seems like such a task... and I hope someday soon I can get some meds that will help that task seem a little smaller. I've already been diagnosed BPD/ADD Inattentive type but I was referred out to another Psych for meds.That's the story of my life. The motivation thing drives me right up the wall. I'll get around to it seems to be my motto. What is up with that? I'm not depressed, I just put off everything. However, suddenly throw something different at me, something I'm into and I can immediately jump to attention. The weird thing is, many of the things I put off forever and ever ARE things I am into. I just think they have become more routine or more of a duty or whatever. The same subject but presented to me in a more "have to act right this second" and I'm all alive.
I think it's the adrenaline thing. Or the immediate gratification factor. If it's high energy, I'm fine. If it's something more ordinary........Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It's a huge problem for me. It's as if I know I should, I WANT to but just eh, drift off. Like I need it to become a last minute freak out thing before I can get off my ass and just do it. Yes, even stupid crap like taking a shower. I know the feeling
Lee7439119.4339467593The feeling itself was a temporary bandage that, while it was not constant... bandaids get old and fall off eventually... it got me through to retirement. But my mind produced it, not the man's envy, so when it would fall, I simply replace it. It was not going through the motions, I know that method only to well, that was my method of opperation before I understood the power behind my thinking. Going through the motions was doing the physical part of my tasks while my mind fluctuated between 'this job sucks' and any number of pleasant thoughts I could manage to muster so I didn't have to watch myself. So instead of dragging through a plumbing job while in my mind I'm laying on a beach being pampered by several beutuful women...( hey, if your gonna dream, dream big) I would aproach the plumbing job as a chance to improove my skills on a job that may not be as sophisticated and well paying as the guy in the office, but is every bit as, if not more important than even the companies owner. It may seem I am trying to fool myself or pretending that my job was a gift, but it is a fact that I have confirmed and proven to myself, that was all I needed since I no longer had the imagined task of prooving it to anyone else but me. Pride played a big roll in this problem. To feel less than others shamed me. My pride was the most powerfull self destruct mechanism I had in my arsenal of tools, but I finally swallowed it. I did not die, it wasn't poison.I think I get what you mean. Maybe the problem is...... I can't do that or it's not really being true to myself. I suppose one could say that I have to make peace with my choices from the past that got me here and I guess I'm not ready to do that. I'm not sure I can settle for that.
Thanks for replying. I was worried that I ruined your day.
I'm thinking "shut up, you're ruining it for the guy." lol
Lee7439119.5321412037I'm 29 and I've had some wonderful opportunities in my life but I haven't stuck with one path and now I'm kind of floating. I was reading one of the posts in this thread how in your 20's that's fine but when you're 40 it sucks.... I don't think I want to be there, but I don't know what to do. I guess ADD can really stink sometimes. I like some parts of it, but overall I guess it's bad. Maybe it's time for me to back on Adderall?Its ok Lee, I got a whole head full of bandaids but I didn't need one here. Your questions and opinions make hanging around in a virtual help center on the internet an interesting and rewarding use of time. Thanks, good to meet youThanks, KIDD. I feel the same way. I always need new messages and posts to read or to bounce ideas and feelings off of other people so it's good to interract.
Too funny about the head full of bandaids. LOL!
Dan, no you don't want to be 40 with these same frustrations. Be glad you know now but yeah, in my opinion, you have to be glad you at least know why you've been living your life this way and I guess the challenge for you and for me is.........ok, now what? Like I said, when you're younger, well you just don't see anything as a pattern really. Sometimes, esp if you don't even know about ADD, it simply is life and it takes going thru the same things or having the same feelings over and over to finally have it hit you like a lighbulb over your head......."ohhh, ok, this is a pattern" And it's not so weird when you're younger but when you get older you not only have your own self realizing this isn't youth or whatever but now you get the added bonus of comparing yourself (you can't help it and it's not always a dumb thing to do, sometimes it's quite the reality check) to your peers and it hits you hard. WTF am I doing ........sleepwalking thru my life?
The benefit I know or think I have and maybe other ADD'ers get this too is that at least you NOTICE this stuff. Do you honestly think all these so called "normal" people that did take the so called "adult" route and picked a path or have what appears to be an "adult" and responsible life are actually happy with where they are or even realize .......hello, you get one life and it goes pretty quick and that's all there is and boom, it's over"?? I'm grateful that I actually can think and dream outside the box. I've noticed a lot of people that would look down their nose at me and the way I've lived my life and I have to laugh and think........damn, I wouldn't trade places for your "appearances only" got-it-all-together life at all.
I'm sure this is ballsy and arrogant (and it would really be sweet if I had something accomplished to back myself up with and be able to "neener neener, ha ha" to them all ) but I think a lot of them settle for so little and they blame their kids as why they have to just accept their responsibilites, etc when they are not inspirations to those kids at all. They just .......live til they die. That's it. Ugh, I'll pass. No wonder kids always want to be just the opposite of their parents. Who said the only choices you have are just biting the bullet and grinning and bearing it all the time? What about those people you see out there that don't and are sucessful? Hard to ignore that we have more options than just "suck it up and be a grown up"
Wooo, am I long winded. 
always on me as a kid to hurry up..and now my husband calls them
"Hollywood Showers" I am glad there are other people out there that do
this. I had no idea this could be ADHD related.
I am new to this site. I feel at home already. All of the things you have all
written I can identify with. Motivation has always been an issue for me. It
is like I am either 100% focused for several hours, or I just can't seem to
get motivated at all.
Somehow I made it through law school, but am studying for the bar exam
for the third time. I just can't seem to be motivated to push myself to
study for ten hours a day like everyone else seems to be able to do.
Oh well, life goes on. I am hoping the Concerta will help get me to do
things.
I have never in my life figured out how I end up taking twice as long as everyone else does in the shower. It's good to know I'm not alone.
As for motivation- right after I had my first kid and was a single mom working and going to school (not to mention completely ovewhelmed and depressed) I was talking with my step- mom, trying to explain how I couldn't seem to get it together, when she summed it up best by ripping off the Nike slogan- just do it. It's advise I've really taken to heart and while I ended up having to drop out of school (it came down to buying diapers or books- my son appreciated my choice) it really helped me to just plow through things that I had no motivation to do. The every day things are the worst, but thankfully I'm paranoid that people know if I haven't showered and that's enough to get me moving.
Honestly, the sticker chart is similar to what my CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) guy has me do. It's called "Premacking" - no stickers are involved, but they might as well be.One thing he always reminds me is that humans respond much better to positive reinforcement than punishment, so you should always think in terms of REWARDS, not chastizing or punishing.
Easier said than done, at least for me!
Sounds very interesting. Thanks for explaining it a bit more. I have this problem, too, and YES it is ADD Related though I didn't believe it was until my wonderful dr. said so.
I find that my meds help w/ it only if I get going in the morning. Any deviance from my normal routine and motivation is a HUGE issue.
So..even as I type this I wonder if it is the meds helping, or just routine and structure!!
I have the worst time after work. I want to just "flop" and then since I have a tendency to have problems "switching gears" then I get caught up in one thing and OOPS! It's time to go to bed.
Is there a resource for overcoming this?
So far "just do it" is what works the best for me, but sometims I don't have it in me!
If there is a resource, I'd love to know about it.
http://spinningincircles.dmc2.yuku.com/
Believe me, I've tried ,"Just do it!" (Usually in the form of... "If you'd just do it....") and by itself, it just isn't the only answer.
Currently, I'm betting on meds and routine/structure with rewards. (Or at least trying to.) It's a long freaking road. (How many other adults need a sticker chart as motivation to make their bed and get dressed and showered before noon every day?) In the past I've added everything I felt I should be doing to the chart at one time... and completely failed. BUT, this time I have to do a task 21 days in a row before adding a new one... and after 3 months it's actually working pretty well.
There is a good online sticker chart at joesgoals.com.
And when none of the above work... I use the "I've got no leg!" excuse to feel better. (ie... "Someone with only one leg can win a marathon, but he's going to have a much harder time than someone with two legs." The marathon thing works well when someone says... "Everyone has a hard time with that, even without ADD." because... it's a marathon! It's hard for everyone, but so much more obviously difficult when you've got one leg!)
[QUOTE=CarpElgin] BUT, this time I have to do a task 21 days in a row before adding a new one... and after 3 months it's actually working pretty well.
There is a good online sticker chart at joesgoals.com.
[/QUOTE]
That's a great idea! I mean, baby steps for real but I'm the same way. It takes forever to build up a routine. Where did you even learn of doing it that way? That's what I need. I'm going for my first evaluation for potential meds but it's likely that I'm going to need a lot of behavior modifcations unless meds turn out to be this wonder-cure-all which is unrealistic. We just can't use the same tools as "normal" people. We need almost a hand to come up and drag us by the hair.
I would have trouble motivating myself to obtain and begin a sticker chart in the first place...it seems boring and overwhelming to me
That's the job of the online one... no loosing stickers! (Although... they are not as cute...)
http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm