longsally, why when he tells the teacher do they do nothing? Where my kids go to school, they are not allowed to exclude anyone!
We deal with all that was mentioned in the posts as well, getting picked last for teams, few friends, feeling left out, bullied, etc., but we always go to the school because it is happening on THEIR watch. They always address it!
I would speak to the teacher about this, they should be able to help your son and you with this! This is unacceptable!
My 8 y.o. son has the same problems at school with people. Some kids have told him that they don't want to play with him because he always gets in trouble and they don't want to get in trouble too. Not sure what I can do about that...
You may want to ask that school if they have a social skills group. My son goes with about 4 other boys once a week to the school counselor and they play social skill games, interact with each other, and get prizes for good behavior. There is no charge for this or anything, and my son really enjoys it.
Good luck!!!
i truly think that this happens to adhd kids and non-adhd kids...kids are just kids and not always nice. both of my kids say that they ask people if they can sit with them on the bus, etc and kids say no. having said this...my dd who is on ritalin has recently expressed some appopriate things she has noticed about people's body language and facial expressions and i don't think that she would have done this without meds.
i truly think the majority of the kids feel like this...i'm not saying that social classes won't help, i'm just saying that issues like this are to some extent part of growning up. unfortunately.
i'd continue to monitor this of course...but i've heard from many parents that their kids say similar things, non adhd kids. it's tough to fit in at all times.
i know that my dd with adhd does better one on with than she does in a group of peers, this we need to work on as well. having said that...i as an adult, non adhd am much better one to one vs group as well:)
hugs,
shelley
longsally, he may get over this need to be in charge. My son did, right around 7 yrs old. I've heard that you should observe an interaction/memorize it. Then later go over it in detail, telling your child alternative ways of responding/interacting. You can also role-play it to make it more real. I'd check amazon for books on this. I'm pretty sure I saw one recently.
Social skills classes are covered under behavioral/mental health, not medical. Did you try to run it through mental health part of your insurance? If you try to run a mental health service through your medical coverage, they'll just deny it, they won't tell you to call behavioral/mental health.
When my ds was 11, I bought him a book called Jarvis Clutch, Social Spy. It's pitched to middle schoolers, but it might help. I got it on Barnes&Noble.com. It's fiction, about a 6th grader who has trouble fitting in/adjusting to middle school.What so you mean "Have I killed my child's self -esteem?" Have you done something to him? Ridiculed him? I am thinking you have not. I hope you are not blaming yourself for his challenges. That would not do anyone any good.
My DS is going to be 12 in a couple of months and has dealt with this a lot. It is not easy to watch. He has been in social skills class and that helped as well as therapy. It is still a daily thing - the kids leave him out - he doesn't get picked for teams in the classroom etc.
He has only a couple of friends. We focus on those friends and when a situation comes up I am teaching him to stand up for himself. He knows he can not control anyone but himself and he knows if he was so unlikeable then how could he have the couple of extremely loyal friends that he does have.
Is there a way the cruise line could team him up with another special buddy for the duration of the trip? I would ask the coordinator.
Awww, how heartbreaking! I would suggest you do a little role-playing with him. Have some "canned retorts" ready that he could use in certain situations. I think every child goes through this--don't beat yourself up about it. My usual advice to my kids is that if someone doesn't want to play, then go find someone else to play with. Don't get mad at them. Maybe they will want to play tomorrow. "Go with the flow", if you will.I have a question and I need serious feedback and suggestions to this:
My DS came home from school today and I was showing the cruise we are going on this summer on the internet. I was showing him the kids club and telling him how much fun he was going to have. He looked at me and asked me what they do to kids that arent nice. I asked him what he meant. He stated that there would probably be some kids there that would be mean to him and what should he do and would they send those kids back to their parents? I was shocked. I asked him why he thought that. He said that there are kids at school who tell him no when he asks to play with them and that he tells the teacher but it doesn't help. He is 6.
What do I do to help him? What do I say? Have I killed my childs self -esteem?
When I went on a cruise, the only child that I took with me was a 14 year old girl. We went on a 3 generation mother/daughter trip. My mom, me and my daughter. She did not go to the kids club, but to a teenager club...I did however see many groups of children with a cruise ship employee taking them around on scavenger hunts and stuff.
First of all, I think that the employees strive to make all of the kids activities group activities, and since your child will be a "new face" there will be no history there to overcome.
As for school, does he have friends to play with? Are these certain kids just some kids he wants to play with, and when he is turned down, he moves on and plays with some other kids, or is he totally rejected by all? If he has children that are willing to play with him, I would not worry too much, just tell him that he does not have to be friends with all of the kids in school, he should just concentrate on the children that like to play with him, and not worry about the ones that don't-- it is their loss!
Oh, that is a heart-breaker. I would just want to melt into the floor.
Find a social skills class for him. Also, there are books on this subject so that you can help him also. Even those "adult" books like How to Win Friends and Influence people have ideas that you can teach him. Figure out who he hangs out with most and invite the child over for a playdate (but don't tell him until you know for sure that the child is coming), or invite the mother/son to meet you at a local park. He's the perfect age for these types of interventions.
That is interesting. First of all, I did attempt a social skills class in the area but it was run by ST and OT and insurance refused to pay for it so he didn't get to go. I have told him that if he wants to play with someone and they tell him no, he should go and do something else and ignore them. Eventually, they will come back. This is, however, EXTREMELY hard for him to do. Like everything else, he knows but is too "caught in the moment" to apply the knowledge.
I am worried that I may have played a part in killing his self esteem by constantly pointing out that other children do not whine and complain like he does when they are playing together and that he needs to "go with the flow" as it was put. He is unable to do this. The second he feels slighted, he starts to whine and the other kids get VERY quickly offended by this. He feels that he always needs to be in charge, always needs to be first. I have explained it time and time again and in doing so, I am afraid that I may have caused damage by making him feek bad about himself.