I sure could use some input. Long story short - my 13 year old son has been having school problems since 4th grade. He is very bright but just has a defiance and stubborness and kind of zones out in school even though he took a Core Eval. and has no visible learning dissabilities.
He can't handle pressure, gets overwhelmed and just refuses to do his work. At home he will get into rages.
We found a second psychologists who diagnosed him with ADHD - non-hyperactive - executive functioning dissorders - extreme dissorganization - and depression.
My son saw him twice - the second time he told us he is in denial and we need to break the denial so he can be helped. I agree with this - my son insists nothing is wrong, even when you show him the teacher's reports ( the teachers are out to get him.)
One thing disturbed me - even though I am meeting with this Dr. again Wed. to discuss treatment - unless I interpretted him wrong, it seems that he feels my son can't go to him for therapy unless he goes on his own!
My son is in denial and thinks nothing is wrong so you know he won't go.
Anyone else have similar experiences? Should I find a new Dr.? What should I ask this Dr?
Any help will be greatfully appreciated.
That seems strange...you would think that therapy would help your son through his denial. And that a trained professional may be better equipped to guide him through that rather than parents.....
At age 14, there must be some way you can convince him to go....you just gotta know where to squeeze. Does he love some extracurricular activity? Video games, going to friend's houses? Skateboard park? A sport? Attach the therapy to that and tell him he needs to give the therapy a fair chance in order to have the activity.
Thanks. My husband and I are beginning to think that we need a new Dr.
He was better than the first one we had gone to that diagnosed Aspergers syndrome. She told us to get 2nd opinions and after many opinions from professionals, Aspergers was not one of them.
It's just so frustrating. One good thing is that this current Dr. recommended a temporary 504 for emotional problems. That may help my son get through the 7th grade but I still need to find someone who will be able to help us help my son.
I'm venting here. I dread having to find yet another Dr. and explain the situation all over again.
It can take a long time before a child will trust a person enough to even open up. They can spend months talking about all kinds of things other than what they are there for. My daughter spent about 6 weeks telling stories about animals on an island before finally talking to the doc.
My daughter would never admit there was a problem, even with rages, running away, school failure and teasing at school (she still claims she does not hear what others say).
One issue with the testing done for evaluation. It can be flawed for kids with ADHD. It reflects how they do one-on-one with an adult keeping them on task. It does not include the distraction of a classroom environment.
You might look into a behavior plan like the marble plan at the top of the parent's board. The psychologist may also be able to point you to parenting classes for parents of challenging kids. These are generally run through children's hospitals or universities with child development departments.
Have you considered moving past a psychologist and to a child development ped, psychiatrist or neuropsychologist?
I say if he is 14 still a minor! Unless the psychologist feels if he is not ready for it also if your son is in denial it may be a waste of money he has to acknowledge a problem to get help with it. That is what I was always taught you cannot help someone unless they are willing otherwise it can be the waste of money and time. Talk to your son maybe that is what the doctor wants.I can tell you from experience, that your child needs help whether he wants it or not. My son is EXACTLY the same way. He has been seeing various therapists since he was 6yo and he still insists that he does not have a problem. I honestly dont think we could help him until he was ready, however, there are things you can do.
You need to find a councilor who will see him and work with him on goals and address issues that he has at home and school. A councilor who is experienced with ADHD kids will know how to work with him. If the current doctor says he cannot help, find one who will. Be sure it is someone who will engage him and not back down. I found that councilors who used "soft" techniques were too easy for my son to manipulate and waste time until the session was over. It is unbelievable how hard headed/stubborn my son can be. (Often ODD kids will not do what you want simply because you want them to.)
You will need to find a good support system to help yourself and family deal with the challenges that arise. This is a good place to start. Also read up on dealing with difficult kids. There are some books recommended by various people here that can be very helpful and insightfull. If you understand him and his behavior better, you can deal with him better.
Like Jenpcole, we would not join in sessions with our son, because he always felt perscuited (sp?) and that we were ganging up on him. But it is important for you to know what issues the councilor is addressing and advising the councilor of any events or issues as they come up.
I would not make your son go to the appointments by punishing him if he does not go, but rather simply lay it out- you have a problem and are going. Period. No discussion, no arguments, this is the way it is.
When you do find another councilor, ask them about evaluating him so that they can set goals. A program that deals with issues like peers interaction, taking direction, dealing with authority figures, learning not to speak back, controling body language (negative reactions, setting jaw, rolling eyes, showing annoyance), organization skills, time managment, self esteem, respect of others and themselves and so forth. These are all skills needed for a teen to function in society as it begins to expect more of him.
At 14, he is going to need his space. What we do when we go to the psychologist, is I go in with my kids for about 5 minutes, and the rest of the time they spend in there alone with him. My son is very private about his problems when it comes to talking to me about it. SO if it takes you not being there for him to go, it's totally worth it.Lambsear - thanks. We feel the same way.
Well, we met with the psychologist and he did come up with a treatment plan.
I did some research on my own and found an article on executive funcitioning dissorders that described my son exactly. The Dr. diagnosed my son with depression. I suggested that he was depressed because of the executive functioning dissorders and he did agree although not completely.
Anyway - He is going to see my son in three weeks. He says we must help him break through the denial and everytime he says something or acts in a way that is inappropriate, we are to journal it and show him. I will tell him he has the apt. and that even though he thinks he doesn't have a problem, here is a journal of evidence showing otherwise. The only thing is, my son can get very defiant and I may not be able to get him in the car.
The school has him on a 504 plan but, ofcourse, my son is fighting that.
My husband was skeptical in the beginning of the session but felt good. I'm 50/50 about this guy. I tend to want a "quick fix"
I am against medication right now for my son since we aren't completely sure yet what he has. The pediatrician does not feel comfortable with medication yet either. The psychologist is a big proponent of medication but my husband is very anti med. I'm open minded but look at medication as a last resort.
I have a call into the pediatrician and I am trying to get an apt. with the N.E. medical center for children with learning dissabilities. My pediatrician had suggested this but originally, I didn't want to. Now I feel I need this to acurately get a diagnosis of ADD or whatever. Then, if need be, I can get an IP special Ed.