My son was the sweetest little angel last night. Saying how he has two mom's but I'm more like a real mom. I think deep down, the kids know what a big role we play in their lives, but they are hurt (his mom ran off to a different state when he was only 1-1/2 year old and has been in and out of his life ever since). You can't blame them for being very confused. It makes me so sad and frustrated when I think of her. She has such a precious gift and treats him like an inconvenience.
Some people just shouldn't have kids.
Hang in there! Good days help us survive!
I'm 26 and married a wonderful man with two children. Our son, age 7, was finally diagnosed with ADHD this last year. (My husband did not want to face the fact that he may have to go on medication, but we finally went to the Dr. after another bad start to his 3rd year in school.)
He is on Aderol during the day, but in the morning before he takes it and 75% of the time at night, he is prone to "melt downs" where he can throw things and says just terrible things like I hate you, you're doomed, you'll pay for this, I'll get you back, whenever he is told to have a timeout, etc. He laughs when he loses priveledges and will smile when we are explaining why his actions are inappropriate, etc.
Since our marriage (we have been together over four years) he has started the You're not my real mom, you don't mean anything to me, I want my mom, etc. Obviously this is when he is very upset and I don't take it to heart, but lately I can't take anymore verbal abuse. It has turned into a constant battle ground in our happy home and it makes being around him so hard, I'm scared to admit I almost dread it sometimes. I just want help. He probably feels the same way. Is this ADHD or should we see a counselor...
Is he doing well while the med is in his system? Does he say these things at school, or during the day while medicated? If he does well on the med, then my first response would be to see if you can get better coverage...a med to last into the evening...I would definitely talk to the doctor about it. If this is a problem in your home, it should be addressed.It is very sporadic. Some days he does well and others, not so well. He is also doing this new thing where he will lie about pretty much anything without a 2nd thought. Things that are easy to know that he is lying (like did you wash your hair "yes" but his hair is completely dry)
My dh says "we can't have him on drugs all the time" but I disagree. We can't live like this either!
Sometimes having the med in your child's system only part of the day is confusing to the child....he can control his impulses some times (while he has meds onboard) and then suddenly, the meds wear off, and he loses control..this can be very scary to a child. He gets frustrated, and then angry that he cannot control his impulses anymore. If the behaviors are disturbing your families home life, and home is not a peaceful place, then you need to reevaluate the meds...
If coverage is sporadic, even during coverage hours, then a med change may be needed...is this adderall xr or instant release? If it is xr, it should be lasting most of the day...if it is not, you may ask the doctor for a trial of the extended release. If it is xr, you may consider concerta...the coverage for that is like 12 hours or so....
Ask yor husband if he wants his son to be happy and calm in his daily life. It is beneficial for a child to feel loved and as if his family wants to spend time with him....
Another med to think about to augment the stim meds is tenex (guanfacine) this med is a BP med that has been found to help in mood, aggression, anger, and hyperactivity, as well as impulse control....it is given in small doses. My son takes 1mg in the morning and 2mg in the evening. Some children take a dose in the late afternoon as well. It takes the edge off, and just makes Chase mellower, and easier to get along with....he can stay calmer in his interactions with peers as well on this med.
chasesmom7939140.5972453704ADHD is present 24/7 and the symptoms can affect a person's life outside of the meds. Additionally, the lack of control when the meds are not in the body can be frightening for a child and cause anxiety (which can come out as anger). Also, comorbid conditions are common with ADHD. You may be seeing ODD (oppositional deffiant disorder).
Is your son seeing a psychiatrist for med managment? They are more experienced than pediatricians. The meds may need to be revisited to make sure your son is gettig the most out of them. It may be that he needs to have something like guanfacine added to help with the behaviors.
Look at the thread called ograms marble system at the top of the parent's board. It is a positive reinforcment behavior plan that can work well for these kids (it is an important part of my daughter's treatment). My youngest used to have rages (hitting, kicking, slamming doors, talk of hate wanting to die and wanting us to die). We started the behavior plan, got the meds right (to get her success in school) and learned how to deal with the rages.
Before the final diagnosis and meds we had quite a bit of success with the rages. I calmly (yelling just escalates the rage) would tell her that her bedroom was a safe place to be when she felt like being mad, and that I would not talk to her until she got a hold of her anger and was ready to talk. I would remove myself from her presence (my presence or that of her father's would escalate things and lengthen the time of the rage). Then I would praise her for any minor progress in expressing her anger appropriately. It took time, but the rages lessoned in severity and frequency. When we started the guanfacine, it took the anger the rest of the way to a more peaceful resolution. I had to also give her appropriate words to use when she was angry (we made jokes with the words as well). My husband was slow to try these things until I started having success. He then started mimicing my actions and things are now pretty good.
Good luck on this tough journey. You obviously care very much about your son, or you would not be taking the time to find a way to help.
vickie39140.602650463Thank you for the encouragement. I think we need to get back to the Dr. He was only diagnosed recently, so I think some med trial and error is normal. I will try the marble system. The system we have now is basically be good to keep your priveledges, and only works some of the time. It is hard as a parent when he is saying such horrible things it is easy to get so frustrated and just want to punish him. Being positive gets very hard. But we will all work on it. Something has to change before I lose my mind and sanity.Good luck and keep posting your progress. I am sure that a med change will help.