Am I ADD?
Anyway, nothing really started going down hill until 3rd grade when they started to have homework, I would take homework home and would be unable to concentrate very well, even in a room with no TV's, no sounds, no distractions of any kind and it would take me hours just to get anything done. What frustrated me more is that teachers would claim that it should only occupy about 15 to 30 minutes of my time, and it would take hours. So that started my whole streak of not doing any homework at all because it would take so long. It's not as if I'm stupid though, you look at my test grades and id get good test grades. It's just the homework that was always the problem. Anyway I noticed something else odd around this time as well, my handwriting was not keeping up with my peers, and it was absolutely terrible. To this day my handwriting still looks pretty bad, which is why I love computers, all the letters are perfectly formed and I don’t have to worry about people not being able to read something I wrote. Another issue I’ve always noticed is that I don’t exactly fit in, I am often described as being weird and out of place, and I sometimes talk about random stuff at the most bizarre times. The thing that always made me frustrated in school was the fact that I was slower then my peers, not in intelligence, but in speed. I’ve always been angry because I wanted to be faster, you don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could just overclock my brain like a computer processor, pump up the voltage and pump up the speed.
Anyway, it was around 5th grade was when I decided for the first time to just not go to school, I told them on the phone I hated school, I didn’t want to go. I used to have to stay after school all the time in 5th grade just to do homework I didn’t do. I’ve never really been a disobedient person; I mean if I don’t want to do something, I won’t do it. I just hate that feeling of being controlled, it drives me nuts. Around 7th grade I was put into an alternative school which taught the normal curriculum, but they had no homework and we got to go out on outings like bowling and mini golf. That was going well for a while until I realized I lost all my friends and they stopped going out on outings. After that I really had no motivation to go, so I would constantly act just terrible just to get suspended. After that I just wanted to go back to the normal school so I could be with my friends again, when I got back though I had realized I had lost all my old friends and that really hurt. I also couldn’t seem to keep up because I had been out of mainstream school so long. So of course I failed 8th grade miserably, just like all the other grades. I figure by this time my self esteem was pretty low.
High School, ah… Well I skipped about 75% of the year in 9th grade, I really just wanted to drop out, which at the time I didn’t know I only had to wait till I was 16. So of course I had to go to court for being truant all the time and I got put on probation. It was around this time they did a huge array of tests and came to the conclusion I had depression, well no duh! My life sucks beyond my control, of course I’m depressed. So they decided to put me on Zoloft, and then Lexapro, and then I just stopped taking the medication. See I’m guessing the theory behind these medications is you spend so much time crapping your brains out on the toilet; you don’t have any time to be depressed anymore. They helped by turning me into a walking zombie, imagine the world in black and white and the color and feeling has all disappeared. I was still pretty depressed on the inside, if they really wanted to cure my depression they would have to fix the problems I had encountered everyday. It made me laugh to know a few years ago, that those medications could increase suicidal thoughts in people under 18. Anyway I was on an IEP all through high school, and my advisement teacher really tried to help.
Skip ahead to now, I’m 19, dropped out of high school, and am living with my parents because I think they just pretty much gave up on me. I pretty much spend all my time on the computer because it’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at. I self taught myself multiple programming languages, all about the ins and outs of computers. It wasn’t until last year I started reading about ADD, I had known about ADHD because my cousin has it and he would bounce off the walls without his medication when we where little. I’ve never really been hyper so I never figured that could be what was wrong with me. I’ve tried talking to my parents about getting me tested again, but my mom refuses to acknowledge that anything could be wrong with me and claims I’m just trying to make an excuse to be lazy. I am honestly just at a cliff right now, and don’t know what to do and I just feel lost. Sometimes I just feel like a hypochondriac and all these problems are in my head and I really am just making an excuse to be lazy.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me rant, any suggestions would help of what I should do.
I thought I was logged in when I posted that, my mistake....stupid forum didn't save my login. I can relate to a lot of what you just said! In fact, most.
Ignore your mum, get yourself tested. ADHD inattentives can't expect others to know whats whirling around in their mind. Get a doctor to analyze your symptoms. You know there is something not quite right, best get it sorted out. If it turns out NOT to be ADHD, but in fact something else, then great! But there are certainly signs pointing to inattentive!
That's sad Guests.
You sound just like my son.(ADHD)
he was good in school if he wanted to be- but the teachers said he was bored and underchallenged and then he just stopped cooperating but passed with bad grades.
Half the teachers didn't like him because he was argumentive and disrupted the class. Strangely the other half loved him.
He has a very high IQ . Taught himself all that too on the computer.
But he is extremely hyper and talks and thinks very quickly. Which makes me nervous because I am slow at absorbing verbal input.
What is a guest group ?
I know of a lot of self taught people , I think ADHD people invented the self taught methods. Believe it or not if you keep going wiyh the self taught programs
I totally agree.
I alaways had to learn my own way and would pretend that I was the teacher -teaching myself-or I would make up tests as I would give them to my imaginary students (that helped too).
So glad you stopped in and posted. let me see if i got this right. You know youre depressedand medications dont make all you're symptoms go away.
trouble in school but not with everyone on earth . yep sounds familiar.
I strongly suggest you start spending some time getting youre GED.
this is just my humble opinion
understanding acedemic english goes a long way towards being cognitively correct. I cant for the life of me learn directions when someone speaks them at me. but if they point in the direction and give me some landmarks im fine or better yet a map.
anyway
now that youve conquerd computing skills , how about using the computer to get that ged while some of what you leaerned in school is still fresh.
I mean i waited 18 years to take my second exam - i lost the recoerds of the first one i took but i eventually took it agian and passed without even taking a class.
I know of a lot of self taught people , I think ADHD people invented the self taught methods. Believe it or not if you keep going wiyh the self taught programs you could actually get a magor degree from an acredited on-line college. just by reading you're posts i believe you are a person that could do that by hiring a tudor that specializes in the self-disiplines. I have an african friend that is ADHD and a surgeon . He once said to me " SAM ypu could be a doctor too , you just need discipline.
Years later i now know what he means . With my ADHD i fall right into step with rigid routines where there is no chance but to work and keep working. I actually thrive . Like a workaholic. It took me a long time to realize it all by myself , that just being around others who are working hard , i work hard too. please forgive my spelling im working on it . Meds definatley help me only while im be ing counseled by adhd counselors.
hope to hear from you agian!
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