stepmom on a mission | ADHD Information

I have been a stepmom for 6 yrs to a now 12 yr old boy with ADHD. From day one his Mother and Father disagreed on treatment, medication, oh, ok everything. Even after 2 conclusive tests stated he was moderate to severe ADHD there was still no medication for this child. I unfortunately, by being involved in his diagonisis and wanting to help just pushed his Mom to be even more aganist it. I know this now but at the time my only concern was to get him the help and treatment that he needed and since he was in my care 50% of the time I felt responsible. In the second grade we went to see a specialist who basically laid out what would happen if we did not medicate and help this child. The disagreements between his parents reguarding treatment continued. Meds began in grade 3 only to last for school, and here I am typing this 6 yrs later and although he finally is medicated daily at both houses now and is even taking an additional dose of Adderall after school but he is so far behind. School has become so difficult we have caught him cheating multiple times. He states he hates school, reading and has a very difficult time with social relationships.  How can you motivate a child who's answer is he doesn't care? I feel as if we are finally doing everything we can for the child but have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that it may just be to late. Help!

Welcome helpingone,

I found that with my daughter, although she said she did not care, she really did. School failure took its toll and she developed anxiety and depression and defiance. This was last year. We started a positive reinforcment behavior plan at home and at school (see ograms marble system-top thread), an IEP to help her in the areas her dyslexia affects and proper medication. It took time, but she is happy and succeeding now.

I suggest you discuss this with the doc. It may be that social skills classes, counseling, extra tutoring, a reevaluation of meds, might be in order. Is the doc a psychiatrist?

Does he have an IEP? If not get a written request in for and evaluation to start the IEP process under IDEA. If you need help, there are great web sites we can point you to. There is also a primer on IEPs at the top of the board for issues with school.

You have found a good place for support and information. Just start asking away.

Thanks everyone for the support and advice.  My stepson does not have an IEP because he is in Catholic school but he does have "accomidations". He is seeing a tutor and we are in the process of changing his Pediatrician who will work with us on his Meds.  We did see a psychiatrist several years ago in the beginning but he is not in any counseling at this time. Although I completely believe he shoul be getting some the other side does not agree. I guess my biggest issue is what should I do? If I get involved it causes nothing but fights and issues between my Husband and his Ex. I wish I could just back out gracefully and let them raise him but the problem is even though I am not allowed at the Dr appointments, Parent Teacher confrences etc... I am responsible for him 50% of the time.  In addition my husband and I now have 3 other children and I see some of the neg attitudes and bad habits being copied by them and it makes me crazy. To make things just a little bit more intersting I honestly believe my Husband also has ADHD. We have long intense conversations about what we are going to do to help our son and how we should discipline the Children so that they are all treated equally and the next day it's like it never happened. There are many other reasons as well that I belive he is ADHD but, I have put this all on myself now because I believe alone he might not have the ability to help him, he doesn't seem to see how hard he is strugling. I just hear about how school was also hard for him and he believes it is just someting we will get through. How hard do you fight for what you believe needs to be done for all the Children involved? Are their any other Stepmoms or saints out there that have found a way to make this all work? I just want to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  "Step" is a hard place to be and a hard job to handle.  I would say just be positive towards him, even when he screws up big time.  Find something to say good that will maybe help him realize that he is worth something.  I know a lot of tweens and teens have a hard time with self image (i am a counselor for my church's youth) anything different is bad and he has been different for years now.  I can only imagine what it going on in his head.  Just love him.  If he lets you, just walk by for no reason at all and give him a quick one armed hug.  Good luck.

stepmom, see my story at ellen.parentshelpingteens.com

your story sounds familiar, it is never too late, though, you just need to be bold and do SOMETHING different to expect different results. Good luck!