Mom in crisis | ADHD Information

I just found out my 3 1/2, oops turning 4 year old this month, has ADHD.  I knew from the first year he had something.  I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am resentful.  Not at him, but that I was given this challenge.  He has been kicked out of 7 preschool programs and no private school in area will take him.  I don't want him in a large class in the public schools, but I don't want him in a "special" school either because he is also so bright.  He is my 3rd child.  My other two fit into those circles, this one is a square and so far fits into nothing and I am sad for him. I am scared he will never lead a normal life.  I hear HORROR stories about the drugs, from tics starting, to strokes, psychiatric problems, etc...  I am at my wits end.  I need that break from his non-stop, destructive, impulsive, screaming, running into the street, hitting our dogs until the cry to not being able to leave our house. He doesn't sleep and I have been up since he was born, needless to say I am exhausted. Does anyone have a suggestion?  It has affected my marriage, my oldest child hates him because he thinks he's crazy.  His friend's (the older one is 14 years old) call my almost 4 year old the devil.  I love this child so much, but must admit, sometimes I would like to run away.

My son is 7, and ADHD. He had sleeping difficulties and was very rough with animals at that age -- sitting on them, pulling tails, etc. Now I give him melatonin to sleep, and he is very kind to animals and enjoys spending time with them. I do not t think these two things are indicators of autism as one poster noted above. I also think that it is too early to go for an ODD label. It is really hard to get an accurate dx at such a young age. You could very well be spinning your wheels. The key behaviors will becomes clearer with time.

He's impulsive, very impulsive. It explains a lot of the behaviors that you describe, IMHO. I would consider this your core issue right now and research ADHD and impulsiveness, and how to address it.

If you want to explore alternatives to medication, now is the time, before school starts. When school starts the heat is on. You could try behavior modification techniques. You could attend a class on parenting an ADHD child and implement the suggestions. You could try melatonin for sleep, or magnesium for calming, or Omega-3 for mood.

If you want him in preschool, I'm pretty sure that you can go to your school district now and request testing. I think that he would be eligible for an IEP and for a county run preschool with a low ratio and a staff who knows how to handle these behaviors.

 

I just want to make sure that my post is easy to understand. I read a post that suggested that my post was thinking that momiam's son may have autism.

I was explaining what my family and son went through when he was 2 1/2. My post was only discussing OUR experience.

In NO place in my post do I mention that I think that the original poster,momiam's son, has autism.

It is very difficult when these chidren are young. People ofter scare families, such as mine, into thinking that "something" else may be going on.

I was only suggesting momiam have her son evaluated to possibly eliminate or diagnose what is going on. Maybe he would qualify for an intergrated preschool where they will not kick him out due to any of his behavior and he may have a head start on any learning difficulties, IEP, 504's etc. Thus making kindergarten an easier transition.

Again, no where in my post do I suggest the possibility of autism in momiam's son. Again, my post explains what we went through with our son.

Welcome momiam.

You will find lots of information and support here.

First, educate yourself on ADHD and treatments. Here are some good places to start:

http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what

http://www.schwablearning.org/     (search ADHD)

Next, look at ograms marble system (top thread of this board).

You know what the issue is, and can now start to take action.

Was the diagnosis (and now potential treatment) from a pediatrician or a specialist?

For school, there are things like IEPs etc to help as needed. These are done predominantly in the regular classroom and being pulled out as needed (this is the least restrictive environment requirment of IDEA). There is a ton of help in this area as needed.

[QUOTE=momiam]I just found out my 3 1/2, oops turning 4 year old this month, has ADHD.  I knew from the first year he had something.  I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am resentful. 

That is understandable, it is a very frustrating situation

Not at him, but that I was given this challenge.  He has been kicked out of 7 preschool programs and no private school in area will take him.  I don't want him in a large class in the public schools, but I don't want him in a "special" school either because he is also so bright. 

Private schools are wonderful

He is my 3rd child.  My other two fit into those circles, this one is a square and so far fits into nothing and I am sad for him. I am scared he will never lead a normal life.  I hear HORROR stories about the drugs, from tics starting, to strokes, psychiatric problems, etc...  I am at my wits end. 

These are very rare. Most benefit from the medicationd.

 I need that break from his non-stop, destructive, impulsive, screaming, running into the street, hitting our dogs until the cry to not being able to leave our house.

This statement worries me.  Adhd kids are not cruel to animals.  Something else is going on here.

sleeping medications work wonders for sanity.  It help our child immensly.  Please dont give up.  I feel the same way sometimes.  Why cant my kid be like the others? Why is he so immature?  Why is he so impulsive?  Why is he the square peg?  It does get better as they get older.  trust me.

 

Three to four years old was the worst for me and my son.  Like longsally said it does get better.  I didn't like the idea of medicating my son either, but saw the necessity of it. I forgot his meds today for school and he had a really bad day.  They do help.  My son was kicked out of daycares also till I found one that he did and still does good at.  Try smaller daycares too many kids, too many stimulates for your child.  Look into early intervention with your school district also, it saved me at the time he was going through his late 3's and 4's. 

Sleep problems and lack of empathy to animals might suggest you look into autistic spectrum disorders, which is where we started with my son-

 

Good luck

Wow, just hearing the support from the people that responded to my post is amazing.  I do question if he may also some ODD going on since he can be very aggressive and ODD sometimes goes along ADHD.  I have heard positive sides to meds too, but I have lately on heard the negative.  I also worry it will stunt his growth.  Thank you all for this help.  I am printing out the information offered.  I will never give up, but I wonder how much I can take.

Longsally, you mention sleep aids.  For me or our child?  They have sleep aids for kids???

Thanks,

Jo

I was also in your shoes.  I knew from about 6 months on that my ds wasn't like other children.  I too wanted to run away...far far away.

As for the sleep aids.  There is the natural melatonin which worked for us for some time.  When that no longer worked the dr rx a sleep aid for him. When I filled it the other day I told the pharamist that if it doesn't make him sleep I'm going to take it.  My ds is 6 and I can count on one hand the number of times he has (or I have) slept through the night.

I get very frustrated with people who tell me that their 6 month old slept through the night.  I would like to tell them where to stick it because my 6 year old still doesn't sleep through the night.

This is a great place for support and information.  It is a difficult journey, but a necessary one.  First as mom's we want what is best for our child, but once you get a dignosis and know what is all going on treatment for the child will help the entire family.  The road of deciding on meds or no meds can be a challenging one.  Always remember what works for one child and family might not work for the next so keep learning as much as you can and do what you feel is best for your child

 

As the others have said, at least now you have a starting off point, and a name to your son's issues.

And as some have mentioned, you need to read all you can on the meds.  Yes, there are some side effects, and there have been rare horrible things happen to children on the medications.  But the problem is that those get all of the publicity.  The stories that don't get told publicly are the ones that you will read on boards like these...like my son's story, and many others' here. 

So read all you can from vickie's great links, search the boards here and elsewhere, and keep an open mind.  Ask any questions you have, someone will have an answer.

None of us that is medicating our precious children want to be doing so, nor was it our first step in most cases...most of us tried everything that we could before giving in and medicating, and for many, it was both the hardest and the best decision we ever made...

Good luck on your journey and welcome to the board!

My ds is on clonidine.  For years, we would put our DS to bed, only to have him jump for hours, or get out of bed over and over.  Our dr gave us the clonidine and we gave it to him the first night and out him to bed.  5 minutes later, we went to check on him and he was sound asleep. I was in shock, so was my dh.  We have given it to him since and we now have a routine and time in the evenings just for us adults. It is SO wonderful, I cannot tell you

hi momiam! I too was in your shoes, but he is my first child. He also had speech delays, as well as sensory stuff.

We were in Early Intervention and they kept saying Autism. I freaked! I ran him to Boston Children's hospital, who eliminated the autism scare. So I started reading the book, What to expect during the Toddler Years, same author/series as the What to expect when your expecting. I read all about the ADHD in the book and diagnosed him myself.

Right before the age of 5, we had a neuropsychologist do an evaluation and he was professionally diagnosed. I did NOT start meds. until the end of 1st grade - BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY SON'S AND MY LIVES! 

He suffered so unnecessarily because I was afraid of medication. He suffered labeling from both teachers and children in school, it was horrible. We all say kids can be cruel, but I think their parents are worse and teach their kids

Once we started meds, and it took 6 months to find the right med AND dosage, it has been so different. (We also use a psychopharmacologist for the ADHD medications.

I feel we lead a very normal life. The only tough time is in the morning before the medication has "kicked in", after that and all night he is fine!

Oh, I also live in a town where it is not spoken of!They all pretend that it's not them who are buying all the stimulaants so that the drug store is all sold out and I have to go refill in several towns over

I also have linked it through my husband and his family, who were of no help. They pretended at first that I and my family had it. Eventually it came out that my husbands brother has two boys with it, ages in between my sons - mine is 9 theirs are 10 & 8! Now I hear that all the sisters and brothers of my husband have it, and other disorders, such as panic attacks, anxiety, depression, etc. Even my father in laws nephews have it, but just like my town, they pretended nothing was wrong and that it must be me.

So all I can say is that I have been on a long journey, and still going strong. We have climb many a mountain, with more to come. I just like seeing how far both my son and I have come! We are in this for the long haul!

Thank goodness for places like here to talk, get advice, offer advice, cry on other caring peoples shoulders for support, to make sure what you want to do or are doing is right. It's tough at times.

I have a lot of hopes and dreams, along with my son, for him. I look forward to watching and helping him make them come true!!

Regards,

Beth

I just wanted to chime in and to say, don't give up, there are people out there who can help you and your child.

I can't say that I have gotten to the point of exhuustion and frustration that you have, but I can totally empathize with the feelings of helplessness and wanting everything for your child but not being able to help them get there.

We didn't ask for this condition, our children didn't ask for this condition, and it feels unfair.  But don't be too afraid to get a professional diagnosis.  Yes, there are scary stories out there about the meds, but I for one can tell you that they have helped my boy tremendously, and as hard as it was to make the decision to put him on meds, I do not regret it at all.