was I wrong? | ADHD Information

I would have done the same thing, put the other kid, "Mr. Know it all" in his place from the get go. Otherwise, these kids seem to hang that over your son all season long!

I say, you nipped it in the butt longsally! Good job!

Beth

You did fine , probably better than some of us moms without ADHD.

I admit that as an adult who has grown up with ADHD, I am not well versed in social skills. Here is my dilema.

My ds started baseball today. He was on the waiting list so when they called he had already missed first practice. We went today and immediately this boy came up to my ds and stated that he was not on their team and that he should have been at the first practice. This child went on until my son went to the coach who he met about 5 minutes earlier and told him what the boy said and that he was being mean. The coach told him to ignore him. I went up to my son within earshot of the mean child and told my son that he was on a waiting list and that is why he missed the first practice and that the boy didnt know what he was talking about and he should ignore him. I then went back and took a seat.

The question is: what should I have done if anything? I also want to know why these other kids can, in an instant, zoom in on my child.

That's what I would have done (and have done in the past). Being the "new kid", your son is a easy target, and the boy who approached him may be a "rule monger" and be too ridgid in his own thinking (transition issues) to easily accept something outside of the rules (my daughter can be this way some times).

You handled it well and as for your son being a target that is because he is the new kid on the block.

i would have done the same thing as well...you did good!!!

shelley

It seemed the other kid had the 'I know best' attitude, it's normally those kind that don't! lol.

You did all the right things.

Take Care

Louise

I need to add something to this post. My son told me today that at Tuesday's practice, he is going to go up to the mean boy and tell him that he wants to be his friend and he should stop being mean to him. I told my son that he should say nothing to this child unless he says anything to him first. I also told my son that if he says anything mean to him again, he should look at him and tell him to mind his business and get lost. My husband said that I was wrong to tell him that as he has to play on the team with this other child. Again, my social skills in the child department suck. Any ideas?

[QUOTE=longsally]I need to add something to this post. My son told me today that at Tuesday's practice, he is going to go up to the mean boy and tell him that he wants to be his friend and he should stop being mean to him. I told my son that he should say nothing to this child unless he says anything to him first. I also told my son that if he says anything mean to him again, he should look at him and tell him to mind his business and get lost. My husband said that I was wrong to tell him that as he has to play on the team with this other child. Again, my social skills in the child department suck. Any ideas?[/QUOTE]

I agree again with what you did. My son would be doing what your's wants to, but these "other" kids just don't want to be their friend and end up being even meaner to our's.

This is where the conversations start with our kids being different. What is about your son that this kid has pegged, that he wasn't at the first practice? Your son didn't even do anything except miss the first practice before this kid approached him.

I often feel that for some reason our kids stand out, I just wonder if all kids go through this but we feel because we have a special diagnosis that everyone knows, maybe some do, maybe some don't. I guess I am still trying to figure it out.

Team play is important, and as a team they do have to get along somewhat.

I have told my dd to just ignore other kids like this, and it usually works.

I like your son's idea of befriending the other boy. He probably shouldn't say anything about the boy being mean (it might make him defensive), but if your son makes an effort to be friendly to this child it could curtail any future nastiness. Some kids just have trouble adjusting, or, like some one else said, are just too rigid in their veiw of the rules. It could be that he has nothing against you son at all and perhaps didn't even realize he was being hurtful.[QUOTE=BETHANN]

I agree again with what you did. My son would be doing what your's wants to, but these "other" kids just don't want to be their friend and end up being even meaner to our's.

[/QUOTE]

bethann,longsally

I understand completely where you are coming from about how come our kids are always the ones that get picked on. I wonder if maybe I am so used to defending him to everyone for so long that any little remark shoots right there to the top of my "Now who's griping about Tyler" list. Maybe other kids do go through this and other parents as well but if they do how come their kids seem so confident and parents are so sure of their parenting skills? Sorry it has been awhile since I have been able to visit the board so I had to vent right off the bat! It's been &^*$ at our house the last week.

Perfect. I would have done the same thing, even if the other child's mother was in earshot as well.You hit the nail right on the head!!!!!!!!! I am so used to defending my son all the time and I have that list. I wish my son was as confident as some of the others I have seen. My husband said that my ds was right to go to the coach. I wish my ds had just looked at the child and told him to mind his business. I am totally unsure of my parenting skills and my advice, having grown up with adhd and still having social skills issues myself. I feel like I might be damaging my son somehow.

I have an update!!!!!!!! My son went to practice tonight and on the way there, I told my son that he should be nice to everyone all the time but I told him to say mind your business if someone started on him.

Well, right after he got there, that same child from Saturdays practice apparently said something to him again. My son looked at him and told him to mind his own business. The other boy then said something else and my son told him to mind his beeswax. With this, the child stopped. As we were leaving the park, that SAME CHILD was now talking to my son and they said goodbye at the parking lot and we left.

My son wanted to know why he was mean 2 times to him and then nice at the end. "it is a shame" I said but "sometimes people test you to see how far they can go and by standing up for yourself, he knows you won't listen to his nasty talk anymore". My son was so proud. I think we might have hit a turning point tonight. He stated that he would not employ the same thing at school.

Update in 2 parts: Son had another practice last week and after it was over, a boy told him as he was leaving the field that he was the worst player he had ever seen. My ds was so shocked he didnt say anything. Needless to say, I told him again to take up for himself and next time, just look at the kid and tell him loudly to SHUT UP!!!! Lets see what that does.

Part 2 would be that he played his first game tonight. He hit 2 balls WAY out into the field, make several runs home and ended up with the first game ball!!!! He was SOOO excited.

coach , oh coach.

girls and boys teams are different . boys do thier best and phych eachother out.

possibly these two boys have crossed pathswhere your son needed endured being instructed personally in front of this other child , by example the boy who was thier first wants attention .

coach oh coach put the two boys together and let them play catch mutual respect goes a long way .

my best friends were kids that kicked my ass everyone in while.

girls teams somewhat involve mood. please understand i dont mean pms in in way shape or form

what has happened to someone on the girls team effects the general mood of the team where thier minds are while in position.

boys teams dont have this element nor a counter element.

all teams learn to go out indivdully practice do thier best to follow the coaches commands. follow rule do your best , good or bad try hard everytime.

team players don't beat themselves up over good or bad performance .

coaches however are trying to win some focusing tools

put player that play well together in tandem pitcher with catcher

outfield with shortstop

right field with first base

the second base kid controls the field like the quarter back in the center.

got otbe on everybobys ass about thier game to be in that position cause everyone eventually winds up throwing to second.

coach helps players that cant see the second base man

i think position is important in this case

but the coach needs to know whats going on but not in earshot .

little guys got no business gotta worst ever anything . this is a coaching issue

I aplaud you as a parent not just dropping him off and letting the game be played and coming back later wondering what happened questioning him and making him confess his feelings . theres no crying in baseball unless you get injured even that gets respect. youre boys not going to get respect unless the coach is involved .

hmmm

so says the coach so says the team.

kids can say the darndest things , a coach unaware of a pessimists remarks cant do anything. its a good bet that most the other teams have players in all ranges of development . if the park itself is hording the best players on an varsity type structure then its a waste of time to endure lack of unity at every game.

I still say let boys play catch if he refuses then let it be seen that the boy is not captian material or that the coach is inept for whatever reason.

opps i just saw that hes only six , kids just say stupid things dont focus on the worst part at that age focus on the his favorite part of the game . ignore what the kid says if you cant then engage his parents by always being where THEY ARE so they can hear for themselves what thier child is doing and saying without being a snipe between parents . make the earshot comments by them that they may see whats going on . be freindly to the boy eventually they will all need eachother to win after the slugger strikes out no one has ever been perfect at base ball even the very best struck out and dropped balls alot . too much emphasis here. reading my post agian i think im full it today. ill earase this tomorrow. do you play catch with him too?

teams are great no matter how you do agianst oppenet you do your bestand you get more than one try.

sports are riddled with drama of failure championed by more best efforts.

i as an AADHD-L sometimes focus on errors more than a whole body perfects.

i see a tangent here - hes focussing on the error that its a team- mate thats trying to psych him out

i have a lot of error recognition with my issues.

just getting your own boy to focus on playing the game in his position and where the oppsing team made mistakes could be more constructive.

i still say the coach and parents have control.

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my mom still bullies me and wife says why do you let her get away with that

i can only come up with hind site answers. i usually decide to talk about her actions where she would least likely want them heard

ask the other kid to take it up with coach cause the compliant departments closed.

where were the teachers whom just let bullies make rules.

Sammo39166.5375462963I guess the thing that is bothering me is that my son NEVER sticks up for himself. Today after church, he was on the playground when 3 boys ( 2 twins and another) would not let him up on top of the play unit and blocked his way. They moved when I told them too. He NEVER tells people to leave him alone and they talk to him so mean and he NEVER tells them to stop. How do I make him understand that they do not stop until he makes them? He says he is ignoring them.I know this must be a hard situation. Is your son in any kind of play therapy? Ignoring isn't always bad but you are right that he needs to stick up for himself. He needs to do this in a healthy way. I think play therapy is awesome. It has helped my ds so much. It helps kids with learning how to express themself and how to deal with situations that are difficult. Longsally, i'm glad your son did well at his first game, however i'm not sure where you live, but the town i live in is a huge jock town, my son has been palying sports since he was 5, he's now 13. I wouldn't tell your son to tell the kid to shut-up, this may cause a huge can of worms to open in the future, where coaches and kids will label him, and you don't want that. Tell your son your going to help him become a better palyer, and show those kids what your made of. Good luck with baseball my son only lasted four seasons, and decided it was to slow paced, not enough action He has been doing soccer for eight years, and also tried football which he loved, but had to give up this year as he doesn't weigh enough!believe it or not, he is starting a social skills group this Monday that will meet every Monday for 2 months. I am going to tell the teacher that his sticking up for himself is the issue I want her to work on the most. Even today during a play date, a boy gouged his arm and hit him 2 times and my son said nothing.

longsally,

sorry your son is having such trouble, I believe you are correct in teaching him to stick up for himself..I would not worry about being labeled for sticking up for oneself, these are little kids and if the coaches want to label then that is their problem ( I have not met any coaches or leaders who would do this because it is their job to teach sportsmanship)..I think saying SHUT UP loudly is fine....or your son could do as my son does and loudly call the offender a BULLY or a POOR SPORT.

joemom39167.213125

You have handled it beautifully on all accounts.

Look at how it turned out! Be proud of yourself as you are and should be of your mature son! You are obviously doing an awesome job in nuturing him!

I found this thread very heartwarming!