Only one child when ADHD involved? | ADHD Information

I have 2, but they are only two years apart so I didn't know he had ADHD yet (although I knew something was not quite right).  Of course, the 2nd was an "oops" baby, so it wouldn't have mattered what I wanted anyway.

My husband and I did discuss this when we talked about having a third.  We both ultimately agreed that it would be stupid to not have a baby we wanted because it might have a disorder.  With our genetics there is also a good possibility of our kids having depression, heart disease, breast cancer, skin cancer, and eating disorders, but none of those are reasons not to have a baby either. 

We decided not to have a third, but it was because of other reasons like not having enough room in the house and our new found freedom from lugging around a diaper bag. 

I had my son with Adhd first, he is 10 and my second is 6 so far not signs of adhd, I didnt know he was adhd when I got pregnant with my second.  But you know, I think it teaches them that they are not the only ones in the world.  They are two boys and best enemys and best friends.  And I think if it was different my adhd child would be too spoiled and not know how to deal with others later in life.    I think you are fine having another, my youngest is so close with me, I wouldn't trade that for the world. And my son, wouldn't trade him in either.  Well, maybe sometimes!We have three kids, middle one is ADHD, and I wouldn't change a thing.  I agree with MegMaguire that they always have someone to play/hang out with and that each child comes with issues and I will add strengths which helps the others see the world in a different light.  The kids have strong connections and a lot of love which hopefully will continue after we are gone.

If you want another, have another.  Don't let ADHD be the reason for not doing so.  I have 3 kids.  Oldest daughter is almost 7 and has no problems.  Son just turned 5 and well he's always been a handful.  He's not technically diagnosed yet, but I think its only a matter of time.  We actually decided not to have anymore after him because he simply exhausted us.  But, we didn't take the proper precautions, and now baby #3 is 4 months old.  Wouldn't change a thing.  Big brother absolutely loves baby sister.  He dotes on her, but we do have to watch him because he doesn't understand how easy it would be to hurt her.  He's a little rougher than he should be, but he's learning.  He also talks baby talk with her and she loves him too.  You can see it in her baby giggles.  Is our house hectic?  YES.  Would I send any of them back?  NEVER!!  I absolutely adore my 3 kids...and anyone that complains about my son (teachers usually) better watch out (Momma will defend her boy!) because he responds well to those who nurture and act positively with him. 

myjeffrey39146.5846064815I have 4, and even though they are widely spaced out (ages 26-10), I had no idea that the oldest was ADHD.  She was unorganized and "did not work to potential", but we never had any real problems with her until 3rd or 4th grade, and by then we had another daughter....so in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say....we tried for a boy, and after a 16 week miscarriage and a bout with some secondary infertility, we got Jake....then Chase was our 'oops' baby....oldest and youngest are ADHD....wouldn't change it for the world either...even if I would have known, I still would have had the other children.

We have a 6 year old son.  The pregnacy was difficult.  He was born with other medical issues and then throw in the ADHD.  DH wanted more.  I stood my ground that the one we had was more than enough.  I love him dearly and won't trade him for the world.  But he demands all of our time and attention.  I couldn't see trying to deal with another one when he was more than we could handle most days.  I opted to finally get the hysterectomy I sooo needed and we stayed with just one.  Now I can devote the time and attention he truly needs.

I have 2 children 20 months apart. My son is my oldest and has adhd. My daughter, who is active but not an adhd'er, is so awesome and understanding about it. She does get frustrated, however, she loves him dearly.

I think having a sibling has helped my son. He would have been lonely as an only child. He does mention that he wished he had an older brother !

Of course my husband and I obviously did not know that our son had adhd when I became pregnant. He was 11 months old at the time but it would NOT have changed our decision.

 

 

 

I have 2 children who are 5 years apart.My oldest(Age 7-ADHD) loves his little sister with his whole heart ....I remember him saying when she was born "It sure is nice having this baby in our life"...My little girl loves her big brother and thinks he is the greatest.  This situation seems to have worked out for all involved and I can't imagine our family any differently...BTW my little girl is only 2 1/2 so we are not sure if she has ADHD or not (  am pretty sure she does not but only time will tell).  It depends on the severity of the ADHD and the amount of time, energy, and patience you have! As well as supportive friends and family. aus10 makes a good point. My ADHD child has had the benefit of improving his social skills with his non-ADHD sister. They are constantly interacting. His social skills are not where they should be, and she is socially ahead so he has benefitted from this ongoing interaction. I have often wondered where he'd be socially without her providing constant practice for him in this area.

I'm in a similar boat only the consideration is with a possible #4 lol. My youngest son has a multiple probs (Just see my siggy). And the odd thing is it's only my son and my nephew that has ADHD and special needs, no one else in my family does.

My thoughts are being able to cope with 2 in the same position, as much as I love my son he a lot of hard work, he is delayed by about half of his age and has a great deal of problems ~ so I'll probably wait at least until he matures a little. I suppose at the end of the day, it has to be a personal choice.

You may find that another child would actually help your oldest to become more independant and thoughtful. My soon-to-be-off-to-college son read a portion af an article to me that talked about "helicopter" parents, those who hover on the cell phone, nag about homework, and e-mail sometimes several times a day. It struck me that adhd parents can become helicopters, too, convinced that our constant and well-meaning intervention is necessary for our children's well-being. In actuality, though, our kids need the room to be independant. Another child might be just the thing your son needs to gain some breathing room.

When I start seedlings in the house in early spring, they do really well for a while. If I keep them in the house too long, they get leggy and the stems are too weak to survive when I finally put them outside. If I put them out fairly early, when I think they'll still freeze to death if I do, they get tough and do fine. They still need attention and care, but not the same amount as when they first sprout. I think kids are the same way.

Thank you all for your different and helpful viewpoints. :)My son is about 5 1/2 and diagnosed with ADHD.  I love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade him for the world with or without ADHD.  I've always been on the fence about having another child (I'm 34) my viewpoint being I love this boy so much, how could I possibly love another one like I love him (I know I would but some of you out there may know what I mean).  My reasoning now for thinking we're done having children is I would rather be able to concentrate my love, care, attention etc. and give my all to one (especially since he is little more high maintenance then some) then to have another one and possibly both their needs be compromised only met half way, etc.  Am I babbling?  Does anyone have an idea of what I'm talking about and has anyone based their decision to only have one child on the fact that their first child had ADHD or something similar?  P.S.  It's not that I'm worried about having another child with ADHD, I'm just more concerned that instead of focusing on one and raising him right, I'd be risking screwing up two.  Thanks for any opinions :)I didn't know that my son had ADHD before having a second. But if it helps, the second it not compromised. You may think that you don't have enough time, energy, etc for both. But when the second arrives, you find that you do.My first one was a low tone baby and I put off having my second until he walked - at 18 months.  It was also a matter of waiting till the first one was out of nappies though. We knew we wanted two.  We didn't know we were going to have to deal with ADHD but it wouldnt have changed things.  The love does spread, and change, and you love the second as much as the first.  And my two keep each other busy. As well as me. With us, two means double the love.  But it's always your choice at the end of the day.

My friend has one daughter who is 5 1/2 with ADHD. She said that she was planning on  having more but feels her daughter is a handful. So she changed her mind.

I only have a ds who is 11 and ADHD. I did want 2 but being a single mom without a boyfriend for a while I decided against it. My son is a challenge and I think adding another one to the mix would be difficult.

Thank you for your replies :)We have three and it was our first with ADHD.  I love having more than one kid -- it's built in entertainment for all of them!  I have found that each child brings his or her issues regardless of whether they have a disorder or not.  I have 3, 12 yr old daughter spacecadet and getting the pre teen drama mouth but a good kid.  I also have 10 yr old twin boys (oops babies!!)  the older twin has ADHD, since my kids are almost exactly 2 years apart the only thing I would do differently is space them a bit further.  My daughter was 2 days shy of being 2 when they were born and having/nursing premature twins took much attention from her.  But otherwise all my kids have there great traits and not so great traits (Adhd or not) and love them all as individiuals.  In fact if the dh go along I would have another one (even if I got twins again ;)!!

I have 4 children.  Only 1 has ADD and he benifits alot from the other three.

 

We only have one son and I often wonder if we made the right choice. It wasn't completely planned this way - we were pregnant when our son was 2 1/2 but miscarried and didn't want to go thru that again so that was that. But as the time has gone on I think that as much as I would love to have more kids I wouldn't be able to handle it. I think that our decision was also based on the fact he was so difficult - it's not like other couples who have a bunch of kids. We kept wondering why other people kept having kids but that's because it wasn't hard for our friends - they weren't going thru the same issues. I wish that it didn't have to be like this and we could have more, but not only do I think I couldn't handle it if we had another ADHDer but I think that for how hard it is on us as moms it's harder on them living with it. And now my son is almost 6 - just getting officially diagnosed- I don't want to start all over. If I had known then what i know now I would have had 2 kids VERY close together before there were so many reasons not too! And they could be best friends instead of 6 years apart leading seperate lives. But such is life..........